Ronen did not know what she meant to explain by telling her story. Why would anyone want to run back to a life that had caused her so much obvious loss and pain? Did she like to suffer? The look on her face when she spoke of her past belied the fact. Or did she seek comfort in the familiar?
His wet fingers dried against her thick skirts. Queen Patricia must have ordered his wife clothes, because her skirts had never felt so full. He didn’t like it. The material kept his hands from molding along her thighs and ass. “I will confess that it amazes me how you claim to fight with your fists and yet your flesh is so beautifully unmarred. Methinks I would not like to see my battle scars healed. The length of a warrior’s life is written on his body and scars are to be worn with honor.” He reached over the bath, pulling at her skirts to lift them. Touching the back of her knee, he moaned. “But I find your smooth flesh very fitting for a lady, even one who can stand up to knights without fear.”
Jayne leaned into him. Her hands grazed over his shoulders in light acceptance of his touch.
“Come.” Ronen held her tight and pushed to his feet, lifting her up. “Let me see more of it. It has been too many days since I’ve felt your flesh around me, and my mood has soured because of it.”
Jayne gave a surprised laugh and bent her knees so he could pull her over the edge. Then, letting her slide down his body, he lowered her into the water. Her gown pooled around her calves, engulfing his legs in the heavy material.
Pressing against him, she ran her hand through his hair and gazed into his eyes. “I’m glad you’re unharmed.”
It didn’t appear that she tried to insult him, but the words cut. If she worried about him riding out to scout the borderlands, a rather unexciting task, what would she think of him riding off into battle? He’d led men into more than he could count, clearly always making it home alive, albeit sometimes with serious injuries. Then, as a thought occurred to him, he couldn’t help giving her a lopsided grin. Did her concern mean she cared for him just a little? It was a small sign, to be sure, but he’d take it and gladly.
“Do not say such things in front of the men lest they think you worry. It would not do for them to believe that I am too soft to lead into battle.” He found laces along her back and began following them with his fingertips to discover where they tied together.
“Soft?” She reached between them and grabbed his erection. “I don’t think any part of you could be mistaken for soft.”
Ronen groaned. He kissed her, feeling like a man possessed. There was comfort in avoiding the emotional and focusing on the physical. Every part of him needed more—more of her taste, her touch, her breath against his mouth. She’d gotten into his soul, entangling herself without even trying. He needed her like air and food, sure he would die without her. Words tried to form, but he didn’t know how to say what he felt or if he even should. She made her position in his life clear.
I can’t let you go, Jayne. I know I should let you choose your own fate, but I can’t even consider it.
“I thought you were exhausted.” Jayne walked him back and pushed him down into the water, completely unaware of the turmoil of thoughts warring inside him. His hands slid from her back, unable to find an opening to the corset.
I want to pull you into my chest and never let go. I want to lock you in a tower so I’ll always know where you are. I want to see you smile. I want your happiness.
“How can a man sleep with you in his arms?” Ronen bit back the emotions, swallowing them deep and focusing on something he knew they got right—sex. The fatigue of his hard ride and sleepless nights seeped into nothingness. Her nearness gave him energy, fueling his passions and driving his need. She lifted her skirt so the ends floated over his thighs, tickling his flesh.
His heart beat a little faster as she took his face in her hands, angling his mouth for a kiss. Smooth legs brushed against him, sliding easily along his skin beneath the water. Jayne ran her hands wherever she could reach, exploring and massaging each muscle she came into contact with. He liked the feel of her soft skin, even though it covered a very athletic body.
Ronen closed his eyes and groaned as she rubbed his neck. Her kiss intensified, demanding he part his lips to allow her full access. He obeyed the silent command of her pressing mouth and probing tongue. His hard erection tangled in her skirts and he reached to free himself.
Everything faded by the woman straddling his lap. His thoughts focused on her lips, the pants of her breath, her wet thighs. Heat centered over him as she lifted up. Her mouth slipped from his with a heavy sigh. As she maneuvered her body over his, he took hold of her hips, waiting for the glorious second he could impale her on his shaft.
Jayne made a weak noise of pleasure as the head of his cock found entrance. Ronen needed no more invitation. A fortnight had been one fortnight too long. He pulled her down as he angled his hips up. Her weight pushed him back down onto his seat and he groaned loudly.
His gaze met hers, holding it steady. There was a new softness to their depths, something he was sure he hadn’t seen before when she looked at him. What had happened while he was gone? The expression gave him a hope he dare not feel.
