Meredith
Riding with Lynx had been the first time in forever that I’d felt at peace. Even sex and alcohol weren’t substitutes for the open road. Everyone knew Grizzly had adopted me, and I’d spent my teen years at the Devil’s Fury. But not many knew my biological father had also been a member of their club. Twister. He’d done some fucked-up shit, and in the end, it had cost him his life.
Either way, it seemed I was a biker’s daughter through and through. Nothing could soothe me like being on a motorcycle. I only wished the ride could have lasted longer. On the plus side, Lynx had been called away to deal with something for the club, so the talk he’d wanted to have was put on hold. Indefinitely, I hoped.
He’d called me Merry. No one had done that except Doolittle. It brought up memories I’d sooner forget. When Doolittle said it, I’d felt special, but more in the way a little sister would look up to her brother. With Lynx… I noticed in an entirely different way. He said Merry, and everything inside me lit up in a completely adult way.
I roamed the room I’d been given when I came here. Since the Savage Raptors didn’t have families yet, there hadn’t been an appropriate place for me to stay. I’d refused to throw someone out of their home, so instead, I’d taken a room at the clubhouse. Of course, once the parties started, their Pres said I had to stay in said room until someone gave me the all clear in the morning.
It wasn’t ideal. In fact, if my dad found out, he’d lose his shit. In his mind, I was still his little girl. I might have fucked up, but it didn’t mean he loved me any less. The fact I’d been sleeping around would never cross his mind. If he’d thought I’d been acting out before, it was nothing compared to how things had been since I left home.
Out of everyone I’d been around since then, Lynx was the only one who seemed to really see me. Well, he’d said the VP here had a clue about what I’d been up to as well. I hadn’t been as sneaky as I’d thought. I didn’t understand why Lynx cared. Wasn’t I just a messed-up kid to him? Was he trying to save me as a favor to my dad?
He’d somehow known I needed to take a ride today. He’d given me what I needed before I’d even realized it myself. Of course, things would change if he knew what I’d discovered today. Going to the clinic to get tested hadn’t been a bad idea. I hadn’t exactly been discerning when it came to the men I’d let fuck me, or the ones I’d blown. And I hadn’t been as careful as I’d thought. Maybe it was a good thing he’d gotten called out on a job. He’d wanted to take me to his house to talk. I wasn’t sure that would be the best thing for me right now.
I pressed a hand to my belly.
You’re pregnant. The nurse had kept rambling about prenatal vitamins, seeing my regular physician, and so on. While she’d talked, the first two words had stuck in my head on repeat. A baby. What the hell was I supposed to do with a kid? I’d fucked my life up so bad and still didn’t know how I was going to get out of this mess. Now I’d made things even worse.
I paced across the small space again. Back and forth. At this rate, I’d wear out the carpet. Then again, that might not be a bad thing. It probably should be replaced. I was too scared to ask what might be ground into the fibers. Semen. Blood. Pussy juice. I cringed just thinking about it, which was why I never walked around without my shoes on in here.
Someone knocked on the door and I answered. The moment I yanked it open, a club whore nearly fell into my room.
“What the hell?” She straightened and sneered at me. “Why are you in here?”
“Um, it’s my room. Why the hell are you here?”
“Fucking bitch! I heard there was some woman staying here. Told the others they had to be wrong. No way the Savage Raptors would keep someone other than one of us. How the hell did you bribe your way into staying here?”
I shoved her back into the hall, following and shutting the door behind me. Clearly, she hadn’t been around much if she had just heard about me. I didn’t recognize her, but they all looked the same to me. I knew the men saw them as faceless, nameless holes for their dicks. It wasn’t a secret I was staying here. Of course, I hadn’t been around the club whores either. I’d stayed in my room, just like I’d been told to do. Or I’d left before the whores arrived and slipped back to my room unnoticed.
“First off, call me a bitch again and see what happens. Second, why I’m here is none of your business.”
She shrieked and took a swing at me. I blocked her blow and slammed my fist into her face. Lynx had been right. I was a biker’s daughter, and this whore needed to learn her place. She was beneath me. And that’s exactly where I’d put her.
She fell into the wall, and I hit her again before kicking her legs out from under her. The moment she landed on the floor, I put my foot on her stomach and leaned down.
“You’re under a few misconceptions. One, you aren’t better than me. In fact, you should be thankful to be in my fucking presence. Two, you mean nothing to these men. You’re an object. Something to fuck, like a sex doll, and nothing else. And three, you have no power here. At all. The next time you knock on a door and decide to confront someone, you better make damn sure you’re the alpha bitch. I can promise, you aren’t. Not in this instance.”
I straightened and took my foot off her. When I looked up, I saw Lynx leaning against the wall, a smirk on his lips. He gave me a wink before coming closer.
