7

THE LAW OF RESPECT

People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves

If you had seen her, your first reaction might not have been respect. She wasn’t a very impressive-looking woman—just a little over five feet tall, in her late thirties, with dark brown weathered skin. She couldn’t read or write. The clothes she wore were coarse and worn. When she smiled, she revealed that her top two front teeth were missing.

She lived alone. The story was that she had abandoned her husband when she was twenty-nine. She gave him no warning. One day he woke up, and she was gone. She talked to him only once after that, years later, and she never mentioned his name again afterward.

Her employment was erratic. Most of the time she took domestic jobs in small hotels: scrubbing floors, making up rooms, and cooking. But just about every spring and fall she would disappear from her place of employment, come back broke, and work again to scrape together what little money she could. When she was present on the job, she worked hard and seemed physically tough, but she also was known to suddenly fall asleep—sometimes in the middle of a conversation. She attributed her affliction to a blow to the head she had taken during a teenage fight.

Who would respect a woman like that? The answer is the more than three hundred slaves who followed her to freedom out of the South—they recognized and respected her leadership. So did just about every abolitionist in New England. The year was 1857. The woman’s name was Harriet Tubman.

A LEADER BY ANY OTHER NAME

While she was only in her thirties, Harriet Tubman came to be called Moses because of her ability to go into the land of captivity and bring so many of her people out of slavery’s bondage. Tubman started life as a slave. She was born in 1820 and grew up in the farmland of Maryland. When she was thirteen, she received the blow to her head that troubled her all her life. She was in a store, and a white overseer demanded her assistance so that he could beat an escaping slave. When she refused and blocked the overseer’s way, the man threw a two-pound weight that hit Tubman in the head. She nearly died, and her recovery took months.

At age twenty-four, she married John Tubman, a free black man. But when she talked to him about escaping to freedom in the North, he wouldn’t hear of it. He said that if she tried to leave, he’d turn her in. When she resolved to take her chances and go north in 1849, she did so alone, without a word to him. Her first biographer, Sarah Bradford, said that Tubman told her: “I had reasoned this out in my mind: there was one of two things I had a right to, liberty or death. If I could not have one, I would have the other, for no man should take me alive. I should fight for my liberty as my strength lasted, and when the time came for me to go, the Lord would let them take me.”

Tubman made her way to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, via the Under-ground Railroad, a secret network of free blacks, white abolitionists, and Quakers who helped escaping slaves on the run. Though free herself, she vowed to return to Maryland and bring her family out. In 1850, she made her first return trip as an Underground Railroad “conductor”—someone who retrieved and guided out slaves with the assistance of sympathizers along the way.

A LEADER OF STEEL

Each summer and winter, Tubman worked as a domestic, scraping together the funds she needed to make return trips to the South. And every spring and fall, she risked her life by going south and returning with more people. She was fearless, and her leadership was unshakable. Hers was extremely dangerous work, and when people in her charge wavered or had second thoughts, she was strong as steel. Tubman knew escaped slaves who returned would be beaten and tortured until they gave information about those who had helped them. So she never allowed any people she was guiding to give up. “Dead folks tell no tales,” she would tell a fainthearted slave as she put a loaded pistol to his head. “You go on or die!”

Between 1850 and 1860, Harriet Tubman guided out more than three hundred people, including many of her family members. She made nine-teen trips in all and was very proud of the fact that she never once lost a single person under her care. “I never ran my train off the track,” she said, “and I never lost a passenger.” At the time, Southern whites put a $12,000 price on her head—a fortune. By the start of the Civil War, she had brought more people out of slavery than any other American in history—black or white, male or female.

INCREASING RESPECT

Tubman’s reputation and influence commanded respect, and not just among slaves who dreamed of gaining their freedom. Influential Northerners of both races sought her out. She spoke at rallies and in homes throughout Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Boston, Massachusetts; St. Catharines, Canada; and Auburn, New York, where she eventually settled. People of prominence sought her out, such as Senator William Seward, who later became Abraham Lincoln’s secretary of state, and outspoken abolitionist and former slave Frederick Douglass. Tubman’s advice and leadership were also requested by John Brown, the famed revolutionary abolitionist. Brown always referred to the former slave as “General Tubman,” and he was quoted as saying she “was a better officer than most whom he had seen, and could command an army as successfully as she had led her small parties of fugitives.”¹ That is the essence of the Law of Respect.

