The men’s room had a really long row of urinals, plus one private stall with a door on it. When Big Adam said he had to make a pit stop, Nanny X pulled us all in there, even Yeti, and latched the door. You know that scene in From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler where Claudia and Jamie are hiding in the museum and they have to stand on the toilet seat so the guards won’t see their feet? We had to do that, except our toilet couldn’t hold one nanny plus three kids plus one big, slobbery dog.
“I’ll stay down here,” I said. Ali’s sneakers had a pink stripe on them, Eliza had baby feet, and Nanny X’s feet looked like they belonged in that museum with Claudia and Jamie. At least my feet looked like boy feet.
Nanny X climbed onto the toilet seat first, holding Eliza, and Ali climbed up after them. We hoped Eliza wouldn’t make any noise. We hoped Yeti wouldn’t, either.
The “eeee eeee” noise came through the sippy cup again. Then there was a clunk as Nanny X grabbed the cup and fitted it together the proper way, sealing it in silence. She crammed it into the diaper bag, and a noise came from inside there that sounded like she’d stepped on something alive. Then that sound faded, too.
“Act natural,” Nanny X told me. “You’re doing fine.”
The door to the men’s room opened, and we heard footsteps. The footsteps stopped somewhere near the urinals, but we didn’t hear anyone doing the sort of thing people usually do when they’re in front of urinals. Instead, we heard a weird clacking and rattling sound.
Ali put one foot on each side of the stall, and then one hand on each side, the way she does in the door frame at home. She shimmied higher, her hands and feet like suction cups, so she could see just over the top and out into the bathroom.
I wanted to know what she was seeing, but I couldn’t ask her; Big Adam would have heard. Then Eliza squirmed. Nanny X moved just a bit to get a better hold on her, and Ali lost her grip on the wall at the very same time. When she shimmies back home in the door frame, she is usually barefoot. Maybe the rubber on her sneakers wasn’t as suction-y as her feet. She landed on top of Yeti, who yelped.
“Who’s there?” Big Adam’s footsteps came closer and closer. They stopped right outside our bathroom stall.
“Take me out to the ball game,” I sang, instead of answering. Sometimes singing makes me less nervous.
He pounded on the door of the stall.
“Take me out with the crowd.” I sang louder, the way I sing when we go hiking and everyone is counting on me to scare away the bears. “Buy me some peanuts and—”
“Step out here,” said Big Adam.
I looked at Ali, who just stared at the bathroom floor like a statue, and then at Nanny X. “It’s OK,” the nanny whispered. “We’ve got your back.”
I flushed the toilet, because that seemed like a good cover and also a way to cover up noise in case Eliza was thinking about making some. Then I unlocked the stall door and pushed it open just a little. I slid through to face Big Adam.
“You were making a pretty good racket in there,” Big Adam said.
I held my breath. I’m pretty sure Nanny X held her breath, too. Then Yeti squeezed out under the bottom of the stall. Maybe he didn’t like being in such a small space. Or maybe he didn’t want me to be alone, which is more than I can say for a certain older sister.
“Arf!”
Yeti’s paws clacked on the tile. With no one holding his leash, he ran all around the bathroom. He was making so much noise, Big Adam couldn’t have heard Eliza if she was having her five o’clock meltdown.
“I can’t believe Stratty let you into his office with that dog. And now you have a dog in a public bathroom.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“It’s unsanitary,” he said. He slapped his ankle, like someone slapping a mosquito. “Fleas,” Big Adam said. “That’s one reason dogs aren’t allowed in here.”
“But Yeti doesn’t have any—”
“You take that dog and come along.”
“But I’m not finished,” I said, even though I’d flushed.
“Yes,” he said. “I believe you are.” He looked at me again, closer. “What did you see?”
“The toilet?” I said. Maybe Ali had seen something when she was being the lookout, but I hadn’t.
“Where’s that woman you were with? Your grandmother?”
“My nanny,” I said. “And she’s waiting for me.”
“I think we should take a little walk, don’t you?” Big Adam said.
“I’m not supposed to go anyplace with strangers,” I said. But Big Adam grabbed me by the arm and led me out of the bathroom. In my brain I thought: Bravery in the face of danger. Then I thought it two more times. I wanted to yell for Nanny X, but I didn’t. I wanted to yell “H.M.A.,” which stands for Help Me, Ali. Since she was being less of a Super Snot, I thought she would. But my sister didn’t come after me. Yeti did, though. I grabbed his leash right up. “It’s okay, boy,” I told him. It wasn’t. My sister was ignoring me, and Nanny X didn’t have my back or my front. Only one person had me, and that person was Big Adam.