Penelope
Fact. I’d let it happen.
Fact. I’d known it would happen.
Fact. I hadn’t pulled away.
Fact. I’d liked it.
I’d called Fallon the next morning freaking out and she still had the same sage advice as before, adventure, let it happen, agh!
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date with a girl who stared so hard at a burger.” Drew shoved a fry into his mouth and then took a sip of his beer.
Mine was untouched.
Because I was still thinking about the kiss.
The kiss that shouldn’t have happened.
The words before the kiss about wanting to share his life with someone who got it.
And the little crack in my heart that seemed to open even more as I realized I wanted exactly the same thing. I’d never been the sort of girl who wanted anything huge.
A family.
A real family.
Was that so much to ask for?
According to Trevor, no. And that was the thing, he was famous, but still so normal in the desires of his heart. It made him so maddeningly attractive that I couldn’t even hold a conversation during my date with Drew.
It didn’t help that things had gone back to normal with Trevor, I had dinner waiting for him the last three nights, he greeted me with a huge smile when I showed up at one, usually with some sort of food substance on his person, and on and on we went, in perfect sync, around one another, laughing about the kids.
But not acting on anything.
We were never alone.
Maybe that was a good thing.
Yeah, my stomach dropped and then filled with erratic butterflies, all hell bent on escaping, at once.
A very good thing.
“Sorry.” I picked up a fry and shoved it in my mouth. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Right, because making coffee is basically the same thing as solving world hunger. Not that I’m hating on your job, we all need coffee. You’re basically a saint to us sinners, but tell me one thing.” He sat forward. The guy had such lethal eyes, so piercing and deep that no sane person could look away. “What sort of answers do you think you’re going to find on an empty stomach?”
“Ah, so basically if I eat my food, I’ll be all powerful?”
“Well.” His smirk widened as he leaned in and whispered. “They are fries.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Be honest, are you here because you want to be here, because you’re bored, or because you want to piss off Trevor by feeding his employee?”
His expression fell a bit and then he leaned back and crossed his arms. He had bracelets on both wrists, the colorful rope kind that his bandmates seemed to collect since most of them were covered in them. His black V-neck went down so low I could see half his chest tattoo. His fingernails were painted black, and I was almost positive he had eyeliner on, unless that was real, and he really did have such intense eyes. If it was, not fair, not fair to any of us.
Drew had always been the bad boy of the group.
The one that every girl said they loved but never chose to marry when it came to playing the whole kiss, date, marry game.
No, the marry one had always been Trevor.
He was sexy but good. Heck, the guy did interviews while holding puppies.
“Can’t I just share a nice meal with a nice person?”
I almost choked on my fry. “You don’t know me.”
“And you don’t know me,” he countered with narrowed eyes.
I opened my mouth then shut it and glared.
“That’s why we have the food.” He spread his arms wide. “Calories are supposed to make it easier.”
“And yet…” I laughed and took another swig of beer.
“And yet, most people don’t even eat because they feel like puking.” He gulped and then looked away. “And it may have something to do with having to clean up my image for the next album.”
“That—” I pointed a fry at him. “—makes total sense.” I grinned. “Maybe you should start doing volunteer work.”
The guy visibly paled.
“Or not.” I snickered.
“Music.” He said the word like it was sexy. No, he said it like it was actually dripping with sex. “It’s all I need.”
“Until you wake up alone,” I whispered under my breath.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m never alone.” He let out a laugh.
“I’m calling your bluff.”
His smile fell. “Don’t you scour the internet? See the magazines?”
“Yeah, but I don’t pay attention to that.” I leveled a serious stare on him. “And even if you do have some crazy fan girl in your bed every night, that doesn’t mean you’re never alone. You can be surrounded by millions of people, friends, family, fans—and still be lonely.”
I wasn’t sure where that came from.
Maybe the part inside of me that had always felt that way, like it didn’t quite fit, and that everyone else did back in Cunningham Falls.
Another reason to move to Seaside.
To find my place.
My destiny.
Drew was quiet as he stared down at his fries, and then he leaned back in his chair again, reached for his beer and downed it to the last drop. “Well, at least now I know why.”
“Why you’re lonely?” I asked, confused.
