Kelsey was still in a daze when she woke up in the morning, and the aches in her body reminded her of what had happened last night. But she looked past the earth-shattering sex and focused instead on what Shaun had told her. Did he just admit to being a killer? No, it couldn't be true. Maybe he’d been joking. He had to be. Maybe later in the day he'd knock on her door and tell her it was all a tasteless joke. Until then, she'd clean her cottage and do laundry, to keep her mind off it all.
As she shoved clothes into the washing machine, she remembered the look in his eyes when he'd told her. Fear, regret, pain. He had meant every word, whether she chose to believe it or not. She had slept with a man who was responsible for someone's death.
She closed the washing machine door and reached for the washing powder, shaking her head. There had to be some kind of explanation, and she wished she could find out what it was. She wanted to understand him. Except he'd made it clear she should mind her own business. She'd try to respect that, but she wasn't sure how long she could.
Kelsey had just turned on the machine and made herself a cup of tea when the phone shrilled. She jumped and almost spilled the hot tea all over herself. Placing the cup on the table, she rushed to the phone, her heart pounding. It could be Shaun, ready to tell her everything. Her heart squeezed when she heard Maeve's voice on the other end. She demanded Kelsey tell her what happened between her and the mystery man after they left the Christmas party.
"We just talked and watched a movie," Kelsey lied. She wanted to keep the beautiful moment she’d experienced with Shaun to herself, for now.
"That's great." Maeve was breathless, as if it was the best news she'd heard in a long time. "Did he tell you what he's hiding from the rest of us?"
Kelsey pursed her lips. She hated lying to Maeve, but what Shaun had told her was too huge to share with the whole of Dreara. And Maeve would find it way too juicy to keep to herself. "We talked about life. Nothing important. Nothing personal."
"Seriously, Kelsey? You get that close to the man, and you don't get him to open up to you, or at least open his pants? Shame on you."
Kelsey laughed. "You're bad, Maeve, very bad. Look, I have to go. Let's go see a movie tomorrow."
"Sure. Take care, love."
Kelsey hung up and sighed deeply. What would she do? She couldn't talk about Shaun's secret with anyone.
The rest of the day, Kelsey managed to do two loads of laundry, clean the whole cottage, and even did some ironing. With each passing hour, her hopes that Shaun would show up diminished. His truck was still gone when night fell, so she quit waiting and went to The Hot Pot for dinner.
***
Shaun jolted up in bed, heart thumping so hard one would think it was determined to crack its way through his chest. The old reoccurring nightmare had returned after weeks of peace.
"Fuck." He swiped the sweat off his brow, then flicked on the light. As he studied his hands, he swore he could still see the palms stained red, covered with blood from her gushing wound. The metallic smell of fresh blood mixed with her perfume, and the stench hung in the air, thick and heavy, making him want to gag. Rubbing his thumb and index finger together, he still felt the slippage caused by the red liquid between them. Heart racing, he swung his legs out of bed and flinched at the pain along the side of his back, just as real now as the day the sharp metal had sliced into his flesh. He gritted his teeth and gasped for air as he stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, keeping his eyes from the mirror, refusing to see the reflection of his blood-stained past. With soap and hot water, he scrubbed his hands until they were raw. But it was futile. No amount of scrubbing could cleanse him of his sin, so he gave up and rested his hands on both sides of the cool basin. Breathe, just breathe, he told himself. Take it one step at a time.
Once his heart rate had slowed, he contemplated returning to bed. The clock on the bedside table had blinked 3 a.m., and he needed his sleep. But bed was the last place he wanted to be. The demons would be waiting for him there, hovering over him patiently, waiting to remind him of what he'd done.
To hell with it. He'd stay awake. Shame he couldn't go for a swim. Though he was tempted, he'd be a fool to swim in the ocean in the dead of winter. A walk on the beach would have to do. He pulled on a thick pullover that hung on a chair by the bed and less than a minute later, he slipped out the back door and disappeared into the moonlit night.
