Come on in, Christina.” Michele stepped back from the doorway to let her in. “That’s a cute outfit.”
Christina walked down the hall past the doorway leading into the kitchen. “Thanks. Your mom took me shopping at the Women’s Resource thrift store.”
Michele closed the door and walked past Christina into the dining area. “I know where that is. I volunteered there a few months last summer.”
Christina patted her stomach. “I’m getting down to the final stage where nothing fits. I start working at the gift shop this weekend, the one where your mom works.”
“Odds-n-Ends,” Michele said.
“That’s the one. Your mom thought I should have some clothes that didn’t look ridiculous on me.”
Michele pointed to the dining room table. “I made us some decaf, and this is some crumb cake left over from last night. You can drink decaf, right?”
“I can. Drinking that’s been one of the hardest things about being pregnant. Well, that and getting in and out of the car.”
Michele laughed.
“I miss my afternoon coffee,” Christina said. “I get so sleepy right about . . . now.”
“No. I just want this baby to come already, so I can start drinking coffee again.” She poured herself a cup. “Thanks for making it, though. That was thoughtful. And this crumb cake looks almost like the kind I used to get in New York.”
“That’s real butter, in case you’re wondering,” Michele said. “It’s fattening, but I like putting it on the sides.”
“I won’t tell if you don’t,” Christina said.
After they fixed their coffee and cake, they moved into the living room. Michele couldn’t tell by Christina’s demeanor whether she came to talk about something positive or negative. She didn’t seem tense.
Christina squirmed a few moments then seemed to find a comfortable position. She took a sip of her coffee and said, “Before I tell you why I’m here, I want you to know I haven’t talked to anyone else about this, not even your mom. I know she’s my counselor, or advocate, I guess they call ’em, and for the most part, she’s been really helpful. But after you hear what I’m gonna say, I think you’ll understand why I couldn’t talk to her about this. I didn’t want to put her in the middle.”
That got Michele’s attention.
“I prayed a lot about this. I’m still a young Christian, but I gotta go with my instincts, what my heart’s telling me to do. And I felt like I’m supposed to talk to you first, before anyone else. I’m not saying that God’s saying you’ve got to say yes to what I’m asking. I want you to. But honestly, I really can’t tell if you’re supposed to say yes. I’ve got no instincts on that. I’m thinking, God might speak to you or maybe Allan, not to me.”
Michele took a sip of her coffee, attempting to quiet her growing tension. She wished Christina would get to the point.
“Look, I’m sorry. I’m all over the place here. I always do that when I get nervous. You’re not making me nervous. What I’ve got to say is making me nervous.”
Michele was getting nervous now too.
Christina reached for her crumb cake, sliced off a corner with her fork, then stopped. “What am I thinking? I can’t eat. Maybe after I get done talking.”
“You mind if I do?”
“Not at all. It looks delicious, by the way.”
Michele took a bite of the crumb cake, trying to break this tension Christina had introduced into the room.
“Okay,” Christina said, “here goes. I’m at a point in my pregnancy where I have a decision to make.”
“I thought you already made that decision,” Michele said.
“No, not that one. You’re right, though. I did make that decision. According to the adoption agency, though, I can change my mind whenever I want.”
“Are you thinking of changing your mind?”
“No, not at all. I don’t know why I brought that up. The thing is, so far I haven’t taken very much assistance from this agency. Less than a thousand dollars, I think.”
“Do you have to pay them back, whatever they give you?”
“No, I don’t. They made that real clear in the beginning. In fact, if I go through everything, all the way to when the baby’s born, and I change my mind, even then they’ll still pay for everything. In fact, the woman at the agency said it happens to them all the time. And whenever it does, the birth mom is off the hook. Totally. She said if they made us pay the money back after we change our minds, the courts would say we only went through with the adoption because of money pressure. And that would nullify the adoption, because the decision was made under—what did she call it—duress.”
“I guess I see that logic,” Michele said.
“I figured out that’s one of the reasons why adoptions are so expensive,” Christina said. “The adoptive couple, the ones who actually get to adopt, wind up paying for all the deals that fell through. Well, deals isn’t the right word. But you know what I mean.”
Michele thought she did. But she still had no idea where Christina was going with all this. “If you don’t mind me asking, Christina, what does all this have to do with me? I’m not really seeing—”
“You’re right, I’m going into way too much detail. I’m sorry. I should have spent more time in prayer. Maybe I’d have a little more self-control right now. It’s just, this is a really big thing.”
What is?! Michele screamed inside her head.
Christina stopped, repositioned herself on the couch, took a sip of her coffee, then took a deep breath. “Okay, the thing is, like I said, I haven’t taken too much money from the adoption agency. So if I quit them now, I wouldn’t feel too bad. It’s nothing compared to the amount of money they’d lose if I quit them after the baby was born. You know, if I changed my mind. But still—”
“Why would you think of quitting them?”
“I wouldn’t, unless you said yes to what I’m about to ask. Don’t give me an answer right away. I’m sure you’re going to want to talk to Allan anyway, because it’s such a big deal. See, what I’ve been praying about, what I want to ask you is . . .” Tears instantly appeared in Christina’s eyes. “I was afraid this was gonna happen.”
Michele quickly got up and fetched a box of tissues from the hutch. She was dying inside.
Christina dabbed her eyes, took another deep breath. “I’ll just say it. I’m wondering if you and Allan would want to adopt my baby? After this idea came to me, I looked into it a little bit. If we didn’t go through the adoption agency, we could do something they call a private adoption. The big thing with that is, it doesn’t cost hardly anything compared to working with an agency. There’s just the hospital bills, some lawyer fees, and that’s pretty much it. I certainly wouldn’t charge you anything. I wouldn’t want to make a dime off this.” Christina reached for another tissue to stem the tide of a new release of tears.
Michele didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected this at all. Her initial reaction was to say “no, thank you,” right here, right now. She still had her heart set on having a baby the old-fashioned way. But she also wasn’t ready to say anything now because of the new things she had been learning from the children’s ministry notebook. She could tell Christina had something else to say.
“The main reason for this idea is because of my baby, and me thinking about what’s best for her. This time I’ve spent with your family has been like a dream. I didn’t even know there were families like this, not in real life. I can’t think of a better set of parents than you and Allan. I would have loved to have someone like you for a mom. And if my baby could grow up here, in a place like this”—she used her hands to include the whole downstairs—“with people like you, and have grandparents like your folks, and aunts and uncles like Tom and Jean. What could be better than that? Nothing could.”
Christina stopped talking. Now she was looking at Michele’s face, staring right into her eyes. Michele had no idea what kind of signals she was sending. She didn’t feel anything deep or profound. Mostly she felt . . . confused. She had no idea whether this sudden development was something God was doing or just some fantasy Christina was having.
Christina reached for another tissue. “The way I feel about your family is the hardest part of this whole thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“Leaving you all. I know that’s what I would have to do if you said yes. It would be way too awkward for everyone if I stayed around. I read about these things they have called open adoptions, where the birth mother keeps hanging around to watch the baby grow up. That’s not for me. I’d want to make a clean break, let my baby bond to her new parents, and them with her, without any interference from me. And that would mean . . .” The tears began to flow again. “No more Anderson family for me.”
Michele instantly thought about some of the things she had read that morning, about loving God and loving others. What Christina had just offered to do was a perfect example of sacrificial love, a mother’s love. God’s love.
Now it was her turn to reach for the tissues.