“She started it,” I said, pointing to the whore on the ground.
“Didn’t ask. Don’t care. You did what you had to do. I’m damn proud of you.”
“Are you shitting me?” The whore struggled to stand. “She hit me! You’re just going to let her do that?”
I hit her again. “Yeah, he is because I’m a motherfucking princess and you’re a piece of trash.”
She wailed and collapsed to the floor. I rolled my eyes, and wondered if she thought that would really work. Then I realized the three of us had company. The Pres and VP were both watching.
“Everything good here?” Spade asked.
“Who is she?” the whore asked.
“She’s Devil’s Fury royalty,” Atilla said. “Her daddy is their retired president, so show her some fucking respect. In fact, get the hell out of my clubhouse.”
The woman got to her feet and stumbled as she walked away. Spade and Atilla looked from me to Lynx and back again. Spade smiled while Atilla shook his head and left.
“I’m glad to see you figuring out who you are,” Spade said. “I’m going to assume Lynx had something to do with it.”
I nodded. “Yeah. He said something today, and when that woman came at me, I just… I don’t know.”
“This isn’t a good place for you, Meredith, but you already know that. We didn’t have an empty house for you, or an apartment. Your daddy wanted you inside the compound, so that meant we couldn’t help you rent a place.” Spade crossed his arms. “Since things are complicated, I can’t force you to be with anyone. Here or elsewhere. But I think you need to consider some options.”
Options? I hadn’t really hung out with any of them… except Lynx. Was that what he meant? Or did he think I’d just pick a random Savage Raptor brother to be with for the rest of my life?
“Enough, Spade,” Lynx said. “You’re going to make her run.”
He wasn’t wrong. Not because I didn’t like Lynx. The opposite. I liked him too much. In fact, I found myself watching him all the time. It was like Doolittle all over again. I was obsessing, and that was a bad thing.
“Get her out of here for now,” Spade said. “Get her some food. Dessert. Something. She doesn’t need to be around all this shit.”
“On it, VP.” Lynx reached over to take my hand and led me away from my room and through the main part of the clubhouse. I didn’t stop to look around. I meekly went with him. When we got outside, he pointed to his bike. “Get on.”
I did as he said, and hoped it wasn’t a mistake. Not only because of the baby I’d just learned about, but because Lynx was dangerous for me. He made me want things I couldn’t have. I didn’t deserve a guy like him. He might be gruff. Even a little scary at times. But just the same, he had a tender side and was a very kind man. Anyone who spent even a short amount of time with him would be able to see it.
Lynx got on in front of me and started the bike up. He rolled it backward out from the line of bikes, then pulled on to the small road that went through the compound. He came to a stop in front of one of the log cabins and cut the engine.
“All this is new. Did you know?” he asked.
“How new?”
“Atilla had all this done within the past year. Originally, we had a building in the middle of town. No fence. Nothing special.”
“Why the change?” I asked.
“Found out we had a traitor in our midst. While the other clubs were here, Atilla heard about the setups they had. Once the dust settled, the Pres decided he wanted something similar to the Devil’s Fury compound. He saw the Reckless Kings, Dixie Reapers, and several other clubs had something similar and thought we should too.”
“Everyone wanted a cabin?” I asked.
“It was simpler for the builders to put in the same house multiple times than to do different designs. They’re all completely identical. Three bedrooms. Two bathrooms. The only difference is that some of us enclosed the back decks into sunrooms.”
“Were you one of them?”
He nodded. “Yep. Knew I’d want a family someday. Made more sense to close it in. It seemed like something my sister would like, so I thought other women might too. What about you?”
“Sunrooms are nice,” I said. “But if every house is the same, what happens if some of your brothers have larger families than others? You’re going to try cramming six kids into two rooms?”
His eyes went comically wide. “Six? You want that many kids?”
The smile dropped from my face, and I put a hand to my belly before I really thought about my actions. Lynx noticed the move, and his jaw tensed. He jerked his head toward the house and I followed him inside. Silently, he pointed to the kitchen and I went to sit at the table. After he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and placed it in front of me, he got a beer for himself and took the seat across from me.
“Seems like we need to have a discussion.” He cracked open his beer and took a swallow. “That wild streak catch up to you?”
“It’s not your problem, Lynx.”
“The fuck it isn’t.” His eyes narrowed and I could have sworn I heard him grinding his teeth. “What are you going to do, Merry? I’m betting you have no clue who put that baby in your belly. Am I wrong? Do you even know what state you were in at the time? Or was it some random guy while you were on the road between clubs?”
My cheeks burned. I had a feeling it was the man I slept with right before coming to the Savage Raptors, even though I couldn’t be one hundred percent certain. I didn’t know why he was so upset about this. It wasn’t like the baby was his, or that I expected him to take responsibility. This was my mess and I needed to figure it out on my own. I wasn’t going to drag someone into my problems again, not like I’d done with Hot Shot.