“Nah.” He flashed me a smile that seemed almost disappointed. “Why he likes you so much, why he’s so protective of you.”
“He barely knows me.” My mind flashed to the kiss, to the days spent with his kids getting to know him through them, dinners spent at his house. One week in, and I was ready to ask if I should just become their live-in nanny and pine after him for the rest of my life.
If that wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t sure what was.
“Maybe you should share more food with him,” Drew offered. “Wait, you’re already doing that. Don’t you make a killer pot roast?”
“Very funny.” I tilted my head at him, my eyes searching his expression. “I’m trying to figure out your angle here, and I keep coming up empty.”
“Maybe—” He gulped and licked his lips. “Maybe I just need a friend too.”
“Lonely notices lonely,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” was all he said before waving his hand to our waiter. We were at one of Seaside’s brewery joints, it had killer food but suddenly the few fries and conversation sat like a rock in my stomach.
I once again felt like I didn’t fit.
I wanted to.
It would be easy to like someone like Drew.
To fall for his easy smiles and smoldering eyes.
But it was wrong.
It felt wrong.
And Trevor’s hands felt right, his mess felt right. All the way down to the ketchup stains and the crazy looks his kids gave me whenever I asked them to help with anything.
“She did a number on him, you know.” Drew tossed a wad of cash on the table and stood. “His ex.”
“Who abandons three kids?” I wondered out loud as we walked out of the restaurant, his hand on the small of my back. He had flat-out refused to let me meet him there, so I walked over to the passenger side of his Range Rover and waited.
A few people held up their phones around us, but it wasn’t anything crazy. Then again, it wasn’t tourist season yet.
I couldn’t even imagine what they dealt with during the summertime if they were walking down the streets with all the normal humans who didn’t have pretty tattoos and gorgeous faces.
Drew opened my door for me and didn’t answer until we were in the car. And then he just shook his head and started the engine. “A very, very selfish person. And trust me when I say I know some of the worst. We’re from LA, it’s like the capital of consumerism and narcissists, but it’s—I don’t know, it’s worse than that. She actually made him believe she wanted that life, and the minute he gave her everything she wanted, it wasn’t enough. It’s like this switch flipped when she realized it wasn’t always going to be glamorous parties and Grammy awards.” Drew sighed. “The worst thing you can do when you’re famous…” He pulled up to a stoplight and turned his gaze toward me. “…is to date or marry someone in the same business, who feels the need to compete with you. I’d like to think they can’t help it, it’s a competitive business. But she had one or two hit movies, he’s had a career since he was thirteen that kept thriving. And he was willing to walk away from it when all she wanted was more, more, more.” The light turned green and he accelerated again. “The addiction isn’t in the first taste, Penelope, it’s in the justification that all you need is one, when you will always need more to replace what’s been consumed.”
I stared at him slack-jawed.
His lips turned up into a smile. “And the bad boy of the group just got deep. Sorry…sometimes I forget I’m supposed to be stupid.”
I laughed at that. “You’re not stupid.”
“No, I just like to hide my smarts behind my body, easier to get laid that way.”
“There you are.” I laughed.
He joined me, and then he was pulling up to my house. My tiny little beach house with the cute red door, painted white window boxes for flowers, and Jennifer standing in the middle of my lawn with her cell pressed to her ear and her hands in the air in frustration.
I was renting from Jennifer and her family. Since it was close to the coffee shop, it just made sense. But she’d never actually visited me or stood on my lawn at night looking crazed.
I got out of the SUV.
Drew followed me. Of course he did.
“Jennifer?”
She turned and then held up a hand. “Well, fix it! I have a tenant!”
She ended the call and gave me a frustrated look. “I’m so sorry, Penelope, one of the neighbors smelled smoke and called the fire department. There’s no fire, but the power outage earlier today apparently caused a whole bunch of craziness with the old wiring in the house. Old wiring that was supposed to be fixed last year. The electrical contractor claimed we had a few more years left, so we didn’t do anything and…” She looked ready to cry. “I’m so sorry, but it’s not safe right now. Is there any place you can stay for the next week or so?”
“Um…” Panic set in. Well, it wasn’t actually setting in, I was already in full-fledged panic mode. I didn’t want to ruin Dani and Linc’s time here. Though I knew they had a huge beach house, I just hated imposing on anyone.