Jayne moved slowly, as if treasuring each moment. He knew he was. Holding her waist, he let her have control. Her fingers ran through his hair, pulling lightly so he was forced to look up at her fully. Golden firelight illuminated her face. Their open mouths panted in unison, almost touching with each down thrust.
Time stood still for them, cocooning them in a single moment when nothing else mattered or even entered into his mind. It was just Jayne, just him, together as one.
As the tension built, her movements became fast and shallow. Her head rolled back on her shoulders, breaking the eye contact in her rapture. He felt her pussy quivering over his cock, gripping him tight and releasing. She let loose a short, high-pitched cry as she jerked with release. Ronen couldn’t resist answering her call and came soon after, jetting his seed deep inside her.
Her forehead lowered, pressing into his. She didn’t move from his lap, keeping his cock imbedded deep inside her sex. Harsh breath mingled between them. Ronen held her, not wanting to let go.
“Ronen?” She breathed against his neck. “I don’t like the idea of someone else trying to claim me if you died.”
Ronen frowned, unsure whether or not he’d actually heard the quiet words or if his pleasure-numbed mind invented them to soothe the desperate need inside his chest. She didn’t move, didn’t indicate she had spoken at all so he said nothing.
After a long moment, she pushed off his lap and stood. Wobbling as she gained her footing, she moved for the edge of the tub. When she stepped out, water dripped from her gown, pooling loudly onto the stone floor.
“Then I must try not to die,” he said, trying to make her smile while trying to find the words to make her stay. But tender words only seemed to make her uncomfortable and he wanted so much to please her. When she spoke, Ronen saw that it had taken a lot for her to tell him of her past. However, her words didn’t tell him what he needed most to know—what she was thinking. Did she feel anything for him? Or did his tired mind just imagine it in her, grabbing onto any reason to hope? Or perhaps it was his needy heart that saw what it had to see? Then again, maybe she only thought of escape, of leaving him, of freedom from Staria.
How could he hold onto her when she didn’t want to be with him? How could he force her to accept what she didn’t want? And, most tragically, how could he even think of letting her go?
As if she hadn’t heard his words over the swishing of her heavy skirt across the floor, she said, “I should find something dry to put on and fix my hair. Queen Patricia threatened to draw and quarter me, or chop off my hands, or some such nonsense if I ever showed up ‘unladylike’ in her hall again. Though, I wonder what she’d do if I paraded around naked. Perhaps it would give her a very delicate attack and she’d never bother me again.”
She closed the door without a backward glance, leaving a trail of wet stone behind her. Ronen didn’t move from the tub, too exhausted at the moment to even think of a reply.
Jayne took a deep breath, pressing her back against the door. She hoped her parting words appeared light and carefree because inside she felt like she’d been stabbed a thousand times. She’d opened herself to him and he said nothing. Now that it was over, her hands shook violently and she balled them into fists.
Though, to be fair, her mind seemed to run in circles until she couldn’t remember exactly what she said to Ronen. She told him her story, but did she make her point? Did she say what she needed to say? Did he understand why she needed to leave him?
It was no wonder the man was confused. She tried to explain that she was no good for him even as she tried seducing him. He’d been naked and so incredibly alluring in his bath. How could she resist going to him? How could she think?
People who cared for her never lasted long. Sure, some carried on for a few years, but she didn’t want to wait around to learn he died in battle. Then, what? Another man would take hold of her and say, “mine”? She’d thought that at least here, in a war-hardened land filled with warriors, a man like Ronen would never come to have feelings for her. Or had those feelings gone away? She wasn’t sure which answer was worse. Had she known she’d end up here, confused and tearful, she’d never have chosen her original plan of claiming him and seducing him. It was never supposed to go like this.
“I rambled,” she whispered, trying to make sense of the rush of words she’d thrown at him before resorting to sex to avoid saying more. “I didn’t say it right. I need to go back and make sure he understands.”
Her wet gown stuck to her legs, but instead of changing, she went back into his chamber. She looked at the bath, but it was empty. Scanning the room, she found him stomach down on the bed, naked.
“I’m afraid if I stay here, you’ll die,” she blurted, her voice soft. “Logically, I know it’s stupid and that there is no such thing as a person being cursed, but I can’t help it. I’m really confused. I don’t want to lose more people and I think losing you might hurt unbearably. I hate you for making me feel anything. I was doing fine on my own. I had a life and security. But you see Dersly said I should come tell you, but I’m not convinced it’s such a great idea. So…”
Jayne inched closer to the bed. He hadn’t moved.
