Chapter Ten

In Which Colin Does. Not. Get. It.

Three days before Elisa was supposed to go out with Wick, she was still stuck playing host to Colin Burger. He’d come over every single day after class let out, like clockwork. And no matter how desperately Elisa hinted to her mother that she didn’t want to spend time with him, she kept letting him in.

Today, he had crashed dinner with Elisa, her mother, her sisters, and Charlene. The dinner table was too crowded at the best of times, but the addition of Colin made it feel even more cramped than normal. It didn’t help that he was, as always, talking.

“So, then Mother and I began to check into our hotel,” he said, “but our luggage hadn’t arrived yet. So, Mother gets on the phone with the hotel’s management to complain that the bellhop had lost our bags, when the bellhop himself appears behind her, just as she was demanding they fire him. With our bags in tow, no less. Of course, he took offense when he heard Mother’s harsh criticism of him, and it showed on his face. Just as I was about to pull Mother away from the situation, so she wouldn’t say something she’d regret, the bellhop’s boss comes over and—”

“Would you like more mashed potatoes?” Mom interrupted. Camila and Lucia both blinked out of their stupor. Elisa just continued staring at the wall behind him, which was how she’d fooled him into thinking she was listening.

“Oh, yes, please, Ms. Bello,” he said, eagerly handing over his plate. “Your cooking reminds me so much of the cook we had back home, before I moved out, anyway. As glad as I am to be living on my own, there are times when I miss the way she would prepare meals…”

And he was off again. Elisa had taken to thinking about her most recent Introduction to Literature assignment as a means to ignore him. She’d escaped into her own head, thinking about the paper she had to write on Fahrenheit 451, when Charlene spared them all from his latest monologue.

“How’s work going, Julieta?” she asked.

“It’s going good, I think,” she said. “Bobby told a few of his friends about my business, so I’ve gotten a rush of new clients.”

Mom beamed. “Bobby really is good to you, isn’t he?”

“In more ways than one,” Maria muttered. Elisa kicked her under the table.

“Y’all going out anytime soon?” Mom asked.

She nodded. “He got us tickets to a laser show at the planetarium.”

“Oh, I love those,” Charlene said.

“I do, too,” Colin said. He looked across the table, directly at Elisa. “Do you go there much?”

“Not much,” she said, already sensing where this was headed.

“I’d like to go sometime soon. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me?”

Charlene’s hazel eyes darted to the kitchen door. She must have decided it was too far and too crowded for her to make a break for it because she stayed in her seat.

“I’m sorry, I’m very busy,” Elisa said. Her voice came out much icier than she’d intended, but he didn’t appear to notice.

“Oh, I’d be happy to accommodate your schedule,” Colin said. From his expression, she could tell he wasn’t being intentionally obtuse—he really was that oblivious.

It looked like she’d have to be blunt.

“Uh… Colin, could we talk alone, maybe?” she said, wanting to at least spare him the experience of being rejected in front of six other people.

“Actually, I was hoping we could talk right here.” He rose from his seat.

“Um,” Lucia said.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Elisa stood, too. “Let’s just go into my room to talk, okay?”

“Dude, listen to her,” Camila whispered.

He didn’t.

Elisa began to leave the table and head toward her bedroom door, but Colin was faster, reaching her and taking her wrist in his hand, stopping her in her tracks.

“Elisa Benitez…”

“Oh my God,” Maria said.

“Elisa, I have been pursuing your affections for almost a year now,” he said. “I know, this may come as a shock to you.”

“It doesn’t,” Lucia said, since Elisa was too flabbergasted to say a word.

He stammered for a second before he could use actual words again. “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I think you and I would be very well-matched. We’re both intelligent, ambitious people, and we both enjoy fine literature and a good movie. Furthermore, my apartment is only a fifteen-minute drive away from yours, so we would always be in close proximity, and the fact that we are both college students would give us plenty to talk about. Now, I know you’ve turned me down before—”

“That’s right.” She finally found her voice, and when she found it, it came out sharp. “I have. Multiple times. So why on earth are you asking me again?”

He faltered, for just a moment. “B-because,” he said, “because I very much like you. And I believe that I could make you very happy, if you’d allow me to try.”

