Chapter 36

 

 

DAN JUST drives for a while. He’s not sure where he’s going. He’s just going. He had tried so hard to have Jeff, just for a little while, but as soon as the phone rang Jeff had been back to Evan, back to their perfect couple. How can Dan ever hope to be a part of that? If Jeff will drop everything, literally push Dan away, just because the phone call might be from Evan, and Evan might have something to say—when Dan had been right there, on his goddamn lap, trying to say something of his own—yeah, Dan needs to consider Jeff’s priorities as another good thing to understand. He’s learning a lot today, and most of it isn’t exactly welcome, he admits, but he tries to tell himself that it’s better to know now than to find out later.

He thinks about calling Chris. Chris always makes things better. But somehow it seems wrong to be running to Justin’s best friend with stories of how Dan’s fucking up his life. Dan has the impression that Chris feels about him the same way he feels about the horses. They’re all Justin’s projects, tamed and gentled and made useful and healthy because of Justin’s love and understanding. Dan knows how he would feel if somebody told him that the horses were running wild, losing all of the benefits of their time with Justin. He doesn’t want to make Chris feel the same way.

He wishes Ryan were still in town. It would be beautiful to be able to spend some time with somebody normal and drama-free. Dan has a sudden flash of hope. Maybe Ryan hadn’t left. Maybe there’d been some confusion. Hell, Ryan was going to work for Kaminski, so maybe he hadn’t passed his stupid security test, either. Dan’s on the edge of town now, and he pulls the truck to the side of the road and gets his phone out, selects Ryan’s number. It rings twice, and then Ryan picks up.

“Hey, Dan?”

Dan fights to keep his voice normal. “Hey, man. Sorry to bother you. Is this an okay time?”

“Yeah, sure. We’re just waiting around, actually. Supposed to be meeting with some songwriter, but she hasn’t shown up yet. How’d the horse thing go?”

“Oh, that…. Yeah, it was good. Everybody did well, and we got home safely, so… yeah, it was good.”

There’s a bit of a pause. “You okay, man? You sound sad or something.”

“No, I’m all right. Just tired, I guess, and it’s been a really crappy day. So you’re in LA, though? The trip went okay?”

“Yeah, it’s been great so far. Listen, are you sure you’re okay? How crappy a day are we talking about?”

Dan just sighs. “Pretty fucking crappy, really. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called. I don’t want to wreck your good time. I just—” An idea suddenly comes to him. “Hey, did you get out of your lease? Or do you have another thirty days on the apartment?”

“Another twenty-seven, now. Why, do you need a place to crash?”

“I…. Yeah, maybe. I don’t really know for how long, but if it’s more than a night or two I could sublet it or something.”

“Nah, dude, don’t worry about it.” Ryan’s voice is slow and easy. “The key’s on top of the door jamb; make yourself at home. But what happened to your place?”

“I… it’s a long story, and I’m kinda done with it for today. Is it cool if I explain later?”

“Sure, all right.” There’s some noise in the background, then Ryan says, “Listen, I’ve gotta go. But are you sure you’re okay?”

Dan wonders just how bad he must sound, and forces some levity into his voice. “Yeah, man, I’m fine. Just tired. Go be a rock star.”

“Yeah, okay. Look, I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”

“I’m fine, Ryan.”

“Then I’ll just call to tell you about how cool everything is with me!”

“All right, then. I’ll talk to you later.” Dan clicks the phone shut and pulls out onto the road. He’s glad he thought to ask Ryan about the apartment. The closest hotel he knows of is another twenty minutes down the road, and he really doesn’t have the energy to deal with the drive, and then the check-in… and Ryan’s place isn’t luxurious, but it’s homier than a hotel could ever be.

He’s at the apartment a couple minutes later. The key is right where it’s supposed to be, and he wonders if everything just goes more smoothly when Ryan’s involved. Maybe the band needs a roadie. With a horse.

There are no sheets on the bed, but Dan finds some in the bedroom closet. Everything else of Ryan’s is gone, so Dan assumes that the place came furnished complete with linens. Unexpectedly simple… the apartment must still be benefiting from the Ryan Effect. He makes up the bed and falls into it, and it seems like he’s asleep immediately.

He’s not sure what time it is when he wakes up. He left his watch and his phone in the other room. It’s pretty well dark outside, so he’s slept for quite a while. He feels better for it. He’s still not exactly chipper, but at least now he can think about maybe making a plan. And the first step of the plan almost certainly involves a little Wild Turkey. He goes out to his duffel and pulls the bottle out, then finds a glass in the cupboard by the sink. He pours himself a good-size glass and takes a big sip, then goes over and sits on the couch. He’s at loose ends again, and he never does well without something to do.

He thinks again about calling Chris, trying to get some advice on the legal side of things at least, and then remembers the time difference. There’s no point in getting the man all riled up in the middle of the night. Jeff’s busy with his boyfriend, Ryan’s enjoying his new life… Robyn’s good at times like these, but she’s happy at the Kaminski’s, so Dan shouldn’t drag her into it all. That makes him wonder what they’re going to tell the people at the barn, how his absence is going to be explained.

His stomach rumbles a bit, and Dan tries to think of the last time he ate. He’d missed lunch, so that bowl of cereal in the motel was it for the day. Maybe Tatiana’s right to worry about his ability to feed himself. But Dan doesn’t want to think about Tat, about her sweet concern for him, or the way that two strangers and a boardroom full of so-called experts have the right to decide that Dan’s some sort of a threat to her.

He decides to think about food instead. He remembers that Ryan had said that Zio’s made in-town deliveries, so he finds their number and calls them up, orders enough food for dinner and for the next day’s breakfast. There are several messages showing on his phone, and he thinks about listening to them, then decides to get another drink instead. He turns off the ringer for good measure. He just sits there on the couch, thinking about his family, and how he’d let them down. He thinks about the lengths Evan goes to trying to protect Tatiana, compared to the total disregard Dan had given his own sister’s safety. It’s no wonder Jeff gave priority to Evan. Evan cares about other people, so he deserves to have people care about him.

It’s surprising how fast he can drink when he’s got absolutely nothing else to do, and Dan is definitely well into the bottle by the time he hears the knock on the door. He finds his wallet and heads over, but when he opens the door, he doesn’t see what he expected.

“You’re not a panini,” he says, and Evan stares at him.

“No, I’m not. I’m the guy who’s been trying to get hold of you all goddamn afternoon.”

Dan peers hopefully around Evan. “Did you see a panini?” He knows he’s being a little inappropriately flippant, but he’s hungry. And drunk. Also, Evan can go fuck himself.

Evan shakes his head impatiently. “No. Can I come in?”

Dan starts to step back, but then swivels around and steps forward, blocking the doorway again. “Wait a second. How did you know I was here? Did your spies tell you?”

“Take it easy, Dan. It’s a small town; I drove by and saw your truck—not exactly international intrigue.” Dan reluctantly moves aside, and Evan comes in. Dan figures he can kiss the Ryan Effect goodbye now, because Evan’s radiating enough energy to destroy all the calm in a Buddhist monastery. Evan crosses over to the coffee table, picks up the bottle of Wild Turkey and looks at the amount missing. He looks back at Dan, evaluating.

“Do you want a glass?” Dan doesn’t really want Evan to feel at home, but he also doesn’t want to be completely churlish. He’d like to keep at least a little high ground here. Evan just shakes his head.

“Could you… could you maybe just come over and sit down? Or at least… could you at least step away from the door?” Evan shakes his head. “Jeff said that you booked out on him earlier—this would all be a lot easier if you’d stop running away.”

Dan raises his eyebrows. “Really? It seems like that might be the easiest thing for everybody. You could get rid of the awkward employee, I could start over somewhere that they actually let people start over, without dragging up ancient history all the time.”

Evan shakes his head. “Yeah, you’re mad, I get it. But do you have to be such a fucking drama queen about it all? And did you have to drag Jeff into it? And getting shitfaced is really productive. I mean, you should have stayed put, let me figure it out, and I’d have taken care of it.” He looks a little disgusted. “Would it kill you to have a little fucking faith in me?”

Dan just stares at him. “Stayed put—I’d have loved to have stayed put, Evan, but they kicked me out of the house!”

“Yeah, and thanks for calling to let me know! I mean, I could have come down right away and straightened things out, but instead I’ve spent all fucking day in meetings and chasing your melodramatic ass around!” He sighs as if suddenly exhausted, and sinks down onto the couch. “I changed my mind—I do want a glass.”

Dan wants to keep fighting, but he doesn’t really have anything to say, so he goes and gets a glass instead. He hands it to Evan and then finds his own and fills them both up. He sits in the armchair and stares at the wall, nursing his drink until Evan speaks.

“Okay. First off… I’m the boss.” He sees Dan’s lips starting to curl into a sneer, and waves an impatient hand. “Shit, Dan, take it easy. I mean the boss of the whole company, including the security department. If I say you’re okay, then you’re okay. So stop—” He waves a hand frantically through the air, as if imitating Dan’s frenetic actions. He apparently can’t find the right word, though, and drops his hand back into his lap. “Just stop.”

Dan leans back into his chair and takes a drink. He’s beginning to feel a bit stupid—alcohol should help with that.

“So, when they called me and said that they had serious concerns and were recommending against keeping you, I figured I had to have a look at what they had a problem with.” He looks over at Dan. “I tried to call you to make sure it was okay for me to see whatever it was, but you were busy, I guess.” The sarcasm is crystal clear, and Dan takes another drink.

“So then I went into a meeting with the security team and looked over the evidence.” Evan looks over at Dan, and for the first time there’s a little bit of understanding in his face, a hint of compassion. “I’m sure that was a bit of a shock, man. And, honestly, I can see why they were concerned.” He takes a deep breath. “I told them that if I didn’t know you, I’d agree with them, and I wouldn’t let you anywhere near Tat.” Dan recoils a little, and Evan says, “Not because that’s right, or because it’s fair, but just because… it’s Tat. I can’t be careless with her safety just to make a point about how people shouldn’t be judged by their families or deserve second chances or whatever.”

He rubs the back of his neck and looks over to be sure that Dan is still listening. “But I told them that I did know you, and that a character reference from the head of the company should be enough to override their concerns, and that we can discuss other security measures if they want to, but that you stay.” Now Evan’s looking a little pissed off again. “I don’t have a precise timeline, but I’d guess that I was telling them all this at about the same time that you were fucking my boyfriend.” Dan freezes. He figures he’s lucky that Evan only looks a little pissed.

There’s another knock on the door, and Dan almost falls over he’s so eager to have something to do other than trying to avoid Evan’s eyes. This time it is the food, and Dan pays the delivery kid and stops by the kitchen area to find a plate. He pauses for a second. He’s a little afraid to talk to Evan, but he manages to say, “Do you want a panini?”

“I’m not gonna eat your dinner, Dan.”

“No, it’s my breakfast. I ordered two.”

Evan seems to be thinking about it. “Yeah, okay. You can have breakfast at your house tomorrow.”

That doesn’t sound quite right, but Dan pulls out another plate anyway and walks over to lay everything on the coffee table. He sorts out the food, only sighing a little when he hands the sandwich over to Evan, and then sits back down in the arm chair. They both eat quietly for a while, but Dan pauses before starting his second half.

“So that’s it? We just forget about the whole thing, everything goes back to the way it was?” He’s really not sure that’s possible for him or for anybody else, but he wants to hear Evan’s take on it.

Evan shrugs and finishes his mouthful. “Not quite. The security guys still want to work a few things out—an understanding that you’ll notify them if your sister or father gets in touch with you, that sort of thing.” Evan looks at Dan. “I know it’s a bit insulting, and I understand if it rubs you the wrong way, but… I like that they’re paranoid, you know? Tat’s… she’s casual as hell, totally sloppy about security, and the only reason I’ve got the luxury of letting her stay that way is because they do all the worrying for her. So, if you object, you need to tell me about it, and we’ll figure something out. But it’d be great if you could go along with it.”

Dan nods thoughtfully, and Evan shoots him another look. “How drunk are you? ’Cause there’s some more stuff I’d like to say, and I’d really like to get it off my chest now, but there’s no point if you’re not even gonna remember any of this.”

Dan thinks about lying. He’s getting a pretty strong feeling that he may not have behaved all that well through this, and he’d rather put off being hit over the head with that fact. But there’s no point in postponing the inevitable, so he admits, “I’m not memory-loss drunk. And, honestly, even when I’m sober I lose half of the details in these little conversations of ours, so… go ahead.”

Evan gives him an odd look, then takes a moment to organize his thoughts. “Okay, first thing, and I think I’ve already mentioned this once or twice—you have got to talk to me, Dan! I mean, whatever we are, if we’re friends or even if I’m just your boss, you’ve got to let me know what’s going on and what you need me to do. You know? I realize that you must have been pretty spun to hear all that shit about your family, and I’m sure it sucked a lot to get grilled about your own… mistakes. So I’m not saying you’re not right to be upset. But”—he leans forward intently—“I trusted you before all this came up, and I still trust you. I trust you with my sister’s safety. I don’t think it’s asking too much for you to trust me to try to help you out.”

Dan thinks maybe he is too drunk for this conversation. He can’t really think of anything to say back to that. He just looks at the floor and nods instead.

Evan continues thoughtfully. “Okay, so the next thing is more about the personal side of things. I can’t really do this anymore, the way we’ve been going.”

Dan looks up in surprise. He guesses he shouldn’t be shocked. He’s been totally indecisive about the whole relationship, and then he’d gone mental today. Evan’s right to want something a little less dramatic. He nods, and stands up. “Yeah, okay. I get that. I, uh….” He kind of feels like he should leave, but that doesn’t make sense. Why isn’t Evan the one who’s leaving?

Evan just frowns at him. “Jesus Christ, Dan, you’re running again. Sit down and listen for a minute, will you?”

Dan sits down obediently, staring at his shoes, but he mutters, “I was listening.”

Evan voice is almost patient. “But I wasn’t done. I’m… God help me, I’m still into trying to figure out a way to make this work. But… okay, yeah, you’ve got to calm down a little, but also… I think I need you to make a choice.” He holds up his hands quickly. “I don’t mean tonight. But, sometime pretty soon, okay?”

Dan tries to figure that one out, but he can’t quite make it. “Okay, what are my choices again?” He cuts his eyes up to watch Evan’s response.

Evan grins a little. “Okay, good job of asking for clarification!” He’s being patronizing, but it’s light enough that Dan doesn’t worry about it. “I think there’s three options that would work for me, more or less. I’ve got a personal favorite, but I really think I can live with any of them as long as I know what’s going on and have some time to adjust.” He pauses, and Dan takes another drink, bracing himself. “Okay, option one is that we’re purely business associates. Not friends, not anything else. And if that’s the option you take, then I’m in no place to say anything about you fucking Jeff. That’d be between me and him, because you and me would just work together.”

