Chapter Sixteen

He should have kissed her when he had the chance.

Cam watched Rachel from across his sister’s kitchen—which seemed to be as close as she was willing to get to him. Every time he edged closer, she circled the other direction.

All night he’d been trying not to pressure her, trying not to rush her, but when he’d had her in his arms in the snow it had hit him like a freight train. This was what he wanted. Not just Sofie as part of his family. Not just Rachel involved by extension as her mother. He wanted her as his. He wanted to be allowed to hold her. He wanted it all.

And she was just as relationship-shy as she’d ever been.

She might not have let him within ten feet of her if Sofie hadn’t chosen that moment to burst into noisy tears. Cam was at the baby’s side in an instant. She’d been at the kids table with the cousins, but now sat on the floor, a siren-wail of misery rising out of her mouth.

“What happened?” he demanded of the other kids, gathering Sofie into his arms as she continued to sob. “Did she fall?”

“She wanted Ava’s cookie,” his oldest niece reported. Cam frowned, trying to connect the dots from wanting a cookie to on-the-floor-in-agony.

“That’s a tired cry,” Carly said with utmost Mom Authority as Rachel reached his side.

“Sorry about this,” Rachel murmured, reaching for the baby, her face flushed with embarrassment. Sofie resisted, clinging to Cam like a bur. “It’s almost her bedtime and there’s been so much excitement.”

“We all get it,” Carly assured her—though Cam was still trying to mentally adjust from panic-that-Sofie-was-hurt to Sofie’s-just-pitching-a-fit. “Do you want to put her down in the guest room?”

Sofie’s hiccupping sobs crescendoed. Cam bounced her, murmuring soothing nonsense, and Rachel cringed. “It might be best if we just go.” With one hand on Sofie’s back, she glanced toward her mother and grandmother, clearly reluctant to drag them away when they were having a good time.

“I’ll drive you,” Cam offered. “That way your mother and Yaya can stay as long as they like.”

“No, really, it’s fine—” Rachel said, at the same moment her mother—who had apparently been listening in—exclaimed, “Oh, would you? That’s so sweet.”

Rachel shot her mother a death glare, but Cam sidled between them before she could argue. “It’s no trouble. I want to.” He wanted to spend more time with Sofie and Rachel—but he also wanted to show her that he was in this. That he wanted to be fifty percent responsible for all of it—even the toddler tantrums. “Not just the Fun Dad, remember?”

Reluctance was visible in every line of Rachel’s body, but Sofie chose that moment to go into another siren wail and Rachel caved. “Thank you. I’ll just say my goodbyes.”

Cam was already moving. “I’ll meet you out front.”

“Take my car.” Carly followed him out of the kitchen, pressing her keys into his hand. “It has a car seat.”

A car seat. Right. He was going to need to get one of those for the Range Rover.

“And don’t put her in her snowsuit,” Carly told him. “Poofy winter coats interfere with the car seat straps—just put her under your coat to keep her warm until you get her buckled in.”

“Right,” Cam mumbled, realizing again how unprepared he was for this.

“Good luck,” Carly called, the phrase loaded with meaning he couldn’t unravel with Sofie wailing in his ear.

The screaming ‘no’ chorus kicked into gear the second he stepped into the foyer. Putting on a coat while holding a flailing child wasn’t a skill he’d ever suspected he was going to need, but he was becoming an expert tonight. He wrapped his coat around Sofie as Carly had told him, holding it closed around the baby as Rachel joined them.

They stepped out into the snow—and he saw the flaw in their plan. Carly was blocked in.

“Let’s take your car,” he suggested. “Mine doesn’t have a car seat yet and Carly’s is blocked in. I’ll leave my keys for your mom and Yaya.”

“But then how will you get home?”

“I’ll get an Uber home and come pick it up tomorrow. I’ll trade the keys while you load her in—” But when he tried to hand Sofie to her mother, she screeched and clung to Cam.

“She probably doesn’t even remember what she’s upset about,” Rachel said.

“Okay, new plan. You exchange keys. I’ll load her in.”

Rachel nodded, jogging back into the house—and he experienced a tiny, momentary thrill that they were working together, like a real team. Until Sofie screamed again. He’d only managed to get half of Sofie’s resisting arms and legs into the car seat straps by the time Rachel returned and took over. She slapped the keys into his palm. “Warm up the car,” she demanded, yanking at the car seat straps with expert movements.

Cam was nothing if not good at following directions. He had the engine running and his seat adjusted by the time Rachel closed the door. She leapt into the passenger seat and he pulled out as she was buckling her seatbelt.

* * * * *

Rachel cringed as Cam took the corner out of the neighborhood and Sofie kicked into another round of wails, the sound gouging at her heart like it always did. She knew Sofie was just exhausted and fighting it, but those cries just killed her. You’d think she’d be used to it by now, but it never seemed to magically get easier.

It was a testament to how distracted she was that it wasn’t until they were five minutes down the road and the baby finally quieted that Rachel realized Cam didn’t need to be there. If he was only driving her to take an Uber back…

“I could have driven myself.” She didn’t need to be spending any more time alone with Cam, feeling any closer to him.

