Bring Out Positivity
for Success
[A nemesis is] often someone who is doing what we would secretly like to.
Or perhaps they appear to be living their life in a way that we aspire to.
—honey lancaster james
Haters gonna hate. When they throw shade at you, do you need to respond? You are filled with positivity that you can excavate and use, even with the shadiest people. Sometimes you must really dig down deep in order to bring that good energy up, but that produces a stronger foundation with which to build yourself and everyone else up. When you do that, it helps pull out the constructive and positive attributes in the people you are dealing with. When you make use of this, you can all be successful, and isn’t that what you want? Leave the haters home or hit them with so much damn positivity that they can’t help but convert.
So what’s this negativity about? Why would haters go out of their way to try and put you down? It could be any number of things. Possibly, they are jealous of who you are and what you have to offer. Maybe it goes deeper and you’ve struck a chord with them in some way. Perhaps they are just so miserable they want everyone to be miserable too. But maybe there’s a different reason, and it might be a good idea to try to discern it.
Truthfully, sometimes it’s easier to sink down into the depths of despair over simple things than to figure out how to make something work. Focusing on positivity instead can produce a more successful outcome. Instead of tearing others down, build them up! Bringing positive energy into the mix can convert even your biggest opposition, which in turn can bring everyone together. This creates a successful outcome, which is obviously what you want in business and in your personal life. Whether it’s difficult to do or easy really depends on how much you are willing to forgo the negative arguments, release your ego, and mix it up in a different, more productive way.
Letting go of your ego does not, in any way, make you less powerful. As a matter of fact, it increases your success because it proves you can do whatever it takes to make your client, partner, or even spouse feel like they are the most important person in the room. It is always valuable to discover what is important to others to show them they and their opinions matter.
Responding for Success
Normally, our responses to negativity can run the gamut from getting angry to ignoring the person who is throwing the shade your way. What’s the best option for you? You can choose the angry comeback, but what will that get you? You can ignore them. That might bring you a moment of respite, but then what? The haters are going to keep on hating. So often they are sending out a reflection of what they need to deal with themselves. What else can you do? Respond with positivity.
People who are successful don’t need to put others down. If the person you’re dealing with is ragging on you, there is probably a reason within themselves. Instead of taking what they are saying or doing personally, you can use your intuition to figure out where it is coming from. Tune in to their energy and ask questions: Where is this coming from? What do they see in me that they don’t like in themselves? Are they responding to something I’m doing that bothers them? Is there something going on in their life right now that’s causing them distress? Do they need help with a situation? Are they stressing out about something specific? These are just a few. Ask your intuition for any additional questions that may assist in deciphering what is happening with them.
Now you need to respond in kind. No, really. In kind-ness. In order to break the cycle and bring out the positive attributes in people, you have to give them some kind of antidote to their life issue. This isn’t your first rodeo—you’ve tuned in to your intuition before.
After you’ve interpreted what you think their issue is, the problem then becomes what to do with it. You have a couple of options, but here’s one. Send them energy, clearing energy specific to them. Based on what you’ve discovered, you want to improve their mood and, by extension, their attitude toward you. By envisioning what you intuited was wrong, causing them to throw shade your way, you can work on lightening it up for them. Imagine taking the source of their bitterness and putting it in a box. Tape up the box. Wrap it up with string. Send it air mail into the universe. Finally, send them positive energy—let it pulse from you to them. Keep doing it as long as necessary to feel you made a difference.
You’re responding to their actions or words by alleviating some of their stress. Your intention is really what’s important. Not only are you trying to clear their negative action toward you, you are responding with encouragement. You’re able to let go of your ego long enough to think about what they need. That alone will help you bring out the positive attributes in you both and get you that much closer to success.
Check In with Yourself and Learn
There is more than one way to skin a cat, or so they say. I personally don’t ever want to skin anything. There is, though, more than one way to handle someone’s negativity. It will definitely require you to put your ego on the back burner and open yourself up. It also may take a lot of soul searching for it to work.
Most criticisms are born of mirroring. Many times what someone is attacking you about is just a reflection of their own self. Though it may be annoying, it’s not all about you. However, there is sometimes a basis in truth. What they are seeing in you might just be something you should consider looking at yourself. This takes a strong spirit to admit you have something others don’t like, but once you’re able to realize it, you also realize not everyone is going to appreciate you, and that’s okay. Rather than getting angry or resisting, use it to your advantage and look deeper.
