My exchange with Bethany kept me up until past midnight.
I’d totally messed up—I could own that. Sometimes I crossed the line between business and friendship when I was a bit too honest, or maybe just too blunt. Bethany had an emotional response to a situation that I hadn’t pegged as difficult.
Most people loved redecorating. Fresh start, and all that. Didn’t realize I’d pushed too hard, too fast until I saw the terror on her face. But I wasn’t sure how to fix it, and I didn’t like that. Somehow, I felt like I’d disappointed her. Which totally sucked. And it all came back to her proposal that we let our attraction show with no expectation of a future.
Because she was already forming expectations.
My phone beeped. I almost ignored it, but decided to make sure it wasn’t my mother. Instead, Bethany’s name showed on the screen.
I couldn’t open the text fast enough.
I’m sorry I was angry at you and stomped off like a toddler.
Letting out a long exhale, I lay back. That wasn’t what I’d expected. I started typing.
Fault is mine. Should have been a little more compassionate. You’re giving up a lot for these girls.
Two full minutes passed before her reply came. I didn’t notice how hard I was holding on to the phone until I forced my fingers to relax a little.
You weren’t entirely wrong in what you said. I get really annoyed with how right you are ALL THE TIME.
Chuckling, I said, I know. My family hates that about me too. Except Mallory. She loves it because I made her company grow faster.
I think . . . maybe I’m holding on to my dad too hard.
My brow furrowed. What on earth to say to that? Of course she was holding on to him. He hadn’t even been gone a year. But too hard?
Maybe.
Or maybe this was all a part of the process. I had no idea because I just avoided thinking about my father. She might have a leg up on me there. At least she let herself feel. I ran from it like a plague.
She’d lost so many people that I couldn’t even relate. My palms started to sweat a little. She clearly needed something right now, and I had no idea what. Falling short here would only disappoint her.
No one had made me swim in deeper waters than this girl.
I think you’re surviving and doing a damn good job of it, I finally said.
Thanks. :)
I could picture her lying back. I wanted to brush hair away from her face and cup her chin. The memory of falling asleep with her on the couch haunted me. My arms felt oddly cold and empty. Not wanting to let her go just yet, I said, See you in the morning, Bethany.
Sweet dreams, Mav.
Sleep finally slipped over me. My dreams were restless, filled with the expression on my father’s face when he lay in his casket, and the coldness I’d felt radiate through me.