Chapter Fifteen

“Rachel Persopoulos, are you dating Cameron Cole and you didn’t even tell me?”

“What? No!” Rachel nearly streaked a black line across the entire Russell House fundraiser seating chart as her head snapped up and her arm jerked. JoJo stood in the doorway of her office, holding a cream-colored Christmas present with a big red ribbon. “Why would you think that?”

They weren’t dating. The other night had most definitely not been a date. They were building trust as co-parents. That’s all it was. She needed to remember that. To keep a minimum safe distance.

“This just arrived for you.” JoJo sing-songed, coming into her office and lifting the present, curiosity bright in her eyes. “A certain baseball player dropped it off himself.”

Rachel flushed, reaching for the package. Neatly wrapped in crisp cream paper with a sparkling red ribbon, it was a rectangular shirt box, lighter than she’d expected as she took it from JoJo’s hands. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” she mumbled, flipping open the card.

Not all gifts have to be practical. I couldn’t resist. C.

“Why is Cameron Cole bringing you presents? Please tell me you’re secretly knocking boots with one of the hottest bachelors in the greater Denver area.”

JoJo was her best friend at work—possibly her best friend period, though neither of them had much time for girls’ nights. They’d both been pregnant at the same time—JoJo with twins—and JoJo’s dramatic recitals of All The Things No One Ever Tells You About Pregnancy had kept Rachel laughing—and sane—through those months. But she hadn’t told her about Cam. She hadn’t told anyone outside of her family about Cam. Though it wasn’t a secret anymore.

“It isn’t like that.” She smoothed the ribbon, her fingertips coming away covered in glitter. “He’s Sofie’s father.”

“Whoa.” JoJo’s eyes went wide. “Cameron Cole is Dickface the Wonder Douche?”

A choked noise caught in her throat—she’d forgotten JoJo’s oh-so-delicate nickname for her ex.

“Why didn’t you ever say who he was?” JoJo demanded. Her expressive face contorted as if she couldn’t decide on an emotion. “I don’t think I can like him anymore. I mean he’s hot and always super nice to me, but knowing he left you and Sofie—”

“It wasn’t entirely his fault.” It felt strange defending him after making him the villain in her head for so long. Strange, but right. “We had a misunderstanding. He didn’t know about Sofie, but he does now and he’s…trying.”

“Is that what this is?” JoJo nodded to the present Rachel was fidgeting with. “Him trying?”

“I’m not sure what this is,” she admitted, not just meaning the present.

“Well, open it,” JoJo demanded impatiently. “I want to know what kind of bling the hot ballplayer sends his baby mama.”

If she’d said it was private, JoJo would have instantly accepted that and returned to her desk. She knew that. But somehow opening the present alone seemed like a much more intimidating prospect than doing it with a cheering section.

The wrapping was so flawless she was sure it had been professionally done. She couldn’t picture Cam neatly creasing the corners. The box was a simple shirt box with no logo to provide a hint of what was inside. She pulled open the top, holding her breath for something ridiculously frivolous—a diamond tiara, a silk shawl—and when she pushed back the tissue paper a laugh burst out of her mouth.

It was a Christmas sweater. Quite possibly the world’s ugliest Christmas sweater. Red and green striped, with a sequin Rudolph with a disproportionately huge nose.

“Huh.” JoJo frowned as Rachel pulled the sweater from the box. Then she studied Rachel’s face and started to smile. “Good present.”

Rachel’s brow knit in confusion at JoJo’s reaction. “What? It’s hideous.” A tiny matching Sofie-sized sweater lay among the tissue paper.

“Yeah. And you love it.” JoJo grinned knowingly, retreating back toward her desk. “Merry Christmas, Mama.”

Rachel frowned after her. Then glanced down at the ridiculous sweater as her cell phone rang—and Cam’s name appeared on the screen.

“Do you like it?” he asked as soon as she’d said hello. “I dropped it off fifteen minutes ago. Don’t tell me you haven’t opened it.”

“I might have been waiting for Christmas. That is the traditional thing to do.”

“But you didn’t.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “Isn’t it awful? The nose lights up.”

She snorted. “Of course it does.” She couldn’t suppress her smile. It was just so ugly.

“I figure everyone needs a hideous Christmas sweater. It’s required. And I might have ulterior motives.”

Her stomach clenched on those words. “You do?”

“My parents have a tradition. Ugly sweater caroling followed by cookies and cocoa. Tomorrow night.” She heard the hesitation in his voice. “I was hoping you and Sofie might join us. There are ugly sweaters in it for your mother and Yaya if they want to come too.”

She bit her lip. “I don’t know what their plans are, but I do know none of us can carry a tune.”

