One afternoon in the orchard I rolled up my parchment, set it down on the leaves and began to weave my way through tree trunks to the edge of the old unused gate I had discovered during my first day’s explorations. I had heard voices earlier, and sure enough, some of the young men were playing a game of catch with some sort of inflated animal bladder. They wore only swatches of linen tied around their waists; their bodies resembled those of every other lean, muscular young boy I had ever spied from my old rooftop. I stopped and stared for a moment and found myself surprisingly taken with what I saw. For the moment, their grim fates were forgotten—they leaped, ran and wrestled one another with all the fervor and impetuousness of typical male youth. They were beautiful; I had to admit it. The loss of their manhood had not yet made its effect known upon their bodies.
Jesse, once again, was not among them.
Finally the game broke up and most of the young men dispersed, leaving only an exhausted pair languishing upon the marble terrace. I stepped out just enough for them to see part of me, then lifted my fingers to my lips indicating quiet.
One of the boys cocked his head and frowned earnestly in my direction. I stepped out just a bit farther and waved, adding a small smile. He elbowed his companion. The two scrambled to their feet and began to carefully make their way forward into the trees. Finally they came within a few cubits of me. Their eyes were wide as saucers. Either their training had led them to fear the females of the species or they were aware of the possible consequences of this little meeting. Maybe both. Strangely, I felt no fear—tension, but no fear.
“Who are you?” one of them asked, his voice sounding strangely high pitched.
“I am Star, a Queen candidate from next door.”
“Do you know what kind of trouble you could drag us all into with this kind of contact?”
I shook my head. “No, although I know it wouldn’t exactly be permitted. But I have a question for you, and then I’ll never bother you again. Where is Jesse? Is he here? Is he all right?”
The tallest one, closest to me, winced at the mention of Jesse’s name and looked down to the ground.
“Are you a friend of his?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Jesse is not doing well. He is inside, in bed, and has been there since the day of his arrival. He—well, he is deeply despondent and will not move. He has been beaten several times to get him going, but that has only made matters worse.”
“What will happen to him?” I asked, feeling the pull of dread within me.
“I’m not sure. If he does not get better, it could range from simply releasing him to his family to executing him. It depends on how exasperated the head eunuchs become.”
I took a deep breath and made a rash decision. “Please get me in to him.”
“Are you crazy? The whole place is filled with eunuchs in training. We couldn’t sneak in a horsefly.”
“Fine. Then take me in through the front door. I am the lead Queen candidate and have the favor of Hegai, head harem eunuch. I will take my chances.”
The two boys glanced at each other grimly. The taller one sighed heavily. “The others are in a protocol training session that just started. We’re missing it ourselves. You just might make it in undetected.”
“Yes. Let’s go.”
They both shrugged at the same moment and turned back for their building. I followed closely, trying to hide behind their broad backs. We crossed the marble, entered through a side door and found ourselves in a stone hallway much like the one in my harem abode. I could hear a man’s voice loudly haranguing from a nearby room, and I steered away. The lead boy motioned to a closed door with a jerk of his chin. I raised my hand in thanks and waved them off, then entered the room. Curtains were drawn; the space stood in a deep gloom. I paused for a moment to let my eyes adjust, then moved forward.
“Jesse?” My voice felt small and weak against the despair that seemed to pervade the room. Finally the shape of a bed resolved in my vision, then the form of a body in the blankets, sitting upright.
“Hadassah?” The voice was only vaguely familiar, a breathier, weaker version of Jesse’s once vibrant baritone.
“Yes, it’s me,” I answered and suddenly found myself lunging to his side, my throat constricting in the effort not to cry. I felt my way around his shoulders and wrapped him in a spontaneous hug, nudging my face into his neck to hide my grief.
“What in the world are you doing here?” he asked. I realized only then that he had no idea I had been taken. How could he? My capture had occurred after his own.
“I’m staying right next door,” I replied. “I was taken as a Queen candidate just two days after you were captured. In fact, I’m here in a way because of what happened to you.” I tried hard to control the emotions I was feeling.
He pushed my shoulders back and took a close look at me, his gaze piercing and deeply troubled. “What do you mean?”
“When your grandmother came over and told us you were missing, Mordecai realized right away what had happened. He told her, very carefully, very reluctantly. But I became so upset that I ran out. I lost my mind; I ran all the way to the portico. The gryphon statue.”
Jesse’s expression softened. “I’ll always remember that, Hadassah.”
“Me too. But on my way home, I was cornered by an army patrol. They were with the King’s agent in Susa, and they decided I would make a good candidate, so they gave me two days’ notice, after which they hauled me up to the citadel. I’ve been nearby ever since.”
He shook his head, wide-eyed, as though I had told him something impossible. I could tell he considered his ordeal so terrible that he could not imagine my being anywhere close to him.
“They’ve given me a new name,” he said mournfully.
“Yes, they also have done so for me. Mine is Star.”
“I am now Hathach. I hate it. My real name came from the line of David. I don’t even know where Hathach came from. For all I know, it is some pagan god.”
I placed my hand on his arm. “Please, Jesse, it will be all right. You’re in good company. Remember our Jewish brothers Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah? They were all given pagan names when they entered royal service. And look how G-d remained with them and used them to accomplish His purposes. Besides—you will always be Jesse to me.”
He smiled at me then, and I felt a flood of gratitude for him and his presence with me there in that intimidating place.
“Oh, Jesse,” I wept in spite of myself, “I can’t believe what has happened to us! One minute we’re young people with all of life before us, and the next we’re committed to—you know . . .”
My words seemed too much for him to absorb. He looked away from me, down at the floor. How much life had been drained from him in those few short weeks! He had been a mischievous boy with a gentle soul. He had been growing into the kind of man who would walk through town with his head held high and a marked twinkle in his eye. The kind of man everybody liked.
Now I could not distinguish his expression from that of the blind beggar Mordecai had once invited home for dinner. Empty, hopeless and despondent.
I grasped him by the shoulders and shook him gently, lowering my head to try and capture his vacant gaze. “Listen, Jesse. You have to stay strong, for me—for both of us! I need you, do you hear me? I need your support if I’m going to make it through this!”
He rested his stare on me, only slightly roused from his stupor. He finally spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. “Hadassah, you’ve never needed me a day in your life. You are so strong; you just never knew it. I imagine you’ll find out now. If anything, I’ve needed you.”
“But that’s not true! Especially now. Please, Jesse. Please get better. Listen, I’ve already become the favored candidate—I have privileges, I have Hegai’s ear. I can help, I can get away to meet you, I can do a lot of things if you’ll just get up out of this bed.”
He laughed softly. “My shy little Hadassah—Queen of Persia. Wouldn’t that be ironic?” Then he smiled weakly, laid his head back on the pillow and gave my hand a long squeeze. I took that as hope for tomorrow and crept away. Thank G-d, no one saw me leave.