“I have a peculiar request, Kat. It’s a best friend request.”
“You want me to fix you up with the latest guy I didn’t like, but you would think he’s gorgeous?”
“No. This is sort of serious.”
“Oh. What?”
“I want you to come to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with me tonight,” said Susan.
“Why? Are you writing a paper? What’s going on?”
“I’m going because I’ve reached bottom and need to go.”
“Are you telling me you’re an alcoholic?”
“Yes.”
Katherine was silent for what seemed like several minutes. She knew that Susan liked to have a good time and that certainly included fun at their favorite pub, but she had never considered Susan an alcoholic.
“Of course, I’ll go with you tonight. How about getting together right now and talking about this . . . if you feel like doing that.”
“I’m working today. I’ll pick you up at your apartment at 5:30 p.m. We can have dinner at the diner and then we’ll go to the meeting at 7:00 p.m. I know this is a shock to you. I’d been sober for more than five years, stopped going to meetings and working with a sponsor—but during the last year, I’ve been drinking. I may be a functioning alcoholic, but I have a problem and I need to go back to AA. I just wanted to tell you because I know you’ll be there for me.”
“Of course I will. Thank you for calling me. I’ll see you at 5:30 p.m.”
As usual, Susan was on time, the diner was not crowded, and they found a comfortable table in the back. Katherine mostly listened and in the process learned considerably more about her good friend. Susan had mentioned her family in the past, but Katherine had no idea that both her father and her mother were alcoholics. Katherine had met Dr. Bernstein and his wife on a couple of occasions at Columbia a year ago and saw no signs of either having a drinking problem. In fact, Katherine had had the impression that Dr. and Mrs. Bernstein, when not traveling around the world, were busy all the time—her dad with endoscopies, colonoscopies, or whatever gastroenterologists do, and her mother with charitable work helping children and hosting events at their country club.
As Katherine would learn in greater detail, however, in talking with Susan that night at dinner, later at the AA meeting, and after, there are many alcoholics who don’t fit the out-of-touch dysfunctional stereotype, and yet are struggling on a daily basis to deal with this dreadful disease. She knew that many people had a drinking problem and generally had understood that there was a genetic connection, but had not realized how many functional alcoholics there were and the strength of the genetic proclivity and statistical probability of children with one or more alcoholic parents, themselves becoming alcoholics.
Katherine was moved by what appeared to be openness and honesty of those who spoke at the meeting, and admired the courage it must have taken. When she saw Susan step up to the podium, she felt a burning in her throat and pain in the back of her neck. As Katherine listened to Susan say the obligatory opening, go on to explain her problem and what she had done and intended to do again to deal with it, she had to fight back tears.
Katherine’s in-depth awareness and understanding of the universe of alcoholism had been considerably expanded, and she was grateful to her friend for allowing her inside. She found Susan’s conversation about the alcoholic’s relationship with her sponsor to be insightful, particularly with respect to how honestly each would speak with each other and the degree of trust, in some cases making their relationship stronger than the ones they had with their spouse or family members.
She wondered whether her thoughts were colored by the questions of maternal candor and trust she herself was currently facing. In any event, she knew she would look at alcoholism differently, with a more nuanced appreciation going forward. She also thought about the extensive experiences her mother had as a nurse and wondered how many alcoholics she had treated. Thinking about the genetic connection, she was glad that for her mother and grandfather, and to the extent she could remember her grandmother, drinking had not been a problem.
Now, she had a father. She wondered about him. What is he like? What are his parents like? She found her mind running through the possibilities—alcoholism included.