Hated the idea that I’d be dependent again.
That I wouldn’t fit.
Why did I always feel like I was floating in limbo? Just waiting to be told this path, this one right here, take it!
“I have a place,” Drew announced.
I sent him a seething glare. “I’m not staying with you.”
He burst out laughing. “Wasn’t offering, not really into girls who see too much. That’s why we get to be friends and I’m helping you hurry things along. Just call me your fairy fucking godmother!”
I could have sworn my eye started to twitch.
Jennifer gasped when she realized who he was, then dropped her phone onto the grass. Then she bent and scooped it up and asked for a selfie. Then she looked ready to burst into tears all at once.
Yeah, yeah, Adrenaline bad boy, live and in the flesh.
I grabbed my phone and took a picture of them before shoving it back into my pocket. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“Come on, lonely one,” Drew winked. “Let’s grab your shit. I’ll give you a ride and we can figure out about getting your car later.”
Jennifer sighed in relief. “I’m so glad you have friends here, Penelope. I’m so sorry! If you need a day or two to settle in—”
“I’m good and don’t worry!” I smiled even though I still felt a bit sick to my stomach.
By the time Drew and I had grabbed my two suitcases and the pillow I’d brought with me, I was exhausted and ready to go to sleep.
“So where is this magical place you’re taking me?” I asked in a tired voice.
Drew didn’t answer, and five minutes later, we pulled up to the giant beach house I visited every afternoon.
“NO!” I shouted.
“Yes.”
“Drew!”
“P-dog.” He winked. “Come on, he already said yes. I texted him. What’s the worst that could happen?” He leaned in and cupped my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You stop being lonely? Get to know him better? He kisses you?”
I must have made a face because he jerked back and then clapped twice. And hit the steering wheel in amusement. “That dirty dog.”
“Please don’t say anything!”
“Oh, don’t worry, I fully intend on telling the entire gang through our texting thread.” He held out his phone. “But never fear, I’ll just accuse him of it and then we’ll all pester him for the next two hours while he thinks of ways to kill us all. It’s a shit ton of fun.”
“Guys are weird.”
“We love the gossip.” He opened up his door. “Let’s do this.”
I walked all the way up to the house like lead filled my legs, rolling my suitcases behind me. Meanwhile, Drew carried my pillow like he was on his way to his first sleepover, and when he knocked on the door he leaned against it like he was in some photo shoot and pulled Trevor in for a hug when he opened the door.
They broke apart.
Trevor looked ready to murder someone. Mainly Drew.
And Drew gave me a “Don’t worry, I got this” look.
I had a very solid inkling he didn’t “have” anything, but what could I even say?
“So…” Drew started backing away. “I think that’s it. You kids have fun painting your toenails and braiding hair. If you need a third, you know where to find me, but I’m really only good at one thing at night. Isn’t that right, Penelope? Or should I call you—”
“No more talking.” I wagged my finger at him.
His face softened. I’d like to think he had the best intentions, just horrible execution when it came to doing good deeds.
“Thanks for being my date tonight,” Drew said loud enough for the whole beach to hear him, and then he pulled me in for a hug and kissed my forehead, his lips slid down my cheek, and his whisper made me almost collapse against him. “Take it easy on him, baby steps.”
I nodded.
And then he was gone, and I was staring up into Trevor’s angry gaze, wondering if he would even let me into the house.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that.
But Bella broke the silence by moving around him and running toward me. “I knew it, I just knew it!”
“Knew what, sweetie?” I picked her up and twirled her around before drawing her close and kissing her nose.
“That you were gonna be my new mommy.”
I almost dropped her.
Trevor’s eyes got so wide it looked like his head was ready to explode.
“Oh, sweetie, no, that’s not…” Any time, Trevor, any time would be good, now would be good. “There’s a problem with my house, so your daddy is letting me stay in the guest room for the next week.”
Her face fell, and then she lit up and whispered in my ear. “That’s okay, I’ll just keep wishing on the stars. After all…Daddy says every star eventually falls sooner or later.”
Tears filled my eyes as I nodded and said, “Your daddy’s right.”