Think about what they are saying. Does it resonate with you? Do you understand what they are saying or where they are coming from? If so, it can make it that much easier to consider their feedback with gratitude. Appreciate the critique, even if it wasn’t sent out of love, and be grateful they helped you apprehend it, especially if it’s something that you probably would not have become aware of.
Return their feedback with some of your own—thank them for their candor and let them know it is because of this that you’re able to humbly contemplate that part of what you’re doing. You’re intelligent enough to know that what they said may not hold any merit whatsoever, but it still afforded you the opportunity to become conscious of things you may change. Again, express to them, through your words or actions, how their comments have created a soul searching and that you welcome any further explanation about what they said. By allowing your ego to step out of the way, you’ve made room for your spirit to explore what you, maybe, could do differently. By validating them, you are valuing each other, and this will only add to your success.
Fuel Your Fire with Criticism
Sometimes it is just about you. It’s not about trying to figure out the why behind what the naysayer said or did. That doesn’t really matter when you handle their criticism in this way. What does matter is what you choose to do about it. Again, there are so many different directions you can go when someone is throwing shade at you. This one, you might find, suits your personality better.
Instead of letting it shut you down, take their criticism as a challenge. They are, in a way, helping you prepare for your future. Think about what they are saying—does it make sense? Is it something that you’ve thought about in the past? Now that you’ve figured out how it relates to you, take the opportunity to do something about it. Instead of letting it make you feel iced out, let it fuel your fire. Don’t get all niggly about it. Rather, allow it to fan the flames to your passion.
Decide for yourself that you want to show them they’re wrong. You want to build up your strengths and show them how incredible you can be. Take their disparaging comments and let them prompt you to build up your potency in that area. Turn the kryptonite they are throwing at you into your power. Prove to yourself and everyone else just how amazing you are! Develop your tools and grow your gifts, and you will become even more confident and demonstrate to others that you are not too full of yourself to make some needed adjustments. Thank the original person for helping stimulate you into doing something.
Turn It into a Conversation, Not an Argument
How cool would you be if you could turn criticism around and make it into a conversation instead of an argument? Instead of rebelling against the other person, how about you bring them into the dialogue? What is it about you that they criticized? Is it something you can discuss? Is it rooted in feelings of inadequacy, either on their part or yours? Have the talk with them—tell them you want to discuss how they feel because it is important to you. Most will not expect this, and the surprise will intrigue them.
In general, people are naturally skeptical of new ideas. Possibly this has something to do with the naysaying. If so, perfect! Have a discussion about what you are trying to accomplish or what you are trying to do. While you have the conversation, send them positive energy. It will make them feel more at ease and decrease the energetic distance between you.
If it’s due to them being reluctant to understand, bring them to the wild side. Explain what it is you want to achieve and why you think it would work. Share with them, in a different way, what you are doing and why. Essentially, you need to help them comprehend the situation so they will feel connected to what you are selling, sharing, or explaining. Once you both grasp the concepts, the positive energy will rise. Remember, just like the skeptical person, send positive energy as you’re explaining! It will help them get a handle on what’s happening.
There are so many different ways to convert the negatives to positives. You might resonate with one method over the other. The options in this section are just a smattering of ideas, but they can all get the juices flowing and sway people to be constructive rather than critical. You’ve set about to be successful—don’t let the haters change that. Instead, change them! Bringing out their positive attributes enables you to increase your presence and your positivity, which inevitably sets you well on your way to success and, obviously, makes you even more commanding!
Determine What Matters Most
to Your Client, Staff, and Even Nemesis
Trying to figure out what everyone wants can be a difficult task, especially when you are working so hard to give off the air of a self-reliant person at the same time. You don’t always want to ask. Using your intuition can bring you to that extra level of understanding. Determining what matters most expresses to your clients just how important you think they are. And, let’s face it, everyone wants to feel special. The reality is determining what matters can give you an in. Your client has an idea of what is foremost on their wish list. Your staff also know what they are looking for. Even your rivals have an idea about what is essential for them.
