Chapter Twenty-One
Simi Valley, California
After the call ended, Barney continued to hold the cell phone against his ear for a moment before setting it down on the table.
Four years ago he would have added the information to the growing data he had on the Travelers and not given it a second thought. The phenomenon was still too incredible to do more than take notes and wonder what the hell was going on. They still didn’t know, but there was a set of parameters that each Traveler emergence followed: (1) an individual died, (2) the soul of another individual entered and reanimated the body, and (3) usually the gender of the deceased and the Traveler remained the same.
But not always.
Barney knew of fifty-seven recorded cases of gender change.
Millie’s Traveler was number fifty-eight.
That was a very low number given the number of Travelers who were emerging around the world on a daily basis, but it happened. What had never happened before, as far as Barney knew, was a Traveler dying and coming back almost instantaneously. No wonder Millie called again.
Barney took a deep breath.
He had a full week of meetings and consultations ahead of him, but he also had a first-rate assistant who was a crack at rescheduling or who could, if needed, take his place…and probably do a better job of it. That was the first call he made after retrieving his phone from the table. The second wasn’t so much a call as a quick swipe to the Southwest Airlines site to book their next earliest flight to Philadelphia.
The trip wouldn’t cause too much turmoil as long as he was back for the surprise birthday party on Sunday that Amandine had been planning for months and that he wasn’t supposed to know anything about.
One tap and he confirmed the Thursday, 5:20 a.m. nonstop from LAX to PHL, after which he called the New Beginnings toll-free 1-800 number and left a message for Millie with his flight information and ETA.
He really needed to get her to change her mind about getting a cell phone.
“Ahem.”
He’d just finished typing Georgina Samuels/high school counselor into the Notes app when the door of his office, his homme des caverns, cavemen being the closest Amandine could come to man cave, opened. She smiled and the room brightened. She was like Miranda in a number of ways, not all of them, of course, and it was the differences that made it easier to love them both.
“Bonjour,” she said, “I am making breakfast. How do you want your oeufs?”
He smiled and saved the file before slipping the phone into the pocket of his robe.
“I would like my oeufs scrambled, merci.”
* * *
Arvada, Colorado
Jess found that if he looked at the faces of the congregation or at the sun-bright colors in the stained-glass window set high above the entrance arch, and not at the spray of pink and white miniature roses that draped the white casket in front of the altar, he could focus on the liturgy printed in the memorial program in his hands and almost believe it was just another funeral he was officiating.
“A time of grief,” Jess said to the microphone that carried his voice to those who filled the pews and others who were standing along the sidewalls. So many people loved her. “A time of letting go, but also a time of remembering as well.”
Abigail sat alone in the front pew, her head bowed, a single pink rose in her hands.
“And we need that, we need to remember Jessica, cherished daughter and sister, beloved friend, but not in pain or grief, for that only darkens our memories of her. We must remember Jessica with love and joy and keep the memory of her smiling face ever before us. Her heart was too ki—” Jess cleared his throat. “Her heart was too kind to want us to suffer because of her. She would want us to go on with our lives and our cause, for she was, as we are, True Born. We should not weep for her loss, but rejoice in the knowledge that as her soul is safe with our Lord God, her body will be safe within its grave, a hollow vessel pure and uncorrupted. One body, one soul.”
“One body,” the congregation answered softly, “one soul.”
Jess closed his eyes and lifted his face toward the arched dome above him.
“Blessed child, my beautiful daughter Jessica, you are safe and we who are left, who have gathered here today, come not to mourn your passing but to remember and be glad of the time we had with you.” Jess took a deep breath and felt the tightness that had constricted his chest since Jessica’s death start to loosen. “She is at peace. Our Jessica is at peace and bathed in the glory of the Everlasting Light. What we bury here today is not my daughter, it is only the earthly shell that housed her soul and only her soul.”
Jess opened his eyes and finally allowed himself to look down at her coffin. It looked so small.
“Jessica was a child of light and brightness and also a child of this church and of the one truth. So let us remember her at peace and whole. I now ask anyone who would like to share their memories of Jessica to raise their hand. Who would like to start?”
Jess smiled at the number of hands that rose. Jessica had been so loved. He wished she had known that, had known how many cared for her. Maybe if she had she wouldn’t have been so confused.
Jess chose the first speaker, Mrs. Betancourt, who’d wept bitterly when he told her about Jessica’s accident. Jess stepped down from the dais, walked down the center aisle and offered the woman his arm. She leaned heavily on it as they walked back.