“You can’t be any worse than Carly. We’re more about enthusiasm than talent. Will you come? I promise the cocoa makes up for the auditory assault.”

“I…” God, she was being ridiculous. It was just caroling. Both of their families would be there. She forced lightness she didn’t feel into her voice. “How can I resist an invitation like that? I’ll see if Mom and Yaya are free, but Sofie and I are in.”

“Excellent! Carly’s hosting, because she’s an insufferable control freak. The festivities technically start around six, but everyone is always late—and don’t worry about eating before you come. There will be food everywhere, and not just cookies and cocoa.”

“It sounds very festive,” she murmured, nerves starting to whisper through her.

“It is. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No. No, we’ll make our own way.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” Cam said, with a little extra rasp to his voice, and Rachel shivered.

She told herself she definitely wasn’t still feeling the effects of that voice when she refocused on the seating chart, her face flushed from a silly Christmas sweater.

The Russell House event was on track. Her Christmas shopping was in hand, the decorations were up, and she was going caroling tonight—but none of that was what had her blushing over a sweater. It was Cam. And she couldn’t let herself get in too deep.

* * * * *

Cam had told her his family was big. She just hadn’t realized exactly how big. Or been prepared for the sheer volume that many people could produce, the wall of sound hitting her as soon as she walked in the door.

Cam appeared instantly at her side, grinning broadly and wearing the same awful reindeer sweater he’d sent her—though it looked entirely too good on him. “You made it!” He dropped a kiss on Sofie’s head. “Welcome to the insanity.”

Rachel had a moment to worry that the sweater was some kind of couple thing, before she noticed that everyone was wearing the same horrendous reindeer sweater—which made it that much harder to tell everyone apart and figure out exactly how many children were racing around excitedly.

“Come on. I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Cam put his hand on the small of her back, ushering her into the room as his parents greeted her mother and Yaya, introducing them around. She tried not to fixate on that hand on her back—even when every member of his family was definitely noticing it.

Rachel gave up on remembering names almost immediately, focusing on learning who belonged to whom instead. Carly’s husband Eddie—the only name she got before the sheer number of them overwhelmed her—had thinning blond hair, a beer gut, and a loud laugh that seemed to echo in the room. Shelby’s husband was a tall man with midnight skin, a soft accent and dry sense of humor, largely silent until he lobbed a sarcastic remark into the fray, while Ashley’s husband filled any silence with his energy. He was barely taller than his wife—and a full head shorter than Rachel—but still seemed to be everywhere, a slim, Korean whirling dervish weaving in and out between children. And there were a lot of children.

But what struck Rachel most about the entire scene was how they played off one another. These people knew one another. As everyone got ready to head outside, they laughed together, they teased one another, and they all moved automatically to help the little one who lost a glove or defuse growing arguments between the kids about who knew the most carols. It was a family. A big, noisy, overwhelming family.

And they’d welcomed her easily into the fold. Though she didn’t feel easy. The panic-rabbits were frantic in her brain.

Cam had sent over sweaters for Yaya and her mother as well, so at least they looked like they belonged as they were surrounded by Cam’s family. Apparently a new sweater, worse each year than the last, was a crucial part of the tradition.

“The matching sweaters will be the only harmonious thing about us,” one of Cam’s brothers-in-law joked.

He wasn’t wrong, she learned as soon as everyone had piled on coats and ventured out into the evening to serenade the neighbors. Theirs was the kind of caroling that got by on gusto rather than talent—but if the laughter was nearly as loud as the singing, no one seemed to mind.

Sofie was delighted by all her cousins, chasing after them on her chubby little toddler legs, looking like a pink marshmallow in her snowsuit. The older ones were obviously used to little kids, stopping to help her and making sure she wasn’t left out. Rachel watched her like a hawk, but Sofie wasn’t the one having a hard time adjusting to this new normal.

Andie was laughing with Cam’s sisters, Yaya was teaching some of the older kids the Greek words to Silent Night. It was only Rachel who couldn’t seem to relax. Especially when Cam returned to her side.

She didn’t know how to behave, didn’t know who she was supposed to be. She and Cam weren’t really together, but his family seemed to have absorbed hers into it as if they were—and it felt like they were all watching her, some curious, some cautious.

“You okay?” Cam asked as they wandered en masse to the third house they would be serenading. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Trust me, you don’t want me singing any louder than this.”

He smiled, but his eyes were serious. “I didn’t mean the singing. I’m sorry if this is overwhelming. I know we can be a lot.”

“No, your family’s great.”

“But?”

But I don’t know where I fit in. I don’t know what we are to each other right now, or what I want us to be and even if I did know you’re leaving in a few months to go back to LA.