Dan decides to gloss over the difference between working with and working for someone in favor of clarifying another point. “We didn’t fuck.”

“What?”

Dan is vaguely pleased to have shaken Evan out of his calm presentation style. “We didn’t fuck. I didn’t fuck your boyfriend. We messed around some, that’s all.”

Evan takes a moment to reflect. “Okay, well, that’s good to know, actually. He just gave me a sort of general idea—”

“We didn’t kiss, either,” Dan interjects. “In case you wanted to know.”

“You didn’t kiss. Okay. Good. But, actually, you should stop telling me things you didn’t do, because then whatever you leave off the list, I’m gonna know that’s what you did do, and I don’t need that information in my head.” Evan’s voice is a little strained.

Dan nods. “Fair enough.”

Evan tries to get back to his list. “Okay, that was option one. Uh, option two… option two is that we’re just friends. You and me. And I don’t mean to be a princess about this, but with this option you can’t fuck Jeff.” He catches himself. “Or mess around, or whatever. I know that’s a bit controlling, but… it works okay, me and Jeff being with other people, but not if I know them, not if…. I can’t be wondering all the time, you know? ‘Hey, Jeff was busy on Friday, and Dan was busy on Friday… I wonder if they were together?’” He seems to be talking to himself as much as to Dan. “I can’t be doing that. So, yeah, that’s option two. I’d like to be your friend, but I was wrong, thinking that I could handle it if you and Jeff were together, and I wasn’t part of it. Okay? If you and Jeff are together, and I’m not involved, then I really can’t know about it.”

Dan forces himself to look at Evan. “Sorry about today. I mean… sorry if that bugged you.”

Evan laughs a little bitterly. “‘Bugged me’? Yeah, it fucking bugged me!”

Dan squirms a little. “We thought you said it was okay….”

“Yeah, I said it was okay. Sometimes I say stupid shit, all right? It’s not okay!”

“Okay….”

Evan gives him a sharp look as if he’s trying to decide if Dan is saying “okay” he understands, or “okay” is what Evan had said and should stand by. Dan raises his hands in surrender. “Okay! It’s not all right for me and Jeff to screw around if you and me are friends! I get it!” Then he knows he shouldn’t, can’t believe he is, but it must be the bourbon talking when he mumbles, “Fucking shame, though. Your boyfriend’s smoking hot.”

Evan spins his head around to stare at him, and Dan is a little glad that there are no weapons handy. “Too early to joke, Dan,” Evan growls. Dan nods meekly and takes another drink. It finishes the glass, and he thinks about getting more, but decides that Evan might not appreciate that. Besides, there’s only one more option to go—he can make it.

Evan has regrouped after the inappropriate comment, and is looking doggedly determined to continue. “Okay, so… option three. And, seriously, this is still my personal favorite, even after all this insanity today, so… that’s saying something.” He smiles sadly at Dan, but Dan thinks he’ll wait to hear the option before smiling back. “Option three is all of us together. I still think we could make it work, and I still think it would be fucking awesome. The thing is…. I’m not saying we need to jump into anything, but I need to know that you’re into it. I don’t mean I want a guarantee, or a time line… although either of those would be great…. I just… I need to know if you want it and are just taking your time getting comfortable with the idea, or if you really don’t want it and are just looking for a way to let us down easy.” Evan rubs his stubbled jaw line. “Let me down easy, I guess.”

Dan doesn’t really know what to say. Luckily, Evan isn’t quite done yet.

“So, yeah, I don’t expect an answer on that stuff tonight, I just….” He runs his hands through his hair and makes it stick out at awkward angles. He looks tired, and really young. “I feel like we almost lost it today, you know?” He takes a quick look at Dan. “I don’t know, maybe we did lose it, or maybe we never had it… I just….” He’s sitting forward on the sofa, his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging between them, and his head flops down so he’s looking at the floor. Dan wants to reach out to him, smooth his hair back into place and make him feel better.

But he doesn’t do it. Evan gave him three options, and Dan absolutely understands why Evan needs to figure out which one Dan wants to choose. The problem is, Dan kind of needs to figure that out too. And until he does, he needs to make sure that he’s not making any false promises. He needs to start taking responsibility for his actions again.

“Yeah, it’s—” Dan doesn’t know where he’s going with this, doesn’t even know why he started talking. He takes a moment, and then starts over again. “I’m tired, and I’m drunk, and it’s been a hell of a day. I… I appreciate you taking the trouble to track me down and lay it out like this.” He smiles ruefully. “I get a little worked up sometimes.”

Evan snorts. “Yeah. I got that.” He scoots forward so that their knees are almost touching, and when he speaks, his voice is lower, and a little husky. “And I’ve got no problem with it at all. But I want to be the one to work you up, you know?”

And Dan is amazed, because he does know. He looks at Evan and feels the same draw, the same heat that he’d felt with Jeff in Kentucky. He just stares for a second and then nervously licks his lips, and sees Evan’s darkened eyes follow the motion. “Yeah, I…,” Dan whispers, and then he stands up abruptly and turns away, walking over to the kitchen and running the tap to get some cold water. He wonders if he just has an undiscovered fetish for guys who drink Wild Turkey in dingy apartments.

He fumbles a glass from the cupboard and puts it under the tap, then takes a deep drink. The water is still running, so he doesn’t hear it when Evan comes up behind him, but he feels it when two hands come to rest on the points of his hips, holding firmly but not tight, and when Evan’s stubbled jaw leans over and rubs over his own. “I can give you some time to decide,” Evan murmurs, his lips ghosting over the skin of Dan’s cheek. “But I really, really hope you chose option three.” One of his hands runs up and tangles in Dan’s hair, twisting his head around as Evan shifts their bodies, and then Evan’s mouth is on Dan’s, firm lips pushing his open, tongue following immediately, confidently. Dan kisses back, but Evan is taking the lead, pulling Dan’s body into his, moving his head around to find the best angle, and kissing, so deep, so wet. Dan’s hands come up of their own will and grab hold of Evan’s shirt, not trying to move or control him, just hanging on, struggling to find some balance in the swirling storm of the kiss.

It’s over too soon, Evan pulling away a little and then a little more, until their mouths part, but their bodies are still pressed close together. Evan looks down dazedly, and the hand in Dan’s hair loosens its grip and runs forward, smoothing down over Dan’s cheek and jaw line as Dan stares into Evan’s eyes. “Holy shit,” Evan whispers. “That wasn’t part of the plan.” He releases his hold and takes a step backward, Dan’s fingers stretching and then releasing their grip on Evan’s shirt. “I gotta go. You…. Please don’t run anymore, okay?” And then he’s the one running, striding toward the door and yanking it open, and Dan can hear the thud of his feet hitting the bottom stairs before the door even swings shut.

Dan stands in the kitchen, staring at the door. This day has been… confusing. He takes another sip from his glass, then realizes that water isn’t going to cut it. He heads into the living room, looking for the bottle of bourbon. He’s got some thinking to do.

 

 

Chapter 37

 

 

DAN IS hung over when he wakes up the next morning. It’s not surprising, considering how much more he’d drunk after Evan left, but it’s disappointing. Dan’s not usually an optimist, but somehow he’s always able to convince himself that he won’t feel any serious effects from drinking. His head and stomach welcome him back to harsh reality.

He’s not quite sick enough to throw up, but he’s sick enough to wish he could. Instead, he staggers into the shower. “Linens” apparently doesn’t include towels, so he dries off with a clean T-shirt and then pulls on jeans and a different shirt. The shower helped, but he still feels crappy. He stumbles to the kitchen and looks for coffee, but just as he’d suspected, the Ryan Effect has dissipated and there is none to be found. He finds his keys and heads for the truck. He really needs coffee, and some grease to line his stomach.

He finds them both at the diner out by the highway, and by the time he’s done eating he feels almost human. He finds that he has the energy to start thinking about his day.

He tries to remember what specifically Evan had said the night before about Dan going back to work. He’d said he’d make it okay, but… had he said that it was already taken care of? There had been a lot of “stay put”s and “trust me”s, but had there been anything concrete? Dan doesn’t want to show up at the barn if he’s not cleared to be there, but he really doesn’t want to talk to Evan quite yet, either. Evan’s options from the night before are still spinning around in his brain, and he really has no idea what he wants to do. Until he does, it’ll be pretty damn awkward talking to the guy.

Dan decides to phone Linda. She’s up on all of Evan’s business, as far as Dan can see, and if she doesn’t know, she can find out. He steps out of the diner and lets the cool morning air go to work on his headache as he dials his phone. Linda picks up on the second ring.

“Good morning, Dan.”

“Hey, Linda, how are you?”

“I’m lovely, thank you. How about you?” He tries to sense if there’s anything more than politeness in the question, wonders whether she has any reason to think that he’s not entirely fine. But he can’t tell at all—she’s quite a professional, and he’s really not good at subtleties.

“I’m all right, thanks. Uh… I was doing some stuff with the security people yesterday, and they asked me not to go back to the barn until they’d cleared it.” He waits for any sound of surprise from her, but he doesn’t get anything. “Evan said he’d clear it up, but I just wanted to double-check before I went back out there.”

“Hmm.” Linda sounds like Dan just asked her if she knew a good cookie recipe. “I’m not sure, and Evan’s not available, but I can give a call over to the security department and check on things. Is it all right if I call you back in a couple minutes?”

“Yeah, thanks, Linda. That’d be great.” She hangs up, and Dan wonders if there’s anything he could have asked that would frazzle her. He bets not.

He’s not sure how long he’s going to have to wait, but it’s not like he hasn’t got a lot to think about. He honestly has no idea how to go about deciding what he wants with Evan. Puppet-Chris suggests a “pros and cons” list, and Dan honestly can’t tell if he’s joking or serious. It’s a little worrisome.

Dan thinks about calling the real Chris, but he wants to keep the line open for Linda. He tries to think it through for himself. The first possibility was just business with Evan, leaving the way open to more with Jeff. But Dan isn’t sure that’s a real option. He believes that Evan would offer it, but he’s not sure that Jeff would. Jeff and Evan might be having problems, but the reaction to the phone call the day before showed that Evan still has a hell of a pull on Jeff. Even with Dan being as tempting as he knew how, Jeff had chosen Evan. Dan wonders how pathetic he’s prepared to be. Can he accept that he’ll always come second, and still try to have some sort of relationship with Jeff?

Or should he look at the second option, friendship with Evan, nothing with Jeff? Or maybe friendship with Jeff, he supposes, but he’s not sure he could maintain that without going crazy. After the kiss last night, Dan’s not sure he could maintain just a friendship with Evan, either. After what’s been developing between them all, just friendship seems a little pale and unexciting. Dan decides that it’s the option of last resort.

So that leaves option three. The one Evan wants him to pick, Dan remembers, shivering a little as he can almost feel Evan’s stubbled cheek rubbing against his own. Dan thinks about it hard, tries to imagine how it would work. Not just physically, but emotionally. Are they really saying they’ll admit him as an equal partner in their relationship, or would he just be an associate member, an occasional visitor, a novelty toy? He can’t imagine them being crazy enough to offer the former, and he’s worried that he might be weak enough to accept the latter.

The phone rings, and he picks it up with some relief. Thinking is hard.

“Hey, Linda.”

“Hi Dan. I spoke to Bill Albanese in security, and he says that you’re cleared to proceed, all the same access as you’ve had all along.”

“Really? That was… fast.”

“Were you hoping for a little vacation time?” Linda’s voice is warm and teasing.

“Uh, no, not really. Just… great, okay.” He checks his watch. The horses will have been turned out by now, but he can check on the competition horses in their pastures, and…

“Oh, Dan, while I’ve got you….”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Dan had almost forgotten that he was still having a phone conversation.

“Evan asked me to get hold of someone he met at the event on the weekend, and I’ve been having trouble getting through. Evan said the gentleman knew you, though… do you have a number for Sean Dubois?”

Dan’s brain stops working for a second, and when it starts up again, it’s a little jerky. Evan. Looking for Sean Dubois. Dan can only think of one reason why Evan would be looking for Sean, an underemployed professional eventer. Evan had said that he was okay with keeping things strictly business, but maybe he wasn’t. Dan manages to pull himself together enough to say, “Uh, no, sorry, I don’t.”

Linda sounds as if she’s aware that Dan hadn’t reacted well to the question. “Well, I’m sure it’s not about anything important. I’ll just keep trying the original number, I guess. Thanks, Dan.”

“Yeah, thank you, Linda,” Dan says, but it’s like his mouth is moving by force of habit, with no connection to the rest of him. His mind is far away, spinning wildly and inefficiently, trying to process contradictory information. He hangs up the phone and sits down on the fender of the truck.

Is Evan planning to replace Dan if he doesn’t go along with his proposition? Or is he going to replace him anyway? Evan had said he wanted the three of them to get together, but he hadn’t mentioned how long he thought they should stay together. Dan realizes just how much he doesn’t know about Evan’s plans. Or Jeff’s, really—Dan knows that Jeff will put Evan first, but would that extend to supporting Evan if he tried to fire Dan? He wonders just what they’re putting on the line in all of this, compared to what they’re asking of him. Or maybe they’re not asking as much as he thinks they are. Maybe they’re just looking for a quick fuck, and he should do it and get it over with. Jeff’s hot, Evan’s hot, who says it has to be all emotional? They’d talked about being “interested,” but Evan’s also apparently “interested” in Sean fucking Dubois, so what does that mean? But why should Dan give them the satisfaction? If this whole thing has been a lie or a game to them, why should he let them win?

Does Evan honestly have the balls to come to Ryan’s apartment and lecture Dan about trust at the same time that he’s sneaking around behind Dan’s back, trying to hire his replacement? Did Dan actually let himself feel bad for overreacting to the security problems? Sure, Evan trusts him. He trusts him to be a total loser who’s too stupid to even know when he’s being used, trusts him to move across the country and work his ass off trying to get a bunch of horses in shape just in time for someone else to swoop in and take over. Dan leaves the bumper and sits on the seat of his truck with his feet out the door, and he bends over and puts his head in his hands, pressing in and trying to stop the pandemonium.

He feels the urge to drive again, to climb in and just take off. He’s been fooling himself all along, letting himself think that he could do the job without Justin, thinking that he somehow belonged in that nice house, working in that nice barn with all those nice people. He’s not nice, and the security guys had seen that in about a second. They must be pissed off now, thinking that he’d gotten away with it all, thinking that Evan trusts him. Evan should tell them that he’s hiring somebody new, make them feel better. Hell, maybe he already had, maybe that’s why Evan’s busy, he’s busy laughing his ass off with the security guys, thinking about the poor dumb dropout who thinks he belongs anywhere near the mighty Kaminski. Hell, if Sean wants this shit, let him have it. Dan’s had enough.

