WHEN YOU LIVE IN SOUTH PARK, Colorado, arguably the most screwed-up place in America, finding your boys is an imperfect but necessary journey to survive elementary school. Enter The Boys. Kyle and Stan, the moral compass of the whole fourth grade. Kyle’s crazy computer skills are otherworldly. He’s proudly Jewish, a tad too honest for a nine-year-old. Yep, he’s the guy who fesses up to TPing houses around town. Fortunately, he’s also a major ninja warrior, helpful in his ongoing battles against his nemesis, Cartman. Stan, a mostly normal fourth grader, has crazy athletic skills—from football and hockey to dance and even Guitar Hero. His ego can become insufferable to The Boys, even BFF Kyle. In these shaky moments, he famously turns to “one voice he can rely on, wondering… what would Brian Boitano do?” It’s all about survival in South Park. Cartman, undeniably racist, sadistic, sociopathic, narcissistic, and greedy, is the antihero. His devotion to the town’s poorest kid, Kenny, began as a mutual bond over vices but morphed to genuine affection as Kenny watched Cartman’s fourth-grade psychosis become dangerously mature. Contrary to the web of complexities of typical grade school-friendships, Kenny’s lack of pretension enabled him to cement relationships with this entire crew, a superpower that exceeds his ability to defy death, which is basically inexplicable considering a 23-year running theme of “Kenny dies.” Kenny’s the allegory. He may be the poorest, but he’d do anything for his friends, even die for them, which makes him the richest.