As the woman began to enumerate Jessica’s virtues and abilities, Jess sat down next to Abigail and took her hand.
All these people, all this love…Jessica would have been so happy.
* * *
Haverford, Pennsylvania
After the Imp…the woman named Millie left, and just as Jessie was drifting off, a doctor came in and started asking more questions, mostly about how Jessie felt about being a he and if he had any questions or if he would try to hurt himself if they removed the restraints.
No, Jessie had said, he wouldn’t.
And didn’t even after the doctor removed the padded cuffs and walked out of the room.
The woman had said something that Jessie hadn’t thought of and it had made every inch of skin on the body crawl.
“Thank you, Jessie. Now, is there anything else I can do before I leave you in peace?”
Jessie remembered puffing up the flat plane of the chest and meeting the Imposter’s gaze full on.
“Yeah, tell them to kill me. They can say it was a reaction to medication or something. It happens all the time.”
The woman hadn’t batted an eye. “It does in movies. This is the now times, but I can ask them.”
“You will?”
“Sure, you wanna die, I can’t make you stay, but you might want to think about something first…what if you die by accident or kill yourself and wake up in another body? You might not like it; fact is, I think you were taught not to like it, but you came back for a reason, Jessie, we all did. I can’t tell you what that is and you might never find out, but you came back when others don’t so it appears to me that you’re supposed to be here.
“But don’t let any of us stop you if you wanna try again. Maybe after you come back a few dozen times you’ll see reason. Here, have another peppermint. I’ll see you later…if you’re still here.”
And it’d just be his luck….
His.
It was funny how quickly the pronoun changed.
Jessie unwound the multi-control cord from the bedrail and punched the Nurse Call button.
A male nurse walked through the curtains and smiled. A male nurse for a male patient, how gender-specific.
“How are you doing?”
“Okay.”
“So what can I do for you?”
Jessie took a deep breath and nodded to the privacy curtains surrounding the bed. “Can you pull them out of the way?”
The nurse’s smile grew as he grabbed the edge of the curtain and pulled it open. “Yeah, I bet the scenery was a bit boring. How’s that?”
Jessie looked at the reflection staring back at him from the glass wall. The ghost boy’s face looked pale despite the sunburn.
“Fine.”
“Is there anything else?”
The ghost boy shook his head.
“You missed breakfast and a few other meals, so how about food?”
The ghost boy shook his head but the stomach growled loud enough that the nurse laughed.
“Good, I’ll go grab you a menu.”
Jessie watched the ghost boy momentarily fade when the nurse walked past the glass – if only it was that easy – then sat back and studied the face. It wasn’t bad, as faces went, although the nose looked a little out of proportion or maybe it was just the peeling sunburn that made it look bigger. An itch prickled the skin on the left cheek; it was peeling too. In the glass, it looked like the ghost boy scratched his right cheek. Reverse image.
Mirror images. Mirror twins, like Jessie and Abbie.
Once upon a time.
The ghost boy disappeared again when the nurse came back into the room.
“Hey, have you been scratching your face? Don’t. I’ll get you more cream in a minute. Here.” The nurse handed Jessie a printed menu and a kid’s blue crayon – you couldn’t hurt yourself with a crayon. “I checked with the doc and you can pretty much eat anything you want, but I’d stay away from things like the grilled cheese and tacos until your throat’s a little less raw.”
“I can have tacos?” But the thought reminded Jessie how sore the throat still was. “Yeah, maybe not. I can have burgers? And sushi? Really? What’s water ice?”
The nurse cocked his head. “You don’t know what water ice is?”
Jessie shook the head.
“Mark it down. You’ll love it and it’ll soothe your throat.”
Jessie could only guess, but checked off baked macaroni and cheese with green beans and a roll and chocolate milk. The body looked too skinny and it was hungry. The nurse took the menu and nodded at the choices.
“Okay, let me drop this off and then I’ll come back for our walkies.”
“I’m tired.”
“And I’m good-looking, but you still need to get up and move. You haven’t done a lot of that either.”
“You mean this body hasn’t.”
Jessie had hoped for shock but got a laugh instead.
“Not walking, no, but it has had a lot of PT, so you lucked out. We just have to get the muscles used to moving on their own again. That’s where you come in.”
The nurse turned and left, but was back in under a minute.