“I don’t allow it,” she said, wrenching her wrist out of his grasp. “And even if I did, you and I would never work as a couple.”

The color drained from Colin’s face. “Wh-why don’t we step out?” he said, eyes darting nervously to the table. Mom was very still, eyes wide and horrified. Julieta, Maria, and Charlene all looked like they wanted to sink through the floorboards. Camila and Lucia were practically watching with popcorn.

Elisa let out a mirthless laugh. “Ohhh, no. I gave you the chance to avoid this, and you blew it. You put me on the spot and ask me out in front of my whole family—you get shot down in front of my whole family. Come to think of it, I gave you the chance to avoid it the first two times I rejected you. Or was it the first three times?”

“Um…”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is—I have tried and tried to be nice when turning you down,” she said, “but it appears nothing less subtle than a baseball bat to the head will work with you. Colin, I don’t like you. And I never will. And I don’t just mean I don’t like you like that. I mean, I don’t like you, period.”

Colin looked like he’d been slapped. Charlene made a heroic effort to intervene.

“Um, maybe we should get the table cleared off—”

“I’m not done,” she said. “Here’s a little tip for you, Colin. When a girl says she can’t go out with you because she’s busy but doesn’t specify a time when she’s not busy—she’s rejecting you. When a girl opts to dance with someone she hates over dancing with you—she’s rejecting you. When a girl has her best friend intervene repeatedly to avoid spending time with you—she’s rejecting you. And if you want the next poor girl you try to inflict yourself on to not reject you, here are some handy pointers.”

Her mother tried to intervene next. “Elisa, I think he gets it.”

“No, Mom, I don’t think he does. First tip: if you want people to like you, maybe talk about something other than yourself. Second tip: stop hugging and touching people without their permission. Third tip: stop acting like you take care of and provide for yourself. Your mom pays for everything. We all know it. Fourth tip: learn to take a rejection the first time you hear it. Because, you know, if you’d backed off earlier, maybe we could’ve at least been friends. But now, I don’t want anything to do with you, romantically or otherwise. Because you, Colin Burger, are an obnoxious, self-centered creep who won’t take no for an answer, and if you ever come over here again, I’ll beat your ass and I’ll enjoy doing it!”

With that, Elisa was done, and the room was so quiet, the noise from the apartment across the hall seemed loud. Elisa hadn’t raised her voice—much—but she felt like she’d been screaming for a thousand years. Colin stood there, face pale, staring at her. Her mother had buried her face in her hands, and even Camila and Lucia looked like they’d stopped enjoying the show.

“I…understand,” he finally said, after an unbearably long pause. “I’ll, um, just…just show myself out, then. Thank you for dinner, Ms. Bello. Um…”

He hesitated, then went for the door.

Elisa turned on her heel, and went into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

A couple minutes later, Camila poked her head in.

“You okay, Lisa?” she asked tentatively.

She sighed, tugging anxiously at her dark hair. “I think so. I didn’t exactly enjoy that.”

“Kind of seemed like you did,” Camila said. She sat down on Julieta’s bed, facing Elisa.

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I mean, I’d been holding that back for about a year now,” she said. “But spelling out everything I hate about somebody isn’t my idea of fun.”

“Are you kidding? You’re practically the Ohio state champ.” She smoothed her skirt. “You were a bit…harsh.”

“Oh, come on. I was nice the first couple times I turned him down. He did this to himself.”

“I guess, but—”

“The way I see it, once a guy refuses to take no for an answer, you don’t have to be nice to him anymore.” She flopped down onto her bed, staring up at the cracked ceiling.

“I’m not sure Mama will agree with you on that front,” Camila warned.

She groaned. “Crap. I spent all that time trying to keep her from realizing Colin was interested…” She turned her gaze toward her sister. “Guess she knows, huh?”

She scrunched her face up in sympathy. “Looks that way.”

“Well, she can get over it,” she said. “Because I’m never going to like Colin Burger. Ever.”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m pretty sure you made that clear, Lisa.”

“Mostly, I just feel sorry for whatever poor woman he manages to trick into marrying him five or ten years from now…”