Nic ran through the woods. The broken twigs and rocks poking into his paws barely registered. He pivoted and headed deeper into the underbrush. The sharp pulling of the low-hanging tree limbs on his fur appealed to his need to punish himself. He wanted to hurt. A fight would’ve been better, but he couldn’t go around initiating any. Actions like that would come off as a dominance tactic, and the Kagan males had always held to a higher standard. They understood all members of a pack played a vital role.
He lowered his head and pushed through the bowing evergreens. An open space greeted him. He froze. Sides heaving and blood soaking his fur, he panted and took in the small home in front of him—Riley’s place.
His dad had bought it for her. Last time Nic had seen it was right after she’d moved in. She must’ve remodeled since then. Where the concrete stoop once stood, a wide front porch spanned the house. It looked inviting with the swing and chairs decorating it. He could see himself lounging on it, enjoying the night.
It didn’t surprise him that he’d ended up here. He hadn’t been able to get thoughts of Riley out of his head. Guilt ate at him. He’d treated her horribly the last time they loved each other. She deserved an apology and an explanation. A better one. Something that came close to expressing his feelings, his frustrations.
His regret.
He padded across the gravel road. On the other side, soft grass met the pads of his paws. Halfway across the front yard, the door opened. Riley stepped out, a bottle of beer in hand. An oversize flannel shirt covered her chest and bare thighs. Jealousy surged, knowing she wore another male’s clothes. Shock replaced it with his next breath. It was his shirt, the one he’d had on the last time they were together.
She whipped her head in his direction. Narrowed eyes zeroed in on him. They widened on a gasp. She set her bottle down and sprinted across the yard. Her loosely buttoned top gave him a tantalizing glimpse of her legs. He sat on his haunches to watch her, but she reached him before he could decide if the swath of black between her thighs was a thong or a bikini.
“Nic”—she dropped to her knees in front of him—“what happened?”
He couldn’t answer her in his wolf form. She knew that. She also understood that depending on how much control he gave his other half, he might not even hear her. It never stopped her from approaching shifters.
“You’re bleeding.” Riley brushed back his fur and gently touched the skin around a long gash. “This wasn’t from a fight, was it?”
He shook his head, the only answer he could give in his limited form.
She stared into his eyes. Not a hint of fear showed in her expression. She treated his dad and the other dominants with the respect owed them by avoiding eye contact. Never with Nic, at least not in private, but the rules were different around the other wolves. Riley had always understood the need for hierarchy among the members. In the pack’s eyes, she was as low as one could be. In his, she was his equal.
“Shift and tell me why you decided to drag your sorry self to my house. None of these cuts need my attention.”
Not happening. Through his wolf’s eyes, he felt nothing physical toward Riley. Only his memories reminded him of what it was like to love her. If he shifted? One whiff of her sweet fragrance, and he’d want to devour her.
On a huff, she pushed to her feet. She planted her hands on her flaring hips. “Fine, be stubborn. I’m in no mood. Go home and lick your own wounds.”
Riley spun and walked toward her house. He waited a moment, then followed. The smart thing to do was leave. He couldn’t, not until he apologized. Maybe if he set things straight with her, he could finally let her go. Goodness knew, nothing else had worked.
At the porch, she glanced over her shoulder. “What do you want? Did you come back to see if you could make me cry again? If so, don’t bother. It isn’t happening.”
The memory from four years ago returned. She hadn’t whimpered or bawled. She’d stood with her head held high while he’d flung lies and hurtful words at her, but tears had leaked from her eyes and dripped off her jaw. Each one had left a scar on his soul.
He lay down and dropped his head on his paws.
She snatched her beer from where she’d left it, flung the door open, and left it that way. He accepted her unspoken offer and trailed behind her. Without looking to see if he followed, she made her way to a basket of folded laundry near the hallway. She pulled a pair of sweats from it and tossed them over her shoulder.
“They belong to Alex. I do his laundry. He cuts my grass.” Riley offered the explanation without prompting, as if she knew he’d automatically think they belonged to a lover.
Given a moment to digest her actions, he would’ve.
He tugged on the tether to his wolf and willed his human form to emerge. His bones lengthened, fur receded, and shape morphed on a bite of pain he welcomed, healing the tiny cuts he’d gotten during his run. The black wolf gave way to his primary form.
His human senses and needs replaced the more primal drives of his baser half. The scent and visual triggers he’d been able to ignore as an animal hit him full force. His body responded to Riley’s presence exactly as he’d expected. He clenched his fists and breathed through the lust.
Wrong time. Wrong place. Wrong woman.
Nic grabbed the pants and tugged them on. “I’m decent.”
She snorted. “Since when? The Nic I remember was wicked and unrefined.”
