When I began writing, I fell in love with the process, the page in front of me, the way sentences can be shaped to bring forth the experience of a memory. This was a love I expected. What I didn’t expect was that I would find a community of writers who support and teach me. What I didn’t expect was that my family and other friends would show up with enthusiasm, cheering my successes, and comforting me in my disappointments. I write with the force of this community behind me.
Laura Stanfill took a risk on publishing nonfiction with this book, and I am so proud to be a Forest Avenue Press author. Gently suggesting and asking just the right questions, Laura was a keen guide in the final revisions and on the path to publication. Her fierce spirit as publisher, writer, friend, mom, and human being is a gem of light.
The care of the Forest Avenue Press team helped make this book shine. Having Gigi Little’s work on the cover of this book is a gorgeous treat that I get to nibble as often as I want. Maya Myers’s careful and loving eye caught all the things, kindly.
Blackstone Publishing gave me the opportunity to tell this story out loud and helped my voice shine on the audiobook.
Rachel Sussman walked with me through many revisions. Her smart eye and belief in my story kept me digging deeper and helped me learn about my own capability as a writer. I am so very grateful to her.
Dawn Raffel’s encouragement and editing gave me hope that my story might reach readers some day.
Jennie Shortridge was my early model for how writers can lift each other up, no matter where we are in the process.
My first writing group (Jean Johnson, Misty Haley Bouse, Mary Alice Moore, and Marlene Taevs) welcomed me in and showed me the power of a writing community.
Joanna Rose and Stevan Allred, my teachers at the Pinewood Table, opened up writing for me when, as a new writer, I had the images but couldn’t always translate them to the page. Their verbal applause and notes spurred me along and they reined me in when needed.
I’ve been enriched by the continued conversation with writers I met in those years around the Pinewood Table. Gratitude to Brian M. Biggs, Bruce Barrow, Sarah Cypher, Steve Denniston, Sherri Hoffman, Harold Johnson, Amber Keller, Christi Krug, Mary Milstead, Julia Stoops, and Laura Whittlinger. Liz Prato helps me be bold. Scott Sparling shows me how to be calm in the midst. Mark Lawton reminds me of the importance of connection.
Thursday after Thursday, through writing this book, Cecily Patterson taught me to ride the winds of metaphor, Kate Gray kept me going back again to look carefully, Joanna Rose showed me how to be wondrous about it all, and Yuvi Zalkow made space for my creative and curious heart.
My bond with my family is enduring. They let me tell our stories, even when they may wish I’d keep my yap shut. Pat Shannon, Brad Shannon, Leanne Durfey, and Cris Patnode are the solid posts of my history. Dad taught me how to take my time with a story. Mom taught me to pay attention, and she bravely asked to read everything I wrote.
I have over forty-five nieces and nephews (and grands and in-laws) now, as well as kids of friends who have let me be a stand-in aunt. I held the comfort of many of these children as babies and have known the joy of watching them grow. With them I am goofy and pretend to be wise. With them I feel the vastness of love. A special shout-out to Annilee and Shannon who let me think I have magical powers, and Christy who reaches out each Mother’s Day.
Bill’s family welcomed me in and helped me know him through their stories. They have expanded my experience of family and love.
My gratitude to those without children who have taken this other path and recognize me when we meet on it. There are so many ways to be in the world and none of them have to be the expected.
The parents who have shared their children with me have also shared the real, true, joyful, and unromantic view of parenting. Berni and Pierre, Jan and Alan, Susan and Bill, Dane and Mary, Pat and Leah, Leanne and Larry, Cris and Joe, Jeff and Patti, Sherry K, Dai Lene, Yuvi and Sheri, Kindel and Dennis, D’nise and Alan, Will and Ajit, Clint and Laura, Sandy, Rene and Gerry, Rena and Dewey, helped me reshape the missing into fullness. And the joy continues as the children have children and they share them too.
Amy Gibson, Bonnie Cordiero, and Stephen Victor taught me the durability of friendship.
Gratitude to my first husband for walking the early path with me.
I am lucky to have been born and raised in the town of Condon. I feel the wide-open sense of home and the embrace of community each time I see its townscape on the horizon.
Michelle Fredette, Dian Greenwood, Kathleen Lane, Kathlene Postma, Gina Loring, and Melea Seward also listened to pieces of this book as it took shape. Thank you to the Oregon Extension for creating a space at Lincoln for us.
If it wasn’t for others asking about my progress, I might have given up long ago. Sherry Arisim, Steve Arndt, Russel Baskin, Chris Bernard, Berni and Pierre Blanchard, Jessica Blanchard, Raphael and Carole Blanchard, Will Davie, Leanne Durfey, Sandy Gunder, Carrie Sue and Cleo Gustafson, Kirk and Sharon Hale, Joanne Hatch, Jared Helbig, Ed Helbig, Annilee Hyre, Mark MacDonald, Gina Loring, Ajit Maan, Jenny McGuire, Jan and Alan Pavett, Donna Rocco, Dick Sass, Jason Sass, Gretchen Sass, and Nancy Townsley keep the pen in my hand. Jane Geesman is my fierce and solid support, and Georgia Cacy and Sarah Lucht make me feel cool and smart.
Jennifer Sass pushed me to begin the first project I ever wrote, which eventually led to this book. If she were here, she would hold this book to heart and we’d both have a good laugh about it all.
Mary Rex helped me understand the layers of myself and taught me that owning my way of being in the world is the biggest part of self-compassion.
Jamie Bosworth made images of me that reflect the inside.
Early readers generously offered careful eyes and thoughtful feedback. I am grateful to Sheri Blue, Joanne Cimbalo, Amy Gibson, Bonnie Cordiero, Jane Geesman, Patti Kaser, Kathlene Postma, Judy Samuelson, Stephen Victor.
Reading another writer’s forthcoming book takes a commitment of time and care and reputation. I don’t take this lightly. I am honored to have the support of Jody Day, Kate Carroll De Gutes, Leanne Grabel, Kate Gray, Sheila Hamilton, Dianah Hughley, Caroline Leavitt, Kathlene Postma, Liz Prato, Jennie Shortridge, Cheryl Strayed, Yuvi Zalkow, Zoe Zolbrod, and Leni Zumas.
Hedgebrook’s generosity of a three-week residency, where the early seeds of this book were planted, sits in a happy space of my memory.
Whole-hearted gratitude to independent booksellers who read and love and sell books, libraries and librarians for creating the safe spaces for books and readers, and to the readers whose hearts the books land in.
A special thanks to the Multnomah County Library and the Writing Through It writers.
My husband, Bill Hollis, always saves the best thing on his plate for last. He makes me laugh; sometimes at myself, but mostly at him. He encouraged me to tell our story and he read every single draft of this book, each time in one sitting. He helped me understand that secrets burn us and openness expands our hearts. Bill is the yummiest thing on my plate.