Holding himself above her, moving neither forwards nor backwards, the commander allowed her to survive; he turned with ease, mounted; just as he reached her, she shifted away – he pursued her; she shielded herself with her arms, facing him and crouching, she tried to escape; suddenly she turned towards him, hopeless – it was over. Failed, beaten, he continued in hope, really tired, not persevering; he did not share her panic – his exhaustion made it easy. As he woke, she prepared for a long fight; she was persistent; she stuck to her hate until it happened, but she was thrown off by his remaining motionless, by his motionless power. She endeavoured to close with him while she was strong – an amazing exhibition: she furiously hunted, grasped him; he flicked aside, he saved himself; she shifted to avoid the agony; it was driven home; there was no agony – he seized her neck and gave her a sharp hit at the base of the skull: it was over – swinging – no sound; she was overwhelmed; silence followed, clapping, whip-like, in the dense atmosphere.
With his height and weight he knelt on her spine; they fell with violence: her shocked face and flapping hands, her wrists against the wood; discoloured eyes, stains of earth and tears, bruised lips, cheeks splashed with tears; his dog between her feet, her feet in its belly; streaks of black across his face, his fingers. The short whip with a pellet of lead at the end of its lash; the hairs in his nostrils; the gaze of pleasure. The fourth stroke tore her skin – the patches of suffused blood were at first dark red; sharply defined injuries produced by blows, rupture, the skin dragged in a particular direction. She was aware only of some dazzling, some flattening; very slight, her red reflection; I could see the folded skin – the muscle dislocated, the normal state interfered with, altogether lost. Her body shook with frightened movements – the movements in her chamber, unusually deep – complicated, dragging. She fell downwards and inwards; it occurred several times – her body was dragged back; the nature of the pain was not understood, the pain in the stretched membrane remained; portions of the membrane stretched in fine threads, detached by a blow; the blood lay red and fresh, then black; a fly moved slowly across and came to rest; glittering spots, small particles of white, appeared in the blood and danced about with slightest tremor of the skin, lasted for several minutes and disappeared, leaving the surface wet.
No feet or stones – some soft thing, her head twisted sideways towards a basin of water. “Lie still.” A fat face, poor child, a smell of onions; the marks of his teeth on her shoulders. She tried to stand up. He threw a handful of sweets towards her. “No.” I saw her struggling; I touched her skirt. His fingers held her head, reached her elbows. I watched the pointed bones move, leant forwards and picked up her hand. I saw her teeth grinning – dim, squared shapes with a side still grey. I touched her mouth; he moved her arms and hands. I tried to help her – I saw her in the centre of the room, her throat, hair. “Her arm is broken,” I said. “Very well – strap it to her side.” He lifted her onto the bed; I watched the touching of the two of them, the specks on her fingernails, her white skin, freckled, reddened. They had both been hurt. He seemed taller, older. He set her arm in splints, bathed her mouth, brought a scarf for a sling. She bent down in front of him and, rather than look at her breasts, he turned his head away and examined the ironwork on the door. By their references to their childhood both seemed to have come from the same town. This irritated and depressed me. She ate from his hand; the feeding was done in silence – in his fingers the food became toys, coloured string, painted wood. He looked at her; they whispered; he kissed her face. No one spoke. He changed her bandages, trimmed the edges with her scissors. I handed her the scissors. She looked at me coldly: “You said?” “I? Nothing.” He bathed the wound, touched her body, humming. He took the bandages from her arm. “There may be a scar.” “Are you sure?” Her smooth face, pale mouth, thick hair. The ape was on her; I trained myself to watch.
When she was bitten by his dog, she welcomed it with a bowl of milk; she put in some sugar; the dog ate from her hand saturated with cream. She hung like a black thread round its neck, her hair round the roots of its ears; she spoke to it, confidently. Her sharpened scissors were three-quarters of an inch long, longer and sharper than they ought to have been, for needless pain was inflicted. She sat low so that she could stab freely; she stabbed hard, seized the dog’s legs and twisted them so that they were dislocated, and it lost the lower joints as a result of this trick.
I did nothing at all. I avoided killing the minutest insect. I walked carefully – examined every seat before sitting on it. I wore muslin across my mouth. I counted fifty insects lying on the ground. I scrutinized every bit of dirt lest I should tread on and crush something.
I received word from her father of the plans being made outside. The advancing troops had surrounded an important town, and new attacks were planned.
She stood still in the centre of the room. We waited – I by the door, the commander asleep on the bed. She would not cut his throat with the scissors straight away, though nothing would have been easier. She said she preferred the continuous presence of death – the long sickness. She went to him like a dog a hundred yards away from a building; she sniffed the walls, then went away without eating. He placed ice in a bucket; she licked the frozen cubes. I reminded her of the plan we had made; I described the state of the war outside – the changing fortunes; I hinted at the prospect of revenge. She showed no response; concealed the scissors, while he watched, listened, watched the other, ready to dodge violent attack.
I went outside and started walking. I did not choose a direction, I could think only of what had happened to her, unable to believe that she had changed. I avoided the prisoners – I knew no one. I walked out of the camp without any idea where to go.