Nic sat, back propped against a tree trunk. From the spot he’d claimed at the top of the hill, he could see the side entrance to the clinic and Riley’s SUV. A quick peek at his watch confirmed his guess. He’d been here close to eighteen hours. He had no plans of leaving anytime soon either.
His instincts demanded he stay. Protective ones, yes. They weren’t the only drivers behind his focused study of the clinic, however. Possessiveness was riding him hard. Riley’s scent hung in the air, tempting him to follow it back to her. It was taking every ounce of control he had to resist it.
In eight days, his life would change, whether his life took the path he wanted or not. He had to prepare for either outcome. That meant continuing to convince his wolf of Riley’s importance and also destroying his pack’s belief that he was either gay or in love with a woman he couldn’t have.
There was only one way to accomplish the latter—picking a shifter to announce as his intended mate. He was having a hard time actually following through with it, however. Hannah had lined up close to a dozen appointments for him today with potential mates. He’d canceled them, blaming the appearance of the Tanner’s protector as his reason.
And when she suggested possible times to reschedule?
He’d turned his back on her and left without responding. He hadn’t been able to come up with a good excuse. Silence had seemed best at the time, yet he knew it couldn’t fix his problems. Or help him escape them. His clock was ticking.
He would be alpha for a minimum of three months. That’d be a minimum of three challenges he’d have to contend with if he didn’t actually mate the shifter female he chose. Each challenge would result in the death of one of his pack mates.
How would he live with himself? His pack mates would only be acting on their instincts. If Nic refused to take a mate, he’d appear weak and uninterested in leading. The tightly woven structure of the pack would unravel, leaving their community at arms. The dominants of his pack would only be stepping up to bring back order.
He slammed his fist into the ground. There was no good way out of this situation. Either people would die, or he’d lose Riley.
“Everything okay?”
Sean’s low whisper reached him. Nic had scented his approach a while ago but a glare in Sean’s direction had kept his friend at arm’s length. Nic hadn’t been in the mood to talk. Still wasn’t.
He turned his attention to the brick building a few hundred feet away. Riley was inside, maybe sleeping. Chris had mentioned she planned to crash at the clinic, too tired to drive home. He’d offered to take her back, but with Jenna grieving, Riley was pulling double duty.
Sean crouched next to him, gaze on the building below. “Not going to answer my question?”
“No.”
“Fine. How about this one? Why are you here and not preparing to take your place as alpha?”
Tension wound Nic’s muscles a little tighter. Here was the question he’d been anticipating from his pack mates. It was also one he couldn’t answer without lying. “It’s not your place to question my actions.”
“Isn’t it?” Suspicion darkened Sean’s voice. “As the top dominant below you, I’d say it’s my responsibility to do so.”
In Nic’s absence, the other shifter packs, and even the Shifter Council, had viewed Sean as the next alpha of the Kagan pack, inviting him to the ceremonies and meetings Nic would’ve attended had he still lived in Hollow’s Grove.
Such preparation for the change in pack leadership was common. The logic was that if a male could prove his worth and commitment before accepting the spirit wolf, there’d be less resistance and fewer challenges when he stepped up. It usually worked too as it gave the pack a chance to see how the next-in-line would be as an alpha.
Sean had gone to every Shifter Council meeting and celebration he’d been invited to. His only condition had been that if Nic returned, he’d step aside, allowing the rightful Kagan to lead. He’d been commended by his pack mates and the shifter world in general as being noble for his stance and praised for his willingness to do what was right for the pack.
“Is it your responsibility to our pack mates or yourself that gives you the right to question me?” Maybe Sean was having second thoughts about stepping aside for Nic. If so, it’d save him from the next three months of hell. Sean would be a good leader, if he actually wanted to lead.
“Both, I’d say. I want what’s best for our pack, but I also don’t want to see you die.”
Nic slid a quick glance at Sean before returning his attention to the hospital. It was enough to catch Sean’s contemplating appraisal. Sean knew about Riley’s bite and how much Nic loved her. No doubt Sean could guess what being alpha—being forced to take a shifter mate—would do to Nic.
