WELCOME TO

Dear James,

To ensure that your stay at the Chatsfield is as exclusive and private as possible, we will need to ask you a few questions of perhaps a delicate nature, to ensure that our private security team will be best placed to support you.

If you had to pick your most public scandalous moment, what would it be?

Finding out that the woman I had a one-night stand with is in fact a princess and now pregnant.

Was there an even more scandalous event that didn’t make it into the press?

She was most definitely a virgin.

What is your biggest secret?

I don’t really have secrets. I used to but an ex spilled them. Now I don’t bother hiding who I am.

What do you love most about Leila?

Everything. She is the most complicated person I have ever met and I still don’t fully know her.

What were your first thoughts when you saw you Leila?

Perfection personified.

If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would it be?

Leila. The rest is crap.

What is the naughtiest thing you did at school?

Got caught having sex.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

See above.

What is your worst habit?

See above.

What is your favourite film?

See above.

What present would you put beneath the Christmas tree for Leila?

A poem I have written in Arabic.

How will you spend your first anniversary as a couple?

See above (as well as being knee-deep in nappies).

Thank you for your candour. We will endeavour to ensure a scandal free time during your stay with us!