Time seemed to have taken on a new dimension. Hours dragged longer than days but minutes slipped unnoticed into oblivion. I was either early or late, and today I was late.
I didn’t want to go to the partners’ dinner. I was in no mood to be social. But Jason had accepted the invitation weeks ago, before my grandparents’ deaths, and I knew how important it was to him. If it went well, he could be offered a partnership. It was the chance of a lifetime.
My nerves were frazzled by the time I arrived at his apartment twenty minutes late to find him illegally parked in the driveway. Dropping my keys into my handbag, I slipped into the passenger side.
‘I’m sorry – the traffic gets me every time. I never think it’ll take as long as it does to get up here.’
‘It’s okay,’ he said, although I could tell he was annoyed.
He pulled out, the tires squealing as he turned onto the street.
‘Jason, slow down,’ I said, reaching for the seatbelt.
He drove fast, eyes on the road, changing gears with vigorous precision. It wasn’t far to the restaurant, and once he was parked he eased the tension in his shoulders and swivelled around to look at me.
‘Sorry, babe, you know how I hate being late. And I’d hoped we’d have some time together before the dinner. I feel like we’ve hardly seen each other.’ He stroked my cheek. ‘How are you? You look gorgeous tonight.’
‘I’m fine,’ I said tersely. As fine as I could be when I’d rather be anywhere else but here. The dress, a slim-fitting black number with a low-cut neckline, made me feel naked and exposed, and somewhat wanton in the face of the recent burial of my grandparents. It was what was expected for the occasion, though, so I’d draped a silk scarf around my neck and swept my hair up the way Jason liked it, like I was dressing up for a part. It reminded me of putting on my ‘author persona’ for publicity events. A façade covering up who I was inside.
‘You won’t need this,’ he said, tugging the scarf off.
I put a hand to my exposed cleavage. ‘Jason—’
‘It’s okay. I’ve got something for you. I know how bad you’ve been feeling, so I got you a little surprise.’ He pulled a box out of his jacket pocket and opened it. Inside was a teardrop shaped diamond-studded pendant.
‘My God, Jason. You didn’t need to do that.’
‘I wanted to.’ He lifted it out and fastened it around my neck. I felt the weight of it settle between my breasts. ‘It looks amazing, like the person wearing it.’ He kissed me and threw the scarf into the back of the car.
I was stunned. Jason had given me gifts before, but nothing like this. Was this really his way of trying to cheer me up? Did he think he could buy me an expensive present and everything would be okay? That it would erase everything that had happened, blank it out of my mind so I would act normal and not embarrass him in front of the partners? Or was it for the benefit of his boss, a statement of power and success, hoping for that elusive partnership? I could read little from his face in the dark.
‘Try to smile,’ he said. ‘It’s a corporate dinner. All you have to do is be there.’
As it turned out, Jason was right, the talk was all business and aside from initial pleasantries no one took any notice of me, except to glance covertly or not so covertly in some cases at my over-exposed cleavage. Or was it the necklace that was drawing all the attention? I’d caught only a glimpse of it before Jason had clasped it around my neck, but I was conscious of the weight of the pendant resting on my sternum, like a badge of ownership, slowly burning a brand on my skin with every passing moment, and drawing all eyes towards it.
Jason had his charm turned up to full throttle. I’d forgotten what he could be like when he wanted something badly enough. The fact that he was only on his second vodka and tonic was proof enough that he wanted this partnership and he wanted it badly. He wasn’t taking any chances on something going wrong.
I sipped my chardonnay, smiling and nodding in what I hoped was an intelligent way whenever anyone looked in my direction. The wine was going straight to my head, the murky alcoholic fog calming the swirling thoughts inside my mind and muting the conversation, a tolerable compromise. With a hesitant smile, the woman across the table passed me the basket of rolls and urged me to take one. A subtle hint, perhaps? The rolls were warm, fresh from the oven and the smell made my stomach turn over.
Jason was watching me, and I nibbled at a roll, tried to focus on the conversation. It was his night to shine. Hadn’t he said that? This was all about him. I didn’t matter. Oma and Opa didn’t matter, nor Lily either. I must smile and look happy and pretend that my life wasn’t falling to ruins around me, that I wasn’t floundering in a hellish purgatory with nothing but a diamond pendant to anchor me to reality. I took another sip of my wine.
Jason laughed uneasily and rubbed my back. ‘All right, love?’ he said, flashing his grin around the table. ‘Big night last night.’ He moved as if to kiss my hair, whispering hoarsely into my ear. ‘Get yourself together, Juliet. You’re drunk.’
I glared at him, then turned to the man on my right, Alex Marsden, one of the younger partners. ‘How is your wife, Alex? I’m sorry she couldn’t make it tonight.’
Was my voice too loud? I sensed eyes turning in my direction, but couldn’t bring myself to care. I leaned towards Alex, focusing on his soft voice as the words washed over me and failed to register. Then the mains arrived. I straightened up as my Atlantic salmon was placed in front of me, the skin black and crispy, garnished with a cucumber and herb salsa. Alex had ordered rib-eye steak. Rare. The smell of grilled meat hit my nostrils as he cut into it with relish. The meat fell on his plate, red and raw.
I stared at it. At the juices oozing from the flesh. At the knife descending, slicing, and the fork transporting the morsel to his waiting mouth. Heat flooded my body, followed by a wave of ice.
‘Excuse me,’ I murmured, rising quickly. ‘I just need the ladies . . .’
I scurried away from the table, almost knocking over the waiter in my haste. Avoiding the cloying atmosphere of the ladies toilet, I dashed outside instead, sucking in the cool night air in huge gulps, feeling the pounding in my skull, the nauseous turn of my stomach. Moving away from the entrance to the restaurant, I perched on a bench in the garden, head between my knees, clammy, shivering. Gradually my vision cleared and the ringing in my ears gave way to the sound of cars on the street. The earth stopped tilting and I became aware that someone was sitting next to me.