Dan thinks about Justin and how everything had been simple with him. They’d loved each other, loved their jobs, their horses… their lives. And now Dan has this. This mess of confusion. Dan remembers the funeral, remembers how Chris had talked about Justin’s intensity, and his certainty. Dan misses that. He needs that. And then he remembers other things about those days in Kentucky. He remembers riding with Jeff and Chris, going up Justin’s hill in the dark, and feeling the night, letting the horse guide him. Why can Dan be so sure when he’s on a horse and so totally confused all the rest of the time? He remembers Jeff and Evan at the funeral, too, and Tatiana’s gentle hug, and her kind words at the visitation. He thinks of how much Evan loves his sister, and how beautifully she’s turning out.

And he picks up his phone and dials. It rings a few times and then a voice mail greeting comes on, followed by a beep. Dan hopes he’s doing the right thing.

“Hey, Evan, it’s Dan. I think… I kind of need to talk to you…. Just give me a call when you can, okay?” He hangs up. If Evan has been fucking with him, leading him on, he just opened himself up to more lies and confusion. But Dan really wants to trust him. It wouldn’t mean everything is going to be easy, or even make that much more sense, but it would give Dan another point to anchor himself to. He’s just climbing into the truck when his phone rings. Caller display says Evan—is the guy just screening his calls?

“Hello.”

“Hey, Dan, it’s me. What’s up?”

“Linda said you were unavailable. I thought you’d call back later.”

“Uh, no. I was in a meeting, but I saw your name on the phone, so I took a break. Is everything okay?”

Dan’s already committed, really. “I was just… I was talking to Linda, and she said that you were trying to get in touch with Sean Dubois. I just, uh… I just wondered why.”

There’s a second of silence, and then Evan says, “Shit. Did you think I was looking to replace you?” He seems to interpret Dan’s silence correctly. “Okay. Thanks for calling and letting me explain.”

Dan’s still silent, waiting. Hoping.

“Sean did talk to me on Sunday, like you said he would, looking for rides. But he also said he was looking at maybe getting out of riding entirely, and becoming a sales agent. You know, matching up buyers and sellers. I meant to talk to you about it, about maybe hiring him or somebody like him. But then things got a little hectic with the security stuff, and it slipped my mind. But I asked Linda to get in touch with him so I could get some more information. That’s all. Seriously, Dan, your job’s safe. Regardless of how things turn out, or what you decide or whatever.” He waits for a second. “Dan? You good?”

“I’m gonna move out,” Dan says abruptly. He surprises himself a little, but as soon as he says it he knows it’s a good idea. He believes Evan about Sean, but still… it’s a good idea to move out.

“Huh? Out of your house? Why?”

“Because it’s not my house, it’s your house. I…. It’s too close, you know? It’s just too much. My whole life is tied up in that place, and… it’s too much.”

There’s a pause, and then Evan quietly says, “Does this mean you’re trying to… trying to keep it just business? Trying to avoid me?”

Dan groans a little. “Not really. I’m still… I’m pretty fucked up, Evan. I mean, this thing with Sean… I….” He takes a moment to try to collect himself. “Okay, you said that option three was me being interested in something more, but no guarantees, right?”

“Yeah….”

“Okay, the thing is… yeah, I’m interested. I have been for a while. In both of you, not just Jeff. But… I really don’t see it working, Evan. I mean, there’s just too much in the way. You know?”

Evan’s voice is quiet. “No. I don’t know. I mean, yeah, there’s stuff we have to work out, but I think we can do it. I think it’s worth trying, at least.”

“Yeah, okay, but that right there, that attitude—that’s why I’ve got to move out. Because… okay, you can say you won’t fire me, and I believe you. Well, I believe you most of the time. But if we try this, and it blows up as badly as it could, I really doubt I’m going to want to keep working there. And when the security thing happened—that was like they took everything, you know? Not just my job, but my home. I can’t have that much tied up one place.”

Evan doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Are you sure you want to be deciding this now? I mean, you had a rough day yesterday, and….”

“Yeah. Evan, people move all the time, it’s not a life-changing decision. The house was great while I got settled in, and now I’ll find somewhere else. No big deal.”

“Well, whatever… I mean, we don’t really use the place, so if you want to get your own spot, that’s great, but the house will always be there.”

“Okay, yeah.”

“But what about these other things that are in the way?” Evan’s starting to sound like he’s moving back into his “let’s get things done” mode, and Dan isn’t sure whether to be amused or terrified. “We should talk about them, right? I mean, talking worked this time—you could have freaked out about Sean, but you didn’t. You just called me, and we talked, got it straightened out.”

“I freaked out a bit,” Dan confesses, and there’s another pause.

“Did you go over to Jeff’s again?” Evan sounds like he’s mostly joking but not entirely.

“No! It was… it was an internal freak out. Didn’t last quite as long.”

“And you pulled yourself out of it. Seriously, I think this ‘talking’ thing could really work for us. So here’s my plan. We take today to all calm down a little. Regroup. And then tomorrow we meet up for dinner, somewhere quiet, and we figure out the obstacles, hammer out the details.”

Dan smirks. “Like, a dating contract?”

“Yeah, exactly!” Dan tries to ignore Puppet-Chris’s victory dance, and resolves that he will never tell the actual Chris. Or else he will tell him, while he’s explaining the final piece of evidence that convinced Dan that things would never work between him and Evan. “Dan?” Evan interrupts.

“Yeah, uh. The contract idea is insane. But… okay, maybe we should at least talk through stuff, see what you guys are thinking about.” A thought occurs to him. “But is Jeff okay with the timing? His show’s this Friday, right? Should he be concentrating on getting ready for that?”

“I don’t know. Last time we talked about it he was almost ready, but… I guess I could call him and find out.” Evan sounds reluctant, almost petulant, and Dan has a sinking feeling.

“Are you guys fighting? Are you mad about him and me?” There’s no answer. “Because, seriously… we thought it was okay with you, and I was pretty fucking persistent, man… and when it came down to it….” Dan doesn’t know if he really wants to say this part. “When it came down to it, he chose you. I was… well, I was doing my best to distract him, and the phone rang, and he thought it was you, and—”

“Dan! Seriously, this is between me and him.”

Dan hears that pretty clearly. “Yeah. So that’s the way it’s going to be, in your version of the damn contract? You and Jeff can talk about me all you want, but I don’t get to say anything about either of you? That’s good to know, man. Thanks for clearing that up.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that….”

“Really? So how did you mean it?”

“Fuck. I don’t know. Okay, yeah, you have a right to talk about us, too, I guess… but… yeah, okay, I heard what you said. I’ll give him a call and see if he’s free for dinner tomorrow night. Okay?”

“And be nice.”

Evan snorts a little. “What?”

“You should be nice when you call him. You love him, remember?” Dan’s teasing, but he means it too.

“Yeah, thanks. So I’ll call him, nicely… and then I’ll call you back and let you know?”

“Okay. But, Evan… I mean, okay, you’re right, it’s worth talking it out, but… talking doesn’t solve everything, you know?” He can barely remember all the things that had jittered through his mind earlier, but he’s pretty sure that at least some of them had merit.

Evan sighs. “No, not everything. But, seriously, Dan, if you want this… and I want this… and Jeff wants this… let’s make it happen, you know? Let’s get it for ourselves.”

“Jesus, you sound like a motivational speaker.” Dan laughs a little.

“Well, is it working? Are you motivated?”

“I’m motivated to hang up. I’m gonna go to work, and then I’ll move my stuff out tonight. I can come back and clean the place… oh, not tomorrow night… the next night?”

“Nah, man, don’t worry about cleaning it. We’ve got people who can do that.”

Dan shakes his head. “You have people. I don’t. I can clean.”

“Whatever. Knock yourself out.” Evan mutters something that sounds like “Stubborn bastard,” but Dan doesn’t ask him to repeat it.

They hang up, and Dan lies back along the bench seat, his feet still sticking out the door. He stays like that for a minute, staring at the ceiling of the truck and wondering what the hell he’s doing. In the space of five minutes he’s gone from freaking out and hating his life to feeling reasonably content, although still totally uncertain about his future. And still a little hung over. He pulls himself back up to a sitting position and swings his feet inside the truck. He doesn’t have to worry about Evan and Jeff until the next night, and in the meantime, he’s got horses to train. It may not be a lot, but it’s enough. At least for now.

 

 

Chapter 38

 

 

DAN DRIVES to the barn and throws himself into his work with enthusiasm. It’s hard for him to believe that he saw the horses only the morning before. It feels like it’s been weeks. The staff doesn’t seem to have even noticed that he was gone, and Tatiana is there, too, bright and cheerful as ever. He supposes that Evan wouldn’t have mentioned any of the previous day’s events to her, and she seems unaware of the trauma caused in the name of her security. He has a quick flash of resentment, wondering why she gets to be so blissfully ignorant while he is put through the third degree, but after about two minutes of her gushing about Sunshine and Chaucer and all the other exciting things in her life, he finds that he’s forgiven her. He likes it that she’s unaware and that she can still be a kid even with the dangers in her world. He realizes again that Evan’s doing a good job with his little sister.

Dan takes Tat with him when he checks on the horses that had competed on Sunday. They need at least a couple days to rest after their exertions, so he doesn’t ride them, but he has Robyn walk and trot them on the leadline so he can watch for lameness, and he runs his hands over their muscles to check for the heat of injury. He explains what he’s doing to Tat, and he’s impressed as always with her focus and her interest in learning. He sort of hopes that she doesn’t become a serious eventer, because he doesn’t want to see her take that kind of risk, but he thinks she definitely has a future in the horse world, if she wants it. A future she could earn herself, not one that she buys with her family money.

Ryan calls around lunchtime. He’s just waking up, and Dan teases him about the rock and roll lifestyle. Ryan agrees ruefully, and gives a quick summary of what he’s been up to. He sounds happy, and more excited than Dan’s ever heard him, so Dan’s happy on his behalf.

When Ryan asks how Dan’s doing, he’s not sure how to respond.

“Oh, yeah. Better today, for sure. Sorry about the drama yesterday.”

“Dude, there wasn’t really any drama…. You just sounded down.”

“Yeah, it… I dunno. Some stuff came up, and I didn’t deal with it all that well, and… whatever. But, yeah, I think I’m gonna find somewhere else to live. The house is really nice, but it’s just not really me, you know? And I think I need a bit of breathing room from the whole Kaminski experience.”

“Especially if you’re gonna start dating him,” Ryan says quietly.

Dan’s temporarily speechless. He’d known Ryan was aware of his interest in Jeff, but…. “What? Why would… I mean….”

“Dude, I thought he was gonna punch me that first night in the bar.” Ryan laughs a little. “And he eased off, but still… he wasn’t exactly subtle. And a guy like him—what he wants, he gets, right?”

“Wait. No…. What do you mean… a guy like him? I thought you thought… Jeff?” Dan is aware that he’s not making a lot of sense. Maybe he can treat this as a rehearsal for the conversation the next evening. He obviously needs some practice.

“A guy like him: rich, good-looking, smart, ambitious—the whole package, right? And, honestly, from how I’ve seen him treat other people, he seems like a pretty good guy too.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t know, man. I mean… I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“Yeah, no shit. He’s been seeing Stevens for years, right?”

“Wait a second—how come you know all this?”

“Dude, he’s the biggest piece of gossip around. The whole package. And single. And fucks men and women? And lots of each? Jesus, it’s a small town… there’s people who could tell you what that guy has for breakfast.” Ryan sounds amused by the whole scene, but Dan doesn’t think he’s able to be that sanguine himself.

“Shit.” Dan really hadn’t considered that other people might be aware of his… situation. It’s one more item that makes him uncomfortable about the whole thing. Puppet-Chris tells him to add it to the ‘con’ list, but Dan hasn’t admitted that he’s making one. The less the puppet knows, the better.

Ryan sounds a bit more thoughtful. “So, you’re thinking about, what… both of them? The town would love that.”

“Jesus. The town cares?”

“Dan, man—you saw those girls grab onto your first day at the restaurant—if the town cares about you, you’d better believe they care about Kaminski, and a Kaminski threesome? Hell, yeah, they’d care.”

“Oh, God.” Dan groans and cradles his head in his hands. “This just gets messier and messier.”

Ryan’s voice is gentle. “What about you, man? Forget the town, and forget Kaminski… what do you want?”

Dan thinks for a minute. “Fuck if I know.”

“Okay, put it this way… if you were stuck on a desert island somewhere, just the three of you… would you be getting it on?”

Dan smiles at the thought. “Would there be lube?”

“Coconut oil or something. Be creative.”

“Okay, side question—does this not bother you at all? I mean, this conversation is just about killing me, and you seem fine with it.” Dan isn’t sure if he really wants the answer to that. “Am I just… am I flattering myself to think that maybe it would bug you a little?”

Ryan takes a second before answering. “I went into this thinking we’d be friends. And then I bailed before we got to be much more. I… I’ve got no right to lay claim to you, man. You know? And, I don’t know… I guess I’m pretty good at being content with what I’ve got, and not bitching about what I haven’t.”

Dan nods to himself. It goes a long way toward explaining the Ryan Effect. And it bought him a little time on the desert island question.

“Yeah, okay. Uh, desert island—sure, yeah. They’re both hot, I like them both… hey, if you were there you could join in too.”

“Thanks. So, it’s just what other people think that would slow you down? I don’t know, man… should that really matter?”

“Well… maybe? Or… I don’t know, it’s not just what other people think, it’s what I think. I mean… Evan’s my boss, which is… bad, for me. And on a desert island, we’d all be stuck there together. Nobody’s gonna leave, or nobody’s gonna see somebody else and want them instead.”

“Huh. Yeah, life isn’t simple, I guess.” Ryan sounds smugly aware that his own life actually is fairly straightforward, but Dan can’t really resent him for it.

“Yeah, thanks, that’s helpful.” Dan smiles. “Okay, I should get back to work, I guess. But do you have your landlord’s number, for the apartment? Maybe I’ll get in touch, see if I can get a couple months there before I decide what I’m doing longer term.”

“Uh… no number, actually. He’s a bit of a crazy hippy. He does pottery, and he travels around to all these craft shows… he’s hardly ever home. I just leave notes for him in the mailbox of the house, and he leaves notes in the mailbox of the garage—it works out all right. His name’s Wendell.” Ryan laughs. “He may not even know that I gave notice yet.”

“Wendell? Okay. Great, thanks. And, you know… thanks for listening to me babble.”

“Anytime, man. I gotta say, though, it’s a bit sad when the sex life of some damn horse trainer is that much kinkier than the sex life of a rock star like me.”

“Well, you’re still new at it… I’m sure the kinkiness will build once you’re on the road.”

Ryan laughs, and they hang up. Dan goes back to the horses. Having the competitors taking a rest means that Dan has more time for the younger horses, and he really enjoys the chance to work with them and see where they’re at. Before he knows it, Robyn and Michelle are calling it a day. Tat looks tired as well, but she seems determined to stay as long as Dan does.