A smile tugged at his mouth. She’d always liked him a little wild. He wouldn’t comment on it, though. It was best he kept his visit as emotionally unattached as possible. Fat chance of that happening, but he’d give it a shot. It was the only hope he had of surviving the next few minutes without giving in to the urge to push her up against the nearest wall and reclaim her body.
“I meant, I’m dressed.”
Riley turned and swept her gaze over him. Her intense study lingered on the growing bulge in his sweats before she dragged her attention higher, skimming over his chest and leaving awareness in her wake. His skin tingled as if she’d licked him.
Her gaze finally collided with his. Desire simmered in her blue eyes. He waited for her to say something, maybe come to him. Touch him. She didn’t. She merely watched him. The next move was on him.
He closed the distance between them until only a foot separated them. It was as close as he trusted himself to get. “I came to apologize.”
She raised a single blonde brow. “For what? I’m leaving on my own.”
Part of him wanted to order her to stay, but for her safety and his own sanity, he had to let her go. If his future shifter mate ever saw the bite on Riley’s shoulder, she’d hurt Riley, maybe kill her.
Nic shook his head. “Not for that. For how things ended between us.”
She blinked, and the warmth faded from her expression. A mask slid over her features, leaving her…not cold, exactly, but distant.
Riley tipped her head to the side. “There is no us. There never was.”
“I know what I said, but you and I both know I lied. You were my first lover.” He brushed his fingertips along her jawline. “My only lover when I lived here, and I know you were faithful to me.”
“And? What’s your point?”
He dropped his hand. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I simply don’t know what you’re trying to get at.”
“I’m saying you were my girlfriend.”
The corner of her mouth lifted in a small smile that never reached her eyes. “I was a warm, wet body to use when you were horny, nothing more.”
He closed his eyes at her response, hating what he’d said to her.
“Or were you referring to the fact that I was the worthless female who tried to trick you into mating—”
“Stop.” The image of her from that night flashed before him anyway. She’d stood beside her bed, blood covering her shoulder while he raged, flinging vulgarities at her.
“Why, Nic?” Her voice lowered. “Why should I stop? Is the truth not even allowed in private? Between us?”
He turned his back on her. “Why do you have to be so fu—”
“Oh, I understand now. You want to apologize up front for verbally abusing me again. Okay, got it. Let me sit down. I want to get comfy for this. The last time you—”
Cursing, he strode to the kitchen, yanked open the fridge and grabbed a beer.
“Sure. Go ahead. Make yourself at home.” Her words came from right behind him.
Nic shoved the bottle back into the vegetable drawer.
“No, I’m serious. Take whatever you want. This home sits on Kagan lands. Everything in it belongs to the pack. I’m just the unwanted human who—”
“Riley, stop.” He glanced over his shoulder. She stood a couple of feet away, leaning against the center island, her arms crossed under her breasts. “I came here to apologize for hurting you, not to fight with you.”
She blinked once, then again. An attempt to calm herself? Or maybe she hadn’t expected his words? “There’s nothing to apologize for. You set me straight the last time you were here.”
Nic slammed the fridge closed and dropped his forehead against the cool metal. “I know I said a lot of hurtful things. I almost mated you. I freaked.”
Silence stretched. After a moment, Riley laid her hand on his back. “I know. I felt you in my soul. You moved through me, touching me everywhere, completing me, loving me in a way I hadn’t known was possible. Then you yanked back and left me alone.”
He’d been one with her—body and soul. Awe had swept through him with the confirmation of the truth he’d always known. Riley was beautiful inside as well as out. In that moment, he’d been ready to toss everything away for her. His wolf had fought him. It didn’t want Riley as a mate. He couldn’t fill her with life. The words he’d spewed had stemmed from how it felt. His wolf. The being he was forced to coexist with.
“Mating you would’ve been a mistake.” Nic gave Riley the only truth he could. It sure didn’t make it right, but he had nothing else.
She dropped her hand. “You made that perfectly clear.”
He faced her. Riley’s expression might not give him any clues, but he had to look into her eyes. He missed them.
He missed her.
“I can’t get you pregnant. Human and shifter matings are sterile.”
She nodded. “Yes, they are, but—”
“And I need a kid.”
Silence and her steady stare answered him.
He closed the distance between them and cupped her face in his hands. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. I always knew I’d be pack alpha someday.”
“Again, you’ve told me this.” Riley covered his hands. “I don’t understand why you feel it’s necessary to bring it up again. I understand the rules. As an honorary member of the pack, I follow them.”
“Really?” He stroked his thumb over her cheek and enjoyed the glide of her soft skin under his fingertips. “What about the one where I ordered you never to touch another shifter?”
She frowned. “I was faithful to you. You said so yourself.”
