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Carrie
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It’s been four days since the god-awful lunch with Javier and the mind-blowing kiss with Rafael. I can’t freaking sleep at night anymore. The days are bad but at least I can fill them with work and the twins. But the nights, stretch into what feels like forever.
I went from masturbating once or twice every six months and it taking almost a half hour to climax to being able to bring myself to orgasm within all of three minutes. I hate it so much. All it does is make me want Rafael more. Rolling over in bed, I can’t do it. I can’t spend one more sleepless like this without at least trying with him one last time.
Fear fills me, along with embarrassment as I consider my plan. There is no way to get from my condo to Rafael’s without me showing up on the cameras. And there is no good excuse for me to show up on the cameras at now, god it’s almost midnight. Would he even be awake at this hour? The answer comes before I finish the thought—he’s awake. I just know he is.
Getting up, I go into my walk-in closet. I’m wearing a silky but boring set of boxy pajamas the twins got me for Christmas. They’re only comfortable because they are two sizes too big. Until recently, I slept in oversized tee shirts and lounge pajama bottoms. For tonight, this will not do at all. I go into the bag I bought the evening of that awful lunch and kiss.
I had gone back to the store Rafael took me to the first day and thank god Gloria had been there and helped me. She talked me into a black sheer long night gown with lace covering my breasts and falling to my ankle and another one like it in white. I hadn’t needed to be talked into two gorgeous lace trimmed baby dolls one in black with black lace and one in red with black lace that ended only a few inches down my thighs. She had also helped me with two wrap style clinging silky dresses that would fall open with one easy to undo button. They were far too sexy to have fallen under the rules of what Rafael had set that day. But they would pass most people’s idea of a sexy but not up in the middle of the night for sex with my boss, maybe...I can hope.
I put on the black silky faux wrap dress and the black lace baby doll beneath it without anything else on. Then I grab an empty folder and leave my room before I lose my nerve completely. Out of my room, I’m relieved the twins are dead to the world.
As I wait for the elevator, I don’t see anyone. Then again at this time it’s only Dirk watching the cameras in the security room. I attempt to school my features into bland and boring. Mine is one of the few cards that will scan to get the elevator to open on Rafael’s floor. The elevator opens into an open area of dark wood and a large wooden front door.
Running on adrenalin, I knock on the door as loudly as I dare without pounding as hard as my heart is beating inside my chest. Nothing happens, please don’t let me hyperventilate out here is my last thought as I work to catch my breath and Rafael finally opens the door.
He is in a thin black T-shirt and black silky pajama bottoms. Frowning down at me, he shakes his head. “What are you doing here?”
Opening the dress, “I’m here for you. I can’t sleep—”
His big hand goes around my arm as he yanks me into his condo and slams the door behind me. I think I’ve finally gotten my wish until he drops my arm and backs away from me.
“Are you crazy?” He hisses at me. “Did Dirk see that on the cameras?”
I shake my head, hurt. “No. The camera in the corner records but can only be played back by you. I thought you knew that.”
“I did but I wasn’t sure you did. I wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to trap me into anything.”
“Trap you?” Pain runs through me at his words.
“I told you that I cannot get involved with you and I meant it. Carrie, this is for your own good.”
“You are such a liar. It’s for your own good. I don’t want you to get down on your knee and offer to do right by me. I’m not looking for marriage or forever. All I want is right now, with you.”
Anger turns those hazel eyes a distracting green. “That’s bullshit. You deserve more than just a few hours with someone. You are better than that. Damn it.”
It hits me, the full force of his eyes running over my body. I hadn’t been sure at first, too caught up in my anger and pain. With a tug, I let the dress fall off my shoulders. His head goes back, his eyes wide and glowing. If he moves or I do I’m not sure, all I know is I’m finally back in his arms.
Four days has been far too long. I don’t care that it feels like I’m standing in the middle of a wildfire out of control, this is exactly where I want to be. Hot, savage, his mouth ravages mine. Large hands, move over my ass and bring me up to meet his iron hard length pressing into my soaking wet core.
“Oh god,” I moan.
At the sound of my voice, he stops. He practically drops me as if I’m burning his hands. “Carrie, this cannot happen.”