He turns his last horse, an off-the-track Thoroughbred filly, into her pasture, and finds Tat waiting for him at the gate.

“Hey, Dan.” She seems a little shy, as if she’s building up to a difficult question, and Dan starts to get a bit of a sinking feeling. He really has no idea what Evan has told his sister about… anything, really. Dan, and Jeff, and Dan and Jeff and Evan…. And he doesn’t know what she’s supposed to know, or even if there’s anything to tell her. He looks around frantically for an escape.

“Hey, Tat!” He suspects that his greeting is a little overenthusiastic, considering that he’s just spent most of the day with her. He tries to bring the energy level down a notch. “What’s up?”

She smiles bashfully. “I just… I wanted to say that… Evan doesn’t always tell me all that much. I mean, he tries to protect me from a lot of stuff. But… I could tell something was going on yesterday, and I think I kind of know what it was… and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. You know… if it was what I think it was.”

This is so much better than what Dan thought she wanted to talk about. “Oh, no, Tat… I don’t know what you thought it was, but, really… there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

She doesn’t look quite convinced. “But if… if they made you feel unwelcome, or as though you were… I don’t know, as if you were dangerous or something, just because they’re being all paranoid about protecting me… I should be sorry about that, shouldn’t I?” She’s looking at the ground as she talks, but then she lifts her eyes up to Dan at the end, and he almost wants to cry.

“No, Tat, you….” He doesn’t know how much detail he wants to go into. “You’re lucky—you’ve got a family who cares about you, wants to keep you safe, and helps you know how to do the right things. I wasn’t quite so lucky.” He smiles ruefully, and wonders if that was enough to make her understand, or just enough to rouse her curiosity. “So… I guess… if you want to be sorry, like, it’s too bad that everyone isn’t as lucky with their families, okay, you can be sorry like that. But don’t be sorry like it’s your fault.” He shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”

He gets another bashful look, and then she nods. “Yeah, okay.” They both rest their arms on the fence and look out at Sunshine grazing. Dan gives himself a mental pat on the back. He handled that all right. “Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?” He almost hopes she’s got another question, just so he can answer it as smoothly.

She turns her head to look directly at him. “Do you like my brother?” And there goes Dan’s confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field.

“Uh… yes? I mean… I think almost everybody likes your brother, don’t they?”

She leans over and gives him a little hip check. “No, you know what I mean. Do you like him?” Dan just stares out at the horses, hoping that one of them will do something, anything, to distract this girl from her question. But the horses just keep grazing, and Tat continues. “’Cause he likes you. I mean, he likes Jeff, too, but… you can like two people at once, right?”

“Uh… yes? I think you can like two people at once.”

“Yeah. I know it’s none of my business or whatever, but… I just wanted to make sure that you know… if you like him, that’s cool with me. I mean, I like Jeff, too, but… you know.”

Dan has a brief moment of wanting to shake her. No, he doesn’t know. Is everything really so clear to everyone but him? Is he just adding extra complications where they don’t need to be? Then he remembers that he’s talking to a fifteen-year-old girl. Maybe she shouldn’t be the arbiter of what’s simple or complicated.

He realizes that she’s still waiting for a response from him. “Okay, well… thanks for letting me know.”

“Are you guys going to, like… date?”

“Sweet Jesus, Tat, I don’t know!” Possibly that was an overreaction, but she looks more amused than upset.

“All right, all right….” She gets a mischievous look in her eyes. “Hey, if I promise not to ask any more questions, can I ride Monty tomorrow? Just on the flat, not for jumping!”

Dan shakes his head. She can have his truck if she stops asking questions, but it’s probably better she doesn’t figure that out. “Uh… that might work. He should just have a light work out tomorrow, if anything… We’ll check his legs in the morning, and if he’s all right, you can give him a try. Just walk and trot, probably….”

She squeals and gives him a quick hug, and then Evan’s Cherokee is pulling into the barn parking area. Tat gives Dan another sly look. “Hmm… Evan said he’d come by and drive me home, but I think I feel like a walk… maybe you should go say hi….”

Dan feels his face flame, and he tries to put a little warning in his voice when he says, “Tat…,” but she just laughs and skips away toward her brother.

He hears them exchange greetings but keeps his eyes on the field. He doesn’t really want to explain his blush to Evan. The bastard would probably think the whole thing was hilarious.

He hears Tatiana call out a goodbye to him, and he turns to wave to her. Evan is coming across the grass toward him, looking a little hesitant. Dan smiles a greeting and then turns back to look at the horses. Conversations without face to face contact are his favorite.

Evan comes up and stands beside him, leaning his own arms on the fence, just close enough so that their elbows touch. Dan is hyper-aware of the contact, and finds himself wanting to lean into it. If he’s honest with himself, he wants to turn Evan toward him and lean into him with a whole lot more than just elbows. Dan may not be a fan of face to face conversations, but that doesn’t mean he sees no value in the position. It’s reassuring, in a way. It’s nice to know that Dan isn’t going through all this for a guy he doesn’t even really want.

Evan watches the horses for a while, then says, “So I talked to Jeff. And I was nice.” He cuts his eyes toward Dan, who lets the corners of his mouth curl up a little. “And he said dinner tomorrow is a good idea. He said he’s going stir crazy trying not to worry about the show, so he can cook. It’ll give him something to do.”

Dan hadn’t thought about that. He’d assumed they’d go to a restaurant. Evan seems to sense his reaction.

“We could just go out, but if we’re going to have a real, honest discussion about all this—some privacy might be good. And Jeff’s place is more private than mine, and way more private than a restaurant.”

Dan nods. It makes sense. It’s just that the last time he’d been at Jeff’s, he hadn’t exactly been on his best behavior. It’ll be a bit awkward to go back, especially with Evan there. But he guesses he just needs to suck it up. He can’t avoid the place forever. “Yeah, okay. Uh… what time?”

“I said I’d go there straight from the office… so maybe six or so?”

Dan nods again. “Okay, yeah.” Evan shifts a little, so his whole upper arm is against Dan’s, and when he speaks, his voice is quieter, but intense.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day, Dan. Thinking about that kiss, and all the things I want us to do. It’s been driving me nuts.”

Dan’s actually been okay, working with the horses as a way to keep his mind off things, but now that Evan is right here, Dan’s having a little trouble forming coherent thoughts. He’s not sure what his voice would sound like if he tried to speak, so he just nods.

Evan seems to understand the reason for Dan’s silence, and he leans in closer. His lips are right by Dan’s ear now, and just like the night before, Dan can feel them on his cheek when Evan speaks. He wonders if this is a favorite technique of Evan’s and wonders how he’ll be able to stand it if Evan does it much longer. “You’ve got to give us a chance, Dan. We can figure everything out. I know we can.” He turns a little more toward Dan and moves in slightly, and Dan can feel Evan’s hardness up against his hip. He lets out a little whimper and turns his head, his eyes shut tight, his mouth finding Evan’s by feel. This time it’s Dan who leads the way, pushing almost too hard against Evan’s lips, licking into his mouth, rolling his hip against Evan’s groin. Dan shifts his body so they’re facing each other, still squeezed in tight, and their hard lengths are rubbing against each other through their clothes. Evan gasps a little at the contact, and Dan trails his lips away from Evan’s mouth, kissing and sucking along his jaw line and down his neck. He’s so turned on he can barely breathe. Evan leans his head back, exposing his throat for more attention, and just then Dan hears laughing voices from the direction of the barn, and he rips his mouth and body away from Evan.

Dan turns to look back out at the horses, but Evan stays in the same position as if frozen there. After a moment he groans and lets his head fall forward.

“Dan, there you are!” calls Sara from the barn. Dan turns his head to look at her and Devin. “We’re going into town to get some dinner… do you guys want anything?”

Dan glances at Evan but he doesn’t seem to be too coherent, so he just decides for both of them. “Nah, we’re good, thanks,” he calls back, and Evan comes back to himself enough to raise an arm to wave at them before turning around and facing the field.

He waits a while, either to make sure Devin and Sara are gone or to gain a little more control of himself. “Jesus Christ, Dan—” he starts.

“Yeah,” Dan replies, and then he grins. “Wasn’t today supposed to be a cooling off period, or something?”

Evan laughs a little. “Yeah, something like that.” He shakes his head a little. “Okay, I was gonna offer to help you pack up your stuff tonight, but….”

Dan nods. “If I get you anywhere near a bed, you’re gonna end up in it. And it’d be better….”

“More fair to Jeff,” Evan agrees, “although I don’t know if that exactly makes sense. I mean, you and him got together on your own….”

“And you didn’t like it,” Dan reminds him.

Evan doesn’t answer for a minute. “I fucking hated it.” Then he grins. “Since when are you Mr. Sensible?”

Dan shakes his head. “I turned over a whole new leaf, man. This is the new me.”

“Yeah. Great fucking timing on that, you bastard.” Evan keeps looking out at the horses. “Hey, you need to teach me to ride.”

Dan can’t stop himself from smirking a little. “I thought we agreed that it would be better to wait until tomorrow.”

Evan shoots him a look. “Seriously? It’s your full-time job, and you still pick up on all the dirty expressions? Wouldn’t it sort of wear thin after a while?”

“Dude, I had my tongue down your throat two minutes ago. I’m still fucking hard. Excuse me if I’ve got sex on my mind.”

Evan groans a little. “Jesus, don’t remind me. Okay, then, I’m gonna head home, find some dinner. I’d invite you up, but… same problem applies.”

“Shit, man, I almost forgot. Your sister… I had a bit of a weird conversation with your sister.”

“Well, yeah. Weird’s pretty normal with her. What was this one about?”

“Uh… I think she gave us her blessing.” Evan looks up in surprise, and Dan shrugs. “I don’t know, dude. She… she asked if I liked you, and then she said you liked me, but that you liked Jeff, too, but that she thinks it’s okay to like two people at the same time. It freaked me out a little.”

“Jesus. Is that what she was smirking about when she said she’d walk home?”

“I guess so, yeah. She also seemed to know a bit about yesterday. You might want to talk to her about that. I think she believed me when I said it wasn’t her fault, but… I’m not really sure.”

Evan rolls his eyes dramatically. “This is what she does! She sneaks around and eavesdrops, and then I’ve got to make her feel better about whatever she overhears. It’s… it’s not a good system.”

“Maybe you should tell her upfront. You know… make sure she’s got the facts right, make sure she’s not misinterpreting anything.”

“That’s what Jeff says. Jesus, are you two gonna gang up on me about my sister?”

Dan raises his hands. “Okay, I’m obviously in no position to be giving advice about anything family related. Sorry.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Evans waits for Dan’s shrug, then looks up in the direction of the house. “What did you tell her about us?”

“I, uh… I told her she could ride Monty tomorrow if she stopped asking me questions.”

Evan bites his lip a little, then gives up and laughs out loud. “Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Damn, I should remember that one.”

“Dude, get your own bribe!”

Evan’s eyes are warm, and Dan kind of wants to stay there forever, just basking in the affection from the other man. But he doesn’t honestly think it will stay as simple affection for long, and he really does think Jeff would be hurt if they did anything without him. Dan notices that his thinking on the next evening seems to have shifted. Originally it was a meeting to talk, for Dan to explain his serious reservations about their suggested arrangement. But somehow it seems to have morphed, and now he feels like he’s going into it expecting to have some sort of sex with at least one of the guys. He’s not sure when or why things shifted, and right now he’s not too concerned about it. He feels like the tension has ratcheted up to the point where something needs to happen, especially between him and Evan, or they’ll both explode. So he can still express his serious reservations about an actual relationship, but that shouldn’t mean that he can’t get a little action. Or a lot of action, maybe. He’s open to suggestions.

But until then, Dan needs to get the hell away from Evan. “Okay, so… oh, you want to learn to ride. You don’t mean right now, do you?” His eyes shift down to Evan’s crotch, where he still looks at least partly hard. “’Cause take it from me, that’s pretty uncomfortable….”

“No, not right now,” Evan is quick to say. “Just… someday. Sean was saying that these are good times to buy horses, ’cause of the economy being so bad, so maybe we could be on the lookout for some good eventing prospects, but also for some horses just for riding around on, you know? Like Smokey or maybe a bit bigger, for me.”

“Yeah, that’d be great. We could build a run-in shed in the big paddock, and keep the extra horses in there. Smokey’d be happier out all the time, if he had some company. Most horses would, really, but the stalls are convenient when we’re riding them every day.” Dan’s getting enthusiastic about this idea, and he notices that his body is calming right down. Apparently horses are his anti-aphrodisiac—which is just as well, considering his job.

“Excellent, yeah. I’ve got another… there’s another idea I’ve been working on, but it’s not quite put together yet. Hopefully I’ll have it figured out for tomorrow.” Dan gives him a curious look, but Evan just shrugs and grins. “Okay, then. I’m gonna go…. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Six o’clock at Jeff’s.”

Dan nods. He kind of wants a kiss goodbye, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. There’s no telling where that might end up. Apparently Evan has the same thought, because he’s looking a bit regretful as he walks back toward the car.

Dan waits until he hears the Cherokee start up and drive away before he turns and heads up to his own truck. He doesn’t really have much stuff to pack up, but he figures he may as well get to it. Maybe he’ll even start on the cleaning tonight. Lord knows he could use the distraction from his thoughts. He feels like his head could start spinning again, and he really doesn’t think there’s any productive decisions to be made right now. He needs to hear what Evan and Jeff have to say and how they respond to his concerns. He’s not optimistic, and he’s going in with some pretty serious reservations, but he finds that he’s really, really starting to hope that they’re able to convince him. He doesn’t honestly know what he’ll do if they can’t.

 

 

Chapter 39

 

 

DAN MAKES it through the next day largely by working his ass off. It occurs to him in the late afternoon that he may have worked a little too hard and that it might have been better to save a little endurance for the evening, but then he thinks of Evan and Jeff looking at him with heat in their eyes, and his dick lets him know that it has access to hidden energy reserves. So he figures he’ll be okay.

He heads home about half past four. It’s remarkable to him how quickly he’s started thinking of the apartment as home, considering that he never did get around to thinking of the guest house that way. It’s especially ironic considering that he doesn’t even have any legal right to it… when he’d gone to put a note in the landlord’s mailbox, he’d found Ryan’s thirty-day notice still there, and just added his note to the pile. He has no idea if the landlord will let him stay, but for twenty-six days, at least, it’s home. He’s not saying that he wants to live in the apartment forever, necessarily, but it’s good for now.

He showers and spends a few minutes worrying about clothes. What does one wear to dinner at a friend’s that may well turn into a wild threesome? Clean underwear, definitely, but other than that he has no idea. He settles on his usual jeans and a button down shirt. If the guys don’t like him in that, they might as well figure it out now, because he doubts it’s going to change. He does go to the trouble of shaving—stubble can be sexy, but beard-burn is no fun.

