Shaun shivered as he rose to the surface of the water. With October approaching, the temperatures had dropped, but for him it was just right. Perfect punishment. In smooth strokes, he swam back to shore. Swimming always reminded him of college, when he'd worked part time as a lifeguard at a local swimming pool. He'd loved that job. Just as he'd loved being a firefighter. Saving people had been his life's purpose, until his life came crashing down.
No use dwelling on the past. The reason for his midnight swim was to help him forget.
He crossed the beach and headed for his cottage, still dripping wet. The cool wind would dry him as he jogged home.
A few minutes later, he burst into the cottage, then changed into some warm clothes, made himself a coffee, and wrote until the sun shone through the curtains. Yawning, he got up and had breakfast, a shower, and then sat back down to continue writing. He didn't stop again until it was almost noon.
After a sandwich, he was too exhausted to keep working, so he tossed himself onto the couch with the phone. There was someone he needed to talk to.
Since he'd arrived in Dreara, Shaun had avoided calling home. His mother was always emotional and begging him to move back, and three of his brothers always told him to stop being an ass and get over himself because what had happened, happened and couldn't be undone.
The only one of his brothers he talked to at least once a week was Garrett, and that was because he was Shaun's shrink. If it weren't for Garrett visiting him in prison and talking sense into him, Shaun would have committed suicide during his first year behind bars.
Shaun stretched out on the couch as the phone rang and rang. Finally, Garrett picked up.
"I called you several times last week, why the hell didn't you call back? I was just about to get on a plane to come and find you."
"I was busy. I'm here working, you know."
"We had a deal. You said you would call me at least once a week. I need to know you're okay. I need to know what to tell Mom, who you should call soon, by the way. She's still hoping you'll come home for Christmas. Do you have any idea what kind of position you're putting me in?"
Heat rose up Shaun's neck as he tried to control his anger. "You don't have to do this. I wanted to do this alone. This is where I have to be right now. You promised to have my back."
"I know that. But I think it's about time you came back home. You can't run forever." Garrett sighed. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Never been better."
"Still being good? Staying away from too many women and alcohol?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I said I was."
Garrett laughed. "I still want to hear you say it."
"Would you believe me if I told you I didn't sleep with one single woman this month?"
"No, but I can hope. Remember not to get back to that place you were in before you left the States. Alcohol and casual sex are not a long-term solution. The pain only returns to hit you harder."
Shaun slammed a fist into the table. "You say it like it's easy. You have no fuckin' idea what it's like not to have a crutch to lean on, how much I miss waking up in the morning with no guilt, or going to bed at night without dreading the next day."
"Shaun," Garrett said in a controlled voice. "I know how hard all this is for you. I was there, remember? I saw your pain firsthand. So, yeah, I have a pretty damn good idea. But you can't turn back the clock. You have to move forward. You have to learn to live again."
"I'm trying. Tell Mom I will come back home. But I won't be there for Christmas."
"Home to Serendipity or home to the U.S.?"
"To the U.S. I've made up my mind. I can't move back to Serendipity. I can never live a normal life there knowing—"
"I understand. By the way, guess where I am."
"How the hell should I know?"
"I'm at Mel's Delights. I haven't been here in ages. A new client of mine is addicted to Mel's chocolate donuts. She brought me here so I could see her in action."
"Must be tough to be a shrink." Shaun chuckled. "The clients you work with sometimes."
"Hey, business is slow. As long as they can pay, my door is always open." There was a shuffle and a few whispers at Garrett's end. "Someone wants to talk to you."
"When are you getting your ass back home, Brannon?"
Shaun broke into a smile. For a moment there, he’d thought it would be his mother or one of his other brothers.
"Heat, what's up, man? Long time. You addicted to Mel's donuts too?"
"Do I have a choice? I'm married to their maker."
Married. Hearing that word still made it hard for Shaun to breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself to focus. "Yeah, I guess not," Shaun said.
While Shaun's life had been on hold, his friends had fallen in love, gotten married, and started their families. Garrett had shown Shaun photos of Heat's wife, a stunning redhead who was also a successful businesswoman.
Everyone else had moved on, which made it even harder for Shaun to stay in Serendipity. It reminded him of what he couldn't have.
"Such a shame you missed our wedding last year. But we have a big anniversary party planned for next year. We'd love it if you could make it. I'll let you know the details later."
"Sure," Shaun lied.
"Great. Brannon, it's so great talking to you. I was just telling Garrett the other day that I read your book. Best thriller I ever laid my hands on. I told the boys at the station and they all think you're a hero. And you are. You've been through a lot of shit, and look at you— you're still standing." Heat paused. "How are you... really?"
Shaun didn't respond for a while as he asked himself the same question. "You know, Dane, some days are better than others."
"You'll be fine. And when you return home, Darius says you're welcome to rejoin the team. He still talks about the fire you put out your first week on the job. It would be great to have you back. Unless, of course, you'd rather keep writing."
Shaun couldn't see himself doing the things he used to do back then, back when his life was normal. "Writing is my life now, Dane. I love the freedom it gives me." And the money he made wasn't bad, either.
"I can understand that. Well, maybe you'll volunteer now and then for old time's sake. Brannon, I have to run. I just got paged. Great talking to you. I'll ask Garrett for your number."
When Garrett got back on the phone, it was only to say goodbye. He, too, had to go. They all had their own lives to lead, while Shaun stood frozen in the past.