A TEST OF LEADERSHIP

Harriet Tubman would appear to be an unlikely candidate for leadership because the deck was certainly stacked against her. She was uneducated. She began life as a slave. She lived in a culture that didn’t respect African Americans. And she labored in a country where women didn’t have the right to vote yet. Despite her circumstances, she became an incredible leader. The reason is simple: people naturally follow leaders stronger than themselves. Everyone who came in contact with her recognized her strong leadership ability and felt compelled to follow her. That’s how the Law of Respect works.

IT’S NOT A GUESSING GAME

People don’t follow others by accident. They follow individuals whose leadership they respect. People who are an 8 in leadership (on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest) don’t go out and look for a 6 to follow—they naturally follow a 9 or 10. The less skilled follow the more highly skilled and gifted. Occasionally, a strong leader may choose to follow someone weaker than himself. But when that happens, it’s for a reason. For example, the stronger leader may do it out of respect for the person’s office or past accomplishments. Or he may be following the chain of command. In general, though, followers are attracted to people who are better leaders than themselves. That is the Law of Respect.

The more leadership ability a person has, the more quickly he recognizes leadership—or its lack—in others.

When people get together for the first time in a group, take a look at what happens. As they start interacting, the leaders in the group immediately take charge. They think in terms of the direction they desire to go and who they want to take with them. At first, people may make tentative moves in many different directions, but after the people get to know one another, it doesn’t take long for them to recognize the strongest leaders and to start following them.

LEADERS GO THEIR OWN WAY WHEN
A GROUP FIRST COMES TOGETHER

SOON PEOPLE CHANGE DIRECTION TO
FOLLOW THE STRONGEST LEADERS

PEOPLE NATURALLY ALIGN THEMSELVES
AND FOLLOW LEADERS
STRONGER THAN THEMSELVES

Usually the more leadership ability a person has, the more quickly he recognizes leadership—or its lack—in others. In time, people in the group get on board and follow the strongest leaders. Either that or they leave the group and pursue their own agenda.

I remember hearing a story that shows how people come to follow stronger leaders. It happened in the early 1970s when Hall of Fame basket-ball center Bill Walton joined Coach John Wooden’s UCLA team. As a young man, Walton wore a beard. It has been said that the coach told Walton that UCLA players were not allowed to have facial hair. Walton, attempting to assert his independence, said that he would not shave off his beard. Wooden’s no-nonsense response was, “We’ll miss you, Bill.” Need-less to say, Walton shaved the beard.

GAINING RESPECT

What causes one person to respect and follow another? Is it because of the qualities of the leader? Is it due to a process the leader and follower engage in? Does it occur because of the circumstances? I believe all of those factors can come into play. Based on my observations and personal experience, here are the top six ways that leaders gain others’ respect:

1. NATURAL LEADERSHIP ABILITY

First and foremost is leadership ability. Some people are born with greater skills and ability to lead than others. All leaders are not created equal. However, as I’ve stated in the Law of the Lid and the Law of Process, every person can become a better leader.

When people respect you as a person, they admire you. When they respect you as a friend, they love you. When they respect you as a leader, they follow you.

If you possess natural leadership ability, people will want to follow you. They will want to be around you. They will listen to you. They will become excited when you communicate vision. However, if you do not exhibit some of the additional practices and characteristics listed below, you will not reach your leadership potential, and people may not continue to follow you. One of the greatest potential pitfalls for natural leaders is relying on talent alone.

2. RESPECT FOR OTHERS

Dictators and other autocratic leaders rely on violence and intimidation to get people to do what they want. That’s not really leadership. In contrast, good leaders rely on respect. They understand that all leadership is voluntary. When leaders show respect for others—especially for people who have less power or a lower position than theirs—they gain respect from others. And people want to follow people they respect greatly.