“Yeah? Why would I die?”
“I’ve had a couple of dominants come up to me asking me if I was going to challenge you if you didn’t start acting like a male about to become alpha.”
The tips of Nic’s fingers burned from the pressure of his claws against his skin. He rubbed his thumb over them to ease the ache but couldn’t deny the instantaneous urge to defend himself. With that one sentence, Sean became a threat in the eyes of Nic’s wolf. “Do you plan on challenging me?”
“No. I don’t want to be alpha. I never wanted it. You know that, and you know the only reason I’ve pretended to want the top spot is to stop our pack mates from setting their aspirations on leading. None of our other dominants are strong enough to protect our pack from being taken over by someone like Derek Tanner. With me acting as the next-in-line in your place, there’s been peace among our males. They’ve accepted that I’m the best second choice to lead. Peace and stability for our pack is all I’ve ever wanted. Now, I’m in a tough freaking position where our pack mates expect me to step up if you won’t.”
Some of Nic’s tension eased with Sean’s confession, but not all. Rick had been right. The doubt over Nic’s commitment to the pack was already growing. “I would think our pack mates should be relieved knowing I’m concerned about the safety of our pack. At the moment, the Tanner protector staying at our hospital is our biggest threat. That’s more important than which female I planning on mating.”
“With the amount of blood the Tanner male lost, he’s lucky to be alive, and at the moment, he’s unconscious. He’s no threat.”
“I want to be sure.”
“If you wanted to be sure, you’d be sitting in his room waiting for the male to wake. You’re not because you recognize the same thing I do, that an unconscious male who might have brain damage because of the amount of blood he lost is not a threat. There’s no logical reason for you to be here.”
“So just because I’m sitting here, assessing the situation, our pack mates think I’m not committed to being alpha?”
“No. They think you’re not committed because you canceled the interviews Hannah set up for your potential mates. Our females and those of the packs vying to align themselves with the Kagans are questioning why, and they’re coming to me for answers. I have no good excuse to give them.”
Sean’s clothes rustled as he moved closer. He lowered his voice. “Give me one, or I’ll be forced to tell those questioning me that I have no intention of challenging you, that if they doubt you, they’ll have to act. And they will. You know that, right? Whether our dominants are strong enough to protect the pack from outsiders or not, they’re all good males who only want to see our pack thrive.”
Nic knew that. He respected them for that drive too. It just made his life harder. “You tell them that I’m a Kagan, and Kagan males always do what’s best for the pack. They need to trust me.”
“Trust is earned, Nic. You walking away from the pack abruptly four years ago damaged the trust our pack mates had in you. Only their love for your father and their commitment to the traditional ascension of power has stopped the outright questions over your right to lead. But the longer you ignore our pack mates’ expectations, the greater their doubt will grow.”
Nic didn’t need Sean to spell it out for him. He fully understood what awaited him over the next three months. He needed to talk to Hannah. If she could announce to the pack which male she planned on mating, they might accept Nic’s temporary leadership. It would give his pack a chance to judge and get used to the change in leadership. The thought took hold, calming him.
“How’s Jenna handling Ben’s death?”
Sean’s sigh cut through the silence; no doubt he understood the question for what it was—a diversion.
“She’s upset and blaming herself for convincing Ben to move here, but she also wants his killer’s life.” Sean chuckled. “My mate has a temper.”
Nic glanced at Sean. His blond hair stood on end, and tension tightened his features. Over Jenna’s mood? Or Nic’s commitment to the pack? Or something else. Nic couldn’t tell. “From what I heard, Jenna could give Hannah a run for her money if she wanted to assert herself in the pack hierarchy.”
He shrugged. “She was her pack’s top dominant female, but she has no desire to hold such a position again. She says she’s content being my mate and fears what the power would do to her now that she’s mature, saying that craziness and depravity runs in the Tanner pack’s genes. I’ve argued with her, reminding her that not all the Tanners are demented. A few dominants have been trying to change things. There’s no reason for her to be afraid of the strength she holds. She is, though. I hate knowing Jenna feels this way, but it’s all the more reason for me not to be alpha. I’m glad you returned, even if you’re not.”
