Beth Fantaskey
First of all, rest easy: Mom and Dad’s prediction that you’ll “burn the house down someday with that deep fryer” will never be realized. Of course, this is largely because your parents will ban you from ever using the deep fryer, after what you did to their kitchen. (Unfortunately, you’ll never be the type of person who can be trusted with hot grease.)
Similarly—and this may disappoint you—you will always be weird and shy. While you’ll eventually lose your unruly curls and adopt a trademark “pixie” cut, you can’t snip away these traits, which are so central to your personality.
Right now you’re worried about both your shyness and your weirdness. It’s clear that you’re never going to be a cheerleader or go to the big parties on the riverbank. And not only is it obvious that you’ll never date a football star, but also, right now, you’re worried that you’ll never date anyone. Ever. (But don’t worry: you will.)
And yet: You’ve got lots of great friends who are also on the margins, and there are moments when you see through the myth of “popularity” to realize that you secretly like your spot among the geeks, dweebs, and “arty” kids. There’s the day Bonnie eloquently challenges your civics teacher’s opinions on Keynesian economics, leaving everybody speechless. And the night when Sandra unveils a stack of records from an old jukebox, and you spend hours dancing to the theme from Bonanza. And there will also be a moment when one of your closest male friends finds enough courage and support to come out while you guys are all sitting around the campfire.
All this stuff—it leaves you conflicted. You’re pretty sure that the popular teenagers don’t have goofy dance parties to crazy old records—I mean, they usually just hang out by the river, drinking. And “normal” teenagers don’t like economic theory, or—heaven forbid in rural Pennsylvania in 1984—“come out.” Yet you like your small group of friends and the things you do together. They get your offbeat sense of humor and don’t make fun of you when you decide to wear thermal underwear as leggings one day, or that you quit tennis because the whole idea of hitting a ball for hours just leaves you feeling…eh.
Go ahead and embrace life on the social fringes, because one day you’ll realize—without a doubt—that it’s where you want to be. You’ll reject all accepted definitions of what’s “cool” and actively seek out friends who see the world a little…differently. You’ll even marry one of those weirdos—and it’ll be great. You’re going to laugh. A lot.
And that weirdness inside of you—the quirkiness that compels you and your best friend to speak French constantly throughout your junior year—is going to have a more immediate payoff too, because your teacher will note your strange habit and help both of you win scholarships to spend the next summer at a university in France. That experience—living on a foreign campus at age sixteen—will ignite a lifelong passion for travel that will take you around the globe. You will never have the attention span needed to safely operate a deep fryer, but you’ll confidently navigate life in places like China, India, and Eastern Europe. That’s not bad, right?
So best wishes, be true to your inner geek—and expect to have a truly “bon voyage!”
In spite of not having a date to the senior prom, Beth Fantaskey went on to live a happy life in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Dave; their three daughters; and a fish named PrimeTime. She is the author of Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side (2009), Jekel Loves Hyde (2010), and Jessica Rules the Dark Side (2011), all published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.