He snagged the robe off the foot of the bed and handed it to Jessie. “Slip this on unless you want everyone to see your bare butt.”
Jessie slipped on the robe while the nurse walked over to the closet and pulled out a wheeled upright walker, snapping it open as he pushed it toward the bed.
“Okay,” he said as he released the bedrail on that side and picked up the controller. “Let’s roll. And please make sure your seat backs are up and tray tables put away.”
Jessie felt the bed lower and jerked away as the nurse reached out. “I can do it myself.”
The nurse straightened. “That I seriously doubt. Besides, if you fall and crack your skull open it’ll cost me my job, and I like my job. Now come on, play nice.”
He reached for Jessie again.
“Are you one of them?”
The hand paused. “Them?” Jessie looked up but didn’t have to say anything. “Oh. No. I’ve always been this handsome. Now, quit stalling. Up and at ’em.”
The room hardly spun at all once Jessie got the stockinged feet under him and pulled the body into a semi-upright position. It was weird. The body was tall and long and felt as substantial as overcooked spaghetti. Straightening the arms, Jessie stretched out the spine and was almost standing eyeball to eyeball with the nurse.
Abbie would have to look up.
The thought brought a different kind of dizziness. Jessie leaned forward and took a deep breath. The nurse grabbed the body, steadying it.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Dizzy?”
“A little.” Jessie stood up. “It’s better.”
“You sure? As much as we need you walking, we can take this as slow as you like.”
“I’m okay.”
The nurse nodded, but didn’t move his hand away until he walked around to Jessie’s left.
“Take a couple more deep breaths,” the nurse told him, “and for what it’s worth, you’re doing great. Like I said, there’s no rush, just take your time.”
Jessie took another deep breath and, gripping the walker’s handles tighter, looked down as the right foot slid forward across the polished floor. Decked out in its bright yellow terrycloth hospital sock with rubberized soles, the foot looked even bigger than it had when Jessie first saw it tented under a blanket.
“What size are they?” Jessie asked as the left eased up and out, taking the lead. The wheels rumbled softly as the walker moved forward.
The nurse moved his hand to the small of the back and looked down. “Not sure offhand, but they seem to be working just fine. Think they can make it all the way around the floor and back?”
The feet didn’t seem to have a problem with that, nor did the hands, which, after Jessie wiped the palms dry against the robe, seemed perfectly at ease gripping the walker’s rubber handles. The body might have gotten great PT and was healing nicely, but the jellyfish inside was doing good just keeping it upright and moving forward.
Jessie felt sweat coating the forehead before they were halfway down the first corridor.
“You’re doing great. Getting tired?”
A bead of sweat rolled down the right temple. “Yeah. A. Little.”
“Okay, why don’t we pull in here for a pit stop?”
Jessie should have known there’d be an ambush.
They were waiting for him: the Traveler named Millie and some old guy in a rumpled business suit and tie. The suit didn’t fool Jessie; the man had doctor written all over him. They both stood up as Jessie push-shuffled into the room.
“Here, let me help you.” The man reached for the walker but the nurse stopped him.
“He can do it,” the nurse said and stayed at Jessie’s back as the body push-shuffled to a chair at the opposite side of the room. Millie, the Traveler, applauded when Jessie sat down.
“That was fine, Jessie, just fine. You won’t be needing that walker for long.”
“No, he won’t.” The nurse put the walker next to Jessie’s chair and winked. “You did great, kid, I’ll come pick you up in a bit.”
Jessie watched the nurse leave as the woman and the doctor sat down.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked.
Why did doctors always ask that same question? Jessie leaned back in the chair and folded the hands.
“Well, um, Jessie, my name’s Barney Ellison and I’m a—”
The hands tightened into claws. “I know who you are.”
“You do?”
Jessie made the mouth smile and hoped it felt as menacing on the outside as it did on the inside.
“Every True Born knows who you are. You could have stopped them when they first showed up, but you didn’t. You let all this happen.”
“No, I didn’t, Jess—”
“Jessie!” The hands grabbed the chair arms, nails that were too short clawing at the upholstery. “My name’s Jessie! Jess is my….”
“Your father?”
Jessie tried to make the hands push the body up, but they didn’t have enough strength yet and the body fell back. Millie was out of her chair and two steps toward him when the doctor stopped her.