He takes a minute to consider just how disappointed he’s going to be if he ends up not getting any action. He’d jerked off in the shower, hoping to take the edge off, but he’s getting hard again just thinking about everything. His mind may still harbor some doubts, but his body has pretty clearly decided.

He’s ready to go at about half past five, and then takes a few minutes to talk to Justin’s picture. Even it seems more at home in the apartment. The picture’s warm tones hadn’t really fit against the cool white walls of the guest house, but the apartment is painted an indeterminate beige-y color that isn’t exactly inspiring but does seem to be a better backdrop for the photograph. Dan mentions this in the first couple sentences of his monologue. He figures he should warm Justin up before jumping right into the threesome stuff. But there’s really no graceful way to transition from talk of interior decorating to telling your boyfriend that you’re going to have sex with two other men, so eventually Dan just goes for it.

“So, yeah. I, uh… neither one of us was exactly a virgin when we got together, right? Maybe I was a bit further away from it than you, but, come on… you got your share. So, uh… I don’t know, maybe you did something like this before me. But I think you would have mentioned it. I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, man, but it really looks like I’m gonna do it. I mean, they’re both good guys, and… yeah, you know, I want both of them. And you’re not here.” Dan has to get the hell off that train of thought. Showing up with red eyes would definitely not be sexy.

“Jeff’s cool—very Zen, very… gentle. He was great in Kentucky, with—” And there’s another area that Dan shouldn’t really delve into if he wants to maintain his composure. Then again, he’s having a conversation with a stolen photograph, so maybe it’s not his composure that he’s lost. But he continues anyway. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s sneaking around. “You’d like him. Well, he’d probably put you to sleep, a little, but… in a nice way. And you’d like Evan, too, I think. You guys are kind of alike. You’re both intense, and you go after what you want. He’s gotten stuff a bit easier than you ever did, so, you know, he’s a bit more laid back, but… I don’t know. Hey, maybe it’s like a compliment, right? It takes two of them to add up to one of you?

“So, yeah, that’s what I’m doing. It could all end up in a big mess… but at least I tried, right?” He touches the picture gently. There are marks on the glass over Justin’s face where his fingers have rested so many times. He’d thought about cleaning them off, but had decided to leave them. “I miss you, baby. But… I’m still here, right? I gotta try to put a life together. So… this is what I’m trying.” He pulls his fingers away and raises his eyebrows, trying to get himself into a lighter mood. “God help us all.”

And then he’s out the door and into his truck, on the way to Jeff’s.

It’s not a long drive, maybe about ten minutes, but it’s long enough for Dan to get ridiculously nervous. He can feel his shirt sticking to his back and wishes he could blame the heat, but the air coming through his open window is cool. He sits forward a bit, trying to get a breeze circulating between himself and the seat. He wishes he’d brought a change of clothes, although he supposes it might be a little awkward to show up for a casual dinner with an overnight bag.

He pulls into the driveway with plans to stand outside for a bit and collect himself, but Jeff is sitting on the porch, Lou at his side, beer in his hand and feet up on the railing. He looks cool as a cucumber, the bastard. Dan wonders again just what those two are risking with all this. He guesses maybe they have nothing to be nervous about. And that means he doesn’t, either, he reminds himself. He’s not sure if he wants anything, so it’s not like he’s desperately hoping for a certain outcome. And sex is sex. If he doesn’t get it here, he can always get it somewhere else. That helps a little, and he pulls himself out of the truck and walks toward the house.

“Hey, Dan,” Jeff says softly, and maybe he is a little nervous, because his eyes don’t seem to be quite as still as they usually are.

“Hi. Evan not here yet?” Dan’s voice sounds fairly normal. He bends down to greet the dog.

“No, not yet.” Jeff nods his head toward a galvanized bucket by the porch steps, full of ice with several bottles of beer sticking out. “Help yourself. Or I could get you something else, if you’d rather.”

“No, this is good, thanks.” Dan pulls out a bottle and twists off the lid, takes a long pull. It feels perfect, and he takes another swallow which is almost as good. He looks around the porch and takes the seat next to Jeff’s, with a little table between them. Jeff looks pretty damn comfortable, so Dan kicks his own feet up on the railing. Physically, everything is lovely. Mentally is a different matter.

They sit quietly for a while. The front yard isn’t quite as landscaped as the back. It’s mostly driveway and lawn, but there’s a huge pine tree near the road, and a pair of squirrels are having some sort of interaction. It’s not clear whether it’s friendly or hostile. There’s certainly a lot of chasing and chattering. In one overly ambitious move, one of the squirrels launches itself from a branch of the pine tree to a branch of a smaller tree on the neighbor’s lot, and just barely makes it. The little creature is hanging on by the nails of one paw, and Dan feels Jeff tense and half-rise beside him. Then the squirrel squirms a little, and manages to pull itself up and start scolding again, as if the whole thing was its partner’s fault. Jeff sits back down in his seat, and Dan waits for a few breaths. Then he can’t resist.

“Do you rescue a lot of squirrels out here?” he asks, his face as straight as possible. Jeff doesn’t respond. “’Cause that was a close call. Were you gonna run over there and catch him? Or just give him first aid after he fell?” Jeff’s still silent, and Dan looks over at him.

Jeff’s fighting to keep his face serious. “I guess I’d have done whatever I could, you know. Whatever it took.”

Dan nods. “That’s… that’s beautiful, man.” They’re still grinning a little when Evan pulls in behind Dan’s truck.

The driveway’s not that wide, and Dan feels a little panic when he thinks maybe his vehicle is being blocked in, but calms down when he sees that Evan is parked far enough to the side that Dan could still get by. Still, that reaction maybe wasn’t a sign of total comfort with the situation, Dan reflects.

Evan gets out of the SUV and waves, and then takes a moment to take off his jacket and tie, throwing them both on the passenger seat. Dan’s not sure how he feels about that. Evan looks hot in a suit, but two pieces of clothing off already makes Evan that much closer to naked, which can only be good.

Evan crosses to the porch a little slowly, almost hesitantly, and Dan gets a bad feeling. Evan had said that he’d been nice to Jeff on the phone, but Dan thinks maybe this is the first time they’ve seen each other in person since… since Dan’s unfortunate display. He pulls his feet down off the railing. They were blocking the way between Evan and Jeff, and Dan thinks maybe he’s done enough blocking there already. Jeff stands up and seems a little tentative himself, but when they get close enough they both go in for a hug, and Dan sees that Evan closes his eyes as he buries his face in Jeff’s neck. Dan feels terrible. There are more important things happening at this dinner than just deciding whether he’s going to get laid.

The hug doesn’t last long, but they’re both smiling when they pull apart. Evan looks over at Dan. “Hey, man.” He looks a little sheepish, but Dan just smiles.

Jeff clears his throat. “Uh, I’ve got some stuff to do in the kitchen. Do you guys want to move back to the deck, or…?”

“We can hang out with you, man,” Evan says, and Dan nods. It occurs to him that the chairs on the porch are the same ones from the deck in the back, and he doesn’t really think they were out here the last time he was. He wonders if Jeff had planned to wait on the deck, so that Dan and Jeff wouldn’t be in the house together before Evan got there to chaperone. He wonders if it was for Jeff’s peace of mind or for Evan’s. Maybe for both.

“But, uh… I just need to talk to Dan for a minute first.” Evan waves the papers in his hand at Jeff. “It’s just some business stuff. We can stay out here?”

Jeff nods, and Dan is confused. Evan hasn’t taken too much interest in the business side of the horses thus far… what’s so important that it has to be talked about now? He looks inquiringly at Jeff, who just shrugs and heads into the house. Evan comes over and takes Jeff’s seat, setting the papers on the table.

“Sorry for the drama, man… I was hoping to get this settled earlier, but… well, I’ve already been asking the guys to do it pretty fast, and we wanted to be sure it was right. And I wanted to talk to you about it now, because it might have an influence on what we talk about later. But I wanted to make sure you understood that it’s totally separate from any personal stuff. So that left now as a time to talk. Is that cool?”

Dan thinks for a second. “Yeah, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But… okay.”

“Okay, yeah. I guess that was a little convoluted. But I’ll make it more clear. Uh, first off, I wanted to emphasize that this is a business decision. You know how important you are to the barn… I really don’t want to be involved in the business without someone I can trust running it. And, annoying security crap aside, I totally trust you. So I know you’ve been worrying about me maybe firing you, and I can say all I want to that I’m never gonna do that. I understand that you can still worry about it. But… I’ve been just as worried about you maybe quitting. I mean, that show on Sunday was a big eye-opener… I knew you were good, and I didn’t really think you’d have trouble finding another job, but… people were drooling over you, man.”

Dan frowns. “I don’t really remember anyone drooling over me.”

“Yeah, not to your face… they were too intimidated! Seriously, man. It was like if Bill Gates showed up to some local entrepreneurs’ club.”

“Whatever, man.” Dan just shakes his head.

“Yeah, okay, you don’t have to believe me, but I think you can believe that it would be really bad for the barn if you left.”

“I wouldn’t leave you in the lurch, though. I mean, I could try to find someone to replace me… not Sean, he’s a good rider but not much of a trainer… but I’m not exactly irreplaceable.”

“You’d be hard to replace. But… here’s my solution. I want to make you more attached to the business. Make it so that it’s equally hard for either of us to walk away. And then, if stuff doesn’t work out on the personal level, we’ll still have to find a way to get along, or else we’ll have to mutually agree to dissolve things.”

Dan looks with some trepidation at the stack of papers. He’s heard of non-competition contracts, where people have to agree to not take a job anywhere else in the same industry if they quit working for their original company. Dan can’t think of what he’d do if he wasn’t working with horses.

Evan reaches over and pulls out a stapled bundle. “So this is what we came up with. It’s modeled on a couple other contracts, some in the equestrian business, but really more from restaurants with top chefs, and a few other fields. Anyway, you’ll want someone to look at it, but I think it’s fair.”

He passes the pages to Dan, but Dan doesn’t even look at them, just waits for Evan to explain.

“Yeah, so… it’s a partnership agreement. Uh, there’s lots of details, but the big picture would be that we’d form a business partnership that would own the horses. Uh, obviously I’d be putting up most of the money, so I’d own most of the business, but you’d have the right to buy in… there’s a bunch of stuff about valuations and whatever, but you’d buy in at a fair price, whenever you want, up to a maximum of you owning fifty percent of the business. The business would hire you as the head trainer, and your salary and stuff would stay the same, but you’d also get profits… you know, if we ever make any. So even if you quit as the trainer, you’d still be tied to the company, because you’d want to make sure your investment was doing okay.”

Dan’s not sure if he’s hearing this right, and just waits for Evan to continue.

“Yeah, well, that’s from my perspective. From your perspective… you’d have less money right now, because you’d be sinking some of it into buying the company, but you’d be building something for the future. And you’d be an owner of the horses, which just makes sense. You put so much into them, it’s like they’re yours already, really… this would just… reflect that. And honestly, it’s not like you seem to need as much money as you’re making. I’ve never seen you buy anything but alcohol and paninis.”

Evan pauses for breath, and then looks at Dan a little anxiously. “So… general impressions? I mean… obviously we can go on the way we have been, but… I thought this might be better… you know, especially because then I wouldn’t be your boss. Or, I would be a little bit, but you’d be your boss too.”

Dan is pretty sure he misunderstood something. He kind of wants to leave the house right now and find the nearest fax machine to send this all off to Chris. Sex is good, but a chance to own the horses, even partly… but he must have misunderstood.

“Okay… let me… okay, let me say what I think I heard, and you can tell me when I go off the rails.” He tries to control his voice. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself by acting too excited and then finding out that he’d gotten the wrong idea. “So, what I heard… we’d start a new company, and you and me would be the partners.”

Evan nods. “Okay, or… I didn’t want to confuse things, but maybe Tat instead of me. It’d be a bit different, because it’d have to be in trust or something, but… you know, the horses are her thing. And, it’d take it even further away from me being your boss, which would be good for both of us, probably. But, yeah, you and a Kaminski would be the partners.”

“Okay. And I’d… okay, let’s say the company would be worth a million dollars. Just for easy math. So then, say I put in a hundred thousand now. I’d own ten percent of the business?”

“Yeah. Have you got a hundred thousand?”

“Fuck, no. But, you know, for easy math.” Evan grins, and Dan continues. “So then, next year, we’d… what, we’d get somebody to say how much the business is worth then? And let’s say that… for easy math, let’s say that it doubled. I know that’s not gonna happen, but….” Evan nods, so Dan continues. “So now the company is worth two million, and if I put in another hundred grand from somewhere, I’d buy another five percent?”

Evan looks a bit apologetic. “Yeah, I know it seems like it’s gonna take a long time for you to get up to fifty percent… I mean, if you think the company is going to grow that fast, it would make sense for you to get a loan from somewhere—if the banks won’t give you one, I could, if it’s cool with you—and then buy your whole fifty percent right at the start. But, honestly, man, I don’t think it’s going to grow that fast.”

“Yeah, no… it’s…. Okay, so… what about the barn, and the paddocks and everything?”

“They’d stay part of the Kaminski property, and the business would pay rent. Again, we could get somebody to do a valuation… it’s in the contract. And if I get some horses just for fun, then we could just figure out a price for boarding them at the barn. Same with Smokey, if you keep him there. Or… you’re using Smokey for barn business, sometimes, so maybe you want to sell him to the business. Whatever makes sense.”

Dan sits back a little. He feels like Evan just nonchalantly pulled up a chair and offered Dan his dream come true. He’s in a bit of a daze, and Evan seems to be misinterpreting it.

“So, like I said, we don’t have to do this. And, yeah, this is totally separate from anything that you and me and Jeff talk about later. I just wanted to say it now, because I thought that one of your objections later was going to be that I’m your boss. So… if we’re changing the business relationship, as a totally separate thing… it might affect things later….” Evan trails off and looks at Dan a little anxiously. “So…?”

Dan still doesn’t quite trust himself. “Seriously? I mean… are you sure?”

Evan seems relieved. “Yeah, man, like I said—it’s good business. Restaurants do it when they’ve got a hot chef without a lot of money. They want to get him invested in the business so he won’t get hired away. Same deal here. So… you’re into it?”

“Yeah! I mean… I’ve got to send it to Chris and everything, but… it sounds really good. It sounds… Jesus, man, it sounds incredible.”

“Okay then. Hey, Jeff’s got a fax… do you want to send it out now? I mean, there’s no big rush, but if you want to get it started….”

“Yeah, okay. Let me just…. I’ll call Chris, get his fax number, let him know….” Dan is having a bit of trouble putting his thoughts together. He thinks about Monty, and Sunshine, and even stubborn Winston, and the idea of being an actual owner of those beautiful animals is overwhelming. Evan is looking at him with a bit of concern again, but Dan smiles at him. “Okay, I’m just gonna call Chris. Have you got a pen so I can write down his fax number?”

