Although it was getting late, Antonia and Major Payne sat in the drawing room at their house in Hampstead, drinking coffee and comparing notes.
‘Deirdre Collingwood suggested that her husband had been having an affair with Joan Selwyn who was his daughter and whom he subsequently killed. She said she feared he was completely unhinged and might be contemplating suicide. Lord Collingwood had been talking in his sleep and some of his words could be interpreted as pointing that way.’ Antonia paused. ‘She was extremely interesting to watch.’
‘I am sure she was. I don’t think an affair between Collingwood and Joan Selwyn terribly likely, do you? Wrong psychology,’ said Payne. ‘Joan was plain and appears to have had a somewhat stern if not harshly dominant personality whereas Collingwood’s amorous tastes incline towards luminous beauties and whores of Babylon crossed with holy virgins.’
‘Deirdre gave a magnificent performance, real masterclass … She played the ditzy dowager to perfection, though at one point I caught her looking at me from under her eyelids, as though watching for my reaction … I think she was acting on someone’s instructions.’
‘She had already been at some café or tea rooms. I mean before our meeting. There were tiny granules of sugar on her left lapel. She had been eating a pastry or something. I know it was sugar because she picked one up with her forefinger and licked it. She did it quite unconsciously. She then gave a little smile – reminiscent – pleased – sly.’
‘She was remembering the person she had been with, you think? Someone she respects and admires? You think it was an accomplice?’
‘I do. And I have an idea as to who that person might be,’ Antonia said. ‘You see, there was a man at a neighbouring table reading Wodehouse, one of the Blandings novels, but then he left the book behind on the table. When we were about to leave, Lady Collingwood reached out and picked it up. The cover showed Beach the butler, I think, next to Lord Emsworth’s pig. Deirdre shook her head and said, “The idea of the portly butler is so passé. Butlers can be slim and saturnine and distinguished looking. They can have a full head of hair and they can be dark.” And again I saw the reminiscent look.’
‘How fascinating.’
‘Then she asked me if I thought valets could ever be butlers. I said I didn’t see why not. My answer seemed to please her. Again she smiled and nodded and she picked up another sugar granule off her lapel and put it in her mouth. Well, the next moment I had my brainwave. I knew. And I don’t think I was letting my wondrously prolific imagination get the better of me. I knew who her partner in crime was. A bit obvious, really.’
‘Bedaux?’
‘Yes. She was thinking of Bedaux. Who is a valet on the loose …’
‘The sugar granule was Deirdre’s madeleine moment, eh? I salute thee most heartily for a supremely ingenious piece of deduction! Well, it all makes perfect sense.’ Payne nodded. ‘Collingwood did refer to Bedaux as “Deirdre’s Svengali”. Deirdre was put in mind of the person she had been with earlier on at some patisserie, prior to meeting you, and then she made a connection with the illustration on the book cover.’
‘Yes. Bedaux’s is tall, dark, saturnine and quite distinguished looking. She’s clearly considering making him her butler.’
‘Which she can only do after her husband’s death,’ Payne said slowly. ‘Collingwood told me Deirdre had been pestering him to get a butler and he said, “Over my dead body.” Well, well, well. It all adds up. It seems they have been busy plotting Collingwood’s murder, eh?’
‘Yes.’
‘They have been over-egging the pudding a bit, haven’t they? I mean, an incestuous affair followed by murder followed by suicide … Too rococo … Most rococo schemes are doomed to failure …’
‘Bedaux is the evil puppetmaster operating behind the scenes. I also suspect it was Bedaux who recommended me as a possible patsy,’ said Antonia.
‘They underestimated you!’
‘What was a “patsy” originally, do you remember? Not some sort of cake?’
‘No, not a cake. Patsy Bolivar was the brainchild of vaudevillian Billy B. Van … Early twentieth century, I think. Patsy Bolivar was an ingénue who became the victim of some unscrupulous or nefarious characters.’
‘They are planning to get rid of Lord Collingwood. They are setting the scene for a suicide. I was being used as a possible witness – someone who, when the time comes, will be able to say yes, poor Lady Collingwood was terribly worried about her husband’s state of mind. Her husband had been talking in his sleep and he came up with a shocking confession.’
‘Collingwood said Deirdre had been eating out of Bedaux’s hand. You yourself had him marked down as a Machiavel when you ran into him at that nursery place, didn’t you?’
‘I most certainly did. I didn’t like his eyes.’
‘Their motive is of course money. Collingwood is a very rich man. Lady Collingwood is afraid that he is going change his will and leave his fortune to someone other than her. She is still the current beneficiary,’ Payne went on in a thoughtful voice. ‘He told me about it. He also said he didn’t think Deirdre deserved a penny. He had been planning to leave his fortune to Joan … Yes, it all fits in perfectly … Incidentally, my love, why didn’t you tell me you were going to meet Deirdre?’
‘Sorry, I was in a rush.’
‘You could have phoned or sent a message. I was worried. I kept trying to ring you.’
‘Oh I am so sorry but I’d left my mobile at home. Were you really worried?’ She reached out for his hand. ‘Sweet of you to worry.’
Payne picked up a sheet. ‘I have made more jottings. This is how the case stands at the moment. Joan Selwyn meets Lord Collingwood at Richoux’s in Piccadilly for morning coffee. She gets a phone call. She tells Lord Collingwood that someone has asked her to go to Philomel Cottage at five-thirty that same afternoon. She says she has no idea who the caller is. Lord Collingwood tells her it’s probably a trap and begs her not to go. She promises she won’t, but she does go. She is killed as she is about to enter the house. She is stabbed in the back. Olga Klimt is not at the house at the time.’
‘We still believe Olga is innocent, don’t we?’
