5

I took a shower and thought about a nap. I glanced at Andrea’s journal and my Bible. Maybe I needed to get into the Word and have some prayer time. Yeah, I really needed some prayer. When I left home, I was so angry. I wasn’t even sure why I was so angry. Angry at my dad for making me leave. Angry at Andrea for not coming with me. I think I was even angry at God for letting Dad have power over me.

I cracked open the prayer journal and reread Andrea’s note. Then I opened to her first entry. It was dated October from before there was even an “us.” I smiled, reading her words. It was as if she was here with me. I could hear her voice inflections with each sentence. I still wasn’t sure why she’d given this to me. Well, it was more why she trusted me with it. These were her private thoughts. Did she trust me so completely? I wasn’t sure I was ready for anyone to read all my innermost thoughts. I mean, I feel as if I tell her pretty much everything as it is, but still, this felt so…intimate.

A knock sounded at my door.

“Hey, Luke…” Dad walked in, dressed in a nice suit. He even had on a tie. My dad did not wear ties. He said that’s why he started his own business, so he wouldn’t have to wear ties to work. “Heather and I are going out to dinner. You want me to bring you anything back?”

“Sure. That sounds great. Where are you going tonight?”

“Uh”—he smiled—“the same restaurant I took her to on our first date.”

From his attire and attitude, I assumed tonight was the night he planned to pop the question.

“You’re going to ask her, aren’t you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I am. Are you OK with that? You never really told me what you thought.”

Like it would matter. The words almost popped out of my mouth, but I held my tongue. “Are you sure you’re ready to get married again?”

“I am. With Heather. Luke, I want you to know that I will always love your mother, but we can’t go back and fix all the wrong and hurt. I’m moving forward with my life and I know she is too. I do want you to be OK with this. And you’ll be gaining a sister too.”

“Stepsister,” I quickly amended.

“A stepsister. You and Charli seemed to have been hitting it off. You were off all day together, weren’t you?”

“She’s…OK.”

“What if I asked Heather to see if Charli wants to hang out over here tonight? Then you two wouldn’t be alone.”

I know most of my generation hates being alone. That’s why they spend so much time live chatting over the Internet and on social media. But I actually didn’t mind alone time. In fact, there were times I craved it.

“You could put up the Christmas decorations.”

I firmed my lips. Of course. Not like he’d want to do it with me as he promised. And it’s only the night before Christmas Eve. “Sure. That sounds fine.”

“And we’ll bring you kids back some food. How about Chinese?”

Dad left and I began reading the next entry in Andrea’s journal. My anger level increased as I thought on the conversation. I could feel the pressure in my chest. Quickly, I blew out a calming breath.

My phone beeped with a message.

Sorry I had to miss our movie.

I understand.

Busy day. Parents took me to dinner. More practice now. Call you later?

Yeah. Later.

I hated this! I hated being separated from her. I needed to see her face to face. Then maybe I could see clearly. Everything seemed so muddled and cloudy at the moment and my emotions were whirling. What was wrong with me? I was usually so in control.

Wow! How would I tell Mom that Dad was getting remarried? I’m sure I’d be the one to tell her. No way would Dad tell her the news. I didn’t want to see my mother’s face when she heard. I’d seen her face when we heard the news about Monica’s accident and when Dad asked for a divorce. This was another moment in time I didn’t want to carry with me for the rest of my life. Once again, though, what choice did I have?

~*~

Charli came over.

We pulled out the Christmas decorations and built the plastic tree.

She popped popcorn and we watched a movie, the one I was supposed to watch with Andrea. It was actually nice having her around. Maybe it was better than being alone after all.

Charli had her arm over the couch a little too near to make me comfortable. “Your dad is going to ask my mom to marry him, isn’t he?”

“What makes you ask that?” I tried to feign ignorance as I scooted away from her.

“He just had that look about him. It’s like that reality show when the guy is finally ready to pop the question.”

I stood and carried the empty popcorn bowl to the kitchen.

Charli got up and followed me. “He is, right?”

I rotated around and looked her right in the eyes. “Yeah, he is.”

She breathed out a breath and then smiled. “I’m so glad. I mean, excited!” She twirled in a circle. When she stopped, she had her hands clasped together. “I bet Mom would totally encourage the idea of me coming to live with her now that she’ll have like a stable environment for me to move into.”

“You mean she doesn’t have a stable environment now?”

“Well, yeah, but isn’t it better to have two parents? That’s what you hear all the time.”

“It is. It’s been so long I almost forgot what that’s like.”

“My mom and dad have been divorced since I was three. I don’t think I ever knew what it was like to have two parents who lived together and actually liked each other. Anyway, I think it’s great. My mom really loves your dad. Aren’t you happy for them?”

I tried. I really tried to be happy, but I just couldn’t muster it. I was barely getting used to the idea of my parents being divorced. Then he drops this knowledge on me that he has a girlfriend and that he’s planning to ask her to marry him. I forced a smile, but by the way she grimaced at me, I figured I failed to be convincing. “I want to be happy, but it’s hard when I think about everything Dad has put Mom and me through.”

Charli’s enthusiasm dulled and her eyelids pulled down in a concerned expression.

“I mean, maybe it will be better with them. If my parents’ marriage had been stronger, they might have made it through intact after Monica…” I broke off the sentence. There I went, revealing more than I intended with Charli. It was only because Andrea wasn’t here. I should be telling these things to her, but Charli was a good listener. Right now, I needed someone to listen, but I wasn’t sure if she knew about Monica or not.

“Monica, your older sister, who…who passed away.” Her voice grew soft. “I’m sorry.” She touched my shoulder.