“I’m right, aren’t I? You have no clue who the father is.”
“What does it matter, Lynx? It’s not like I’m asking you to take care of us. I’ll figure it out.”
“How?” He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “You don’t currently have a job, except for the random times the diner asks you to step in and pays you under the table for a few hours of work. I’m sure your car needs more than just the tire fixed. No place to live. Unless you plan on going home?”
I shook my head. If I’d thought my dad was disappointed in me before, I could only imagine his reaction now. It might very well cause him to have a heart attack. If that happened, no one at the Devil’s Fury would ever forgive me. I’d forever be banned from the only place I’d thought of as home.
“It looks to me like you have very few options right now, Meredith.”
Shit. He’d used my full name. He hadn’t done that much since calling me Merry earlier. Something told me I wouldn’t like what he had to say. But I probably needed to hear it anyway.
“So what do you think my options are?” I asked.
“You can get a job. Save up money and find a place to live. Remain here, or somewhere else, but you can’t go home right now. Am I wrong?”
“No. I can’t do this to my dad.”
He nodded. “The other option is… let someone take responsibility.”
“I’m not going to do that. It’s not fair. I nearly ruined Hot Shot’s life because I dragged him down with me. Being claimed by any of you would be a lifetime commitment. Not just to me, but to a child that isn’t even yours.”
He tapped his fingers on the table, studying me in silence. When he spoke, it felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
“So Grizzly doesn’t love you or think of you as his daughter. Is that what you’re saying? You aren’t his by blood. By your reasoning, that makes you a burden. Is that how you see it? You think that’s how he feels?”
No. I knew my dad loved me. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t his biological child. Same for my sisters. We were his, and that was that. Was Lynx saying he would feel like my dad did? Assuming he even meant he would be the one to take responsibility. Maybe he had someone else in mind, or was just tossing out possible options.
“Answer me,” he said.
“No. My dad doesn’t feel like I’m a burden.”
“Yet you automatically assume anyone who claims you will be stuck with a woman and kid they don’t even like. You must think we’re all a bunch of fucking idiots who don’t know what we want or need.”
“That’s not it!” I stood, my chair skidding backward with a loud screech. “Don’t you understand? I caused trouble for my dad and his club, at the worst possible time. I nearly cost Doolittle his woman and kid. Hot Shot could have been booted from the club because he sided with me and tried to help. Now I’m pregnant by some random guy I don’t even remember. I mean, there was only one on the way here. It’s most likely him. Just don’t ask me what he looked like, if I ever got his name, or anything else. I’m a walking disaster, Lynx! Who in their right mind would want someone like me?”
I hadn’t even realized I was crying until he stood and came around the table. He wiped the tears from my cheeks and pulled me into his arms. And in that moment, I felt safe. Seen. Wanted. I cried until my throat hurt. Lynx lifted me into his arms and carried me to the living room. He settled on the couch with me on his lap, then flipped on the TV. After selecting a comedy, he just held me, running his hand over my hair. He didn’t say anything. The silence between us didn’t feel awkward.
How did he always know what I needed before I did? The bike ride. Our talk during lunch. Now this?
“I don’t know what you’ve been through during your short life, Merry, and you don’t have to tell me. It’s clear something haunts you. It drives you to these reckless decisions, and one day it might get you killed. You need help, baby girl. Even the strongest tree can rot from the inside out if it’s diseased and doesn’t receive treatment. Stop trying to do it all on your own.”
“Why do you want to help me?” I asked, feeling pitiful.
“Because I see the woman you’re meant to be. You’re fierce. Stubborn. A general pain in the ass to those around you, much like my sister tends to be. But you’re also kind, gentle, and a sweetheart when you think no one is watching. I was so fucking proud when you put that whore in her place earlier, and I’m damn proud of you right now too.”
“I didn’t do anything except get knocked up and fall apart.”
“Wrong.” His hold on me tightened. “Me holding you like this might not seem like much to most people, but the fact you didn’t push me away means you’re letting me help. That’s a big fucking step for you, Merry.”
I sagged against him and closed my eyes. “What do you want?”
“I want to keep you safe. To help you grow and become even stronger. Mostly, I want you to be mine.”
“I think it’s a mistake,” I said. I was certain I’d only end up hurting him or causing problems for the Savage Raptors. It seemed to be my specialty.
“Let me worry about what I can or can’t handle. I only need one word from you. A simple yes, and you’ll no longer have to figure this shit out on your own. What do you say?”
I took a deep breath and wondered if I could condemn him to what I was certain would be a life of misery. Or was I just selfish enough to agree and suck up all the comfort he wanted to give me?