“Ronen?” Jayne leaned over, seeing his closed eyes lined with the purple of exhaustion. She gave a derisive laugh and backed toward her chamber and shut the door between them. “Oh, of course, you’re asleep. I finally get the nerve to tell you I love you and you’re sleeping. Maybe it’s a sign that this isn’t meant to be. Maybe here your gods really do have a plan and I ruined it by speaking up at the ceremony. I’m sure they have a nice, wholesome ladylike woman for you, Ronen, someone who can make you proud and be your constant. You deserve that much.”
Jayne pulled at her corset laces, pushing the tight bodice over her hips to the floor. In irritation, she kicked at the stiff material so it flew into a wall with a splat. “For a place that’s so sexual, they make it impossible to get out of their dresses.”
Her hands fumbled on her gown and, with each effort to undress, she became more incensed, focusing her anger on the clothing so she didn’t have to feel anything else. She flung her limbs wildly, clawing and cursing to get out of her wet gown. It stuck to her legs, itching uncomfortably.
“This dimension has messed with my head. I have to get out of here. Once I leave, it’ll all go back to the way it should be.” She heard a rip and pulled harder. The back split open and her gown gaped along the bodice. Tugging and kicking, she finally managed to free herself. She gasped for breath, panting from her tirade. “When I find the son of a whoring Divinity cat who did this to me, I’m going to rip him apart. He’s going to discover just how tough Fighting Lady Jayne can be. I don’t need Ronen. I don’t need anyone.”
As if all the energy was suddenly drained out of her, she sank to the chilled stone floor. A tear slipped over her cheek and then another.
Please just let me go home. I don’t want to feel, not this. I don’t like being scared or out of control. Please, Divinity, just let me come home.
The ache that settled inside of her chest didn’t fully go away. Jayne had given herself the chance to say how she felt, and she doubted she’d work up the nerve again. The more she thought about Ronen’s attitude in the bath, the more she was able to convince herself that his two weeks away from her had purged whatever feelings he thought to have. That or she’d dreamt the words in the first place.
Thinking about it made the pain worsen until the unusual threat of tears burned her nose and moistened her eyes. Jayne didn’t want to cry, or feel, or be in Staria. She wanted the cold, lonely, fighting existence she’d built for herself. Adored by many, known by none.
Quit lying to yourself, her heart scolded. You know as well as I that we don’t want to leave him.
Stuff it, you bloody miserable, overactive, overemotional, treacherous organ, her brain screamed back. Home is where we belong.
He is where we belong. He is home. Damn her feeling heart.
He is not safe. We cannot take losing him. We cannot go through the pain of losing again. You know as well as I that everything we love dies in the end. Damn her logical brain.
For something that’s supposed to think, you’re a very stupid brain. Everything eventually dies. It doesn’t mean we can’t live.
“Great, I’ve truly gone mad,” Jayne mumbled.
“I should say. You’re wearing down the stone floor like a woman possessed.”
Jayne frowned, turning a rueful mask to the queen. The lady stood watching her pace the narrow side passage from the archway. She was immaculate in dress and regal in manners as always. Eager for an outlet and knowing a fight to be her easiest release, she said, “You better have your goons with you because I’m not coming to another lesson right now willingly.”
Patricia chuckled softly, not giving her the argument Jayne was brewing for. “Seeing your hair and dress, I would say my lessons are doing you no good. But, hearing your argument with yourself, I would say you have much more on your mind than hair and dress. I forgot what it was like to be newlywed and unsure of your place.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Jayne lied. Had she been having her brain and heart argument out loud? How humiliating. Could this day get any worse?
“I’ll send you back,” the queen said.
“Excuse me?” Jayne stiffened in disbelief.
“To your dimension.” Patricia tilted her head to the side, her eyes steady. “I have the power to send you back.”
No.
“Why would you do that?” Jayne didn’t dare move.
“To save you from the insanity that threatens. To protect the House of Firewall from another unhappy marriage. To replace you with a lady who wishes to be a lady and will not embarrass the proud tradition of Starian nobility.” The queen walked slowly around Jayne, eyeing her. Jayne turned in a circle, returning the stare with an unpleasant one of her own. “Or perhaps it is because I simply do not want you here.”
Jayne clenched her fists.
“Relax,” the queen laughed, unaffected by the posturing. “The last reason was a jest. In truth, I find you amusing in your willfulness and the knights respect your strength. If you stayed, wholeheartedly stayed, methinks you could be a fine lady wife. But, if this dimension will take your sanity, then you should leave and spare Lord Ronen the agony of watching you deteriorate.”
No. And you can’t make me.
“What about your traditions? The ceremony? The whole mentality of not rethinking a decision once it is made?” Jayne waited, silently begging the woman to force her to stay.