Nic couldn’t exactly blame her. When power was all a shifter had, it defined them. “Those other dominants are not trying too hard to change things if their betas are dying left and right.”
Sean picked up a rock. He turned it between his thumb and forefinger, studying it as if it were a priceless jewel. Nic waited, knowing his friend would speak only when he had his thoughts in order.
Finally, Sean tossed the small stone and faced him. “They’re dominants, not the alpha, and they’re afraid for their loved ones. It’s not easy being a dominant, Nic. We have the same drivers as the alpha to protect and lead, but we don’t possess the pack spirit. If the Tanner dominants anger their alpha, then their kids, siblings, and mates suffer.”
Sean leaned forward, knee brushing Nic’s leg. The subtle contact showed his support. “Our pack is lucky. I’m lucky. You and I are friends, but not all alphas or their families have cultivated the relationship the Kagan wolves have. We are one, linked together in a communal bond. The Tanner wolves aren’t. They’re tools in Michael’s game, nothing more. Even his kids are expendable. Don’t forget what Michael did to Rick’s mate, stopping her from going to a hospital by saying if a female couldn’t give birth on her own, then she didn’t need to live.”
How could Nic forget that? Every time Nic had carted an unconscious, drunk Rick back to their apartment, he’d been reminded of what losing a mate could do to a male.
Nic matched Sean’s pose so they were eye to eye, a way for Nic to express they were indeed equals, at least for the time being, and that Sean was valued. “I was supposed to meet with Maria, Derek’s twin, today. I told Hannah to forget it, that I didn’t want to associate with the Tanners, but she insisted Maria wasn’t like her brother, and that if I mated her, Michael would back off and leave our pack alone.”
“He’d probably prefer it. Your kids would be wickedly strong, and in a roundabout way, our pack’s power would add to theirs. As for if it’s a good idea?” Sean shrugged. “I’ve never met her, but Jenna said she’s trustworthy. At least, she was, but remember, Jenna is no longer a member of their pack. She doesn’t know what’s happening in the ranks.”
“You mated Jenna right after meeting her.” Nic hadn’t wanted to know the details then. His resentment had been thick. Actually, it still was, but the details seemed necessary.
“Yeah.” Sean dropped his gaze. “I stumbled upon her the night of my first shift. Lust took over. I was inside her and asked her if she wanted to be mine. She said yes, so I bit her.” He chuckled. “I hate to admit it, but I didn’t even know her name.”
“You love her.”
“Yes, very much.” Sean raised his gaze, and the seriousness in his expression froze Nic in place. “I soul-bonded with her a couple of weeks ago.”
“That’s risky.”
Sean flashed him a crooked smile. “Not when you’re in love. My wolf was all for it. He loves her too. She’s our true mate.”
Nic’s resentment returned. A true mate was rare. They were the one person who could bridge both halves of a shifter, turning them into what they were supposed to be—the ultimate union of man and beast.
A true mate’s touch and love was said to offer peace, something few shifters experienced. Living with a separate entity wasn’t easy, especially when they both wanted something different. Nic knew more than most how hard it was to function when his greatest enemy lived within his body.
He pushed from the ground, shoving his shoulder-length hair out of his face, and leaned against the tree next to him. “I’m happy for you. Maybe I’ll experience peace someday too.”
Sean stepped next to him. “As much as I hate to say it, I doubt it. The older shifters say for our kind, love’s a one-shot deal. And you already played your card and lost it. Best you can hope for now is for your protective instincts to kick in once you do pick a female to mate. Should be easy enough. Your future mate is going to be the mother of your kid.”
“Yeah. That’s what I’ve always wanted. Be tied to a woman I only care—”
Sean’s buzzing phone stopped his words. Sean whipped his cell out, hit a button to silence it without looking at the display and skidded down the hill in front of them.
Nic followed, falling into step with him. “What?”
“Riley triggered the emergency alarm. All the dominants will have gotten the call.”
All but Nic.
His resentment kicked in full force, and he couldn’t do a thing about it.
He’d told her they were done.