Evan indicates the pen clipped to some of the papers. “I’ll go in and keep Jeff company. Is it okay if I tell him about this?”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“No, like I said, this was a business thing. I mean, I think he’ll think it’s a good idea—he knows you don’t like the idea of working for someone you’re involved with.” Evan stops himself. “Not to get ahead of ourselves. So when you’re ready to send the fax, let me know.” He smiles happily and heads indoors, and Dan sinks back in his chair and takes a minute to collect his thoughts.

He pulls out his phone and dials Chris, who answers in a more official manner than usual.

“Hey, Chris, are you still at work?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And are there important people there who can hear you?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, that’s cool, though, because I’m calling as a client. Evan just… I don’t know, I think he just offered to go into business with me. With the horses. But there’s a contract. It’s, like, twenty pages maybe…. Can you have a look at it?”

“Sure, I can do that.”

“Tonight?”

“If that works for you.”

Dan laughs. “I want to have all my conversations with you when you’re in the same room as important people. You’re much more agreeable.”

“Well, I’m not sure about that….”

“Uh-huh. Give me your fax number. And make sure you bill me for this, okay?”

Chris gives Dan the number, and they hang up. Dan heads inside and sees Jeff standing in the kitchen, Evan perched on a stool. They both look up expectantly when Dan comes in, and Jeff gives him a warm smile as if sharing in his good fortune.

“Hey, Jeff. Is it okay if I use your fax?”

Jeff nods, and Evan hops off the stool. “I’ll show you where it is.”

They go into the office and send the document, Dan anxiously watching each page as it feeds through the machine, Evan fondly watching Dan. As the last sheet rolls through, Dan turns and looks at Evan. “This…. I don’t know what to say about this, man. But… thanks.”

Evan shakes his head. “No. I don’t want you to feel that way… like I said, it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. So, you know, let’s have dinner, put this out of our minds, and then whatever else we talk about… it’s a whole other thing, okay?”

Dan’s not really sure he can do that, but he figures he needs to at least try. “Yeah, okay. Dinner. Right.” He follows Evan out of the den and back to the kitchen, where Jeff seems to have everything all ready.

There are several foil packets of various sizes, and a large plate with three seasoned steaks on it. Jeff is just adding some fresh peas to a big green salad, and he looks up from his work when they return. “All ready to go?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dan says, and looks at the food. “Everything looks—” he catches himself. “Well, everything pretty much looks like tinfoil, but something smells really good.”

Jeff hands him the salad to carry, and gives the steaks to Evan while he himself juggles the various foil packages. They go outside and Jeff carefully selects one bundle. “Potatoes,” he explains. “They take a bit longer.” He puts them on the grill and closes the lid, then comes over to the table where Dan and Evan are sitting. He pours everyone some wine, and he and Evan chat a little about a favorite musician who’s just put out a new album. Dan just sits and listens, feeling perfectly content.

He wonders if he’s somehow slipped into someone else’s life, with his California-style leisure time and his prospective new business. It feels good, but strange. A part of him wonders how long he can enjoy this before someone finds a way to take it away. Or before he messes it up himself.

 

 

Chapter 40

 

 

CHRIS PHONES back just as they’re finishing dinner, and Dan excuses himself to go answer the call. The Californians have apparently decided to hold off on any serious discussion, so the meal has been casual, with light talk about nothing very important, but between thinking about the horses and thinking about sex, Dan really hasn’t contributed much of value. Hopefully talking to Chris will resolve at least one of the outstanding issues.

Dan goes out on the front porch and sits on the steps. He’s almost afraid to ask for Chris’s opinion of the contract, but he knows he has to.

“So?” he manages.

“So, it looks good, man. It’s not really my area, but we’ve got a lawyer who does a lot of that stuff, and I’ll run the details of it by her tomorrow. But, big picture—congratulations, Dan, I think you may be going into business.”

“Okay, but….” Dan isn’t sure how to phrase this. “Is it too good? I mean—is he just giving it to me, or….”

“No, man, it’s fair. I mean, he’s not giving you anything but an opportunity, right? He’s not offering it to you for less than fair market value. He’s just agreeing to sell something to you for the right price.” Dan can hear Chris shift out of lawyer mode. “Why, is there some reason he might be giving things to you? What have you been up to, Danielle?”

“Nothing!” Dan isn’t sure how much Chris needs to know. “Yet. But… I’m over at Jeff’s right now. We just finished dinner, and then we’re gonna look at our options, you know?”

“Well, what are you doing talking to me, then? Go get ’em, Tiger!”

“Yeah, thanks, that’s… really disturbing. But, seriously—the contract is good, but not too good? You’ll talk to the woman tomorrow, and if she says it’s okay—I can go ahead and do it?”

“Absolutely. I mean, Evan’s got the money and the lawyers to be pretty damn tricky, but I really don’t see it here—it’s detailed, but it all makes sense, and it seems fair.” Chris pauses. “And the other… you’re okay with that? I mean… you know what you’re doing?”

“No, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. But… it really looks like I’m gonna do it anyway.”

“Huh. Is this… should I be worried?”

“Nah, man, it’s fine. I mean, worst case scenario is hot, meaningless sex, right? How bad is that?”

“Well, worst case scenario is an earthquake and then a volcano and a tsunami. With a forest fire. And Ebola. But there’s also the possibility of crappy, meaningless sex….”

Dan thinks for a second. “Based on the samples I’ve had so far, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.” Chris groans as if he doesn’t want to hear any more. “Okay, I better get back in there before they think I’ve booked out on them. Thanks, though. You’ll call me tomorrow after you talk to the other lawyer?”

“Absolutely.”

“Great. I’ll be able to give you details of the nasty man-on-man action—” There’s a click as Chris hangs up his phone. Dan grins in victory and then heads back out to the deck. Jeff and Evan are talking quietly, and they look almost guilty when Dan appears.

Jeff smiles sheepishly. “We were just discussing our strategy for tonight. Got any suggestions?”

“I don’t know… what did you guys come up with?”

Evan looks down at his hands. “Well, so far… alcohol.”

Dan smiles at him. “Dude, I’ve been reading business books—I think alcohol is a tool, not a strategy. The strategy would be, like… enhance honesty and lower inhibitions. No, wait, is that the goal?” Dan frowns for a second. “Okay, actually, that’s a good question. What is our goal?”

Evan looks a bit surprised that someone else is trying out the logical, methodical approach. Jeff just looks amused. Neither is talking, though, so Dan gives it a shot. “I mean, are we just trying to get into each other’s pants? ’Cause, honestly… I think we can just go for that, without too much strategy needed. But if we’re trying to, like, communicate and form a long-range plan… that might take a bit more work.”

Evan looks a little dazed. “Go back to the part where we can just get into each other’s pants. I liked that part.”

Dan looks at him for a second, and then over at Jeff, who looks back at him, waiting. So Dan goes for it. He’s a little surprised by his own boldness, but then, once he gets started, he does tend to be hard to stop, and Evan got him started with that kiss in the apartment a couple days ago. He crosses the deck toward the table, and goes around to Evan’s side. Evan’s sitting with his legs underneath the table, so Dan can’t really get the kind of access he’d like, but he does what he can. He drops to his knees next to the chair, and reaches a hand out to wrap around Evan’s neck and bring their mouths together. Dan makes the kiss wet and deep, and he’s completely aware of the fact that Jeff is watching. It doesn’t take long for Evan to get into it, and he brings his own hand up to the back of Dan’s head, leaning forward and bending Dan’s head back. Dan goes with it, arching his whole body, until Evan is almost out of his chair to follow him.

They’re both a little startled when Jeff speaks. “Okay, boys. I’m enjoying the show, but… do we want to just go for it, or do we want to talk things over first?” He sounds pretty calm, but Dan can’t be sure. He tries to think how he’d have felt watching someone else making out with Justin, and he pulls away from Evan quickly. He never would have been okay with Justin screwing around with other people, so obviously his comfort level is a bit different than Jeff and Evan’s, but still…. Jeff’s right, they should figure things out. Evan groans a little, but he lets go of Dan’s head without any resistance.

Dan stands up and goes back to his chair. The other two are still looking apprehensive, so Dan decides that he might as well take charge. After all, Jeff and Evan have already discussed this at least somewhat, so Dan’s the one who needs the most information. “Okay… how about if I ask you guys some questions?” They both nod, and he tries to think of how to begin. “Okay, let’s start big. What is your goal here? I don’t mean tonight, I mean… ultimately. The last time we talked about all this, you said you were ‘interested’. I guess I’m not sure what that means. I’m getting that you’re after a bit more than a one-night thing, but… how much more? And how do you see it working?”

Jeff looks over at Evan, and then speaks. “I think that depends a lot on you, Dan.”

“Yeah, okay, but… best case scenario. Let’s say I’m up for whatever you want. What do you want?”

It looks like Jeff’s going to field this one, but he needs a bit of time to put his thoughts together. “We didn’t plan for this. At all. We went out to Kentucky to buy a horse for Tat, and we came back with a barn full, and you. And, you know, we don’t regret it at all, but… it’s spun us around a little too. I think… to some extent, I think we just want what we can get. Physically, yeah, obviously. But also… you.”

“You make us better,” Evan says quietly, and he grins as Dan stares at him in surprise. “You do, man.”

“You do.” Jeff agrees. “We kind of fell into a pattern, there. And it wasn’t a bad pattern, but… we could be more. The casual thing… it was good, and it was right at the time, but then it stopped being right, and we didn’t see that, or we…. I don’t really know, Dan. Evan and I have talked about it, but we haven’t really been able to figure it out. We just… it just feels right to have you with us.”

“Okay, that’s… that’s a little more philosophical than what I was looking for, maybe.” Dan tries to figure out what he needs to know. “Okay, typical week. Monday, Evan and I go to work, Jeff… paints something, I don’t know. That night I have dinner and go to bed… you guys get together. Tuesday, Evan’s busy with Tat, but Jeff and I both have some free time. Can we get together, or am I only part of this if we’re all there? Wednesday night, I go to a bar, and a hot guy wants to go home with me—is that allowed? Thursday, Evan has friends over—do they know how I fit in?” Dan laughs, but there’s not much humor in it. “What are the chances they know, when I have no fucking idea?” He blows a big breath out. “I’m not looking for some formal declaration or something, I just…. I can do casual, I’m pretty sure. It’s… it’s all the rest of it that’s confusing, you know?”

They’re all silent for a minute, and then Jeff says, “Okay, let’s turn it around for a second. If we’re agreeable, what do you want?”

Dan thinks about it. “Maybe just casual, you know? I mean, you guys are a couple, and sometimes we all just fuck around. Would that work?”

Evan frowns. “Are you saying that because it’s what you want, or because it’s what you think you can have?”

“I don’t know, man. I mean… yeah, maybe for now. I… okay, honestly? I’d be happy if we just did the thing where I get to mess around with one of you at a time.” He holds his hands up quickly. “I know that didn’t work out so well last time, so I’m not really suggesting it, I’m just saying, from my perspective… I honestly don’t know about this threesome thing. Do you guys do it a lot?”

They both look a little startled. Jeff shakes his head. “I’ve never done it, either, Dan… it just seemed like something worth exploring.” He turns to Evan, waiting for his input.

“I, uh….” Evan looks a little bashful. “I’ve done it a few times, but never with all guys. I mean, two guys and a girl, or two girls and a guy, but… no, I’ve never done three guys, either.”

Dan’s flabbergasted. “Well, what the fuck? I mean, do you guys even know what you’re doing? In terms of the mechanics of things? Do we take turns while one person watches, or…?” He trails off, and just shakes his head at the other two men.

“Well, I’ve seen porn!” Evan defends, and Dan just looks at him.

“Okay, Captain Pornie, walk me through it,” Dan challenges. “I’ll be the pizza guy, and Jeff can be the plumber. You can be… hey, why don’t you be the high-powered young executive?”

Evan grins at him with a glint in his eye. “Okay, fine.” He laces his fingers together and flexes them in front of him as if he’s warming up. He sits back in his chair and his eyes focus on the eaves of Jeff’s roof, and then he begins.

“The young executive comes home after a hard day and finds that his sink is backed up. He’s angry—he’s been told that this has been fixed. So he calls the plumber, who comes over and gets to work. But the executive can’t help but notice the plumber’s tight ass and sexy voice.” Evan cuts his eyes teasingly over toward Jeff. “And before you know it, the plumber’s still on his back, but now the executive is over top of him, fucking his mouth. Everything’s going along great until the doorbell rings. The executive wants his dinner, so he pulls out of the plumber’s mouth and tells him to stay put, and then he goes and opens the door for the pizza boy. The executive did up his pants, but he’s still obviously hard, and the pizza boy asks if he needs any help with that.”

Evan takes a break and looks at Dan. “So, how’s it work for you so far?”

“So far the pizza boy isn’t getting any action. It’s not working for me at all.”

“Oh, you want some action, huh? Okay, so the executive says fuck yeah he wants some help. Pizza boy’s tip is in the kitchen. So they go in there and pizza boy almost leaves when he sees the plumber, but he’s not the kind of guy to freak out and run away. Is he, Dan?” Evan asks pointedly. He’s joking, mostly.

“Fuck off and get on with the story, man.”

Evan laughs a little huskily. “Yeah, you like the story now. Okay, so the executive tells the pizza boy to strip, and the plumber sits up, ’cause this is getting good. And the pizza boy looks like he’s not gonna do it, but then the executive grabs him and gives him a really hot kiss, lots of teeth and hands, and then he pushes the pizza boy away and tells him to strip or get out.” Evan looks from Jeff to Dan. “Obviously the executive is a bit of an ass, and the finer plot details could be changed in any reenactment.”

Jeff shakes his head. “You are enjoying this too much, kid.”

Evan grins wickedly before continuing. “So the pizza boy strips down, and the plumber and the executive just stare at him for a minute because he’s so beautiful. And then the plumber crawls forward, wanting to get his lips around pizza boy’s cock, and the executive stops him, but then says, yeah, okay, do it. ’Cause the plumber’s a bit of a bitch, and he won’t do a thing unless it’s okay with the executive.” Evan glances over for a reaction, but Jeff just shakes his head. “And the executive makes the pizza boy sit down on a kitchen chair, and the plumber goes to work on him. And then the executive pulls his dick out again and gives it to the pizza boy to suck on, and he goes to town, slurping around like it’s an ice cream cone. Like it’s a fucking panini.”

Dan’s torn between laughing his ass off and getting pretty damn turned on. He shifts in his chair a bit to give himself a little more room, and Evan notices and smiles like he just won the lottery.

