Meredith
The words I’ve fucked up played in my mind on repeat these days. Hell, they’d been repeating for a long while now. Ever since my adopted father decided I’d caused too much trouble. In hindsight, I’d been a bitch and a half. I didn’t know why I’d acted so spoiled, or like I had every right to a man who didn’t even want me. To say I felt embarrassed was an understatement. But getting kicked out was the worst part of all.
No, actually the absolute worst part was getting Hot Shot involved, and undermining Badger. I’d nearly torn my dad’s club apart, all because I was jealous and wanted Doolittle for myself. I’d been acting like a child. The moment Doolittle said he didn’t think of me that way, I should have backed off. It had taken him losing the woman he loved to make me see reason.
Everyone thought I’d been acting out because of my dad’s health issues. While it had been a hard blow, it hadn’t been the reason I’d chased after Doolittle. I’d had a crush on him since the first time we met. Sadly, I hadn’t been able to let go, even when I’d known I should have. No one realized I obsessed over the man. They’d thought it was cute, the way I chased after him. I had a problem… several. I needed to figure out how to handle everything and live a normal life. Or as normal as it got when your dad was part of a motorcycle club.
As for Dad… He’d never be completely well, but thanks to diet, exercise, and some medication, he wouldn’t be kicking the bucket anytime soon. Or so I’d been told. I’d met with Dad once, unbeknownst to everyone at the Devil’s Fury. He’d taken a “ride” and just happened to end up near New Orleans around the time I was leaving and heading to Texas. I’d bounced from club to club while I figured my shit out. Or attempted to.
Right now, I was on my way to Oklahoma to stay with the Savage Raptors. Even though I was due there tomorrow morning, I’d decided to pull off the road and rest for a bit. Or more accurately, I wanted to have a few drinks. I might not be twenty-one yet, but I had my ways of getting what I wanted -- they were called breasts. I had a rather spectacular pair, and I’d learned men went a little stupid when I put the girls on display.
I leaned on the hood of the guy’s Camaro, making sure I nearly spilled out of my tank top. Flashing him a smile, I batted my eyes. I nearly had him ready to do anything I wanted. I’d been flirting for the last five minutes, and I could see him wavering.
If my family saw me right now, they’d be horrified. I may have called Minnie a whore, but I was the one acting the part. Some days I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.
I was lost. Drowning. My dad didn’t need to see me like this. It would only add to his stress and wouldn’t be good for his health. Everyone back home probably thought I was being a bitch by staying away for so long. I’d already extended my trip twice. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone about my struggles.
Which was why I kept doing stupid shit like this. I didn’t know anything about this guy. He could be a serial killer. So, why was I doing this?
Desperation. I didn’t know how else to numb myself, or feel like I was in control of -- anything. The control I’d gain from this was only an illusion. I knew it well enough, and yet, here I was.
“You know what would make this conversation even better?” I asked, digging the hole even deeper. Would I ever find my way out?
“What?”
“A motel.” I winked. “But we might get awfully thirsty. Want to grab some beer and come to my room? I’m right across the street.”
He leered at me, his gaze glued to my breasts. “Yeah. I can do that. What’s the room number?”
“109.” My heart hammered against my ribs. This was stupid and dangerous. I couldn’t keep tempting fate like this.
“You’re not going to try and steal the beer and run, are you?” he asked.
“Nope. I’m hoping we’ll get to drink them together… and do other things.”
“All right.” He licked his lips. “I’ll be right there.”
I stood up and sauntered away, making sure to put some extra sway in my hips. Thank goodness I wasn’t a virgin, or I’d have never attempted this. I’d been saving myself for Doolittle. Then I’d been so pissed and heartbroken, I’d jumped the first guy who came along. Since then I’d figured out my body was an excellent way to control the men around me. At least, the ones who didn’t know my dad or the Devil’s Fury.
Sex and alcohol also made things better for a brief moment. I’d read enough self-help books to know I was struggling to exert control… in all the wrong ways.
If the Savage Raptors were like the other two clubs I’d visited, then they wouldn’t let me drink until I turned twenty-one. They also wouldn’t touch me. With my luck, they’d keep an eye on me to the point of suffocation, especially since Outlaw was friends with them and also knew a cop in Bryson Corners.
It didn’t take long for the guy to show up. He knocked and I opened the door, letting him in. I’d regret this tomorrow. I always did. And yet I welcomed him with a smile… this nameless man I’d forget soon enough.
Just like the others…