I sway and catch the edge of the doorframe. I watch helplessly as his jaw hardens. Shivering, I wrap my dress back around me. Humiliated, I run out the door. Seconds later he slams his front door closed.
Back in my bed, alone. I give in and cry myself to sleep. Rafael may want me but not enough. I have to let go.
***
Carrie
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Two days after the worst night of my life, I’m a walking zombie. After handling an irate owner, I get a call that instantly has me shivering. Kent Marshall, an extremely demanding owner wants me to come up to his condo. Of course, he would demand me. I can’t get away with sending Oliver. The last two times I tried he threatened me with complaining I wasn’t willing to see to his needs. Sighing, I give in. Even though he gives me the creeps, I don’t want to give him any reason to complain to Rafael.
I take a walkie-talkie and leave the channel open, letting security know. Kent Marshall has come onto me more than once, in extremely graphic terms. Once I’m in his condo, I’m relieved it seems relatively innocuous. Jeff in maintenance is there. Kent is complaining about the poor job Jeff had done. I send Jeff down for Walt, the head of maintenance. The door hadn’t even closed behind Jeff before Kent has his arms around me, pulling me roughly to him.
“Oh yeah, finally got your sweet ass alone. Damn, you’re a sexy little bitch. Come on, baby, open up and give me a kiss. Fuck, a thong, it’s always the quiet ones.”
His hands seem huge and wet and are everywhere tugging at the top of the thong I’m wearing. Rough fingers digging into my skin. Fear floods me, I scream. He covers my mouth. Feeling faint, I do the only thing I can, I bite down on his tongue.
Screaming in pain, he pushes me away. Seconds later the room is filled with maintenance and security. I’m trembling as Walt wraps a protective arm around me. Kent is yelling I came on to him, not aware the open walkie-talkie told a different story.
I’m embarrassed, wanting it all to go away. I talk with Roger, the head of security, it’s agreed I won’t press charges. Kent Marshall is warned, another misstep with female employees or residents and he would be forced to sell his condo and leave the premises.
I manage to get through the day by doing my hardest to not think about what happened with Kent. Every time I do I flinch from the memory. I’m not doing well at hiding it, the boys mention I’m quiet, but I say I’m tired.
They take the hint and go to bed early. I am tired and long to slip into the oblivion of sleep. Yet the idea of going to bed and laying in the dark has me up pacing, not wanting to close my eyes.
The mindless television blares a commercial and I turn it off. Okay, maybe tonight I’ll sleep with the light on in the bathroom. Turning off the light in the kitchen, pounding on the front door has me catching my breath. Without thinking, I open the door. Rafael fills the doorframe, angry and disheveled.
Why does he have to be so damn gorgeous? Why do I still ache for him after what he did? “What’s the matter?”
“What’s the matter? You were sexually assaulted. The man put his hands on you, hurt you, and you barely gave him a slap on the wrist. You ask me, what’s the matter? What the hell is the matter with you?” The words are tight and angry.
His words bring it back all over again. “It was nothing. He made a grab, there was no damage. Walt was on his way up, there wasn’t much he could have done. I don’t understand why he took a stupid chance. Please leave it, it’s been dealt with.”
“Bullshit, a typical sexual assault takes less than ninety seconds. The bastard laid his hands on you, he violated you, a virgin and you say it is nothing. It is fucking something. It will not be brushed away. I won’t allow it. He has been removed from the building. A forced sale will be done on his property. His name is dirt in this city.”
The outrage, anger emanating from him, is scaring me a little. My throat is too tight to get a word out.
“If not for yourself, then the other women in this building deserve consideration. This is their home, they expect to be safe here, not have to worry about a fucking pervert running the halls.”
I press my hand against his chest, desperate to calm him down. He grabs my wrist, causing me to cry out in pain. Going still, he pulls up the sleeve of the robe. My wrist is burning as his eyes go over the bruises there. The look on his face is scary.
“I’m going to fucking kill him.” He hisses out the words as he heads for the door.
Terrified he’ll do it. I grab him. My arms go around his waist and cling tight. I had thought his anger was directed at me, for being dumb enough to fall for Kent’s grabbing. Now that I know it was for me, not at me, I don’t dare let Rafael go.