It was all a dream, he repeated to himself as he stumbled along the beach like a drunkard. The blood wasn't real, and the pain on his back—the part covered by the tattoo—was just his mind playing tricks on him. He'd had the tattoo done a year after it had happened, to cover up the angry scar that had been a constant reminder of the past.
Finally, he stopped walking, lowered himself onto the cold sand, and dropped his pounding head into his hands. He stayed that way as he listened to the waves crashing and sweeping the shore while the cold night air ruffled his hair and chilled his scalp. He'd stay for a while. Then he'd return to the cottage to do some more writing. That should hopefully calm him down.
Writing had kept him going during the tough times. He'd written his first book while in prison, and his brother Dustin had sent it to a literary agent friend. By the time Shaun was released, the novel, which he'd written under a pseudonym, was a bestseller, and he used the money he'd earned in royalties to spend his first year as a free man to travel around the world. He made his family believe he was enjoying his freedom, but the truth was, he couldn't return to Serendipity. There were constant reminders there of what he'd done. Instead he ran away from the past. And when he needed to forget, there had been women and alcohol. And swimming.
His head snapped up at the sound of muffled footsteps behind him. He shot to his feet and spun around. "Jesus, Kelsey, are you crazy? What are you doing here at this hour?" His voice was firm and gentle at the same time.
"I should ask you the same thing. It's freezing out here." Kelsey tightened the blanket draped around her slim shoulders. In the night, her eyes sparkled, and she looked so damn hot with her bed-head hair that his cock hardened instantly. But he couldn't make love to her again. She had crossed a line no woman had ever crossed in eight years. She was the reason the pain had returned and the past had come back to haunt him. If he had even a grain of sense left in him, he would get as far away from her as possible. But he couldn't. She was also the first woman in years to remind him of what it felt to be needed on a deeper level. The gentleness in her eyes made him want to hold her and allow himself to be held by her. To be comforted. Sex with her had been far from meaningless. The warmth of her body next to his had melted away the wall of ice he'd erected around his heart. Being inside her had felt like coming home. But it was a big mistake, and one that couldn't happen again. If his body would just obey him.
"Let's sit." Kelsey lowered herself onto the sand and Shaun found himself doing the same.
In a moment of silence, they gazed at the inky black water, enveloped in the magic of the ocean, something bigger than themselves. Shaun loved the sea, because it made his problems feel so much smaller in comparison. But not tonight.
"Why are you here, Kelsey?" Shaun asked.
"I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and saw you heading for the beach." Her velvet voice made him forget about the cold; it covered him like a cloak, soft and velvety.
"So you decided to follow." Shaun's voice was low and fragile, his body exhausted. "What if some maniac pounced on you? No town is too safe, you know. Not even Dreara."
Kelsey laughed, the sound soothing the aches in Shaun's body and soul. "I took judo classes in secondary school."
"And that's enough, is it? Secondary school seems like a long time ago to me." Shaun found himself smiling. He felt her turn to look at him but he kept his eyes fixed on the sea.
"Are you worried about me?" Her voice was small, expectant.
He wanted to say no, but he'd be lying. But he wasn't ready to admit to her how much he'd come to care for her. Instead, he repeated his earlier question. "Why are you here?"
"I'm here to apologize. I shouldn't have forced you to talk about your past. It's none of my business."
"You're right, it is none of your business," Shaun said simply, but he didn't feel angry or annoyed. He was just tired. Running from the past had proven to be hard work, especially since the past was pretty damn impossible to outrun, and always showed its face when he least expected it to.
Kelsey shifted next to him. "I know you don't want to talk. But if you change your mind, I'm here. I'm a great listener. And I won't say a word to anyone."
"You don't know how to quit, do you?" Shaun wanted to tell her to back off, to stop pushing him back to that painful time, but he nodded instead. His jaw tightened and he swallowed hard through the rawness in his throat. He decided to tell her just enough to satisfy her curiosity. "The person... the woman I killed, she was... my wife, Carmen." But as he spoke he realized it wasn't just for Kelsey. He wanted to empty himself of some of the hurt, so he could rest for a while.
Shaun tried to blink away the memories of that night as they formed inside his mind, but it was impossible.