What do your clients need to feel secure? Clients are definitely different from your staff or your competition. You need to determine what is key to their success and happiness. What do they want? Whatever it is, it has to matter to them. It could be something they don’t even know they want … yet. How are you going to figure it out? The answer isn’t as simple as you think it may be—it’s a combination of things. The first approach is to use your physical senses to suss them out. You must pay attention to what they say and do. Are they sharing the basics with you? Listen to what they’re saying. What are their goals? What do they want to accomplish? What are their hopes and fears? The next approach is to use your intuition, of course. Tune in to figure out what matters.
Try This!
What’s Imperative to Your Clients?
Imagine you are looking at a blank canvas. Really see it in your mind’s eye. Let the size of it, the edges, and the texture show up. Take an imaginary paint brush and paint everything you picked up on physically, filling in all the details. Take a step back and check out what you’ve painted. Does it make sense in your rational mind? Do you see the details with greater clarity than you did before you painted your picture?
Now it’s time to get metaphysical. Tune in to your client’s energy. Grab your paintbrush again and another blank canvas. What do you think your client’s aspirations are? What is their endgame? What’s important to them? Start painting what you pick up—concentrate on the simple as well as the complex. What happens when you focus on the general principles as well as the details of what matters to them? Does it change what you get? Do you get different vibes when you pay attention to different aspects of your client? Use all your intuitive senses to help you paint a complete picture.
Blend the two pictures together now. Do you see what matters most to your client? Are you able to gain a deeper understanding of what is top on their list of wants? Can you feel, from your painting, what motivates them? What is at the core of their desires? Can you summarize, easily, what is most important? Think about this for a minute.
Determining what matters to your client is important in many ways—it lets your client know you value them and care about their needs. It also tells them you are willing to go the extra mile to determine what key components they need to be satisfied with your services. This is not about the sales, though ultimately that is your goal. This is more about building a rapport with them. It is about building a relationship in which they feel like they can trust you. So what do you do with all the information you gleaned from your painting? You present it to them. You communicate to them and show them you know what is important to them.
I received an email from a client last week. He had copied and pasted a rates and payments section of my website that advertised hypno-coaching, past-life regression, and mentoring. It mentioned nothing of a reading.
“Hi. I want to come in to see you,” he wrote.
“Okay, fantastic! What service would you like to schedule?” I responded back to him.
“Well, what do you suggest?”
Now, I was paying attention to the words he had copied. I felt out of the three different services, the past-life regression was talking to me the strongest, though I still wasn’t convinced. I emailed him back.
“Would you like to do a past-life regression?”
“Sure, whatever you think,” he emailed back.
Honestly, people pay a pretty penny to come in. They pretty much always know what they want. This particular client was a bit of a mystery. Something still didn’t feel right, so I messaged him again.
“I know you said yes to a past-life regression, but I am feeling like a reading would better suit your needs. I think this is more what you want. I feel like the information that comes through will give you a more fulfilling experience.”
“Great. I’ll see you soon!”
There was no argument and no response either way that I had changed his appointment to a psychic reading. I must admit I was a bit nervous. I wanted to be sure he would have an appointment that would make sense—I wanted it to matter to him, and it didn’t seem like it did.
When he came into the office, I said, “I hope it’s okay that we are doing a reading today? I feel like that will provide you with the most benefits.”
“I have to say, I was open to the other stuff. When you suggested a past-life regression session, I was kind of like, okay. But I was really hoping for a reading, so I am so glad you changed your mind and gave me what I wanted.”
I have no idea why he didn’t just tell me that from the beginning. I think he was deferring to me, as the expert, to determine what he needed. Even though I had never spoken to him or talked to him about what he was looking for in the past, it seemed to resonate more with him to let me decide. Luckily, I went with my gut instincts, my intuitive senses, and felt that to provide him with anything other than a reading would have left him somewhat dissatisfied. I was right, and when he walked out the door, he was happy—not only with his reading, but also with the fact that I had picked up on what mattered to him most.
It really makes no difference what the situation is. Having your clients realize you value what matters to them makes the service or product you are providing them that much better. When you use your gifts, you are unapologetically performing at your best.
What Your Staff Wants
Sometimes people disregard what their employees want or need. There can be a feeling of “I’m the boss, so whatever I say goes.” However, the good bosses really take into consideration how their staff feels and what matters to them. Disregarding their wants and needs will make them believe you don’t care. When you don’t care about someone, what’s going to happen? They will either just walk away, or they won’t give you 100 percent. When you treat them badly, they will feel bad. Plain and simple. They will hold back and may even be afraid. Above all, they won’t feel any loyalty toward you. Why would they?