But she couldn’t say any of that. The panic-bunnies in her mind scrambled frantically for an answer.

A snowball flew through the air, smacking Cam in the chest and, thankfully, distracting him. He spun toward the culprit, roaring and charging toward his nieces and nephews, who screamed and scattered. Rachel watched him scoop Sofie up, tucking her against his chest as he ran, and her own chest got tight.

“He’s so happy you’re here.”

Rachel turned toward the voice, Cam’s mother appearing at her side. “It was nice of you all to include us.”

“You’re family now,” she said simply. “And I think you’re going to be good for him.”

Was his ex good for him? It was the kind of thing she’d wanted to ask ever since she’d learned he was married. The divorce hadn’t been his call. Was he really over her? But Rachel was scared of how much it would reveal about how she was feeling about Cam if she asked.

Cam handed Sofie off to Carly and tumbled to the ground beneath a pile of kids, groaning dramatically. His mother smiled, watching him. “Try not to hurt him,” she requested softly, her eyes still on her son. “I know he seems like a tough guy and he’s always trying to prove to everyone that he’s okay, but he’s a softie underneath. He takes things to heart—he always has. So be careful with him, okay? You can hurt him more than you know.”

One of her grandchildren flung himself against her legs and she bent down, laughing, allowing herself to be pulled away into the fray, leaving Rachel alone with the echoes of her words. She seemed to think Rachel had all the power. That Cam was the one in danger of getting hurt.

She hadn’t thought about his vulnerability. Only her own. She’d been pushing him away. Keeping him at a distance.

Her mother’s laughter rang across the lawn and Rachel looked over to see her dodging snowballs. Yaya and Sofie and her mother all seemed to have integrated so easily into Cam’s family, but Rachel had been holding herself back all night. All week for that matter. Keeping a piece of herself safely removed from him. Scared to play his game.

She was a worrier. She borrowed trouble from the future and couldn’t seem to let go of the baggage of the past, but she wanted to be more like her mother. She wanted to be able to make the best. She wanted to be able to enjoy this—even if this life and this family hadn’t been part of her original plan.

But how did she do that?

Rachel crouched down, scooping up a handful of snow and calmly packing it into a ball. The snowball fight had swelled to include most of the family, but no one had noticed her on the fringes. She wound up, took aim, and threw her snowball as hard as she could.

It bounced off Cam’s shoulder with an unimpressive puff.

But the pathetic impact had Cam turning to track down the source. When he spotted her, a slow, wicked grin spread across his face. “Oh, you are gonna regret that.”

Rachel squeaked and turned to run, realizing too late that she’d just instigated a snowball fight with a man who threw snowball-shaped things for a freaking living. She wove a zig-zagging route through his family, trying to avoid giving him a clear shot, but a quick glance back showed he’d given chase—and was gaining ground.

Note to self: don’t provoke the professional athlete.

The snowball fight had spread, working its way back to Carly’s house with some of the neighbors coming out to join the fray.

“Not near the cars!” Carly shouted to one of the kids—and Rachel saw her chance. If she could just make it to the driveway, Cam wouldn’t risk missing her and hitting one of the fancy SUVs, not right after Carly had warned the kids away from them.

She took off in a sprint across the lawn, her boots sinking into the snow—

And something hard smacked into her from behind, lifting her off her feet. She squealed as she twisted in the air, Cam’s arms firm around her as they tumbled into a snowbank. He took the brunt of the impact and she landed half on top of him, laughing and out-of-breath from running.

Snow puffed up into the air around them and his grey eyes glinted. His face was so close they were breathing one another’s air—and suddenly she was breathless for a whole new reason.

“Cam…”

“Have I ever mentioned how gorgeous you are when you’re covered in snow?” The extra rasp in his voice sent shivers streaking along her skin that had nothing to do with the cold. His gaze dropped to her lips.

“Cocoa time!”

Rachel jerked and shoved away from Cam at the shout from his mother. Scrambling to her feet, she glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed their moment in the snow. No one seemed to be watching, but she saw more than one hidden smile as the family trickled back toward the house.

“Come on, you two,” Cam’s mother called, smiling. “You can’t miss cocoa. It’s tradition.”

“I swear my mother adds more ‘long-standing’ family traditions every year.” Cam’s gravelly voice was too close to her ear and Rachel sidled away. She’d wanted to move forward with Cam as co-parents, but she hadn’t meant this. She needed to keep her distance and keep her head.

She spotted Sofie in Carly’s arms and was reminded why she was really here. For the baby. “You’re lucky,” she said to Cam.

“I know.” He smiled, his eyes warm, and Rachel couldn’t hold his gaze, heat rising to her face.

Distance. She needed distance.