Kitty hurried to the mercantile and pulled herself up in the saddle, her heart slamming in her chest. It felt like her blood was filled with tiny hot needles as anxiety filled her. Would he stay? Would he help her with her dilemma? Would he let her love him?
The questions ran through her mind willy-nilly. She rode back to where he was waiting on Lightning. She just wanted to explain. That was the first thing she wanted to take care of.
“I want you to understand something,” she said, drawing up next to him. “I am not betrothed of my own free will. I am being forced into this by my father, and Lewis is being forced into it by his father.” She hated the look of devastation on Noah’s face, even though that confirmed for her that he was regarding her with the same high esteem as she was him.
“You have told your father how you feel?” he asked.
“Yes, yes,” Kitty nodded. “Many times.”
Noah nodded back. “I’m not surprised. You don’t seem like the type of woman who would let something like this slide. You are very headstrong. Yet your father hasn’t relented?”
“No.” Kitty frowned in frustration, remembering how many times she’d pleaded with Fabian. “I keep telling him it’s not right. And Lewis … you don’t even have to ask me how he feels. He doesn’t want to marry me. I have a feeling he doesn’t want to get married at all.”
Noah shook his head, looking at a total loss, his brown eyes focused straight ahead. Kitty wanted him to look at her. She wanted to stand in front of him face to face and talk. She had to make him understand. He couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t leave. If she had to push the book thing, she would. As long as he didn’t leave.
“That is an unfortunate situation for you,” Noah said, his voice sounding strained. “I’m going to be moving on soon, though, and was thinking I’d just gift you the book. It only makes sense for me to leave it with you since I know where you are, but you’d never know where I am.”
Kitty stared at him, unable to believe he was still talking about leaving. He’d taken the book option out of her hands, and now she was left with nothing but her own desire for him.
“You … you’re still leaving?”
“I’m going to Harbor Hills. That’s only an hour from here.”
Kitty felt a measure of relief. She could go see him if he decided to stay there instead. “Oh, I see. Will you be staying there, then? Maybe we could write to each other?”
“I … I don’t know how long I’ll be there.”
He looked so uncomfortable. It made Kitty’s heart hurt. He’d never looked like that before when they spoke. He was always so open and happy and carefree. Now he was sullen and melancholy. It meant something to her that finding out she was “taken” had that strong an effect on him. But she wished he was the way he used to be.
“I hate to see you upset,” she murmured affectionately. “I wish it wasn’t like it is.”
Noah nodded. “Me too. But it is that way, isn’t it? I’m going to Harbor Hills for probably about two weeks. The schoolteacher there sent a letter to one of my colleagues, who sent it along to me.”
“So you have friends who know where you are?”
“I have to receive correspondence, or I won’t know where I’m wanted.” He gave her a grin, making her instantly feel better. She smiled back.
“Yes, I suppose you would. You can have letters sent to my house if you like. I won’t mind at all.” Minding was the last thing Kitty would do.
He gave a chuckle and nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Yes, we can exchange letters while I’m gone.”
Kitty waited a moment before asking, “You do understand what’s going on with me is not my fault, don’t you?”
He glanced at her before returning his eyes to the road ahead of them. They were heading toward the waterfall. As they got closer, Kitty’s heartbeat sped up, and her blood raced through her veins. This was where she’d fallen in love with him and didn’t even know it. It wasn’t too soon when it was real. It didn’t matter if she’d only known him a day or so at that point.
When they reached the waterfall, they both stopped their horses on a ledge overlooking the blasting white water at the bottom, where it crashed against the rocks. Kitty closed her eyes and drank in the sounds and smells of the forest and the majestic waterfall.
When she opened them, she asked, “Do you want to go up to the carvings?”
A pained look crossed Noah’s face that she didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t he want to go look at them? He shook his head, confirming what she thought.
“No, not today.”
“When are you planning to leave?”
Noah didn’t answer right away. He dismounted and left Lightning free-standing, his reins falling to the ground under his neck. He stood there, swaying his large animal head back and forth, while Noah walked to the edge of the cliff. He looked over.
“Be careful,” Kitty said instinctively. She slid out of the saddle and walked up to stand next to him.
“Look how clear that water is,” Noah said. “I can see the bottom rocks when the white water dissipates.”
“Yes, it’s amazingly beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked, turning her eyes back up to him.
When he looked at her, she could have sworn she saw a look of pure love on his face. Maybe it was just what she wanted to see. It could be that she was just blowing things out of proportion because she was so attracted to him.
She told herself to calm down and backed a little away from him, staring at the ground. She didn’t want to get too close to the edge. She wasn’t afraid of heights; she just knew better than to be too careless over something she’d been looking at practically all her life. The waterfall wasn’t new to her. She’d been going there repeatedly throughout the years. It was all old hat at that point.
“It is. Now you need to be careful. I don’t want you falling over the edge.”
She looked over her shoulder at him. “So you do care,” she teased.
Noah surprised her by reaching out and taking her arm. He pulled her away from the edge and closer to him until they were chest to chest. She was looking up at him with adoring eyes. She didn’t have to be near a mirror to know that’s how she looked. She only wondered if he noticed. Many men were clueless when it came to that.
“I do care, Kitty,” he breathed intensely. His grip on her arm was both painful and satisfying. “I care a lot. But is it a good idea for us to be attracted to each other, to be writing and spending time like that at …” He was just inches from her lips. “such beautiful … beautiful … places.”
She was sure he was going to kiss her. The way he spoke so slowly and stared so deeply into her eyes when he said the words “beautiful”. She knew he was talking about her.
It seemed like all the breath left her at that point. Her knees wobbled, and he caught her in his arms before she could crumple to the ground.
“Kitty! Are you all right?”
“Yes, yes.” Kitty felt a little foolish but was otherwise unharmed. She still wanted him to kiss her.
Not this time, though. Maybe next time.
“I don’t care if it’s not a good idea,” she whispered. “I want to talk to you. I want to see you and be around you whenever I can be. Please write to me, Noah. I will be devastated if you don’t.”
“What about Lewis? What will happen if he finds the letters? Will he hurt you?”
Kitty scoffed, shaking her head. “Lewis has as much love for me as I have for him. And that amount is none. He won’t care that I lo … want someone other than him. He would probably encourage it and throw it in his father’s face.” She had a sudden funny idea and grinned at him. “Of course, since he thinks that way, you could always be my lover on the side.”
Noah paused before gasping dramatically. Then his face relaxed into a smile. “No, I don’t think we’ll be doing that. I have a certain set of moral standards I live by, and that code says no having a relationship with a married woman.”
“In those words?”
“In those words. You can look it up. It’s in the manual.”
“The manual?” Kitty was blinking at him, enjoying their banter.
“Yes. The manual of life. You didn’t get one when you were born? Someone must have been sleeping on the job.”
Kitty laughed. Her reaction caused Noah to do the same.