When his arms go around me, my knees give out in weak relief. “Calm down, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay right here as long as you need me. I promise.”
He picks me up and carries me to the couch, holding me in his arms. I get lost in the sensation of being back in his arms. Slowly, the fear of what happened dies away. I lose track of time until he stirs. Feeling the moment slipping away, I give into the words hovering on my tongue.
“Do you want to know what scared me the most? He would take the first time away from me when I wanted it to be with you.”
Rafael shudders against me, his arms tighten around me. I’m long past shame at wanting him. I press a kiss to the center of his chest. He shakes his head and his throat works but he doesn’t speak.
“Rafael, please. I want you so badly, every time I closed my eyes today I saw him but it’s you that I want. Take me to bed, please.” He groans my name and it causes an ache low inside me.
“Carrie.” It comes out of him a strangled whisper. He is close to giving in, I can feel it in his body. Desperate to do whatever it will take to push him over the edge. I take off the silky white robe. It matches the see-through white nightgown beneath it. Air leaves him in a rush, as his hands tighten on my waist.
“Night after endless night since the first day, I’ve dreamed of you here with me in my bed. I can’t take another night alone. Please, Rafael, I need more than just your arms around me. I need your body against me, your hands on me. I need all of you. If tonight is all you can give me, I’ll take it and not ask for anything else.” I slide my arms around his neck and press my breasts against his hard chest needing to assuage the throbbing ache.
A groan rumbles from deep within his chest, vibrating through me as he claims my mouth. Scorching heat consumes me, has me melting into him. Close isn’t close enough as he plunders my mouth teasing, coaxing, stealing my breath, my very soul into him. Long born instinct has me parting my legs to either side of him, desperate to feel him there at the hottest part of me. I’m not wearing panties and the silk of his suit is cool against the heat of my swollen lower lips. We both moan as I rock against the granite hard length of him below me. Arms like steel bands go around my waist as he stands and with my head spinning we make it into my bedroom before I even take in we’re moving.
When Rafael tries to set me down on the bed, I cling to him. “Carrie, I promise I’m not going anywhere. I cannot make love to you with clothes on. Damn it, I don’t have a condom.”
Blushing, I motion to the bedside table. “I have some. I didn’t know what kind to get so I got a couple.”
An eyebrow goes up as he opens the drawer and sees the four different types of boxes of condoms I had stashed there after talking with Jennifer. He exhales slow and measured then looks to me. “I don’t deserve you. If I were a better man, I would leave you to someone who does. But I’m not. So I won’t.”
His words touch me deep down inside a place I had no idea was there. Had no idea was empty yet is now full at those words. “Good. Because I don’t want anyone else. All I want is you.”
A large hand cups my cheek, his thumb runs over my lips. The press of his lips is almost tender so I have no idea why it burns me as hot as a brand. I blink and he moves back.
Taking out a box, he opens it and takes out a sleeve of six condoms. He tears off one and sets it down at the edge of the bed. Then steps back from the bed and begins to undress.
Watching Rafael undress is incredibly erotic as inch by sexy inch of skin appears. God, he is so gorgeous. Massive, out of the severe silk suit his broad, muscular chest is freaking massive. Muscle and sinew flex and move beneath mouthwatering yummy caramel skin. His chest is covered in a light feathering of dark black hair, I’m dying to run my hands over.
When he undoes his pants and pushes them down I blush at how my mouth waters at finally seeing him. Only for Rafael to stop, not removing the black silk boxers he’s wearing. A groan slips from me, one of his eyebrows goes up in question.
The words come out of me without thought, “Is it bad my mouth is watering at the idea of finally seeing you?”
Shaking his head, “Not bad at all. I understand the feeling completely. The boxers stay on because I’m fighting not come just looking at you.”
I blush down to my belly button at his words.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. I’m afraid of losing control and scaring you when this first time is so damn important.”
