The deluge that had opened up hours ago had eased to a steady light rain. Nic hopped off the deck of his house and made his way across the backyard. Lightning no longer flashed over the hill, drawing attention to their ceremonial circle, but the faint call of his pack’s spirit reached out to him from the realm of the gods, luring him closer with promises of power. He felt it as a low, steady heartbeat in his veins. Every inch of his skin tingled and itched. The temptation to embrace the baser half of his psyche grew with each step he took.
He didn’t hurry, despite the insistence of his wolf to close the distance and stand guard over the pack spirit who waited inside the circle for its new host. The louder the whispers got, the slower his steps. He breathed deeply and allowed the natural display to cleanse and strengthen him against its seductive call.
The afternoon had left a stain on his soul. The cold rain helped ease the burn just under his skin. He whipped his shirt off, needing to rid himself of the stench of the female shifters who’d come to see him today. The water ran over his muscles, washing away the physical reminder of his sin, but it didn’t wipe the memory of Riley’s pained expression from his mind. The look of hurt she’d worn was imprinted upon him. Each time he closed his eyes, it greeted him.
Tormented him.
Drove home the truth.
Coming home to Hollow’s Grove had sealed his fate. He was hers, utterly and completely. It wasn’t just his heart he’d given Riley, but his body and soul, at least the half that belonged to him. He couldn’t give it to another woman.
He couldn’t betray Riley, his angel.
Not for one night. Not for the length of her life. Not ever again. The price was too much. He couldn’t pay it and remain a male worthy of his pack’s spirit.
He stepped into the ceremonial ring. Power radiated from the balls of his feet to his head. The communal spirit recognized Nic. It would rush to him tomorrow night, eager to be rejoined to a Kagan. If he entered the circle, that was.
Nic would not.
He dropped to his knees in the soggy grass, water squishing out and soaking into his pants. Arms stretched out and eyes closed, he offered his ancestors his regret for not being the strong male he was supposed to be.
The wolf he held within him growled. It sensed his intent and didn’t approve. Nic ignored it and the tempting licks of energy dancing over his skin. To give in to either would damn him and his pack.
His decision was the only one he could make. He could not live torn between his obligation to a mate and his love for Riley. He had to choose one. Riley’s betrayed expression had made it for him. He couldn’t take the chance she’d refuse him in the afterlife because of the sins he’d committed on earth.
Nothing was worth the loss of his angel or his heaven. They were one and the same.
And her name was Riley.
Peace settled over him with the sparks dancing over his skin. Different from what he’d experienced moments before, the pack’s energy caressed him, easing the tightness in his shoulders and taking with it the heaviness that had weighed him down. Crazy or not, he couldn’t help but wonder if the wolf spirit hadn’t taken away the burden he’d been born with.
Nic stood and strode from the circle, but the drive to protect and provide for his pack still overwhelmed him. There was only one way he could see to do that, but he’d need his father’s cooperation. After his insistence that Nic accept the pack spirit or die, he wasn’t sure he’d get it. Then again, his father would want what was best for the pack. Nic hoped, at least.
First, he needed to fix his mistake, and it wasn’t in loving Riley. It was in walking away from her.
He made his way deeper into the woods and headed in the direction of her house. Although tempted to shift and reach her sooner, he remained in his human form. He couldn’t trust his wolf with any freedom. It wanted what Nic had turned his back on. Too bad. His wolf needed Nic’s agreement too, and he wasn’t giving it. Another snarl from his wolf echoed within him. He ignored its displeasure.
The short walk to Riley’s house tried his control, however. His chest ached from the beast’s attempts to force a shift upon him, but as soon as he reached Riley’s backyard, her lingering scent on the air hit him. He dragged in a lungful and let her sweet fragrance soothe him.
Eyes closed, he conjured her image. Combined with her scent, strength seeped into him. Not the physical kind, but the intricate and delicate power her smile brought. Hannah had been right. The knowledge that Riley was alive and well had been the only thing that had allowed him to survive without her. No longer, though. His decision was made.
After what he had done to her, both four years ago and today, he didn’t know how easy it’d be to convince her he was worth fighting for. He was patient, though. Nic knew what he needed, and he’d win her.
Riley was his.
Darkness had fallen by the time Riley forced herself to go home. She’d spent the hours after her encounter with Maria wandering aimlessly around the Kagan pack lands. No, that wasn’t the truth. She’d gone to very specific places, but her reasoning behind visiting the spots where she and Nic had often spent time together wasn’t one she’d acknowledge out loud. If she voiced her worry over never seeing the land or any of her pack members again, then she’d have to admit defeat.
Riley refused to do so.
She would not lose Nic or her own life, not to Maria Tanner or whichever shifter thought to steal him from Riley.
Thoughts whirled in her head, and the idea she’d gotten while speaking with Maria had grown. She needed her computer and to speak with a mated female shifter, but for the first time in weeks, hope surged.
She made her way to her front door, but the sensation of someone watching her froze her on the steps leading to the porch. The memory of Maria’s glare and Nic’s warning of what the unmated wolves might do to her came rushing back. Her blood chilled. For the second time in a matter of a week, fear gripped her. She swallowed hard.
Conscious of the tremor in her hands, she dropped her arms and pivoted. She scanned the woods. Nothing unusual caught her eye. Not surprising. Under the cover of night with the misty fog creeping over the ground, she couldn’t see far. She waited a moment more, but nobody rushed her nor did she hear anything unusual.
She breathed a sigh. No doubt it had been one of the protectors. Still, she waited a moment more. Only the patter of rain on her tin roof broke the silence of the night. She reached behind her, turned the knob, and backed into her home.
