(A paper presented to the Aboriginal and Higher Education Conference, Western Australia, 15 July 1994. Read by Caroline Briggs/Bunurong.)
Each one of us is aware of how colonisation has and is still impacting on our lives. All of us know what it is to hurt inside. What is required is to find an effective way through which we can face our traumas, internalised racism, sexism, homophobic and other forms of abuse. To do this we must be prepared to name both our oppressions and our oppressors.
Poetry is only one form whereby we can face the reality of dealing with pain. For myself not only do I write poetry, I also broadcast on 3CR community radio on the show Not Another Koorie Show, with Destiny Deacon, Janina Harding and Kimberly Kruger. It is through writing and broadcasting that I have a release for my emotions, and socio/cultural/political concerns.
Writing about land rights, sovereignty, black on black violence, Aboriginal deaths in custody, sexuality, psychological and sexual abuse can be traumatic because it means being in touch with emotions, which give rise to physical and psychological reactions such as anxiety, asthma, heat rashes. Although we may think that it is easier if we remain silent and not name our hurt, in the long run, you only end up sick, sadly there are some individuals who may feel that the only way is suicide.
For myself, I’ve lived with the trauma of being both sexually and psychologically abused. For many years I remained silent. I felt I could not talk to anyone, not even my closest friend. I felt ashamed as well, I believed I was to blame. In hindsight I know that I should have spoken out years ago, and I know that I am not to blame for what happened to me.
Furthermore, because I had internalised racism, I hated myself, I didn’t feel comfortable with my identity, my Aboriginality. Thankfully there were Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people such as Elenore Harding, Aunty Iris Lovett, Aunty Merle Jackmos, Aunty Liz Hoffman, who looked out for my spirit and enabled me to go through the transition from hating myself, the world. To be able to realise that there are reasons to stay alive and there are reasons to fight the oppressors and to speak out against all forms of injustice.
To conclude, because we are studying, working and trying to survive within an alien imposed colonised elitist structure known as universities, we need to figure what our roles are and we require Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Tertiary support units as well as University Bureaucracy, Aboriginal Education Committees to listen to our needs, our concerns as Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander students both at an undergraduate and post graduate level. As well, as Aboriginal women, we have requirements which are different to Aboriginal men. But above all, irrespective of how many qualifications we may obtain, we should listen and appreciate the views of our older people, our Elders.
As Aunty Robyrta Felton reports:
We must care for our old people. Another thing, to listen, we were a verbal people, we handed down stones and lores verbally. Today with all this technology, and you children reaching the heights of education we hope you will record this. Where you could see it, and hand it to generation to generation. All these things have been in my heart for many years, it just runs off my brain. (Indigenous Women Community Education Conference Report, edited by Cat Felton and Liz Flanagan for the Yuroke Women’s Club, 1993, p. 61)
Yours in the struggle
Lisa Bellear