‘We most certainly do. Olga’s story is that she received a call from a stranger who told her to go to Dr Bishop’s clinic in Bayswater as Charlie wanted to see her.’ Payne looked up. ‘Well, I strongly believe that the person who phoned Olga is the killer. What do you think?’
‘Phone calls can be tracked down, can’t they?’
‘They can – but I suspect that particular call was made from a public phone or from a disposable mobile that has since been dropped into the Thames.’
‘Is Olga’s caller the same person who rang Joan Selwyn?’ Antonia frowned. ‘I am getting a bit confused. It must be the same one. Yes. It’s the killer.’
‘Here’s a theory.’ Payne leant back. ‘The killer gets Olga out of the way. He tells her to go to Dr Bishop’s clinic. He – or she – sets the stage for Joan Selwyn’s murder. The killer wants Joan to die at Philomel Cottage, to make it look as though Joan was taken for Olga and that her murder was a mistake. Both girls are of a similar height and built and they have fair hair. Easy to mistake one for the other in the growing darkness, especially from the back.’
‘Bedaux had a motive for wanting to kill both Olga and Joan,’ Antonia said. ‘The former out of jealous revenge – the latter, because she happened to be on his pimping trail. But it could also have been Lady Collingwood. She also had a motive. Deirdre had read the draft of her husband’s new will. She saw Joan as her financial rival …’
‘Talking of rivals, we should also perhaps consider Sieg Mortimer. He clearly regarded Joan as his rival for Billy Selkirk’s affections,’ said Payne. ‘He wouldn’t have liked it if Billy Selkirk had married Joan. He was infuriatingly flippant on the subject of Joan’s mobile phone and the messages that he’d deleted –’ Payne broke off. His hand went up to his forehead. ‘Why, oh why, do I keep thinking that Joan’s mobile phone is the key to the puzzle? For some reason I am convinced that Joan’s mobile should not have been at Sieg Mortimer’s flat!’
‘I don’t know. Let me try again. I seem to feel it was impossible for something to have taken place – because of Joan Selwyn’s mobile. That doesn’t make much sense either, does it? Well, I also seem to believe that someone – one of the people involved in the case – told a particular lie that in some way is of the greatest significance …’
‘What about Lord Collingwood’s mysterious friend?’ Antonia asked suddenly. ‘Where does he come in?’
Payne shook his head. ‘I have absolutely no idea. Collingwood said he would explain but I am not sure I want to hear it as it will only add to the chaos. You don’t think the mysterious friend will turn out to be the killer, do you? It makes no sense … What’s the matter?’
Antonia had opened her eyes wide. ‘I believe it does make sense. Yes, it does. Oh, my God – Hugh, it does!’
‘What does? Don’t tell me you’ve worked it out. You couldn’t have.’
‘Yes, I have. It’s all there. The mobile – the particular lie – the lie is of paramount importance, exactly as you said. But – but if so – if so – it turns the whole case on its head!’
‘Who is the mysterious friend then?’
‘There is no mysterious friend,’ Antonia said. ‘The mysterious friend does not exist. Oh my God, Hugh, it’s so simple. You will want to kick yourself when I tell you –’
‘No, don’t tell me!’ Payne raised his hand. ‘I believe in making the old cerebellum work. All right. I know with absolute certainty that there is an event that couldn’t have happened. It’s something to do with those deleted messages, isn’t it?’
‘No, not really. It’s to do with Joan’s mobile phone all right, but not with the messages.’
‘It can’t be Billy, can it? No, too stupid. Must be Billy’s evil avatar then. Mortimer is the kind of chap who luxuriates in his own transgressive badness. He hated Joan. He and Billy look uncannily alike. D’you remember Bros, the singing twins that were such a hit with teenage girls in the eighties? Mortimer and Selkirk reminded me of them, though I very much doubt they have much time for girls. Perhaps they did it together? I mean the murder.’
‘It’s nothing to do with Sieg Mortimer or with Billy Selkirk. Sorry to disappoint you. You are running out of time now.’ Antonia glanced at her watch. ‘Shall I tell you?’
‘No, wait. I think it’s coming … You said there was no mysterious friend? That means Collingwood told a lie.’
‘Yes –’
Suddenly Payne leant forward. ‘What was it you said earlier on? You couldn’t let me know you were going out to meet Deirdre because you’d left your mobile phone behind.’ He slapped his forehead with his hand. ‘Good lord, I’ve got it! That’s what happened with Joan Selwyn, isn’t it? She had left her mobile phone behind!’
‘Yes,’ Antonia said quietly.
‘Joan Selwyn couldn’t have been phoned and told to go to Philomel Cottage for the simple reason that she didn’t have her mobile with her. She couldn’t have received that call at Richoux’s. Her mobile was at Sieg Mortimer’s flat. She didn’t have a second mobile. That phone call never took place. Therefore, the question is, why did Collingwood need to invent a phone call and an anonymous caller?’
‘There is only one obvious answer.’
‘Yes. The obvious answer is that Collingwood wanted to distract attention from himself since it was he – he – who asked Joan Selwyn to go to Philomel Cottage. Collingwood invented a mysterious friend who’d left something behind and urgently needed to retrieve it. Collingwood wasn’t aware of the fact that Joan didn’t have her mobile with her –’
Antonia said, ‘Some killers try to be too clever and that in the end proves to be their undoing.’
Sieg Mortimer was giving Billy Selkirk a short lecture on the art of writing a certain type of detective story.
‘Imagine one counter, the killer, advancing slowly, capriciously, moving here, halting there, along a zigzag path traced upon a multi-coloured board, while another counter, the detective, follows, also moving at intervals, until, suddenly, and should chance and logical deduction will it so, the second counter overtakes the first, and then the two, the pursued and the pursuer, meet on the final square –’