“The choice is yours, my lady,” the queen said instead, walking out the way she’d come. “Stay or go back through the portal.”
Jayne stared after her. Then, the slight tap of footfall sounded behind her, firm yet soft, drawing her attention. Ronen crossed his arms. He looked rested but for the turbulent storm churning in his gaze.
“The queen is wrong,” Ronen stated. “I do not know what game she plays, but I suspect she thinks to jolt you into a decision. However, she does not have the power to end our marriage. Only death or the gods can do such a thing.”
“Or you,” Jayne said. “But you will never let me go.”
“You chose me. No woman has ever stated her claim to a man.” Ronen studied her, as if searching for something he couldn’t find. “Perhaps there is a reason for that. So be it. You win.”
When he turned to leave with those cryptic words, she rushed forward to stop him. “So be what?”
“You can go home. Perhaps the House of Firewall was not meant for happy marriages. Perhaps the gods have been speaking and I’ve just been too stubborn to listen.” He refused to look at her, even as she tried pulling on his arm to make him. “Go home, Jayne. Go back to your life and forget this place ever existed.”
Just like that he changes his mind? He is giving up?
“Ronen,” Jayne stated, desperate to get his attention. He tried to step forward, but she blocked his path. Fear gripped her and she wanted to shake him until he took the words back. He was giving her what she’d wanted but Jayne hardly felt victorious. If he wouldn’t look at her, she’d get in his face and make him. His hard gaze stared over her shoulder. “Are you… What I mean to say is—”
“Sorceress Magda’s warriors press upon our borders. She’s the strongest leader we’ve seen in tens of years. I do not have time to fight with a bride, Jayne.” He glanced at her before quickly staring down the hall once more. His jaw tight, he continued, “I do not have time to chase you all over the countryside. If I were but some foot soldier, such a luxury might be mine, but I’m a leader. Men look to me as an example, and it is better for my family name to have you gone than to have you constantly embarrassing me. It was a mistake to try and force you to stay. The whole trade agreement with Divinity was a mistake. Go home. It’s what you want. When my men ride tonight, I ride with them and we will never see each other again.”
“I thought the Starians didn’t second-guess decisions.” Why wouldn’t he look at her?
Great going, you stupid brain! You over thought and now it is too late, her heart yelled.
Bloody fucking misery, her brain mumbled.
“We are not so foolish as to force a decision out of pride,” he answered. “Besides, your presence proves Divinity cannot be trusted. I will not put others through a false marriage.”
“What about you?”
“I’m a warrior. It’s time I got back to being just that.”
Jayne refused to move. Well, refused was a lie. The truth was she couldn’t move. The weight of her limbs became impossible to lift. Ronen’s words stung. She’d begged endlessly for him to let her go home, to give her freedom. She’d fought for this moment, and now that she had everything she’d pleaded for, she wanted to scream in agony at having received it.
“Ronen,” she tried to speak. Her throat tightened and it became hard to breathe. Her brain seemed to spin in dizzying circles inside her head.
“The king orders that I ride at once,” he said. “I will have Dersly escort you back to Battlewar Castle where the Divinity portal is kept. We were left with instruction as to how to contact them should the need arise. I’ll send orders that you are not to be stopped. All I ask is you act with dignity before you go. Once through that portal, your life is your own and what happened here will be a distant memory.”
“Ronen,” she whispered, trying again to put into words what she felt. The problem was, she wasn’t sure how to. “What will you tell people?”
“That’s my concern.”
“But—”
“Good journey, Lady Jayne.” He lifted his hand as if he might touch her but then let it drop to his side. “And may you fight with honor.”
He stepped around her and left. She stood, frozen, as his footfall echoed behind her before disappearing completely. Ronen set her free. No, he did more than that. He practically shoved her through the portal toward her freedom.
“Ronen, stop, I don’t want to go,” she whispered. But her throat was too tight and no sound came out. He’d just given up. Jayne knew she couldn’t blame him. She’d fought him since that first day out of pride and stupidity. Part of her had never thought he’d give in.
Her mind raced, but she had no solution. The queen wouldn’t stop her. Ronen wouldn’t stop her. If royalty and her husband sent her back, no one would think to stand in her way.
Husband.
Jayne shivered. She’d never allowed herself to think of Ronen as a husband. Sure, others said it, but never her. She felt the walls inside her begin to crumble, but it was too late.
“Oh, bloody misery, Ronen.” Jayne sank to her knees, trembling violently as tears rolled over her cheeks. How could she have been so blind? “I have truly made a mess of my life this time.”