Meredith
I hadn’t known what to expect with Lynx last night. He’d given me so much more than I’d ever anticipated. Sure, he’d taken me from behind, but it had been different from before. By the time he’d flipped me over, he’d made me come more than once, and had made everything about me. No one had done that before. And since it had only been our first time together, I was certain he’d vary things from time to time. It seemed like the sort of man he was.
I’d woken this morning a little achy, but with a smile on my face. He’d still been lying next to me, and it was my first time sharing a bed with someone overnight. Now, we were on our first outing as a couple. He’d taken my hand when we’d gotten off his bike, and I felt a warmth that was both foreign and exciting to me. He wanted everyone to know I was his.
“I heard from your dad this morning,” he said. “He called while you were in the shower. We’re going to leave in the morning and drive to the Dixie Reapers compound.”
I hadn’t thought much about the situation at home, until he’d said that just now. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been able to forget for this long. Possibly never. Since I’d been asked to leave, it had weighed heavily on me at all times. Being with Lynx seemed to be good for me, in many ways.
“On your bike?” I asked.
“No, sweetheart. You’re pregnant, and I’m not going to let you ride that far on my motorcycle while you’re carrying our kid inside you. I’m also not sure I feel too safe using your car.” He gave my hand a squeeze. He’d already told me the list of things wrong with my car. Not that I’d understood any of it. “I’m sure your dad gave that car to you, but how would you feel about trading it in? Or just keeping it for emergencies and getting something newer? We can get it repaired and have it as a backup.”
“You don’t care if we keep it?” I asked.
“Not at all. We can go buy something new this afternoon. Or at least new-ish. The price of cars has been a bit crazy lately. You either pay out the nose for a vehicle that won’t eat you alive in gas fees, or you get a gas-guzzling monster… and even those aren’t cheap.”
I knew exactly what he meant. It seemed like gas prices had shot up overnight, and while they were slowly falling back into an average range, it wasn’t inexpensive to fill up the tank. Although, I didn’t know how much traveling we’d be doing after this visit. Just driving around town wouldn’t matter too much. It wasn’t like I ran all over the place.
“Just don’t pick out something too big for me to handle,” I said.
He winked and smirked. “I don’t know, sweetheart. You seem to handle big things just fine.”
My cheeks flushed and I smacked his chest. “Behave! We’re in public.”
I may have scolded him, but secretly, I liked his teasing. It made me feel… normal. Or as close to it as I’d ever felt before. I’d noticed my chaotic thoughts were a little quieter today as well. It seemed like Lynx was what I’d needed all this time. Knowing he saw me, and did his best to understand me, went a long way to making me feel less crazy.
It was finally our turn to order, and I asked for a white mocha while Lynx got plain black coffee. I wrinkled my nose, not understanding how he could drink something so bitter. He paid and I scanned the café for an empty table. It looked busy, and I didn’t see a single place where we could sit. Lynx turned around and took my hand again, and I noticed a woman waving at him.
“Um, Lynx. I think she wants your attention.” Had they dated? She didn’t look like the type who’d fall for a biker. Her blouse didn’t have a single wrinkle. The black pencil skirt was both tasteful and conservation. She’d even demurely crossed her ankles and kept her knees together.
“Oh?” He scanned the room and a smile slid across his face when he spotted the woman. “That’s Moira. Come on and I’ll introduce you.”
“Who’s Moira?” I asked.
“A friend. I helped her out a while back. She had a flat tire on the side of the road. We’ve kept in touch and get coffee from time to time.” He led me over to the woman and greeted her warmly. “I didn’t expect to see you here, Moira.”
“Why don’t the two of you sit? I’m nearly finished, and there don’t seem to be any open tables.”
“Thanks. This is Meredith.”
I gave her a tight smile. Lynx winked at me again, and I knew he was trying to put me at ease. Maybe he thought my jealousy was cute. It wasn’t. It felt awful.
“It’s about time you introduced me to your girlfriend,” Moira said.
Wait. He’d told her he had a girlfriend? When did he do that? I glanced at him, but Lynx wasn’t giving anything away.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I mumbled.
“Did Lynx tell you how we met?” she asked.