“I’m talking about after I left. I made it clear to the pack that nobody was allowed to date you.”
“You’re not alpha yet. Your father explained to his males that your harsh order stemmed from your desire to protect me, not to stop anyone from loving me. He said he’d be honored to welcome me into the pack as the beloved mate of one of his wolves.”
He stepped closer, forcing her to arch into him. The first brush of her body to his sent energy zinging down his spine. He ignored the instant lust and focused on the way her lashes lowered and lips parted. The small confirmation she still desired him, despite everything he’d done, pleased him on so many levels. “My orders will be law soon. Any who think to disobey me will learn their place.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m leaving and won’t be under your rule. I have several”—her gaze dropped to his nose—“relationships with shifters that I’d like to continue.”
He tipped up her chin. “You lie. No shifter could’ve loved you. They would’ve seen the mark I left on you.”
A wide grin spread across her face. She linked her hands around the back of his neck and tugged. He took the hint and leaned down. She pressed her mouth to his ear. “Have you been with other women since you’ve been gone?”
None had meant anything to him. He’d barely even spoken to them, just enough to get them naked. “What I’ve done has nothing to do with this conversation.”
“No, it doesn’t. I was just curious, I suppose.”
“Jealous?”
He felt her smile against his neck. “Of knowing other women acted as your sex toys? Not in the least. I had my own selection of men to act as mine.”
He tightened his hold on her hips. “Enough games. No shifter slept with you. If they had, I would’ve gotten flak from my dad for almost mating you. I didn’t.”
Human males, on the other hand, probably had loved her. He refused to think about them. Someday she’d marry one. He couldn’t stop her.
She skimmed her hands over his sides to the waistband of his pants, distracting him from thinking about her and other men. He froze.
“Riley.” A warning, a question—he couldn’t be sure.
“Yes?”
He cleared his throat. “What are you doing?”
Instead of answering, she slipped the tips of her fingers under the elastic. He swallowed a groan and grasped her wrist, stopping her from touching him. She’d find him aroused and ready for her. “Angel, are you trying to punish me?”
“No. I’m making a point.”
That she still owned his body, maybe. “And that is?”
“Patience, Nic.” She shook off his hold and pleasured him, just like she used to. “You’ll see.”
“Riley, I…” He couldn’t get the words out. The truth was he didn’t want her to stop. She was touching him, something he never thought he’d experience again. Yeah, she wanted him to hurt. She’d probably take him to the edge and leave him there, unfulfilled and longing for more of her. He didn’t care. He pressed his lips to her throat. “Angel.”
Or at least he thought he didn’t care. The longer she touched him, the more intense the craving to love her. When she drew him close and lined up their bodies, he locked his muscles before he gave in to his desire to fill her.
“What point are you trying to make?” He panted and fought his instincts. “That I still crave you? Well, I do. I could’ve told you that.”
“No, I’m showing you that this is as naked as I have to be for sex. No lover, human or otherwise, has ever seen your bite. I promised you I’d keep it a secret.”
He dragged his fingertips from her hips up her sides, dragging her top with them. At the edge of her breast, he stopped, not wanting to take her game too far.
She had a point to make.
He wanted to love her. Lay her on the table and lick her, head to toe. The worst part was in knowing she wouldn’t stop him.
He might’ve slept with countless women, but none of those encounters had been without a condom. He’d only loved Riley naturally, completely. To most humans, that difference meant little. To a shifter, it was everything. Only the closest of lovers shared in that experience. It was as close to heaven as they could get.
He pressed openmouthed kisses to the slender column of her throat. “I kept mine to you too.”
She sifted her fingers through the loose strands of his hair. He’d kept it shoulder-length, despite the annoyance of having to take care of it. Riley had preferred it longer, claiming it gave her something to grip while he kissed her. He’d never been able to bring himself to cut it off.
“You made a lot of promises to me. What one are you talking about?”
He brushed his lips over hers. She parted them on a soft sigh. Another shudder ran through his body. He inhaled, filling his lungs with her breath.
“Any lover I took got my body, but I never came inside them, not even in a condom.” She’d know what that meant. Those lovers were bodies to use. Nothing more.
Her shaky exhale washed over him. She fisted a section of his hair and yanked. The bite of pain on his scalp whipped through him. He shuddered, muscles vibrating with the effort it took not to join their bodies.
He peered at her through his lashes.
“Why tell me this, Nic?” Her nostrils flared. “I made myself hate you.”
He laughed. The bitter sound scraped his raw throat. “That was my hope.”
“And now?” She shoved away from him. Her shirt fell, covering the body he knew by heart. “You come back and tell me this now? Weeks before you mate another woman? Love her like you promised to love me?”
“I won’t love her.”
“No, you’ll only give her a piece of your soul. Right?”