Charli had smoothed her hair flat tonight, and she didn’t have on any makeup. No jewelry either. Not even her eyebrow ring. She looked better that way. Sweeter. More approachable. She stood several inches shorter than me, possibly even a foot. Not like Andrea, who was actually tall for a girl—like Mom.

I looked down into her blue eyes. They were glistening as if they were moist. Was she actually sad about my sister? Then I thought about Andrea and how she’d always been a comfort to me. For the first time, I’d finally had someone to talk to about my sister. But lately our time together had become less and less. And even though she’d been there for me when it counted, I’d been feeling a difference in her the last couple weeks.

“Thanks.” I put the bowl in the sink. “Want to pick another movie?”

“Sure, I’ll make sure to pick a girly one this time. Maybe one of those princess ones. I can run over to Mom’s and get it.” She grinned, wide and animated.

I rolled my eyes. Thank goodness Andrea loved action films as much as I did. Although she did have an extreme partiality for period dramas. I have on occasion sensed a slight sigh come from her when we watched public television on Sunday nights. I mean, how can you compete with the likes of those guys like Darcy?

~*~

As soon as my eyes opened the next morning, I knew it was Christmas Eve. Why couldn’t I get that exciting feeling like when I was a kid, with the smell of cookies in the air and expectation swirling in my stomach? Yeah, that sure wasn’t happening.

Tonight Mom would be exchanging gifts with her sister’s family, but for the first time in my life, we wouldn’t be together. Andrea would be performing at her concert tonight, and I wouldn’t be there to see it either.

I tried to pray. I hadn’t been able to do it the entire time I’d been here. I lay there for a couple minutes, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Dragging myself from bed, I ambled to the window and looked out at the concrete sidewalks leading around the complex. How different from my bedroom view at Mom’s, with woods surrounding us and neighbors far enough away they couldn’t hear my music in the backyard.

On the desk, I’d stacked Andrea’s journal with my Bible. Together they seemed to be taunting me, but I just didn’t have any desire to crack them open. I picked them both up and stashed them on the top shelf of the closet beside the extra blankets, hiding them out of sight.

My phone beeped.

Hey, you coming tonight? Everyone wants to see you.

It was from my friend Jake, who attended my old church in the OC. He’d already texted me twice since I’d been back in California.

Not sure. Got to see if I can talk Dad into it.

Hope to see you.

I wanted to see my friends, but at the same I didn’t. Honestly, the way I was feeling, I was about to call Mom and see if she could convince Dad to let me come home. This trip was a complete and utter bust. It’s not like Dad was even spending that much time with me or anything. When he had free time, he was off spending it with Heather.

I slouched into the kitchen for breakfast. Dad had already left on some errands. Guess that meant cereal for one. Taking my bowl into the living room, I reclined on the couch and turned on the TV.

The home phone rang a few minutes later.

“Luke, you’ve got to take me shopping.”

I coughed as some of the milk from my breakfast dribbled down my throat. “Good morning to you too.”

“Good morning. So, can you?”

“Take you shopping? Can’t you go with your mom? Isn’t that what mothers and daughters do? Shop.”

“Mom’s at work, but she left her car today.”

Oh boy! Something told me that getting into a car with her would be risking my life. She couldn’t be old enough to drive yet anyway, right?

“Are you sure you’re ready for LA traffic?”

“I’m only fourteen! I don’t even have my permit yet. Mom said if you agree, you could drive me downtown to the mall. I need to get some Christmas shopping done. Actually, I just need a present for Mom, but I really have to get out of this place. I’m bored out of my mind.”

I had to agree. I was bored too. But shopping in downtown LA on Christmas Eve sounded like suicide.

“I’ll buy you lunch,” she offered.

“Fine. Give me half an hour and meet me at the parking garage.”

~*~

After shopping, we made it back to the condo complex and ended up sitting around the pool. There were a couple other residents sunning themselves too. No one was brave enough to get into the murky waters. I probably caught dysentery or typhoid or something after that swim. I lowered sunglasses over my eyes and rested back on my arms in the pool chair.

The sky was bright blue without a cloud in sight. Warm and temperate. Just as I remembered many a Christmas.

“Are you sure this is December?” Charli asked.

I kept my eyes closed, but I could hear the smile in her voice.

“I mean, it seems like we were transported to spring or summer or something. It’s almost eighty degrees today. Eighty! Can you believe it?”

“They’re definitely having a warm December, but don’t forget the drought last summer.”

“Still, I’d be wrapped up inside if I was back home. Snow on the ground, winter sports galore, ya know.”

“Yeah, I know, but don’t you think you’ll miss the snow, especially this time of year?”

“I’ll risk it.”

I glanced at her and smiled.

She’d toned down the makeup and styled her short blonde hair in a neat side part. Although she had most of her earrings back in place and the eyebrow ring was there. Still, you almost wouldn’t know her from her extreme goth look a few days ago.

“But then there’s all the LA traffic…” I joked.

“Yeah, but…”

“And the crowds at the mall…killer.”

“I don’t care. I talked with Mom about moving in with her and Jim after they get married this summer. She said I could come in August after they get settled.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s cool.” I scooted up taller on the chaise-lounge chair. “Did you live with your mom before she moved?”

“I swapped between Mom and Dad every week. They only lived like five minutes apart.”

“Hmm…”

“Why, what’s on your mind, Luke? You’ve been almost pleasant today.”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m ruminating.”

“Reuma-what?”

“I’m thinking something over.”

“What? Is it about your girlfriend? Because I’ve noticed you don’t talk to her much. If I was separated by three thousand miles from the person I loved…”

“Who says I love her?”