NAME: Charlie Bronson
DATE OF BIRTH: 6 December 1951
STAR SIGN: Sagittarius
OCCUPATION: Hostage-taker, serving life imprisonment
Fred West, ‘the nonce’, was two cells away from me in Winson Green. I used to look through the spy hole in his door. He looked like that Benny out of Crossroads – simple, the village idiot – two cans short of a six-pack type. One day I shouted through his door, ‘Oi, Fred. They’ve just found two skeletons up your chimney!’ He looked at me with those big, sad puppy eyes. Then I shouted, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s probably two old flames!’ I used to love winding him up!
What do you call an escaped lunatic with a chainsaw?
Sir.