Evan shifts in his own chair before continuing. “Okay, so, this is a porno, so continuity isn’t exactly crucial. So now they’re in the bedroom, and they’re all naked, and the pizza boy is leaning up against the headboard, and here’s the twist, the executive is sucking him off, while the plumber is giving the executive a deep, deep rim job. Everybody’s happy, and then the plumber pulls up and starts fucking the executive, really hard and fast, making it hurt a little ’cause he can tell the executive is kinda into that shit.”

Dan laughs out loud, and then settles down when Evan gives him a mock dirty look.

“Okay, so, where was I? Oh, yeah, getting fucked. So, they go at it like that for a bit, and then the pizza boy decides that as totally outstanding as the executive is at giving head, he wants something else, so he slides down the bed until he’s underneath the executive, and the executive leans down on him so their cocks are together, and the executive is getting fucked so hard that he needs both his hands to hold himself up, but the pizza boy brings his hand down and starts jacking them both together, and the pizza boy and the executive are making out this whole time, lots of sloppy kisses and necking and whatever.”

Evan looks over at Jeff. “So, it’s a porno, so they’re gonna want the money shot. But, I don’t know… I think maybe the plumber’s a bit of a rebel, and he’s gonna come in the executive’s ass. What do you think, Jeff? Money shot or depth charge?”

“Depth charge? Jesus, kid.” Jeff’s looking pretty ruffled himself, and Dan’s glad to see it. Jeff rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah, he stays in for sure. A little harder, a little deeper….”

“Yeah, and then he goes off. And the executive can feel it, and that sets him off too. So that leaves just the pizza boy. The other two take a minute to recover, and then they give the pizza boy the full treatment. One of them blows him while the other one sucks his balls, and then they trade around and one goes up and works on the guy’s nipples, and finds all his little sensitive spots and marks them for future reference, ’cause they’re all gonna want to do this again. So, finally the pizza boy comes, hard, right down the plumber’s throat ’cause the plumber is fucking awesome at that. And then they clean up a bit and all fall asleep together on the executive’s huge bed. The End.” Evan is pretty clearly proud of himself, and Dan really can’t blame him.

After an appreciative silence, Dan says, “Okay, yeah, so maybe there’s some merit to the whole threesome thing.”

Jeff and Evan both laugh, but no one seems to know just how to proceed. Or at least Evan and Dan don’t know. Jeff seems to think that the best thing to do is to sit there and watch them like they’re baby pandas, and he wants to see their next adorable trick. Dan’s thinking that it’s about time to wipe that smugness off his face, but he tries to hold back a little. If they want to talk, he can talk.

“So, are we all good with casual, then? I mean, if we’re together, great, if we’re not, we’re on our own?” Dan sees them exchange glances and he looks from one to the other. “Because I’m not really looking to tie myself down when both of you are free to sleep around—that doesn’t work for me.”

Jeff clears his throat. “What if we were interested in changing that? We could keep things a little loose, but what if we wanted to make it a… well, not monogamous, I guess… duogamous? Whatever—what if we wanted it to be an exclusive thing?”

Dan hadn’t really expected that, and he has to think for a second. “No. That’s… no. I mean… you guys have each other, right? You love each other. That’s great, but… where does that leave me? I’m fine being the junior partner if we’re just screwing around sometimes, but not if I’m not allowed to look for something else with someone who might… you know, someone who might turn into something for me.” Dan’s proud of himself for that. He’s worth having someone love him. Justin had loved him, and Justin wasn’t stupid. He just needs to keep reminding himself.

Evan leans forward. “Okay, but why couldn’t that be us? I mean, okay, right now—we like you and we want you, a lot for both of those, but okay, you’re right, we’re not full on in love. But maybe we could be….”

Dan looks at Jeff in some alarm. What is Evan talking about? But Jeff is looking back levelly at Dan, acting for all the world as if he agrees with Evan’s crazy ideas. “Maybe….” Dan needs to nip this in the bud. “Maybe anything could happen, I guess. But, really… what are the chances? Seems a lot more likely that you’ll decide that it was a fun little experiment but it’s time to get back to real life. And then I’m left standing there, all… attached… to two guys who are moving on.”

Evan shakes his head stubbornly. “I don’t see why it’s more likely that you’ll get ‘attached’ than we will.”

“Yeah? Okay, how ’bout if one of you does get attached? But only one of you?” Dan shakes his head. “It’s hard enough with two people. Throwing a third into the mix is… I don’t know, doesn’t it seem like we’re asking for trouble?”

“So what are you suggesting?” Jeff asks. “Are you saying it’s never going to happen, or just that we should start slow and proceed with caution?”

Dan looks at Jeff and then over at Evan. He already feels more than he should for both of them, and a part of him is screaming that he should get out now before he starts caring even more. The chances of this ending up well are so slim. But… he wants it. Wants something. He just needs to be smart about it. “No, I can’t say it’s never going to happen. But, yeah, I think we should start really slow. And just… I don’t know… I think we’ve got to stay totally aware of the potential problems.”

Evan looks a little impatient. “So, slow with everything? Like, the physical too? Or just the emotional?”

“No, dude, I’m ready to go with the physical! I mean… is that cool with you guys?”

Evan nods enthusiastically, and Dan laughs a bit as they both turn to look at Jeff. He seems a bit more thoughtful. “Are we sure that we can keep the two separate?” He looks at Evan. “He’s not wrong about it being risky.”

Evan looks subdued for a second, then stares Jeff down. “A couple days ago… that was the closest we’ve ever come to calling it quits. Right?” Jeff nods reluctantly, and Dan feels bad again. Why had he dragged other people into his issues? But Evan is still talking. “I think we’ve come too far to back down. We’re”—he looks at Dan—“I think we’ve pretty much committed ourselves to seeing this through. If we don’t do this….” He looks back over at Jeff, and smiles sadly. “If we don’t do this, we’re going to have a hell of a time hanging on, aren’t we?”

Jeff looks down at his hands, then over at Dan. “I think he’s right. I think… Evan and I are pretty well committed to making some sort of change. A change bigger than just both of us fooling around with the same person. It… we’re all off balance, somehow. And I think—we both think—that you could balance us out again. That we could care about you just as much as we care about each other, and… I don’t know, that it would take some of the pressure off.” He looks over and can clearly tell that Dan isn’t convinced. He laughs regretfully. “Yeah, I can’t really explain it. You’re probably right that we should start slow, but… I just want you to understand. I can’t keep the physical separate from the emotional. Not with you. So, if you want to protect yourself and keep it casual, okay. But just… be aware, okay? This is important to me. And to Evan. And to the two of us together.”

Dan feels overwhelmed, like maybe this is a bit more than he signed up for. It’s crazy, for them to think that he’s going to somehow save their relationship. He kind of wants to run, to get the hell out of there and find somewhere calm and safe. He could always jerk off thinking about Evan’s story, he doesn’t need to stay and see how it plays out in reality. He’s pretty sure that leaving would be the smart thing to do. He tries to consult Puppet-Chris, but he’s just as confused as Dan is. Great.

Dan looks over at Jeff and Evan, both sitting and watching him, and he realizes that it’s too late. There’s no way he can stand up and walk away from them. Not just because he wants them, but because he cares about them, and if they think that he can help them, then that’s what he wants to do. He’s nervous again, but he’s committed. He stands up, and he can tell that Evan thinks he’s leaving. Dan shakes his head gently, and smiles at Evan, then at Jeff. “Okay,” he says.

Jeff seems relieved and satisfied, but Evan wants clarification. “Okay? Okay to what?”

Dan shrugs. “Okay. I’m gonna try to keep myself from getting too into this, but, yeah, I understand that it’s important to you guys, and I’m not gonna be careless about that. And I do need to start slow with any… emotional commitments or whatever, but… I’ll try to be open to at least the idea of more.” He tries to look less serious and more sexy. “Is that enough? Or do I have to go pick up a fucking pizza or something? I mean, what’s a guy got to do to get some action around here?”

Evan looks at Jeff as if for permission, and when Jeff speaks his voice has that honey-dipped growl that Dan can’t resist. “All you got to do is ask, Dan.”

Dan tries to make his own voice even half as sexy as Jeff’s, and it comes out warm and smoky. “All right, then. I’m asking.” He turns and starts toward the house.

Dan isn’t sure which of the two moves faster, but he knows that both of them have caught up to him before he gets to the door of the house, and then their mouths are on him, their bodies pressed against his, their hands everywhere. Dan lets his overworked brain turn off as he gives in to the sensations. He’s pretty sure that at least this aspect of things is going to work just fine.

 

 

Chapter 41

 

 

SOMEBODY GETS the door open, and then they’re all stumbling inside. Dan feels himself pressed up against the wall, Evan leaning in against his right side, a rippling, writhing flame, and Jeff on his left, slowly flowing lava. It’s no surprise that Dan’s skin is burning. He wonders if that’s all he is, more fuel for the furnace of their desire, but then their hands lace together over his stomach and work in under his shirt, and he stops caring.

Evan’s lips find Dan’s sensitive spot just under his ear, and he gasps in response, tilting his head to give better access. He feels Evan’s mouth curl up. “Jeff, try here,” Evan murmurs, and he uses his hand to guide Jeff’s head to the exact spot on Dan’s other side, and then they’re both kissing and nipping, and Dan doesn’t even know what to do, he can’t move for one without blocking the other, so he just tilts his head back against the wall and lets the chills run down his spine, one hand wrapped around Jeff’s shoulder and clutching, the other… oh, the other is near Evan’s waistband. Dan runs his hand down over the outside of his fly, along Evan’s hard length, and he feels Evan moan in approval.

Jeff’s attention is caught by the sound, and then he’s pulling away, and Dan feels cold on that side. He forces his eyes open and looks over to where Jeff is standing, one hand bracing himself against the wall, the other absentmindedly rubbing at his jaw.

“Evan. Kid, hey,” Jeff says softly, and Evan lifts his head up a little from Dan’s neck, glances over toward Jeff. “Let’s slow this down a little, huh? I want this to last.”

Dan isn’t sure about that idea, and he gives another little rub to Evan’s cock through his pants. Do they really need to slow down?

Evan groans and his hips jerk toward Dan, but he keeps his mouth away, and then pulls his whole body back. “Yeah, okay,” he says huskily. “Should we… bedroom?”

Jeff nods, and then Evan has one of Dan’s hands and is leading him toward the bedroom, while Jeff trails along behind them, holding Dan’s other hand. It’s a bit like they’re going on a field trip in elementary school, with everyone ordered to buddy up, but Dan kind of likes it. He likes that he feels connected.

When they get to the bedroom Evan pauses, and looks over at Jeff as if for instructions. Jeff smiles. “I wasn’t lying outside, when I said that I liked the show. And I’ve got a few years on both of you—I’m thinking that my recovery time might not be where yours is.” He gestures toward an arm chair by the wall. “How about if I watch for a while, see how things are going?”

Dan isn’t sure about that. He’d been enjoying having two times the usual sensations, and he’s not sure he won’t get self-conscious if Jeff’s watching. And it somehow doesn’t feel right for Jeff to be left out. Then he has an idea. “Watch? Or direct?” Dan sees Evan’s eyes flare with interest, and they both turn to look at Jeff.

Jeff’s voice is gruff when he says, “Jesus, Dan. You’re gonna kill me, here.” He sits down with one hand on the arm of the chair, the other resting on his straining fly. Dan really wants to go over and release that pressure, remind him what Dan can do with his mouth, but then Jeff sees him looking and shakes his head. “You want me to direct, you need to wait until you’re told to do something.” Dan gives a little snarl, mostly playful but hopefully enough to make it clear that he’s not going to give up on the idea entirely.

Jeff leans back and looks at them. “All right, too many clothes. Dan, why don’t you start? Unbutton Evan’s shirt. Slowly.” Dan’s not crazy about the “slow” part, but he obeys. Evan’s chest is gorgeous, all ripped muscles and golden brown skin, and Dan’s mouth is on it even as his hands are still working the lower buttons. Jeff gives him a moment to enjoy, and then says, “Now slip the shirt right off. Drop it on the floor,” and Dan does that without even lifting his mouth from Evan’s nipple. Jeff laughs a little. “Determined, isn’t he?” he asks, and Dan can feel Evan’s stomach moves as he laughs.

“Okay, that’s enough of that… Evan, lace your fingers in his hair. Lift his head up.” Dan lets it happen, but once he’s far enough away to see Evan clearly, it’s all he can do to not move back in. He wants to taste every inch of that tanned skin, wants to…. “Okay, Evan, your turn. Let’s get his shirt off.” Evan doesn’t waste any time, and Dan cooperates—he definitely sees the importance of getting naked.

Evan pulls back a little and looks over to Jeff for more instructions, and Dan is really regretting his suggestion that Jeff direct. Jesus, he could have been three-quarters done by now, but instead he’s still standing there half-dressed and achingly hard. “Dan, you’re looking a little impatient… is there something you’d like to do?” Dan’s hands dart toward Evan’s fly, but Jeff’s voice is a little sharp. “Wait!” Dan freezes and looks over at Jeff, whose eyes are as dark as his voice. “Ask me, Dan. Ask me if you can do it.”

Dan’s about ready to revolt. “This power thing—are you thinking this is a permanent situation, or is it just for right now?” He knows Jeff can see the rebellion forming….

“It’s just for now, babe. Let me enjoy myself while I can.” Jeff almost sounds defeated, and Dan really doesn’t know what that means, but he doesn’t like it.

“Oh, I can help you enjoy yourself,” he suggests with a purr, but Jeff shakes his head.

“Evan’s waiting for you, Dan. What do you want to do for him?”

Dan looks back at Evan. He’ll play the game for a little longer, he supposes. “I want to suck him off.” He pauses. “Jeff. May I please give Evan a blowjob?”

Jeff sounds a little out of breath. “Oh, yeah, Dan, you can do that.”

Dan’s falling to his knees at the same time that he’s undoing Evan’s fly and pulling his pants down, and so his first view of Evan’s cock is up close. And Dan just wants to get closer. It’s big, and dark, and beautiful, sticking out totally straight, leaking at the tip. Dan takes a quick lick there, feels Evan’s hands flutter at his shoulders in response, and then starts in on the rest of it. Evan’s a bit too big for Dan to take all at once, but he’s confident that he can work up to it, and he relishes the challenge. He lets his lips go a little loose to start with, just curls them over his teeth and focuses on depth. He takes Evan as deep as he can, feels him hit the back of his throat, changes the angle a little and tries to relax. He keeps Evan mostly in his mouth, just bobbing a little bit, letting the tip of Evan’s cock hit his throat, working on the angle… and there it is, and he hears Evan’s groan as his cock slides past Dan’s gag point and right down his throat. Dan holds still for a second, working his tongue along the bottom and swallowing to keep Evan happy, and then he’s ready to move.