Gaining respect from others follows a pattern:

When people respect you as a person, they admire you.
When they respect you as a friend, they love you.
When they respect you as a leader, they follow you.

If you continually respect others and consistently lead them well, you will continue to have followers.

3. COURAGE

One thing that caused everyone to respect Harriet Tubman so much was her tremendous courage. She was determined that she was going to succeed, or she was going to die trying. She didn’t care about the danger. Her mission was clear, and she was absolutely fearless.

“A leader does not deserve the name unless he is willing occasionally to stand alone.”
—HENRY KISSINGER

Former U.S. secretary of state Henry Kissinger remarked, “A leader does not deserve the name unless he is willing occasionally to stand alone.” Good leaders do what’s right, even at the risk of failure, in the face of great danger and under the brunt of relentless criticism. I can’t think of even one great leader from history who was without courage. Can you? A leader’s courage has great value: it gives followers hope.

4. SUCCESS

Success is very attractive. People are naturally drawn to it. It’s one reason that people in our society are so focused on celebrities’ lives, cheer for their favorite sports team, and follow the careers of rock stars.

Success is even more important when it applies to the people who lead us. People respect others’ accomplishments. And it’s hard to argue with a good track record. When leaders are successful in their own endeavors, people respect them. When they succeed in leading the team to victory, then followers believe they can do it again. As a result, followers follow them because they want to be part of success in the future.

5. LOYALTY

We live in an era of free agency. Professional athletes hop from team to team, looking for the best deal. CEOs negotiate ridiculously high financial pack-ages and then bail out as millionaires when things go wrong. The average worker, according to one source, will change occupations ten times by the time he reaches age thirty-six.²

In a culture of constant change, turnover, and transition, loyalty is an asset. When leaders stick with the team until the job is done, remain loyal to the organization when the going gets rough, and look out for followers even when it hurts them, followers respect them and their actions.

6. VALUE ADDED TO OTHERS

Perhaps the greatest source of respect for a leader comes from his or her dedication to adding value to others. Because I’ve already discussed this extensively in the Law of Addition, I probably don’t need to say much here. But you can be sure that followers value leaders who add value to them. And their respect for them carries on long after the relationship has ended.

MEASURE YOUR LEVEL OF RESPECT

If you want to measure how much respect you have as a leader, the first thing you should do is to look at who you attract. Dennis A. Peer remarked, “One measure of leadership is the caliber of people who choose to follow you.” The second thing you should do is to see how your people respond when you ask for commitment or change.

“One measure of leadership is the caliber of people who choose to follow you.”
—DENNIS A. PEER

When leaders are respected and they ask for commitment, their people step up and sign up. They are ready to take risks, charge the hill, put in long hours, or do whatever else is necessary to get the job done. Likewise, when respected leaders ask for change, followers are willing to embrace it. But when leaders who are not respected ask for commitment or change, people doubt, they question, they make excuses, or they simply walk away. It is very hard for a leader who hasn’t earned respect to get other people to follow.

A RESPECTED LEADER STEPS DOWN

In October of 1997, college basketball saw the retirement of a great leader, someone who engendered respect as he spent more than thirty years of his life pouring himself into others. His name is Dean Smith, and he was the head basketball coach of the University of North Carolina. He compiled a remark-able record while leading the Tar Heels and is considered one of the best to coach at any level. In thirty-two years as head coach at North Carolina, he won a remarkable 879 games.³ His teams recorded twenty-seven consecutive twenty-win seasons. They won thirteen Atlantic Coast Conference titles, played in eleven Final Fours, and won two national championships.

“The leader must know, must know he knows, and must be able to make it abundantly clear to those about him that he knows.”
—CLARENCE B. RANDALL

The respect Smith has earned among his peers is tremendous. When he scheduled the press conference to announce his retirement, people such as Hall of Fame coaches John Thompson, whom Smith beat for the national championship in 1982, and Larry Brown came to show their support. Michael Hooker, the chancellor of the University of North Carolina, gave Smith an open invitation to do just about anything he wanted at the school in the coming years. Even the president of the United States called to honor Smith.