I looked up, flushed with embarrassment, to find the woman who’d passed me the bread rolls seated at the other end of the bench. I couldn’t remember her name, but she had kind eyes that looked at me now with pity.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘I just needed some air.’
‘Of course you did.’ She was ten or fifteen years older than me, her dark hair just starting to show a few strands of grey. ‘Would you like to talk about it?’
I straightened up in astonishment. She knew. She knew about Oma and Opa. But how? Jason would never have told any of the partners. Had the news made some connection between me and the murder victims? Or the papers? Surely not.
‘How did you know?’
She smiled. ‘It was obvious the moment you walked in that there was trouble between you. A lovers’ tiff, perhaps?’
A part of me was sorry she wasn’t privy to my secret. A part of me had seen a willing ear and wanted to pour everything at her feet, share the horror of the last two weeks, the emptiness, the speculation, the disbelief. But reason told me that she wasn’t the one. She was part of Jason’s life. A partner’s wife. Bella Timelli, I remembered now. Luigi Timelli was one of the founding partners, would cast two votes when it came to deciding whether to make Jason a partner.
I smiled reassuringly. ‘It was nothing, really. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.’ That much was true, anyway. ‘And that wine did go straight to my head. I’m fine, now, really.’ I stood and smoothed my dress over my hips.
It must have been an Oscar-worthy performance, because she stood as well and put her arm through mine in a comradely fashion. ‘Well, let’s go and finish our meal then before they send out a search party.’ She laughed. Then, as the valet held the door for us, she reached up and touched the pendant around my neck. ‘That really is the most beautiful necklace. And in such a stunning setting too.’
My gaze flew to hers, but I couldn’t tell what she really meant by it, and before I could say another word, she’d swept through the door, leading the way back to the table.
~
The ride home in the car was tense. Jason was silent, not a word to me the entire way. When we arrived at his apartment, he went straight to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a whisky, the amber liquid sloshing over the side in his haste.
I collapsed on the couch and proceeded to pull off my shoes, closed my eyes and lay my head back on the couch. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and wake in another lifetime. A lifetime where there was no murder, no crime detectives, no dead bodies and no partners’ dinners.
‘You’re not going to say anything?’
I looked up. There was nothing to say, nothing worth trolling through the fuzz in my head for.
‘Seriously, you’re unbelievable.’ He said it quietly, turned his back on me and drained his glass before refilling it again.
‘What did you think would happen, Jason?’ I said, standing up with what I hoped was dignity. ‘Did you really think I could sit there and make polite conversation when my grandparents have just been buried?’
He turned back, gesturing with his glass and sloshing more whisky onto the polished oak floorboards. ‘I didn’t think you’d get stinking drunk and make a spectacle of yourself.’
‘Don’t be melodramatic,’ I said. ‘It’s not like I did a striptease on the table or anything.’
‘Well, you did enough. I can kiss that partnership goodbye.’
‘That’s ridiculous. My behaviour has nothing to do with your ability to fulfil the role of a partner.’
He stepped closer. ‘You don’t get it. Impressions are everything. They want someone who’ll fit in, who’ll represent the company in a way that conforms with their ethos. Tonight was my chance to show that I could do that, that we could do that. You didn’t fit in.’
I stood, staring at him, momentarily silenced by his disappointment. ‘I told you I wouldn’t be very good company,’ I said finally.
His face twisted and he turned away. ‘A whore off the street would have been better company,’ he muttered.
I wasn’t sure he’d meant me to hear it, but I had. Any sympathy I had for him vanished. ‘Then maybe you should have called an escort agency,’ I snapped. ‘It’s not like it was a barrel of fun for me you know.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ he said sarcastically. ‘Dinner out at the best restaurant in town, free booze, five-star service. Not to mention the diamond necklace.’ He emphasised the last two words.
‘I didn’t ask you to buy me a stupid necklace.’ I reached up and pulled at the chain, spinning it around so I could undo it.
‘That stupid necklace, as you call it, cost me a whole month’s salary.’
‘I don’t care how much it cost.’ I was near tears as my fumbling fingers refused to work on the delicate chain. The thing had been weighing me down all night, a cold stone weight sucking what little warmth I had from my body. ‘Will a necklace bring back my grandparents? Can it make them undead? Can it turn back time and stop a murder?’ I was shouting now. The necklace came off with a snap, and I flung it at him. ‘Did you really think you could buy me like that? Give me a pretty trinket and everything would be okay? That it would make me forget the worst day of my life?’
Jason picked up the necklace and held it in his palm. He seemed calm now, our roles reversed. ‘I wasn’t trying to buy you, Juliet,’ he said after a moment. ‘I know how bad you’re feeling and I thought it would make you feel better, make you forget about what happened, for a little while at least.’
I shook my head. ‘I’m not a child with a scraped knee who can be cheered up with a lollipop. No matter how big or how expensive that lollipop is.’
‘Of course you’re not.’ I backed away as he tried to put his arms around me. ‘I was only doing what I thought was right.’
And that was the problem. He did think it was right.
I snatched up my clutch and my shoes. ‘I’m going.’
He intercepted me on my way to the door. ‘It’s past midnight, Juliet. You’re drunk. You can’t drive back to Victor now.’
‘I’ll get a cab.’
‘All the way to Victor? No cabbie will take you there at this hour.’
‘Then I’ll find a hotel room.’ I shoved him out of the way. ‘I’m sorry, Jason. I just need to be on my own.’ Away from you, was what I really meant.
It wasn’t until I’d closed the door behind me that I realised I’d been the one to apologise once again.