‘Thanks for coming over so quickly,’ Karin said after offering Claudia a seat. ‘I know you must be busy.’
‘It’s no trouble,’ Claudia replied, even though she had been the one to suggest a visit. She had phoned that morning with Amelia’s drawing still clasped in her hand. ‘You sounded upset and I didn’t want to let you down.’
‘You’ve been so kind. There’s only a few people left I can trust,’ Karin said, perching on the edge of a battered leather sofa. Her open-plan apartment was small, and it looked as though the dated furniture was included in the rent and had suffered one too many occupants.
‘I’m shocked you and Beth have been ambushed again. Are the press looking for another angle on Declan?’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised. It was Leanne Pitman, the one who wrote about you and Amelia.’
Claudia knew it would be. It was one of the reasons she had come over so quickly. ‘What did she say exactly?’ By which she meant, what had passed between them, word for word.
‘Beth spoke to her while I was in the car. All she’s told me is that Leanne has tracked down the woman who was sitting next to us at the theatre.’
Claudia wiped a clammy hand against her trousers. Not only had the reporter worked out that she wasn’t in her allocated seat, she knew who had taken her place. Shit.
Swallowing down a wave of panic, Claudia reminded herself that all of the evidence against her was circumstantial. Leanne couldn’t prove that Claudia hadn’t gone to the theatre, she had been there, and any link to Declan remained tenuous. And as for saving Amelia, there was nothing to disprove her claim except a mishmash of unreliable memories and the pendant hanging around Karin’s throat. Claudia wanted nothing more than to yank it from her neck and run, but she forced a smile and nodded at Declan’s sister as if only mildly interested.
‘Does Beth know why Leanne’s still working on the story?’
‘I don’t think so,’ Karin said. She glanced at the wall clock. It was half past three. ‘But she might be able to tell you more. She’ll be home in about half an hour, depending on the traffic.’
Karin had mentioned that Beth was at work and Claudia had wrongly assumed she would be home much later. ‘I’m afraid I can’t stay long,’ she replied, thankful that she hadn’t taken up the offer of a drink. She would have to keep the visit short. ‘I only came to give you this.’
Claudia took from her bag a smoky brown bottle with a pretty label. ‘My aromatherapist, Maggie, made this up for me to reduce my anxiety. It’s a massage oil, and I thought it might help you too.’
‘Oh, I couldn’t take it.’
‘I have lots more at home. Please, I insist,’ Claudia said. ‘You could try it now, if you like? Just rub a few drops on your neck and chest. The smell is incredibly calming.’
Karin looked uncomfortable, but if she thought it was an odd request, she was too polite to refuse. She went to undo the cap.
‘You might want to take your necklace off first. Apparently it can tarnish silver.’
‘Oh, OK,’ Karin said, reaching behind her neck to undo the clasp. ‘It was a present from Declan. I’d hate for it to get damaged.’
‘Here, let me take it. I’ll put it somewhere safe.’
‘Sure, thanks,’ replied Karin as the chain was snatched from her hand. ‘Would you mind putting it over there on the shelf by the kitchen? There’s a little bowl.’
No longer interested in Karin and her massage oil, Claudia wandered over to the shelf. With the necklace cupped in her hand, she grasped one end of the chain between her thumb and forefinger and lifted it up. The silver pendant slipped off and remained secreted in her palm. ‘Sorry, where do you want me to put it?’ she called out. She wanted Karin to witness her setting down the necklace.
Karin rubbed scented oil across her throat as she joined Claudia. ‘There,’ she said, pointing to a bowl shaped like a lemon.
As Claudia dropped the chain amongst other bits of jewellery, she spotted a set of keys on the shelf next to it. Karin noticed her gaze falter.
‘Do you recognise the key ring?’
Claudia shoved her hand into her trouser pocket, depositing the stolen pendant. ‘Should I?’
‘I had a torch like the one you gave to that little girl. Except I lost mine after the fire. All that was left was the screw cap on the end, so I squashed it into a disc.’
The smell of lavender and chamomile from the massage oils did nothing to relax Claudia. ‘Do you remember using it that night?’
Karin went to the sink to wash her hands. The leathery patches of healed burns on her palms had become invisible to her, as were the sharper scar lines, but Claudia noticed.
‘I can remember switching it on,’ Karin said, ‘but that doesn’t mean anything. I have this infuriating need to fill in my memory gaps and sometimes, when I read someone else’s account, it’s as if I lived it too.’ She chewed her lip. ‘Even what happened to Amelia. I dream that it was me with her.’
