The meeting wasn’t entirely necessary, but Claudia could do with a boost from her working party disciples. Justin was away on business and she had too much time on her hands. She worried about the shifting sands she had built her new life upon, and her anxiety levels increased every time the phone rang. She should block Leanne’s number and have done with it, but in truth, she was just as uncomfortable when her phone remained stubbornly silent.
Claudia needed to know how Phillipa’s closest friends had reacted to the verdict of the public inquiry, but so far they were keeping their thoughts to themselves. Bryony had eventually responded to one of Claudia’s many messages, but only to offer her apologies for the meeting. The clock was ticking down on Claudia’s fifteen minutes of fame.
‘That was a quick meeting,’ Yvonne said as she practically skipped out of Harriet’s offices into bright, wintry sunshine.
‘I was disappointed with the turnout,’ replied Claudia sourly. ‘Setting up the hardship fund may not be as glamorous as planning the memorial service, but it’s just as important, if not more so.’
The schoolteacher glanced at the papers in her hand. ‘They probably saw the agenda and didn’t think they were needed. It was quite a dry meeting, but sometimes that’s for the best. It’s good that we can get on and do things instead of wasting hours simply talking about it.’
Claudia was reminded of what Bryony had said about the thinkers and the doers. Watching Yvonne shove her papers into her fake Burberry satchel, she knew which group she preferred. ‘I won’t keep you in that case. I’m sure you have lots to be getting on with.’
‘Oh.’ Yvonne looked crestfallen. ‘I was going to suggest we go for a bite to eat. But if you’re in a hurry?’
‘Ah, that’s a shame. Maybe another time.’
Claudia made a show of returning to her car, but the idea of going home to an empty apartment held no attraction. She checked her phone as she waited for Yvonne to disappear out of sight and cleared another missed call from Leanne before dialling Bryony’s number. To her surprise, she answered.
‘Hi, Claudia. How are you?’
‘I’ve just come out of my meeting. I needed to make sure the hardship fund was being progressed properly, you know how it is,’ she said, one businesswoman to another. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to meet up.’
‘Oh, was it the charity meeting today? Sorry I couldn’t make it, but I’m sure you didn’t need me there,’ Bryony chirped.
Claudia left a beat, waiting for Bryony to respond to her offer to catch up. Obviously, if Bryony had been too busy to make the meeting then she wouldn’t be available right now, but she could at least suggest a convenient date for their diaries. It wasn’t that Claudia was desperate for Bryony’s company, but still. ‘So do you fancy a get-together some time?’
‘A get-together?’ Bryony repeated.
‘Or a trip to the stables if you’d prefer some fresh air.’ It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Bryony’s offers of riding lessons had dried up lately.
‘Yes, darling, a horse ride would be lovely, but can I get back to you?’
Claudia pressed the phone to her ear and listened intently. She didn’t like the way Bryony kept repeating what Claudia had said. She wasn’t alone.
‘Make sure you do,’ Claudia said with mock sternness that wasn’t all pretence.
Short on offers for alternative forms of amusement, Claudia slipped her mobile into the side pocket of her briefcase and strolled towards the high street. There were a number of exclusive boutiques nearby where she could fritter away Justin’s money for a few hours. He might baulk at the credit card bill at the end of the month, but what did he expect for leaving her on her own? And she was very much alone.
Noticing a gaggle of young mums that were bearing down on her, Claudia crossed the street, but not before she glimpsed chubby cheeks and tiny hands poking above the pram covers. The pang of loss made her heart clench. Justin kept reminding her that if they could get pregnant once, it would happen again, but Claudia didn’t share his confidence. The fire had taken so much from her, and she was still being punished. It wasn’t fair.
As she passed an estate agent’s window, her pace slowed. Only select properties deserved a window placement, and Phillipa’s stately pile took up half the display. Despite being on the market for only a matter of days, Claudia was surprised that it hadn’t been snapped up yet. If things didn’t happen soon, she would have to put in an offer herself – anything to ensure Phillipa’s speedy departure. Justin had said they couldn’t afford it, but they had talked about buying a house when they had a family and, if he was so sure that would happen, he should put his money where his mouth was. She could see herself living in a place like Phillipa’s. She would be harder to ignore.
As she stared at the window, Claudia caught her reflection in the glass and for a second, she glimpsed the girl she used to be, the one Justin had fallen in love with. Where had she gone?
In her formative years, Claudia was always known as the little girl without the mum, but at least it had secured the invites to the birthday parties, and she could always count on kindly neighbours to gift her money and clothes that obscured the neglect. She made sure she was one of the popular girls and, as her confidence grew, she had stopped relying on pity and strived for respect. Why had she been forced to go to extraordinary lengths simply to gain the approval of people she didn’t respect or care for? But, why did it always have to be a battle? Her reflection blurred. She could hear hurried footsteps drawing closer and a face appeared next to hers in the window. Reluctantly, she turned.
‘Hello, Karin. How are you?’
Karin was panting. ‘Can we talk?’
They walked in silence, past the artisan bakery and Declan’s flat above, past the theatre with its boarded-up doors and soot-stained façade and into Victoria Park. They followed the path as it sloped towards the lake, and found a bench.
‘Are you still working?’ asked Claudia, fully expecting Karin to say no. She had made no effort to cover up the acne breakouts and dark shadows beneath her eyes. Her hair was pushed into a woollen hat and the matching scarf was wrapped tightly around her neck as if it alone kept up her head.
‘I can’t manage long shifts but, you know, we’re getting by,’ she replied. ‘Thanks so much for the grant money. You never did send me the forms, but I’m happy to fill them out whenever you like.’
‘It’s not necessary,’ Claudia said. She had gladly handed over the cash. She was a good person at heart. ‘Was it enough?’