How can you remedy that? The first step would be to show them some respect. Letting them know that what matters to them is important to you is a wonderful way to express that. Telling them is fantastic—showing them is even better. In order to do this, you must pick up on the clues. When it’s your staff, it’s okay to ask them what’s important to them. Tuning in with your intuition can bring your understanding to the next level.
Go deeper. After you’ve asked your staff what they want, look further. Use your abilities to concentrate on what is behind what they want. For example, if they tell you they want flexible hours, intuit why. Is it because they have another job because they are not making enough working with you? Is it because they are having a hard time with childcare? Is it because they want to travel? You can ask, but they may not feel comfortable enough to tell you.
Is there something they are doing that is causing you grief? If so, what is it? When I was the controller of a company, I had an office staff that included a front desk employee. This was an important job because they also answered the phones and they were the first in line with our customers. This employee was someone I had hired, and I chose him over others because I felt he needed some help.
The problem came a few months later when he started coming to work late. Every morning, just a bit later. At first it was just five minutes, then ten, then fifteen. We needed someone who showed up, pleasantly, on time every day. I had to talk to him. At first it was essentially me giving him the ultimatum—get here or you’re fired. Then I decided to tune in and take it further.
I picked up on some trouble at home. I was tuning in to cash flow as well as transportation. I felt the money crunch and I saw, symbolically, a street sign with a school on it, with wheels rolling down the road. I asked him about it.
“What is going on at home? I feel like you’re having some issues with money and transportation? Is there something wrong with your car?” I questioned.
“Umm, my mother’s car broke down, and we don’t have the money to fix it. She is saving up now, but mine is the only working car and we have to get my little brother to school. My sister needs my car to get to her job as well. It’s just been hard trying to get everyone moving so I can get here on time. I will tell them that we have to change something because I obviously can’t afford to lose this job,” he answered honestly.
Of course. I could feel there was something deeper than him just being lazy or oversleeping. In fact, he was working really hard to help take care of his family. Because I used my intuition to determine what was going on, I was able to come up with a temporary solution to help him until the family was able to fix their other car. I happened to know one of his coworkers lived near him, so I asked if there was a way he could hitch a ride for the next couple of weeks. They both got to work on time and even developed a strong friendship. If I hadn’t gone deeper into what was happening, he would have lost his job. It is these types of moments that show your staff you care, and you want them to be successful.
Why Would You Want Your Nemesis to Succeed?
We measure ourselves against our nemesis. That sounds strange, doesn’t it? But it’s true. When we have someone whom we don’t get along with, we might simply ignore them or stay away from them. Alternatively, a nemesis can spur us on, make us want to work harder or be better so we can best them. I know, we are all about self-actualization. We should want to succeed to better ourselves for the sake of fueling our own sense of self with our personal accomplishments. However, let’s get real. Despite your feelings of animosity toward a nemesis and their business dealings, you may also kind of secretly respect them. They are someone who in another lifetime might be your best friend. They are like your mirror, not only showing you what you don’t want but also reflecting back qualities you want for yourself.
Your nemesis needs to succeed because if they do, you know you can too. You don’t need to measure your successes against theirs, but there is an intrinsic value in healthy competition. When you can help your nemesis succeed, even if they are not aware of your generosity, it increases your own chances of getting ahead.
On another level, there’s something about your nemesis that attracts you to their energy. It’s almost as though they give off a pheromone that pulls you in. Your energy is sucked toward theirs, and the only way to get it back is to work harder. The petty rivalry you’ve developed is not fueled by hate but competition. If you can tune in to their energy, without getting stuck in it, it can help you intuitively know what to do to help lead you to success. When your nemesis succeeds and you’re attached and tuned in, the pathway to your own success becomes clearer because you’re able to kind of ride their wave, and it elevates your own energy.
Understanding what’s important to the people who are part of your circle, from friend to foe, provides you an opportunity to get ahead. As you’ve learned, it’s not just about learning from your boss or your client. You also realize that understanding what drives your staff and even your nemesis can play a significant role in your own business or personal growth. Speaking of growth, hiring the right people from the start to help expand your productivity is crucial. Learning to tune in to your intuition during interviews and reviews as both the employee and the employer can help you secure your future achievements.