Once the door closed, she dropped her cell phone and keys on the table, then kicked off her shoes. Her wet clothes clung to her body. Chilled, both from being out in the cold rain and from the emotional encounters she’d had, she shivered.
She wanted dry clothes, her computer, and a pot of coffee, in that order. She needed to figure out the details of her plan. Nic would want her reasoning before he even considered risking his pack.
Riley gripped the hem of her shirt and yanked it over her head. A flick of her wrist tossed it behind her. Her pants, bra, and undies followed. She let them drop, flopping onto her hardwood floor, not caring about the mess. It was the least of her worries.
Her steps quickened, excitement fueling her. She jogged up the steps and rushed into her bathroom. She started the water and stepped into the shower stall. The hot spray pounded against her back and filled the bathroom with steam. It tempted her to luxuriate in the warmth it offered, but she hurried through the motions and climbed out.
She grabbed a fresh towel, wrapped it around her body, and slipped out of the bathroom. An open notebook lay on her desk next to her laptop. She made her way over to it, turned the computer on, and jotted down some the notes. Her idea of what might help Nic get the kid he wanted looked good on paper. She couldn’t see why it wouldn’t work…biologically speaking. Except, shifters weren’t human. They housed an animal spirit. Not an animal per se, but the soul of one.
If what she’d guessed were true, the reason shifters didn’t breed well was because two conceptions needed to occur simultaneously for a shifter child to be created. On top of that, they had a one-hour window when the moon was at its highest for the dual-natured pregnancy to be formed, infusing the baby with both its halves, human and animal.
She and Nic had the additional issue of a species difference, but… But if her plan worked, they might be able to overcome it.
Might.
One word. It scared her. Might wasn’t a guarantee, and for Nic, he needed one.
Riley dropped her head into her hands and groaned. Why couldn’t love be enough for him? Why did he have to put the stipulation of an heir on their relationship? As much as she wanted to be able to give birth to Nic’s kid or even raise his little one as her own, she couldn’t help feeling…well, resentful.
And… she hated the growing emotion. She did not want to feel bitter toward an innocent child, especially Nic’s. Whether his baby came from her body or that of another woman’s, Riley would love him or her as much as she loved Nic. It was just that…
She wanted Nic to pick her, knowing full well they might never conceive.
Was that really so much to ask?
In Nic’s eyes, it was.
She scrubbed at her tears, hating herself. Hating Nic. And hating the beautiful child that had not even been conceived yet.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Nic’s son or daughter would look like. Both would have his black hair and deep blue eyes. His son might inherit his rough features, the straight nose of the Kagan males, and maybe the cleft Nic’s dad had denting his chin. His daughter, on the other hand, would probably have her mother’s features. They’d never match Riley’s.
She waited for the anger or hurt the thought brought. It never came. The hours since walking away from Nic’s house today had given her the chance to think.
To plan.
And decide what truly mattered.
What it all came down to was that she was in love with a shifter. If she wanted to wake up in Nic’s arms, she had to make some concessions and accept the limitations of their biology.
Why couldn’t Nic do the same?
Riley shoved from the table on a groan. She had to let it go. She couldn’t hold this against him, not completely.
She understood what drove him. The past few days struggling to keep Nic’s dad alive had driven home the point. They were not human. Their rules were different for good reasons. Strength was necessary for the health of the pack, and without their animal half fully integrated into their psyche, shifters were broken.
Weak.
Trying to help Nic’s dad eat and make it to the bathroom had hurt her, but his demands had driven her to tears. He’d begged her not to save his life after the full moon. He wanted to die. He felt his mind and body unraveling. The harsh reality was shifters too made concessions to claim longer lives and power, only theirs weren’t a choice. They were born with a separate soul inside them, an animal driven by the raw and unforgiving world of nature where only the strong survived.
But strength wasn’t only physical. She too held power within her—courage, compassion, and…
Love.
She’d wield it however necessary to protect and hold on to what belonged to her.
Her breath escaped on a hiss. She snapped her laptop closed and shoved her notebook in the top drawer of her desk.
A boom sounded. The lights flickered. Another loud crack, and the power cut.
She groaned. So much for her Internet searches. No matter. She had books from college in the storage totes in her attic. She made her way to the walk-in closet, where a pull-down ladder offered access to the attic, but halfway across the room, a thump cut through the night. She froze, her heart in her throat, and tried to remember if she’d locked her door.
I did. I know I did. It didn’t mean someone couldn’t have broken in. Maria, maybe? Ready the take out the threat to her mating Nic? Then again, some of the pack members had her key, Hannah included. If Nic had told her what Riley had walked in on earlier today, there was a good possibility Hannah had come over to comfort her. The sight of Maria’s fangs and the incident with the injured shifter were too fresh in her mind, however.
She pivoted and rushed to her nightstand. A loaded gun lay in the middle of the top drawer. Sean had insisted she get one after Nic left four years ago. Just in case, he’d said. He’d warned her not to develop any more deep relationships with the other female shifters either. In fact, he’d told her to distance herself from the ones she’d formed. All except Hannah and Jenna, that was.
The reasoning made sense, of course. They wouldn’t have been threatened by her if they’d found out about Nic’s bite. Sean had never come outright and admitted to knowing about it, but she’d always suspected he did. At the moment, she was grateful for his insistence.
Riley wrapped shaky hands around the cold metal and hurried to the middle of the room. Arms raised and legs spread, she pointed the pistol at the door and waited.