‘Enough to take the pressure off, and right when we needed it,’ Karin said. She took a shaky breath. ‘I thought the anniversary was going to be bad enough, but when I read the findings … I lost it completely.’
‘How so?’
‘Everyone had been blaming Declan, saying it was his incompetence or his arrogance that had caused the fire, and I believed them. And sure, Dec did have this way about him. Too confident for his own good.’ She managed a weak smile as she stared out across the lake. The smile vanished. ‘I should have defended him, but I looked at the photographs of the other victims, I read their stories, and I hated my brother. I really hated him. And now I hate myself.’
‘You believed what you were being told. It’s understandable.’
‘Not to me, it isn’t. He was my big brother and I looked up to him. He was the one who encouraged me to leave Donegal and see the world, you know. Take chances and live my best life. I backpacked across Asia, climbed volcanoes in New Zealand, and got very seasick once on a fishing boat in Papua New Guinea.’ Karin hunched her shoulders, pushing her chin into the folds of her scarf. She was aware that she bore no resemblance to the young adventurer she described. ‘I would never have taken those first steps if it hadn’t been for Declan. He believed in me, and I should have believed in him.’
‘I’m no counsellor, but it can’t be good for your mental health to torture yourself like this.’
‘What else am I to do? There are huge chunks of Declan’s life that are a blank, and I don’t mean just on the night of the fire. I keep thinking back to what you said about him being involved with someone. I had to go and see her.’
Claudia’s heart skipped a beat and she pressed a hand to her chest. ‘You went to see Phillipa Montgomery?’
‘I thought she would know what made Declan go up to the circle. He can’t have been looking for me. It had to be her. And wasn’t the VIP area up there? Did you know he fell?’
Claudia swallowed hard. She didn’t care about Declan. ‘What happened with Phillipa?’
‘I told her she was the reason he got trapped, that she killed him. I was so angry,’ Karin said, her last words tangled with a sob. ‘She says she wasn’t there that night, and she laughed at the idea of an affair. I screamed at her, told her she was a liar, said that even her friends knew about it.’
‘What exactly did you say to her, Karin?’ When Karin didn’t reply immediately, Claudia’s stomach somersaulted. ‘Did you mention me?’
‘I, well, yes, I suppose I did.’ She glanced up. ‘Sorry.’
Claudia struggled for breath. ‘No, it’s fine,’ she managed. ‘When was this?’
‘Last week, the day after the report came out.’
Squeezing her eyes shut, Claudia found she could see more clearly. Phillipa knew what she had been saying about her. She was the reason Claudia was back to being persona non grata. That was why Bryony was so difficult to pin down. And if they had been together when Claudia had phoned earlier, it would have caused no end of amusement. Claudia told herself that Bryony didn’t deserve her friendship, but the rejection hurt more than she would like.
‘I won’t stop until I find out what happened,’ Karin was saying. ‘I was thinking I’d speak to the press, see if they can find out more. I’ve started reading the papers again. The Courier is listing Declan as one of the victims at long last, so maybe they do have a conscience.’
When Claudia looked at Karin, she wanted to drag her by the scarf to the lake so she could dunk the stupid bitch in the water. She exhaled slowly, and the next breath was easier. She was firefighting, and not for the first time.
‘You can’t trust the press, Karin. They’re not looking to help the likes of us, I can promise you that much. I know it sounds churlish given how the Courier has written such nice things about me, but when Leanne Pitman told the world about my miscarriage, I felt violated afterwards. And as for that reunion with Amelia, I’ll be honest, I faked it.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘I didn’t want to see Amelia again. I didn’t want to hold another mother’s child when I couldn’t hold mine.’ The ache in Claudia’s voice was very real, but when Karin took her hand to comfort her, Claudia squeezed it briefly before pushing it away. She wasn’t looking for sympathy. ‘I’m telling you this only so you can learn from my experience.’
‘I just wish I could set the record straight. I would have been nearby when Declan died, but there’s so much I don’t know, or can’t remember.’
‘My advice to you is, if you find yourself overthinking things, stop. Distract yourself. Move on.’
‘Easier said than done. It was bad enough that I could hear Declan calling out to me in my dreams, but now I see him. I think I saw him fall.’
‘You couldn’t have done,’ Claudia said, keeping her voice soft. ‘The theatre was full of dust and smoke. No one could see anything.’
‘Beth said the dust was settling …’
‘Believe me, once the smoke took over, you wouldn’t have been able to see what was happening in the circle.’
‘I suppose,’ she said. She pursed her lips. ‘So you were there after most people had left. Do you remember seeing me, or hearing Declan?’
‘All I can tell you is that it was chaos in there. I’m pretty sure whatever you’re remembering is simply your mind playing tricks.’
‘Do you really think so?’
Karin was seeking permission to forget about her brother. ‘You’ve become fixated on Declan because you think solving some mystery you’ve concocted over his death will solve all your other problems. It won’t. And making an enemy of Phillipa will only end in more grief. You can’t confront her again, Karin. Those reporters you think will help you are more interested in protecting their own. Phillipa is good friends with the Courier’s owners. They’ll close ranks and, if you’re not careful, they’ll destroy you, and Beth too,’ Claudia said. A shudder ran down her spine. She should listen to her own advice.
‘Would they do that?’
‘You never know what someone is capable of until they’re pushed into a corner,’ warned Claudia. ‘Do you trust me, Karin?’
‘Of course I do. You were the only one willing to help when everyone else treated us like lepers.’
‘And I want to help you now. You need to keep away from Phillipa and the papers. Will you do that for me?’
Karin frowned, but Claudia held her gaze until her features relaxed. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘You don’t have to worry about me.’