We returned to the office right after New Year’s Day. That afternoon after my session, Priya gave me the okay to go with Vishnu to look for Asya. She said I was emotionally ready, and Vishnu understood I needed to go with the team after our hope was crushed on New Year’s Eve. Vishnu had scheduled a meeting with the board as well for the next morning.
The evening we went back to the brothel, I waited in the car with a green scarf around my face, just allowing my eyes to peek through, like a Muslim girl. Mausi handed me the scarf, and when the tears came, I told her it reminded me of my mummy. She said, “Then you should keep it with you.”
I had promised Vishnu I wouldn’t get out of the car, but it was a lie. If I saw Asya myself, I was ready to rush to her side and not let her go, no matter what happened afterwards.
Vishnu was driving, and a new man, Ryan, a volunteer from Australia, sat beside him. He had the same kind blue eyes Adam had. His English was funny sounding the way Vishnu’s Hindi sounded.
“You know we aren’t conducting a raid today. We just have to let her know if we see her, like we let you know, okay? I can’t promise anything,” Vishnu said as he started the car.
I knew he was trying to protect me, but my hope was deeper than anything I could describe to him. I needed to be part of it. I handed Ryan the note saying, Didi, it’s safe. Asya would know my handwriting.
Ryan stepped out of the car a few blocks from the brothel.
While we waited, Vishnu told me he wanted to play a game.
“Okay, I will say a word, and you have to tell me your favorite of whatever it is, and then you say a word, and I’ll tell you my favorite. Ready? Color, go.”
“Purple. Your turn, food.”
“Oh, this is hard,” he said. “Pizza from New York.” I knew he would say that. On New Year’s night, he described it as “a big naan topped with red sauce, like a tomato chutney, and then cheese, paneer, all melted on top,” as he made a wide wreath with his hands. It was delicious.
He smiled, and said, “Sport.”
I must have frowned in confusion because he said, “Come on, pick a sport!”
“Okay, cricket. Now you tell me color.”
“Green, like your scarf.”
Someone knocked on the window. I was alarmed and ducked in my seat, my mind leaping to the fear that it was a crooked police officer. But it was a small child, begging. We had always ignored these children when riding with Puppa. Most people I saw when we drove ignored them also. But Vishnu reached into his pockets, looking for rupees to give. He found a few coins and a crumpled bill as he rolled his window down and said, “Kahna, go eat.”
We went back to our game. I felt myself softening even more to this kindhearted man as I waited for Ryan to return with news of my sister.
Ryan was gone for a long time. We played our game until we ran out of ideas, and then lapsed into silence. I saw Vishnu close his eyes as the sunset faded on the car windows. I followed suit, and I must have fallen asleep, soothed by his quiet breathing.
When Ryan opened the car door, I jumped slightly in my seat. He was sweating and his face was bright red. “Even at night, it’s so hot!” he complained.
I imagined what this must be like for him, the heat of my country—not only the sun, but also the chilies that made heat rise in your stomach. So very different from his own home. I had only heard tidbits about America from Chaya and Nisha at Guhan uncle’s. How clean and sterile places were, the way the cold could seep into your bones in the winter.
“I couldn’t find her,” Ryan said. “I searched first for her as a customer, but then I even asked everyone I saw. I asked the owners, the workers—heck, even the little kids. Whoever spoke English didn’t know, and whoever didn’t speak it didn’t seem like they knew.”
Vishnu translated it all for me, and when he was done, I told him I had to be the one to go. I knew who to ask. I knew the inside people.
Vishnu shook his head. “It’s too risky. But let’s come up with a plan before I leave for New York. Tell me more details.”
Tell him more? I had already told them everything. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean even who you guys bought your Thums Up from.”
Without warning, I burst into tears. Vishnu reached over and pressed his thumbs to my cheeks, dashing away my tears. “Do you like Thums Up?” he asked gently.
And that was all I heard before I lost it even more; I just cried into his hands.
He held me until I stopped crying. Ryan stayed silent. When I slowed down, Vishnu let go of me. I started wiping my face with a green scarf. I had an impulse and grabbed the handle of the car door, shaking it to open, and when it did, I jumped out of the car.
But Ryan was strong and fast, and I felt his hands on my back, around my waist, lifting me up as I kicked. He pushed me back inside and closed the door.
Vishnu locked the doors, and they started driving. I looked out the window and didn’t speak.
“Do you really want to go back to that life?” Vishnu asked me in a calm voice I couldn’t ignore.
That life? To be stripped of my autonomy and be treated as less than human? Of course not. But I wanted Asya out of that life too.
“I want my sister.”
“Amla, she is not at that brothel anymore, and we still don’t know where she is. If we go in without planning, we are bound to fail. With you, we had a lot of planning and research. We wanted to save more than one, but we had not planned for everything, and we were lucky we even got you. Now we know some more of what we’re up against. I know we can find your sister, but you have to promise me that we are on the same team. I know it’s hard, after everything that has happened to you, but I promise, we are doing everything.” He held my hands as he spoke.
I studied him. I thought of his story about the girl and her uncle. About his tenderness the other night. In the brothel, I learned that you can see what men are about when they don’t speak. What their temperament is like, if they are hiding something, what they fear and what they want.
He was kind, and after all this time, I believed him.
“Okay, I am on your team.”
He smiled and said, “Ryan, she says she’s on our team. I think we need to get her some ninja gear considering the way she jumped out of the car, right?”
Ryan snorted but didn’t reply.
I stared out the window, watching the city go by. Vishnu stayed next to me, his hand holding my knee with love. Asya, don’t worry. We are coming for you, I thought.