“I’m sorry, Jessie, we don’t have to talk about it now, but I will need to ask you some questions later.” He nodded and Millie sat down. “And despite whatever it is that you’ve been told about me, I didn’t do anything. I was and still am just a witness.”
“But you could have stopped it.”
“How?”
“You could have sent them back.”
The doctor leaned back as Millie looked away.
“You mean kill them.”
“They were already dead.”
“And you think that makes it right?”
Jessie dragged the too-short nails across the arms of the chair. “Yes.”
“Because they were dead.”
“Yes.”
“Like you were?”
Jessie let the hands go slack. “Yes.”
“Do you still wish you were dead?”
Jessie turned and looked at Millie. She didn’t look up. “I don’t belong here.”
“Answer my question, Jessie.”
“Yes, I wish I was dead, but I’m not going to do anything, okay?” Jessie watched Millie take a deep breath before turning back to the doctor. “I might come back again.”
“Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad because you are a pretty special case, Jessie Pathway, and I need you to understand that, okay? We’ve never had a Traveler….” The doctor looked at Millie and bobbed his head. “Newcomer, sorry. We’ve never had a Newcomer come back as quickly as you did.”
Jessie sighed and folded the arms across the flat chest. It felt different without the breasts, but the gesture wasn’t lost.
“Did she tell you about Ms. Samuels?”
The doctor nodded and pulled an envelope out of his coat pocket. Opening it, he took out two folded pieces of printer paper and handed Jessie the one on top.
Jessie opened it and felt the body’s stomach clench. It was a printout of Jessica Faith Pathway’s obituary notice from the online edition of The Denver Post. Fingers that were too long and too thin traced the school photo.
Dr. Ellison cleared his throat. “You were a very pretty girl, Jessie.”
“My sister still is.”
“The announcement said you were twins.”
Jessie nodded. “Yeah, were.”
“Would you like to see your sister and father?”
“No! You said you read it, didn’t you? I’m dead, they buried me.” Jessie flapped the paper in Dr. Ellison’s face then watched the long, thin fingers tear it into confetti. “They can’t find out. Okay? Please?”
The last thing Jessie wanted to do was cry, but the body didn’t co-operate. It sat there and sobbed for what felt like hours and Jessie couldn’t stop it. The only thing that helped was that Millie and Dr. Ellison didn’t move, didn’t try to touch or offer comfort. They just sat there and waited until the tears stopped.
And Jessie was grateful for that, at least.
“We won’t tell them, Jessie,” Dr. Ellison said. “It’s not up to us to do that. Are you okay?”
The head nodded but Jessie wasn’t so sure. “Can I go back to my room now? I’m tired.”
“I know you are, Jessie, but can you just give me a few more minutes?” Dr. Ellison stood, walked across the room and sat down in the chair to Jessie’s right. “Millie, will you excuse us, please?”
Jessie jumped when Millie touched the bony shoulder as she walked out of the room.
The doctor, the monster, the man Jessie had been taught to hate, took a deep breath.
“Look, I don’t know how you feel, but—”
“Do you want to know how I feel?” Jessie asked. “Damned for all eternity, unclean. I’m an imposter, an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.”
“According to the teachings of the U.C.U.A.” He smiled. “What, you think I haven’t heard enough of that rant? Or don’t know what they call me? But they’re wrong, Jessie…you’re wrong; if you and the others are anything, you’re miracles, pure and simple. I was just lucky enough to be there at the start.”
Jessie huffed.
“Yes, lucky. Of course that also meant that I was given the honor of becoming one of the supposed experts, which I’m not, but I’m still supposed to be the head honcho, the top dog, the big kahuna, the enchilada grande. What do you kids call the person in charge nowadays?”
Jessie huffed again. “The person in charge.”
“Ah. Well, yeah, that’s me, but the truth of the matter is I’m only in charge of the Traveler Center in Simi Valley for Ventura and Los Angeles Counties and…what?”
Jessie shook the head. “You know that’s a really stupid name. Traveler Center? Sounds like a truck stop.”
“We had to call it something.” Dr. Ellison sat back, crossed one leg over the other. “What would you call it?”
“Purgatory?”
He smiled. “That’s already been used, I’m afraid.”
Jessie scratched an itch next to the nose and pulled off a long flake of skin.
“Oh, please, don’t do that. It turns my stomach.”
“It does?” Jessie dropped the skin on the floor and held up the hand. “But this doesn’t?”
“That’s different.”
“Not from this side.” Jessie let the hand drop. “Can I go now?”
