Following Yonder Star

by Emma Jensen

Portsmouth, 10 December, 1807

Dear Alice,

Forgive my tardiness in replying to your most recent letter. I have little excuse other than to say I had not imagined the preparations that would be necessary for my ship’s departure. My mind and time have been wholly occupied with a beckoning sea.

No, Alice, that is not entirely true, and we have always been so open, so honest, you and I. Near ten years of acquaintance and affection has made lying to you an unpleasant, perhaps impossible act. I shall not begin now. I have a greater excuse for not writing. I have been for these weeks debating how to reply. Your letters have been so cheerful, so informative of the happenings in our little corner of Kildare. You succeed so well at bringing me right into Mrs. Logan’s parlor, full of lace doilies and invasive cat hair, into your grandfather’s study and its smell of gunpowder. Such news as the safe delivery of a fine colt to David Doon’s prize mare and a finer boy to his wife on the very same day made me smile, and I do agree that David’s celebrating was probably equally divided between the two new lives.

I digress here. I could happily recount all the news you’ve written to me, anything to keep from having to say what needs to be said. I sail out within the sennight for the Mediterranean and points beyond. I will serve in His Majesty’s navy until such time as I am no longer needed. After that, only God knows. With luck, I will see the world. There is no need at all for me in Kilcullen. Arthur will succeed our father someday; he will marry and have a son and I will be one more fortunate step from the title and its responsibilities.

I wish my departure could have been different. No doubt I should wish that I could be different. I cannot. Our characters are formed long before we have the will or ability to forge them. Forgive me, Alice. I will not be returning to Kilcannon for the holidays. I do not know when or if I will return at all.

Yours ever,
Gareth