Glowing at his words, at the awe in his glowing green eyes, I go up on my knees as I push down the straps of my nightgown letting it fall down my body. I shiver in response at the heat flaring in his eyes. “Unless this is the only time we’re going to do this we can practice again and again until we get it right. I’ve been warned the first time can be—”
With a growl he captures my mouth sending me to my back. Rafael in all his glory is above me. He’s too close for me to take all of him in but not close enough for me to feel him against me. So mean, he’s teasing me, as his bare chest brushes ever so slightly against me. Then his mouth is gone and I fight to contain a sob at the loss of him only to gasp as he licks down my neck before stopping to suck deep at the hollow of my throat where my heart is pounding wildly. My hands go out to touch his chest, eager to learn every inch of him. But he grabs me around the wrists, pressing my grasping hands into the bed as his mouth moves lower over a quivering breast.
“Beautiful.” He whispers against my heated skin before his velvet tongue runs over my nipple, teasing lightly once, twice. Before roughly taking my nipple into the wet heat of his mouth. Deeper and deeper he sucks, pulling a keening cry from my throat. Just as I think I can’t take another moment he allows me to fall from his mouth, and the loss is painful. Swirling that velvet tongue over and around my nipple again and again, he has me shaking with need. Finally, finally he sucks deep, soothing at the same time he’s driving me out of my mind. With a loud pop he releases my aching nipple and moves to my other breast and begins his sweet torture all over again.
I’m begging, pleading for more and to stop at the same time. Yet when he does, I almost cry from the loss. That wicked, cruel tongue roams down my body, teasing and tasting until he’s there, between my legs. I’m burning with embarrassment at how wet I am.
A groan vibrates through his hot tongue as he licks my swollen lower lips sending shiver up my spine. Again and again his tongue slides over me without trying to part me the way I want him to, I want his tongue inside me as deep as he can go. I want him to own this part of me as much as he does the rest of me.
Rafael groans, “Delicious. I love knowing how much you want me, how much you need me.”
Now his fingers open me to him and that hot, velvet tongue claims me. At first, he’s gentle, careful but within minutes he’s hungry, ravaging me—sucking harder and harder on my inner lips as his tongue pushes as deep inside me as he can go. I welcome all of it, lost in what he’s doing to me. Fighting not to scream at the pleasure he’s giving me, at the way he’s turning me inside out.
The moans escaping him as his tongue runs over me add another level of sensation threatening to send me out of my mind. Please, more, I beg him. He answers me by slipping two thick fingers inside me and oh god, how are they so thick? I have no doubt he’s thicker than his fingers.
“Tight, you’re so damn tight. Fucking hell, Carrie. I’m not going to be able to last long inside you.” He groans as he pushes the fingers into my tight channel.
His tongue teases the tight bundle of nerves. Oh, god, I’m close, so very close. His fingers move deeper then shift, finding that spot oh that perfect beautiful spot rubbing faster, harder as he sucks deeper and deeper on my clit. I can’t contain my scream as I break apart into a million pieces.
Drifting, floating weightless, I’m not aware of anything until I feel the blunt, thick head of Rafael pressing against my swollen lower lips.
“Open your eyes, mi dulce, I need to see you.” I don’t dare deny him. Opening my eyes, I find him above me those hazel eyes are now glittering like emeralds down at me. He surges inside me with one beautiful, breathtaking thrust. Stealing my breath, claiming my body. Buried deep inside me Rafael is burning every inch of his thick hard length into me, branding me as his. Without any thought, my legs wrap tightly around him, clinging to him. As I do, he slips even deeper into me and we both moan at the sensation.
His hands go down to my hips, gripping me tight, he begins to move inside me. Yes, so amazing, so fucking good. Please don’t stop. Harder, deeper, yes, oh yes. I’m begging him but he’s being cruel again, driving me out of my mind, his pace almost leisurely as if he has all the time in the world. My body clenches tight around him, clinging to his hard length. It draws a growl from his chest and oh god now he moves like a man possessed answering my every wish of harder, deeper, faster.
I plunge off the highest of cliffs down, down, into a churning ocean of pleasure. I’m pulled under gasping for air, for something solid. Rafael shouts my name as he comes, his arms tightening around me is my something solid, the only thing that matters. In his arms, I’m safe, floating in warm, sweet, pleasure.
Too soon Rafael moves, rolling off me onto his back. It’s too soon. I bite my tongue to plead for his touch again. With a sigh Rafael moves off the bed and goes into the bathroom. I move under the covers, suddenly shy. Looking up, I find Rafael watching me from the open door of the bathroom. Despite being naked, he seems unconcerned about himself, all his attention is on me.