Cam barely glanced her way, his attention on the road. “I wanted to do it. Seemed like you could use a hand and she’s my kid too. I’m fifty percent responsible for those impressive lungs.”

Said lungs were now breathing quietly as Sofie slept in the backseat and Rachel stared out the passenger window, trying to figure out why it felt so different when Cam helped as opposed to when Yaya or her mother stepped in. She knew they didn’t mind, she’d heard them say it a thousand times, but she always felt like she had to apologize. But this time, with Cam…it had felt like he belonged here. Like they were in it together, like she didn’t have to feel bad that he was taking some of the burden off her shoulders. And that was a dangerous thing to be thinking. Especially when she had no idea if he planned to stay.

“I’m sorry we had to leave so early,” she said, focusing on the present instead of the uncertain future. “Thank you for inviting us tonight. I want Sofie to have those kinds of connections. A big family. You’re lucky to have them.”

“They are pretty great. Doesn’t mean they aren’t also obnoxious. Shelby especially seems to get into the most ridiculous feuds with people. But we still love each other like crazy.”

“I always wished for a big family. When I was little,” Rachel admitted. “I don’t think it occurred to me how loud it would be.”

He laughed, silencing the sound abruptly with a hasty glance in the mirror to see if he’d disturbed Sofie, but the baby slept on. “We certainly don’t lack for volume.” He kept his eyes on the road ahead, asking oh-so-casually, “So you want a bunch more kids?”

“I…” Rachel’s mouth went dry. In theory, she’d wanted a big family—lots of kids, lots of noise. In practice, she’d figured Sofie would be her one and only. It took two to make siblings, and she hadn’t planned on letting another man into her life any time soon. And she didn’t have the financial resources to have more kids on her own. But she couldn’t say any of that to Cam. The words twisted around in her brain, tangling before they got to her tongue.

“I always wanted a bunch of kids,” he commented, taking mercy on her after the awkward silence. “Well, not always. I didn’t really start thinking about it until my sisters and teammates starting having them and I realized I wanted that too.” He grimaced. “Slow study.”

“Did you and your wife ever…?”

“Erika didn’t want kids. And I wasn’t always very good at listening to her when she tried to tell me that. It took her leaving to really drive it home.”

“So she left you?” He’d said that before, but she hadn’t really processed it. It was hard to fit the puzzle pieces of the truth into the picture she’d built out of her assumptions.

“Same day she got diagnosed. At the time it felt like the worst failure, but now I see it was for the best. She’s even sort of indirectly the reason I found you again.”

Rachel shook her head. “What do you mean?”

“Russell House. She’s the reason I got involved with them. They were amazing throughout her treatment. Any way I can support them, I will.”

Rachel tried not to fixate on the warmth in his voice when he talked about the charity. When he talked about his ex. Did he still have feelings for her? That soft fondness wasn’t the sound of someone who was over her.

“How’s the fundraiser stuff going?” he asked. “Any more wine deliveries?”

“No, the mystery bags are all packed and ready to go to the venue. In fact everything’s going so well it’s making me nervous.”

“It could just be a sign that you’re prepared for anything.”

“I hope so. I really need it go well.” She fidgeted with a button on her coat, the loose one that Sofie always played with while she was strapping her into her car seat. “It’s my first time being in charge of an event of this size, and I just want to prove to my boss that I can do this.”

“Of course you can. You’re the most organized person I know. Pathologically organized. She has to know that.”

“It’s not just about organization. Yes, I want everything to run smoothly, but we also want everyone to have a good time—and to make a lot of money for the charity. To show they were smart to go to the expense of hiring us and made exponentially more than they would have if they’d just used volunteers. It’s my reputation, and TD Events’ reputation, and the Russell House’s financial future on the line. Everything has to be perfect.”

“You realize most people won’t notice if things aren’t up to your standards of perfection.”

“Yes, but I will.”

“I can’t argue with that.” He glanced over at her as he pulled into her apartment complex. “I don’t suppose you have any time in your airtight schedule this weekend? I have some Christmas presents that need wrapping and I thought maybe you and Sofie might want to come over and help. I’ll provide dinner.”

“Um…” Saying no was on the tip of her tongue. She wasn’t even sure why, just that a little distance felt like the safest choice. To stall for time, she climbed out of the car and began unloading Sofie.

Cam came around behind her, jingling the keys in his hand. “I promise I’m not just asking so I can get you to wrap my presents for me. I’m actually amazing at gift-wrapping. Seriously. World class.”

Rachel cocked her head at him. “Then why do you need my help?”

“I don’t. I just want to see you.”

He said it so simply, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. How did he do that? How did he unravel all her defenses against him with six simple words?

“I’ll check my schedule.”

Cam grinned. He nodded to the carrier in her arms. “Do you want a hand getting her settled?”

She glanced down at the limp baby. “No. She probably won’t even wake up when I transfer her. Thanks for driving me back.” It hadn’t been necessary—but she was starting to realize that the unnecessary things were sometimes kind of nice.

“Any time. G’night, Rachel.”

She nodded her goodbye, starting up the stairs to her apartment, and trying to figure out just when Cam had started feeling like such a necessary unnecessary thing.