He thinks about just staying still and letting Evan start thrusting. Dan loves it when guys do that, but tonight he feels like he’s already given away a lot of control, and he’d like to keep what he has left. So he starts moving, tightening his lips and bobbing his head, sucking his cheeks in, and he keeps his tongue working too. He remembers what Evan said about the executive being a bit into pain, and he feels Evan’s hips twitch when Dan tries a little brush with his teeth. Evan’s groaning now, his hips jerking periodically, and Dan wonders if he’s actually going to get this, if Jeff is going to let him make Evan come.

Then Jeff is there beside him, and Dan hadn’t even noticed that the man had left his chair. “Jesus, Dan, you are so beautiful like this.” Jeff runs a hand up Dan’s chest and over his face, resting his fingers on the place where Dan’s lips are moving back and forth over Evan’s skin. “So beautiful.” Dan feels Jeff fumbling for his hand, and he recognizes the familiar shape of a bottle of lube. “I want you to work him open while you’re sucking him. Not much, just one finger, but lots of lube. And then when you’re done, when he’s come down your throat, I want you to put him up on the bed on his knees, with his shoulders against the mattress, and I want you to fuck him hard. Is that good, babe?”

Dan nods enthusiastically, Evan inhaling sharply at the changing pressure on his dick. Dan gets a finger slicked up and brings it around behind, circling Evan’s hole teasingly. He thinks about what Jeff had said, about not stretching it too much, and thinking how tight that’s going to be around his cock is almost enough to bring him off right there, without even being touched. He brings his free hand down to press on his dick, and Jeff sees it and grins a little wolfishly. Dan doesn’t have time to respond to that, but it’s not like Jeff isn’t straining the limits of his clothing, and he’s not even touching anyone.

Dan slides his finger in, silky smooth in the heat and all the lube, and works it around to find the right spot. Evan’s fighting to keep still now, his hips jerking like it’s only his willpower that’s keeping him under any sort of control, and Dan decides to give in. He lifts his free hand to find Evan’s and brings it to his head, then sinks back a little to get a better balance. Evan looks down like he’s not sure of the message, but Jeff’s been here before with Dan, and he gives a little moan. “Do it, Evan, he wants you to.” And that’s all it takes to get Evan’s long, fat cock shoved down Dan’s throat. He swallows around it, letting it go deep, but Evan’s already pulling out and driving back in. Dan works his finger more as Evan’s rhythm get more erratic, and then Evan’s hands come off his head entirely. Dan understands the signal, but he sucks Evan down deep anyway, swallows around him, knows he’s drooling a little but doesn’t worry about it at all. Evan makes a shuddering, hoarse shout when he comes, and Dan chokes a little but loves it. He keeps working until Evan’s hand comes to ease him off, and then Evan falls down to his knees in front of Dan, and he brings both hands to the back of Dan’s head and holds him still to give him a deep, soft kiss. Which is well enough for Evan, but Dan’s still rock hard….

Jeff clears his throat. “Your turn, Dan.” He doesn’t have to mention it twice. Dan breaks off the kiss and pulls Evan to his feet, kicking Evan’s pants the rest of the way off before undoing his own. Evan seems to perk up a little at the thought of getting to see the rest of Dan. Dan tries to take it slow and draw things out a little, but that’s just not going to happen. He’s way too far gone for any sort of subtlety. He’d taken off his shoes and socks earlier, and he’s glad of it because he really doesn’t think he’d have the patience for laces right now, and fucking someone while wearing running shoes is really not that classy. Although he’s been in positions where he’d have appreciated the traction….

But then Jeff is there behind him, and Dan doesn’t mind that he’s being slowed down because Jeff’s hard cock is pressing through the fabric of his jeans and rubbing against Dan’s ass. Jeff eases Dan’s pants and underwear down, and Dan grinds back a little. It’s been a long time since he’s been fucked, and he was relieved that Jeff had asked him to top tonight. But all that hesitation is gone when he feels Jeff’s cock, right there, nestling in like it’s going home. He arches his back, grinding back with his ass at the same time as he twists his head around for a kiss, and Jeff’s hand is strong where it holds his neck, keeping him still for a deep kiss. Then Jeff’s hand is gone, and Dan hears the crinkle of a foil wrapper, and Jeff’s warm hands are around him, smoothing the condom on. Dan and Justin had gotten tested for everything under the sun and given up on condoms, so it’s been years since Dan used one. He thinks it might not be a bad thing to have a little less sensation tonight, might help keep him from embarrassing himself. Although now Jeff is smoothing lube on, and he seems to be taking a little extra care….

“Shit, man, stop. I’m not gonna last.”

Jeff smiles into Dan’s neck, rubbing his stubbly cheek along Dan’s smooth skin, but at least he stops with his hand. Jeff leans forward a bit so he can reach Evan to give him a little more lube, and the motion pushes Dan forward, too, sends his cock under Evan’s ass and between his legs. Evan and Dan moan together, and then Jeff’s hand is back on Dan’s cock, moving it up and guiding it into place.

“Slow and steady, babe. He likes to feel the stretch, but we don’t want to hurt him,” Jeff murmurs, but Evan must not have gotten the memo, because as soon as he feels Dan there he’s pushing back, and Dan moves back a little but then hits Jeff, who doesn’t give. “Okay, apparently he’s driving.” Jeff sounds amused, but Dan doesn’t really worry about it because he’s pretty much totally concentrated on the sensation of his cock being engulfed by Evan’s tight, hot ass. Evan’s pushing back steadily, but once the head of Dan’s cock is inside, Evan starts rocking a little, pulling away from Dan and then pushing back a little closer each time. Dan’s dick absolutely approves, and Dan tilts his head back again, finding Jeff’s lips with his. He’s not really kissing, more just moaning into Jeff’s mouth, and Jeff is there, whispering soothing words and helping Dan to keep still. Finally, Dan is all the way in, one hand behind him grabbing onto the seam of Jeff’s jeans, the other resting on Evan’s back, right at the top of his ass. Evan stills, and Dan kind of wants to stay there forever, frozen in perfection. At the same time, he very, very much wants to move….

Evan’s hand snakes back and grabs Dan’s hip, pulling him forward. Dan goes, his dick doesn’t give him a choice, but Jeff doesn’t come with him, and Dan misses him. That lasts for about two seconds, until Evan braces his arms on the bed and arches his back, and growls, “Go hard, Dan, I want to feel it.” Dan wants to feel it, too, so he doesn’t argue. He draws back and pistons in, slamming fast and hard, then does it again and again. Evan is pushing back into every thrust, a low keening coming from his throat, and Dan really doesn’t think he can last much longer. At least Evan has already come, so Dan doesn’t have that to worry about, and Jeff has moved around so he can see both their faces and he looks almost as into it as Dan is. Dan can feel the orgasm building in his spine, but he doesn’t want to give into it, wants to keep driving into Evan, wants to keep hearing him make that sound.

He manages to hold off a little longer, but it’s like stopping a tidal wave with a sheet of paper, and it’s not long before Dan loses his rhythm, loses his mind, can hear himself gasping as if he’s somewhere far away, somewhere in a land of heat and colors and friction and… he drives deep as he shudders, and Evan stops pumping and just pushes back, bracing himself to hold the extra weight as Dan gives a few more weak, erratic thrusts and then collapses on Evan’s back. Evan eases himself down flat, bringing Dan with him, and he just lies there for a while, Dan gasping into his neck. Then Jeff is there, too, smoothing Evan’s hair out of his eyes, kissing Dan on the temple. It’s lovely, but….

“What the fuck, man? Do you not want to come?” Dan doesn’t understand how anyone can be this Zen when his dick is as hard as Jeff’s quite obviously is.

Evan laughs a little weakly. “See, man? I told you you’re weird.” He turns his head a little in Dan’s direction. “When he gets turned on he goes all gentle and shit… it’s freakish.” Judging by the way Evan is nuzzling against Jeff’s hand, he doesn’t seem to have any real complaints about it.

“Damn.” Dan doesn’t really understand that, and he thinks it might be time to do something about it. He runs a hand down between his chest and Evan’s back, fingers slick in their combined sweat, and then curves down over Evan’s ass to hold onto the condom while he eases himself out. Evan gives a sleepy little whimper of complaint, but Dan knows from experience that Evan really does not want to leave things like that for too long. He ties the condom off and scoots out of the bed looking for a trash basket. While he’s up, he decides to slip into the bathroom to pee. Then he washes his hands and splashes a little cool water on his face. Time to regroup.

When he goes back in the bedroom, Jeff has his shirt off and is stretched on the bed beside Evan, leaning over him and kissing him gently while his hand plays along Evan’s ribs. The love between them is almost palpable to Dan, and he feels like an outsider, an intruder. Then Jeff looks up and sees him watching. “Isn’t he sweet like this, Dan? All fucked-out and relaxed?”

Dan looks at him a little sadly. “Yeah, he’s beautiful.” He smiles, but he suddenly feels naked, and he heads over to where his pants are bundled at the end of the bed. “So, uh… obviously I’m happy to help if you actually want to do something with that,” and he nods at Jeff’s erection. “But if you’re just fading into slow-motion cuddle mode, maybe I’ll head out. I’ve got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow, and it’s getting late.”

Evan half sits up, propping himself up on his elbows. “Nah, man, you should stick around! We’ll wake the old man up.”

Jeff looks a little worried, but he tries to sound relaxed. “Or put me to sleep… either way, you should stay, Dan. It’s a big bed. Lots of room.”

“Oh, no, thanks. I’ve gotten pretty used to sleeping alone. And, like I said, I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow.”

Evan runs his hand down to Jeff’s groin. “Stuff that’s more important than this?”

“No, like I said, if… you know, it just seemed like you were settling down for the night.” Yeah, this is awkward.

“Come here, Dan,” Jeff murmurs, and Dan squirms. He’s already at the foot of the bed, how much closer does Jeff want him to get? He shuffles forward, holding his jeans in front of him like some sort of unattached loin cloth. He wonders if he looks as stupid as he feels. Jeff looks at him for a long moment, and then he smiles tenderly. “Dan, am I still allowed to direct?”

Dan doesn’t think that’s a good idea. “You’re allowed to suggest….”

Jeff nods slowly. “Okay, then. Here’s my suggestion. My request.” Dan nods, and Jeff continues. “I’d like it if you’d climb back up on the bed and kiss me while Evan sucks me off. Does that sound like something you might do?”

Dan laughs a little nervously. “Kiss you? Yeah, I think I could handle it.” Jeff and Evan just look at him expectantly, so Dan walks around to the other side of the bed. He sets his jeans down carefully, making sure he won’t have to fumble around to find them later, and then he climbs onto the bed and stretches out along Jeff’s body. Jeff smiles contentedly and gives Dan a sloppy kiss, and then Evan leans over Jeff’s chest and joins in. It doesn’t really work very well, and it ends up being more like two people kissing while one person randomly licks their faces or something, but… it’s a good thought.

Then Evan eases down Jeff’s body, trailing kisses along the way, and Dan can feel Jeff lift his hips to let Evan work his pants down. Dan honestly can’t believe it took this long to get them all naked. He’s lying on his side, with his torso leaning over Jeff, and he brings his top leg over Jeff’s thigh, pulling out to bring Jeff’s legs apart. Evan murmurs his approval, and then Dan feels Jeff gasp and figures that Evan must have gotten to work. He looks down, and Jeff lifts his head up so he can watch, too, and it really is a beautiful sight. Evan’s moving slow and concentrating hard, and he might not be getting Jeff quite as deep as Dan can, but it looks like he’s doing some interesting things with his lips, and Dan’s almost sorry that he’s already come. He wonders how long it’ll be before he’s ready to go again, and then Jeff stretches up to catch Dan’s mouth in another deep kiss, and he feels a stir in his stomach that suggests that it really won’t be that long.

For now, though, it’s Jeff’s turn, and Dan focuses on kissing him back. Jeff has one hand tangled in Evan’s hair, and the other slides around behind Dan’s neck, his grip tightening as he gets closer and closer to the edge. When Jeff stops kissing him, Dan pulls back enough to be able to see Jeff’s face, muscles tightening into a gasp as his eyes stare into Dan, and then through him as Jeff’s body arches and spasms. He’s still gasping and coming down when Evan slides up toward them, and Dan begins to shift back a little, making room. Evan catches his shoulder, though, and instead of kissing Jeff as Dan had expected, Evan leans over and catches Dan’s mouth, and he can taste Jeff’s come on Evan’s lips, salty and bitter and perfect.

Evan pulls away eventually, leaning down for a quick peck on Jeff’s lips, and then he starts squirming and rearranging and manhandling until somehow they end up with Dan in the middle, Jeff stretched out on his left side, Evan on his right. Dan isn’t really sure how that happened, and he’s not at all confident that it’s a good idea.

“I should, uh….” He gestures vaguely toward the door, but Evan doesn’t seem to be paying any attention, just snuggles in and smiles.

“Come on, man, stay for a bit. Just a nap, even. It’s a comfy bed, right?”

Jeff is making himself comfortable as well. “You could still leave before morning, if you need to.”

Evan looks at Jeff assessingly, then back at Dan. “If there’s two of us, I bet we could get him to make us waffles for breakfast.” He gives a quick kiss to the side of Dan’s chin. “His waffles are awesome, man.”

This is moving way too fast. The plan had been to keep it casual, to take it slow. But Evan’s right: the bed is comfy. And Jeff’s right; he can still find his way out later, if he wakes up. And… and he wants this. He wants to stay in this safe, warm cocoon, with these two incredible men, and maybe it won’t work, and maybe he’ll end up being hurt, but he feels like he’s strong enough to take that chance. He doesn’t know if his confidence will last forever, isn’t even sure that it’ll last through the night, but for now, he feels good.

He relaxes his body, slides down a couple inches until his head is more comfortable on the pillow, and he lets his eyes drift shut. For now, at least, he’s found the place he’s supposed to be.

 

 

 

 

 

KATE SHERWOOD started writing at about the same time she got back on a horse after a twenty-year break. She’d like to think she’s far too young for it to be a midlife crisis, but apparently she was ready for a few changes!

Kate’s writing focuses on characters and relationships, people trying to find out how much of themselves they need to keep, and how much they can afford to give away. She tries to find a careful balance between drama and humor—she wants readers to have an intense experience and feel drawn into the book, but she also wants them to enjoy the time they spend reading.

Website: http://www.katesherwoodbooks.com

E-mail: kate@katesherwoodbooks.com

Blog: http://www.katesherwoodbooks.com/?page_id=451

By KATE SHERWOOD

 

 

Beneath the Surface

Chasing the Dragon

The Fall • Riding Tall

In Too Deep

Lost Treasure

More Than Chemistry

Riding Double (Dreamspinner Anthology)

Shying Away • New Tricks

 

Against the Odds

The Pawn

The Knight

 

Dark Horse

Dark Horse

Out of the Darkness

Of Dark and Bright

 

Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS

http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com