Sieg Mortimer was talking to Billy Selkirk. ‘Shocking state of affairs, I know, old man, but do try to get some brekkers into your system. There’s Wilkin & Sons Tiptree Little Scarlet Strawberry Conserve. I got that specially for you. I hope you don’t think me callous or unfeeling. Remember what we agreed?’
‘We agree about so many things.’
‘That’s true. We walk in complete agreement. But I meant specifically about death and the soul. Death is the absolute end and there is nothing we can possibly do about it. It doesn’t help to brood. We don’t believe in a soul, do we?’
‘No.’
‘In the same way as we find the idea of collective unconscious too vague to be of any great importance?’
‘Yes.’
‘In the same way as we don’t revere any twenty-first-century sensitivities, such as shame, guilt and the desire for meaningful relationships?’
‘No.’
After a pause Billy said he couldn’t understand why the police hadn’t contacted him yet. It made him nervous, wondering. He had let The Times fall on the floor and it now lay beside his chair. He was staring at the butter dish.
‘Surely, it is a cause for wild rejoicing, that the police haven’t contacted you yet,’ Mortimer said. ‘Perhaps they never will.’
‘Oh, I am sure they will.’
‘Jeepers-creepers, you sound as though you want them to, Selkirk. Remember what we agreed about irrational impulses? To recognise and acknowledge and – remember the rest?’
‘I am afraid I don’t. Sorry, Mortimer, but I feel a bit – odd.’
‘A bit odd? You mean a bit ‘off’? That’s only natural in the circs.’ Mortimer nodded. ‘You were actually about to marry the victim. Sorry to appear callous but I can’t pretend I liked her. And duly suppress, Selkirk. To recognise, acknowledge and duly suppress.’
‘Yes. Sorry, Mortimer.’
Mortimer moved away from the breakfast table. He stood by the window, hands in pockets, his back very straight, looking out. He and Billy looked rather similar in a blonde, blue-eyed, crew-cut Herrenvolk kind of way. They wore identical black dressing gowns with pale silver-blue lapels that matched the colour of their eyes. They might have been brothers, or even twins. Anyone entering the room at that moment would have thought them exceedingly good-looking and distinguished and somewhat sinister.
‘But maybe I should contact them and make them aware of my existence?’
‘Why should you want to do that? Are you going to offer to identify the body?’
‘No, no. I hope they don’t ask me to do that. I’d hate it! I am sure that’s already been done. She’s got a father, I think. But the fact remains that I was her fiancé.’
‘Well, no longer. All I can say, Selkirk, is I am awfully glad you are no longer Miss Selwyn’s fiancé. There, I’ve said it. It wouldn’t have worked anyhow. You would have hated being married. It would have made you sick.’
‘It wouldn’t have made me sick.’
‘It would have made you sick.’
‘I suppose her father has already identified the body. Or one of those girls.’ Billy spoke abstractedly. ‘I mean one of her flatmates. She shared a flat. I didn’t care for any of them. I thought they were trying to poison Joan’s mind against me. I am sure I am imagining things.’
‘You are not. They were trying to poison her mind against you. They are truly awful, so they managed to do it very well but maybe not well enough.’
‘What do you mean? How – how do you know?’
‘I put them up to it.’
‘I don’t believe you! You didn’t!’
‘I am afraid I did. I couldn’t think of anything else. But Miss Selwyn was determined to get you, so whatever they said fell on deaf ears.’
‘You are fibbing!’
‘I told them things about you, Selkirk. Some true, some not so true. I actually paid one of them, Minerva, I think, to bring a particular fact about you to Joan’s attention … I gave her – um – I can’t remember how much … You don’t believe me?’
‘They are all bitches, but Minerva is the worst!’
‘I thought you liked girls,’ Mortimer said.
‘I do like girls. I don’t happen to like those particular girls.’
‘You don’t like girls. You are in denial.’
‘I am not in denial.’
‘A large part of you still craves conventionality, Selkirk. That accounts for the marriage idea. You have an obstinate way of clinging to a thoroughly illusory notion of yourself. There is a vast crevasse between what you are and what you want to be. You don’t feel bien dans ta peau. Well, Minerva said she’d have done it even if I hadn’t paid her. She doesn’t like you for some unknown reason, or else she was lusting after Joan, I don’t know which.’