A hand runs through his hair, I know what’s coming before he opens his mouth and I hate him for it. “What happened was wrong. You deserve better than I am able to give you. I do not want a long-term relationship. You deserve better than that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you when you were at a vulnerable moment.”
Laughter bubbles up out of me, relief has it come out easier than if I forced it. I’m as shocked as he is by it when I’m still dealing with my body shivering from my orgasm. Gone is the guilt, I’m not playing a game to have him, if I were it would be called chicken. He wants me, this, as badly as I want him. Fuck playing it safe. I’m done. If I have to say something I don’t mean, for now, then I’ll do whatever the hell it takes to get Rafael.
“I’m not asking you to make an honest woman of me. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’ve been a virgin because I’ve been busy raising two twin boys. I’m going to be busy for several more years. I’m not looking to make my life any more complicated than it already is.”
He frowns as he shakes his head.
Rolling my eyes, I sit up, letting the covers fall from me. “This is going to sound really bad and I don’t care. I’m tired. I’m tired of being the responsible, careful one, always thinking about the worst-case scenario and trying to plan for it. I’m ready to do something just for me. All I want is sex. I don’t need you to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, to wine me and dine me. I don’t want anything more than your body in my bed for an hour or two or whatever. I’m not asking for more than you want to give. I’ll take this and enjoy it while it lasts. I don’t want or need promises for tomorrow, all I want is your nights and right now.”
Hazel glows moss green, practically devouring me. I push off the covers and glory in the heat in his eyes. Oh god, he’s hard and thick again. Holy crap, all of that was inside me. Without any thought I slide off the bed and make my way to him.
I’m down on my knees in front of him, grasping him tight without a single thought or plan. Wow, my hand doesn’t go all the way around him. I bring him to my hungry mouth. At first, I’m desperate to learn every inch of his silky, hard length. From the flared mushroom head I swipe my tongue delicately, then greedily over him.
I tease the tip of him, and I’m rewarded with a moan of my name from Rafael. His hand slips into my hair, holding me in place as he moves in and out of my mouth. He is so large I can only take three or four of his more than eight inches. I try to take more of him deeper.
“No, mi dulce, just take those few inches you can and suck harder. Move your hand up and down me, yes, like that tighter. Fuck yes.” Comes out of him in a groan.
That groan feeds my hunger for more of him, for all of him. So good, god he tastes so good to me. Feels so good as he fills my mouth. My hands grasp him tight, as I marvel at his silk on steel feel.
“I’m coming.” He moans, as he tries to move out of my mouth. I cling tightly, sucking deeper, working to breathe. Oh my, I fight not to choke and am proud I don’t. Even though it doesn’t taste amazing, it also doesn’t taste nearly as bad as I’ve heard women complain it did. The hand in my hair tightens for a moment before he runs a finger down my cheek.
Even limp he’s so thick I can’t take all of him into my mouth. It’s frustrating. I frown as I sit back on my knees and study him wondering how women are able to take more of men into their mouths, determined to take all of him next time.
A low chuckle come from above me. Rafael is shaking his head. “That was an extremely satisfying and gut-wrenching experience and all you can think of is what you were not able to achieve.”
He reaches down, he draws me up against the hard, silky heat of him and I fight not to melt. “How do you know? And gut-wrenching sounds bad, was it not good?”
“Your every thought flutters across your face. Gut-wrenching is bad for me because you cared only for my pleasure. And even though I know this is all so damn wrong, I can’t walk away from you. I can’t walk away from this.”
Bending down, he picks me up then walks me back to my bed. Gently, he sets me down. A strong hand runs through my hair pulling me back to look up at him. “You win. Just the nights.”
I catch my breath as he presses his lips to my cheek. Watching him dress, I fight against the sigh inside me. Don’t beg him to stay.
As if he can hear my thoughts, he shakes his head. “If I stay another moment longer, I’ll take you again. To do so might cause you pain. Tomorrow night.”
It’s a promise. To stop from grinning like an idiot I close my eyes, holding his promise tight. As the door closes behind him I slip into the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.