THOSE CLOSEST TO HIM
RESPECTED SMITH THE MOST

But the Law of Respect can be best seen in Smith’s career by looking at the way his players interacted with him. They respected him for many reasons. He taught them much about basketball as well as life. He pushed them to achieve academically, with nearly every player earning a degree. He made them winners. And he showed them incredible loyalty and respect. Charlie Scott, who played for Smith and graduated from North Carolina in 1970, advanced to play pro basketball and then went on to work as marketing director for Champion Products. Concerning his time with Smith, he said,

As one of the first black college athletes in the ACC, I experienced many difficult moments during my time at North Carolina, but Coach Smith was always there for me. On one occasion, as we walked off the court following a game at South Carolina, one of their fans called me a “big black baboon.” Two assistants had to hold Coach Smith back from going after the guy. It was the first time I had ever seen Coach Smith visibly upset, and I was shocked. But more than anything else, I was proud of him.⁴

During his time at North Carolina, Smith made quite an impact. His leadership not only won games and the respect of his players but also helped produce a remarkable forty-nine men who went on to play professional basketball. Included in that list are greats such as Bob McAdoo, James Worthy, and of course, Michael Jordan—not only one of the best players ever to dribble a basketball, but also a fine leader in his own right.

James Jordan, Michael’s father, credited Smith and his leadership for a lot of his son’s success. Before a play-off game in Chicago in 1993, the elder Jordan observed:

People underestimate the program that Dean Smith runs. He helped Michael realize his athletic ability and hone it. But more important than that, he built character in Michael that took him through his career. I don’t think Michael was privileged to any more teaching than anyone else. He had the personality to go with the teaching, and at Carolina he was able to blend the two of them together. That’s the only way I can look at it, and I think that’s what made Michael the player he became.⁵

Michael Jordan understood what it meant to follow a good leader. During the waning years of his career, he was adamant about his desire to play for only one coach—Phil Jackson, the man he believes is the best in the business. It made sense. A leader like Jordan wanted to follow a strong leader—one stronger than himself. That’s the Law of Respect. It’s just possible that Jordan’s desire got its seed when the young North Carolinian, still developing, was being led and mentored by his strong coach, Dean Smith.

If you ever become frustrated because the people you want to follow you are reluctant to, it very well may be that you are trying to lead people whose leadership is stronger than yours. That creates a difficult situation. If you’re a 7 as a leader, 8s, 9s, and 10s aren’t likely to follow you—no matter how compelling your vision is or how well thought-out a plan you’ve devised.

Mathematician André Weil observed, “A first-rate man will try to surround himself with his equals, or better if possible. The second-rate man will surround himself with third-rate men. The third-rate man will surround himself with fifth-rate men.” That’s not necessarily by design or because weaker leaders are insecure. It’s because of the Law of Respect. Like it or not, that’s just the way leadership works.

So what can you do about it? Become a better leader. There’s always hope for a leader who wants to grow. People who are naturally a 7 may never become a 10—but they can become a 9. There is always room to grow. And the more you grow, the better the people you will attract. Why? Because people naturally follow leaders stronger than themselves.

Applying
THE LAW OF RESPECT
To Your Life

1. Think about the last time you asked employees, followers, or volunteers for a commitment to something you were leading or to changing something they were doing. What was their response? In general, how readily do people rally to you in either of those situations? That can be used as a fairly accurate gauge of your leadership level.

2. Take a look at the qualities that help a leader to gain respect:

Leadership ability (natural ability)

Respect for others

Courage

Success record

Loyalty

Value added to others

Evaluate yourself in each area on a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high). One of the best ways to raise your “leadership number” is to improve in each individual area. In one sentence for each, write a practice, habit, or goal that will help you to improve in that area. Then work for a month on each to make it a regular part of your life.

3. One of my favorite definitions of success is having the respect of those closest to me. I believe that if my family (who knows me the best) and my closest coworkers (who work with me every day) have respect for me, then I am a success and my leadership will be effective.

If you have the courage, ask the people in your life who are closest to you what they respect most about you. And ask them to tell you in which areas you most need to grow. Then determine to improve based on their honest feedback.