APACHES

Mama and Oma noticed my black eye as soon as they came home that afternoon, but Opa and I had already agreed on a story. We told them we fixed the bike together, using the old one from the cellar – which was true. Then we told them that once it was working, Lisa and I went out for a ride – which was also true. The only lie we told them was that I had lost my balance and fallen off my bike, resulting in the black eye.

Oma wasn’t completely convinced and I suspected she would question Opa about it later, but Mama just looked worried. She hugged me and told me to be more careful. When she did that, my heart lightened and I was happy just to have her almost back to normal.

When Stefan returned from work, though, he wasn’t so easily fooled. He kept looking at me all through supper but didn’t say anything more about it until everyone had gone to bed.

‘So what really happened?’ he asked. ‘Who hit you?’

It was dark and I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

‘Was it Hitler Youth boys? Deutsches Jungvolk? Tell me and I’ll make them pay for it.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’ I touched my face and hated those boys for hitting me.

There was a part of me that wanted to tell Stefan what had happened, so he would go out and find them, but he would only get into trouble, so I kept quiet and we lay in silence.

Not even the slightest sliver of moonlight broke through the blackout curtains, but if I pressed my fingers into my eyes for a few seconds, I could see bright circles floating on the ceiling. I watched the circles and wondered about Edelweiss Pirates.

‘You know, sometimes I wish I was your papa,’ Stefan said. ‘Then maybe you’d tell me what happened to you. And I’d have stopped all that Deutsches Jungvolk nonsense, too. Mama should never have let you go.’

‘I have to go. It’s the rules.’

‘Hmm.’ Stefan was quiet for a moment. ‘But you don’t have to believe it all so much.’

‘I don’t. Not any more.’

‘What changed?’

‘Everything,’ I said. ‘Papa. You. Lisa. The leaflets from last night.’

‘The leaflets?’ There was an edge to his voice. ‘What do you know about those leaflets?’

‘Nothing.’ I couldn’t tell him that I had one, secreted away inside my copy of Mein Kampf. He’d make me get rid of it.

‘You know,’ he said, ‘if it was older boys who hit you, I can get them back. I have friends who—’

‘Edelweiss Pirates?’ I said, almost without thinking.

‘What? Where did you hear that?’

‘I’ve seen the words on the walls. The flowers, too, like the one in your pocket.’

‘You can’t tell anyone about that.’ He sounded worried.

‘And Lisa found a badge after some boys ran away.’

‘It’s best you don’t know anything about it,’ he said. ‘If you don’t know anything, you can’t tell anyone.’

‘You still think I’ll go and tell the Gestapo?’

‘It’s not that, it’s … well, it’s just that all your friends are in the Deutsches Jungvolk and you’re so … into it all.’

‘Not any more. I told you that.’

‘But if you said something by accident and—’

‘I won’t.’

Stefan sighed. ‘All right, look,’ he gave in, ‘the Pirates are just people. There are a few groups with different names, but they’re all Edelweiss Pirates. There was a group in the city called the Navajos—’

‘Like the Indians?’

‘Exactly. And we’re called the Apaches—’

‘So you are one? That’s what the flower in your jacket meant?’

‘Yeah.’

‘But you’re not a criminal? I heard they’re criminals.’

‘No, we just like music and having fun.’

‘And writing on walls.’

‘Well, there’s that too, and sometimes people get into fights with the Hitler Youth, but mostly we just play music and sing songs and hang out with girls. You remember Jana? The girl you saw me with? She plays guitar and sings with the best voice. You mustn’t tell anyone, though, that man from the Gestapo would arrest the lot of us.’

I remembered what Wolff had said about someone throwing bricks at the factory window. He had said it was Edelweiss Pirates and I couldn’t help wondering if Stefan had been involved.

‘Do you really think he does … things to people at Headquarters?’ I asked.

‘You mean torture?’ Stefan replied.

‘Yes. At that place by the river?’

‘Of course. That’s what the Gestapo is for.’

I tried not to think about the soldiers dragging Herr Finkel away. I pushed it out of my mind and stared at the ceiling. Instead I concentrated on what Stefan had just told me; I had finally managed to get him to tell me about the flower. I felt as if I had won just a little of his trust.

I told him about seeing the boys put what I thought was sugar in the petrol tank of the truck when Herr Finkel was arrested, and said that they had come to the house to call on him.

‘I know them,’ Stefan said, ‘but they do things even I would never do. I don’t hang around with them.’

‘Are there many of you?’ I asked.

‘Not that many in our group, only about twelve in all, but some of the groups are bigger.’

It would feel good to be part of a group. That was one of the things I liked best about being in the Deutsches Jungvolk – being with all those brothers – but now I’d decided I didn’t love Hitler any more, it would feel good to be in another group. I imagined myself surrounded by friends and going out to find the boys who had been at the parade. I imagined we found them and confronted them and fought them so hard they begged us not to hurt them any more.

‘How do you join?’ I asked.

‘You don’t,’ Stefan said. ‘You’re too young.’

I pressed my fingers into my eyes once more and watched the coloured circles floating like miniature searchlights on the ceiling.

Maybe Lisa and I could make our own group. Our own Edelweiss Pirates.