Dr. Ellison looked down at the second folded piece of paper. “You told Millie you’re…you were transgender, which might be the reason you woke up in a young male body.”
“Yeah, instant gender reassignment. So now my body’s a better fit for who I am inside?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I think happened, Jessie, and while I know there are others, many, many others, you are the first gender switch I’ve met.”
“Then you need to see Ms. Samuels.”
Jessie watched him glance toward the folded paper in his hand. “Ms. Georgina Samuels.”
“Then talk to her, I’m tired. Okay?”
“Okay.” Jessie watched him put the folded paper back into the envelope. “Last question.”
Jessie groaned.
“Why did you kill yourself?”
Jessie leaned forward and stared into the man’s eyes. “Because I watched my friend die and didn’t even try to kill the Traveler that took over her body. I should have done it even if my dad wouldn’t. I owed her that much.”
Grabbing the walker, Jessie pulled the body to its feet and glared down at the man who’d been there from the very beginning and could have stopped it.
“Maybe this is my punishment for not saving Carly’s body from—”
Music filled Jessie’s head and the lungs gasped for breath.
“Jessie?” Dr. Ellison stood up. “What is it? What’s the matter?”
“Shh!”
“What? What do you hear?”
“Shh!”
A single piano began playing, the music soft and familiar. Jessie recognized it and tears filled his eyes.
“Jessie, what’s wrong?”
The piano was joined by a single voice. Ellison pushed Jessie back into the chair and moved the walker away.
“Jessie, you’re starting to scare me. What’s going on?”
“Shh. Listen. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“I don’t hear anything. What do you hear?”
Jessie took a deep breath. “Abbie singing. It’s ‘Bring Him Home’ from Les Misérables. Have you seen it?”
“Yes. I took my wife to see the movie. She wasn’t impressed.”
“The stage musical’s better.” Abbie’s voice rose pure and steady and when the song ended Jessie heard their father’s voice.
The one who dwelled within this body is gone and has taken with her a soul that was hers and hers alone. We who are left behind ask that her soul be kept only unto this body and not return. As it was and always shall be, one body, one soul for now and all eternity. One body. One soul. Now and forever. Amen.
“Jessie, what do you hear?”
“My funeral.”
* * *
Barney put the envelope back into his coat pocket as he watched the boy walk away, pointedly ignoring the giant dressed in nursing scrubs who hovered at his side.
It was a slow walk, small sliding steps between the wheeled guardrails of the walker. It was an old man’s walk, but that would change once the muscles in the legs regained their strength.
Barney heard Millie’s quick steps a full minute before she reached his side.
“Where’s Jessie headed? I brought a few books.” He turned to watch her pull three paperbacks out of her ever-present bag. “Not sure what Jessie likes, but I thought these might do.”
Barney took the books and smiled. They were all H.G. Wells reprints. Millie’s tastes ran to the classics.
“I think he will,” he said and handed them back and watched them disappear back into the bag.
“Well?”
“Well,” Barney repeated. “I think Jessie was having a hard enough time even before this happened. I’ll ask that a psychological evaluation be done.”
“You’re not going to do it?”
“No, I’d rather it be done by the hospital. He has a certain, shall we say, well-learned prejudice against me. If I tested him and felt there was sufficient evidence of schizophrenia similar to that of the donor, my diagnosis might come under suspicion.”
“You think there might be?”
Barney thought about what had just happened. There might be other answers to what he just saw besides schizophrenia, but none came immediately to mind.
“I don’t know and that’s why I want him evaluated. Schizophrenia is all about brain chemistry, Millie, and we have no idea whether the physical brain changes when a Traveler wakes or if it simply adapts and accommodates the new memories. But I saw him phase out and experience what might have been auditory hallucinations.”
“That poor, poor child.”
“I know, Millie, but let’s not jump the gun. First he has to be tested and then, even if he’s diagnosed, there are antipsychotics that can and will help. Besides, the donor’s parents have agreed to take Jessie in and they already know what to do.”
Millie didn’t look happy, but did look a bit more relieved. “Well, thank God for that. Did you tell him about Ms. Samuels?”
Barney pressed his hand against the front of his coat and shook his head. It was a copy of Georgina Samuels’ obituary, dated a few days after Jessie’s, and listed her death as the result of carbon monoxide poisoning.
It wouldn’t do Jessie any good to see it.
Not now, not ever.