‘I don’t believe you paid her.’
‘I did pay her. We talked about trust only the other day, didn’t we, Selkirk?’ Mortimer spoke in a quiet voice. ‘Perhaps we need to have another session? Don’t you remember what we agreed?’
‘No, I don’t,’ Billy said defiantly.
‘I am sure you do. “Now these are the laws of the jungle” – Go on, please. I want to hear you recite the rest.’
‘I don’t feel like it.’
‘I said, go on, Selkirk. I know you are upset but I want you to make an effort. Remember what happened the last time you refused to comply? Remember the clothes cupboard and its perfumed depths?’
‘Oh very well. “And many and mighty are they,”’ Billy said sullenly. ‘Sorry, Mortimer, but I keep getting distracted. I suppose I am still in a state of shock. I’ve still got Joan’s mobile.’
‘“But the head and the hoof and the haunch and the hump is –?” What’s the last word? Tell me.’
‘You know perfectly well what the bloody word is.’
‘I do yes, but I want you to say it. It’s important. Say the word, please.’
‘Say it yourself.’
‘Say it, Selkirk. Say it. It rhymes with “they” and “dismay”. Oh, and with “Bombay”. Come on, say it. What is it?’
‘Obey.’
‘Obey. Yes. Well done. You are a gem without price, Selkirk. I believe you need a diversion. Not a distraction. A diversion.’
Billy said he needed to be left alone for a bit, if Mortimer didn’t mind.
‘Oh, but I do mind. No, not alone. That would be wrong. The time for enjoyment is always too short and fleeting. As you know I strive to make pleasure something very charming which has no consequences. As it happens, I’ve got two tickets for a show tonight. I won’t tell you which one. It will be a surprise. You may think it in poor taste, given the circumstances, but that’s a risk I am perfectly willing to take.’ Mortimer hummed a tune under his breath. He was holding a mobile phone. He had started pressing its buttons.
Billy frowned. ‘That’s not your mobile, is it?’
‘No. It’s Joan’s mobile. It’s a Blackberry, to be precise. I think she left it behind the last time she was here. When was it? The day before yesterday?’
‘Last night I meant to tell her I’d got it. She’d probably have come back with me and collected it. She has only one mobile, she said. Only – only she didn’t turn up.’ Billy swallowed.
‘It never crossed your mind you’d never see her again, did it, Selkirk?’
‘No, of course not. What are you doing with her mobile?’
‘I am playing Wingless Officers. It’s a game. Want to have a go? It’s thrilling.’
‘I don’t think you should be handling her phone, Mortimer. The police will most certainly want to see it. You may get into trouble.’
‘The worst I could ever be accused of is thoughtlessness.’
There was a pause, and then Billy asked, ‘What did you do yesterday afternoon? After I left?’
‘I believe I sat dreaming of Gstaad.’
‘The whole afternoon?’
‘No, of course not. Don’t be silly. At some point I went out.’
‘Where did you go?’
‘I can’t remember. Are we playing Twenty Questions now? I think I went for a walk in Kensington Gardens. It was such a languorous, odorous kind of afternoon. I couldn’t get down to doing anything else.’
‘I told you I wouldn’t be able to go to Gstaad with you because Joan had already made other plans.’
‘Too late now, Selkirk. It’s already done.’
‘What’s done?’
‘The booking. I’ve already made a booking. We are going to Gstaad for Christmas. Caroline will be there. Also James Middleton and his set. I mean Princess Caroline of Monaco, of course. You said you wanted to meet James, didn’t you? I’ll introduce you. He may not come from the finest landed bloodstock, but he is highly intelligent, waspish,worldly, sophisticated, emotionally complex and extraordinarily good company. And that cake business of his is such a hoot. So refreshingly unconventional. Besides,’ Mortimer went on, ‘you can’t go anywhere with Joan as Joan is dead. Your mouth is open, Selkirk. Do shut it, please. You look like a goldfish.’
‘When did you make the booking?’
‘Why are you gazing at me with such peculiar intensity, Selkirk? You do look quite absurd.’ Mortimer laughed. ‘Remember what we agreed? If you really insist on knowing, I made the booking yesterday afternoon. Some time after you left. Satisfied?’
‘Yesterday afternoon? But you couldn’t have known then that – that –’ Billy broke off.