Standing in the wings as the school choir sang, Claudia looked out across a galaxy of flickering lights. It was as if a thousand stars had descended from the heavens to light up Victoria Park with people waving their phones. If anything, it was more like two thousand.
Was it only a year ago that she had raced towards the burning theatre, fearing the life she had made for herself was about to go up in flames too? She didn’t dare imagine what might have happened if she hadn’t realised in time. She would have been exposed, cast out of the social circle she had fought so hard to break into. On the other hand, she would have been a mother.
When Leanne Pitman had said Claudia had a case of imposter syndrome, she had been right. Her apparent delight when Phillipa had given her the tickets for the amateur ballet had been a performance worthy of an Oscar. Lying to Justin had been harder, but Claudia had needed them all to believe that she deserved their trust. Lies were often easier than the truth, but that particular one had gone on to divide and multiply like a virus, or an embryo.
If it was wrong, Claudia had endured the consequences. Her baby may have been little more than a collection of cells, but her pregnancy had offered the completeness she and Justin had longed for. How different would her life be now, if only she had stayed by the fire doors and not gone inside? As she listened to the lyrics of the song being sung by the choir, she conjured her own fields of gold, and she remembered.
Sensing his wife was on the verge of tears, Justin slipped his hand into hers, and she was reminded of what she had, not what she had lost. She couldn’t love Justin more than she did at that very moment. What had she done to deserve him? And what had she done to deserve this? she asked herself as the final notes of the children’s sweet voices faded and she stepped onto the stage to the thunderous applause that rose up from speckled darkness.
‘How incredible was that?’ she asked the crowd, turning to the choir and joining in the applause. When she stopped, so did everyone else. ‘I don’t know about you, but I was dreading today. I don’t think I could have got through it on my own, and I’m so glad to be here with you all. Before we close, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for sharing this night as one community.’
Claudia went on to express her thanks to all those who had taken part in the service, before concentrating on the ones who had worked behind the scenes. She was grateful for the surprise speech by the lovely paramedic, but she wanted it to be known that this was not her achievement alone. She mentioned Bryony and some of the others who had been late to the party, but her expressions of gratitude were more heartfelt when she got to Yvonne, the primary school teacher whose only previous experience had been organising the school fete, and to Harriet, who ensured the charity met its fiscal and legal obligations.
‘I’d also like to thank my husband, Justin, for being so supportive in the last year. I’m blessed to have him in my life,’ she said and, as she reached out her hand, Justin joined her onstage. He was holding yet another bouquet of flowers. Their apartment was going to look like an explosion in a florist shop. ‘I don’t think any of us will take our loved ones for granted ever again, so if you’re here because you can’t hold the hand of someone you love, I hope tonight has helped ease your pain. You’re not alone. We are not alone.’
When Claudia finally made it offstage, her ears were ringing. Even the people backstage paused to applaud her, and Yvonne came over to give her the biggest hug before relieving her of the bouquet to put with the other flowers.
‘You did it, Claudia,’ she gushed.
‘We did it,’ she replied, with a rush of exhilaration that made her eyes sparkle.
Justin pulled her to one side. ‘There’s a long list of journalists who want to interview you,’ he warned, ‘but if you’ve had enough, I can always send them packing. You must be exhausted.’
Claudia hadn’t slept a wink the night before and, in the wee hours before dawn, she had feared it was her conscience keeping her awake. She had to remind herself that she didn’t deserve to feel guilty about anything. She was a good person. That’s what everyone else thought, and she needed to start believing it too.
‘Who’s first?’
Justin kissed her forehead. ‘Leanne. I thought you might find it easier starting with her?’
‘Sure,’ Claudia replied. ‘And the sooner we get it done, the sooner we can go home.’
As they weaved their way through the throng of performers who were busy packing up, there were more words of appreciation and congratulations. Claudia was so distracted by the pats on the back and arm squeezes that she didn’t notice Leanne until they had reached the far corner of the tent. The reporter was with the Courier’s photographer, Henry, who had made Claudia feel so relaxed for what had been the first of many photoshoots. There was another reporter too, one that Claudia recognised from the press conference, but it was Leanne she greeted first.
‘How lovely to see you,’ Claudia said as she strode towards her with her arms open wide.
She could hear lots of camera clicks in quick succession, but she kept her gaze fixed on Leanne. She knew these photos would be splashed across the internet in a matter of hours, and her expression had to convey the right message. The tears she had been fighting back since leaving the stage rimmed her eyes as she committed to the hug. She could feel the reporter tensing and hoped she wasn’t ruining the shot.
‘How do you think it went?’ Leanne asked, her voice monotone.
‘It’s a difficult one, isn’t it?’ Claudia pressed a palm to her chest and swallowed hard, overcompensating for Leanne’s lack of emotion. ‘We’ve been planning this for months and it’s been stressful at times, especially in the last week with the storm, but I think we did OK.’
‘You did more than OK,’ said Justin, slipping an arm around her waist.
‘Time will tell,’ Claudia warned. Noticing the second reporter had her phone trained constantly on her, she realised they were being videoed too. ‘And I hope it’s not just about pulling together tonight. The first year might be over, but this is a lifetime’s journey for the victims’ families. I want them to know that we’re still going to be here when they need us.’
Leanne appeared thoughtful. ‘I’m sure tonight has resurrected some painful memories for a lot of people, but understanding exactly what happened is part of the healing process, wouldn’t you agree?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘It’s like one big puzzle,’ Leanne continued, wrinkling her nose as if she were struggling with a tricky brainteaser. ‘And it’s time to bring two pieces back together to see how they fit.’
Claudia was confused when Leanne took two steps to the side. The second reporter moved away too, but kept her phone at eye level.
With a rush of adrenalin, Claudia realised the gap the two reporters had left wasn’t a gap at all. Two figures had been concealed behind them, waiting to pounce at the very last moment.
‘Hello,’ said Amelia.
Claudia took a sharp intake of breath and was too shocked to release it. Her lungs burned and her eyes were so wide they stung. She wanted to turn and run, but this was being played out in front of the camera, not to mention a ten-year-old girl who was waiting for Claudia to respond. She couldn’t speak. The blood pounded in her ears.
‘Oh, wow,’ Justin said, breaking the silence.
Claudia had to say something, but she was gripped with terror. She glanced sideways at Henry, who was clicking away with his bloody camera. What a mess. What an awful mess. She hadn’t meant for it to go this far.