With her head bowed in shame, Karin rinsed the soap suds from her hands. She thought she was stealing Claudia’s memories instead of recapturing her own. That was good.
‘Beth still has her torch though,’ she continued. ‘That reporter was looking at it.’
‘She was?’
Picking up a tea towel, Karin took time to dry her hands. She hadn’t looked up yet and for the first time, Claudia suspected she wasn’t being as open as she could be.
‘Did they talk for long?’
‘Quite a while.’
‘And what else do you think they chatted about? Beth must have said something to you.’
‘Bits,’ she admitted. ‘There must have been some talk about our theatre tickets because Beth asked if Declan had told me who he got them off. I presumed it was Phillipa, but Beth asked if it might have been you.’
‘You know that’s not possible. I’ve told you before, I don’t think I ever met him.’
‘I know,’ Karin answered quickly. ‘I’m not suggesting there was something going on.’
Claudia felt a rush of blood to her cheeks. She didn’t like the way Karin’s mind had made the leap to a suggestion of impropriety, or how her brow remained furrowed. ‘Good,’ she said.
‘But, are you sure you didn’t see him inside the Empress?’ Karin asked. ‘Isn’t it possible you bumped into him? I have this image of him looking down at me. And I see you too.’
As Karin spoke, she held out her hands in front of her. It looked as if she were reaching for the ghost of her brother only to grasp thin air, but Claudia knew differently. She was mirroring something she had seen.
Noticing the look of horror on Claudia’s face, Karin said, ‘Sorry, I told you my memories are jumbled. Of course you weren’t up there.’
Claudia rested a hand on the kitchen counter. ‘No, I wasn’t, and if it’s not too much to ask, I’d rather you didn’t say things like that again, not to anyone, not even to Beth. The press would love to link me to your brother just for the fun of it.’
‘I can’t believe they’ve let Phillipa off the hook.’
‘Maybe that’s for the best. The press started the rumours because they didn’t expect Phillipa to be around to challenge them, and I think we all fell for it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t seeing anyone at all. You didn’t think he was, and I’d trust you above any reporter.’
‘Actually … I wasn’t completely honest with you when we first met,’ Karin confessed. ‘The thing is, I’m pretty sure Declan was seeing someone. He never talked about her, but there was this one time when I called at his flat and there was a cup on the side with red lipstick on it. He wouldn’t say who it belonged to, and I remember thinking it was because he wasn’t serious about whoever it was, but maybe he had to be secretive because she was married. If it wasn’t Phillipa, then who was it?’
Claudia held her nerve and Karin’s gaze. ‘Whoever it was, Declan must have cared a lot about her to keep that secret from his family. And the best way you can respect his memory is to say nothing and keep away from the press.’
Putting her head in her hands, Karin said, ‘I don’t care if I never talk about any of this again. It’s already driving a wedge between me and Beth. I ask questions that she can’t answer and we both end up feeling frustrated. It’s so hard, and things have been getting worse.’
‘That’s why I’m here,’ Claudia said gently. ‘Each time we meet, it’s like the fire is still eating away at you and I can only imagine how it’s affecting Beth too. Whenever there’s any kind of disaster, the victims are counted by the lives lost, but the survivors pay another price. The pain goes on and for some it becomes unbearable.’
‘Beth refuses to go for counselling.’
‘She’s too busy worrying about you.’
‘I wish she wouldn’t. I’m not worth it,’ Karin said, pressing her fingers against her eyes to staunch her tears. ‘I hate that Declan died trying to reach me, and that three kids have lost their dad. It was nice to blame Phillipa for a while, but I despise myself. He’d be alive now if it wasn’t for me.’
Claudia had to turn away. She was tired of being Karin’s emotional crutch, and wanted to tell her to grow a backbone. If only she knew that Declan hadn’t died because of her. He had died because of Claudia.
‘It’s natural to feel guilty,’ she said, not sure if she was talking about Karin or herself. ‘But the best way to honour his memory is to go on and lead a happy life.’
‘But I’m not happy, am I?’ Karin whined. ‘Nor is Beth. If she isn’t babysitting me, she’s out working. I don’t know how long we can go on like this.’
Claudia checked the time. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to go. Please stop blaming yourself for other people’s decisions, Karin. If Beth chooses to work herself into the ground, it’s only because she loves you.’ She stopped short of saying how sorry she felt for the poor cow who had been landed with Karin as a girlfriend.
Karin was sobbing as Claudia left. She hoped she hadn’t pushed her over the edge, but on the other hand … it would solve all their problems if Karin found she couldn’t go on.