“He said he fixed your flat tire,” I said.
“He was such a lifesaver that day. No matter how many times I tried to pay him, he wouldn’t accept anything. So every now and then, I convince him to accept a cup of coffee.”
Lynx put his arm along the back of my chair and tugged me closer. Could he feel how anxious I was right now? Could she? I didn’t want to come across as some jealous bitch, even if it was true. Moira was beautiful, and so well put together. I felt like a trainwreck in comparison. She probably had a good job, her own house or apartment, paid all her bills by herself. In other words, the exact opposite of me. She looked closer to Lynx’s age too.
Moira eyed me, and it felt like she saw everything. My insecurity. Anxiety. And the absolute mess I was mentally and emotionally. It made me want to crawl under the table or run as far away as I could.
“The two of you out running errands or do you have special plans today?” she asked, her gaze darting from me to Lynx and back again.
“We’re going car shopping,” Lynx said. “Need something safe for the baby.”
I sucked in a breath. All right. I hadn’t realized we’d be telling everyone I was pregnant. He might be friends with this woman, but I’d just met her. Why would he say something like that?
Moira smiled widely. “How exciting! Congratulations. I bet the two of you must be really happy.”
Did she really know Lynx? I wouldn’t call him excited. Sure, he’d said he’d take responsibility for the two of us, and he planned to call the baby his. It didn’t mean he was jumping for joy, though.
“We only recently found out. Still adjusting a bit to the news,” he said.
I found myself looking around the café while twisting my cup on the table. I heard the two of them continue to talk, but I didn’t pay attention. It was rude of me to ignore them. I knew it, and yet, I couldn’t focus on their conversation. It felt like my throat was getting tight and the walls were closing in on me.
“Meredith.” Lynx’s hand gripped my thigh. “Hey.”
I jolted and looked up at him. “What?”
“Moira’s been asking you a question.”
My cheeks heated and I glanced her way, finding myself unable to hold her gaze. “Sorry.”
“I’m not trying to pry, but I think I can help you,” Moira said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Did Lynx tell you anything about me?” I shook my head. “Did you know you would be meeting me today?”
I sucked in a breath. “This wasn’t a coincidence?”
“Lynx is concerned, and I think he’s right to be. You seem overly anxious. I’ve also picked up a few other behaviors that I feel should be explored a little more. Would you be willing to come to my office?” She pulled out a business card and slid it across the table. Dr. Moira Stern, Psychiatrist.
I shoved my chair back and stood, unable to look at either of them. “You did this on purpose. Everything was set up from the beginning, wasn’t it? You lied to me.”
My stomach churned, and it felt like a fire had built inside my chest. I knew I needed to get away, as quickly as possible. I nearly ran from the café and hurried down the sidewalk. Pressing a hand against my chest, I worried my heart might pound right through my ribs. It felt like… he’d betrayed me.
Did Lynx think there was something wrong with me?
Clearly. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have tricked me into meeting Moira. He wanted me to see a psychiatrist? I might call myself crazy from time to time, but I didn’t like knowing Lynx thought I was too.
“I can’t breathe,” I mumbled as I staggered over to a bench. I sank onto the wooden seat and leaned over to put my head on my knees. Tears pricked my eyes and I fought to hold them back.
I didn’t know what hurt more. The way he’d tricked me into meeting Moira, or the fact he hadn’t come after me. Were they still sitting there talking about me? Was she telling him I was all kinds of fucked up? I’d known this was all too good to be true. I should have listened to that little voice, the one telling me to avoid Lynx. I’d worried I’d obsess over him and chase him off. This was worse.
I hadn’t done anything to deserve this.
Unable to hold back any longer, I started to sob until it felt like I was breaking apart inside. Every tear was another piece of my heart, and my sanity, falling into the abyss. My stomach cramped, then I felt a sharper pain. A sudden wetness slicked my panties, and I parted my legs, my eyes going wide when I realized I was bleeding.
I tried to stand, but my legs wouldn’t hold me. Long legs stopped in front of me, and I looked up to see an officer in uniform. He kneeled down.
“You all right?” he asked.
“No. I… I think something is wrong with my baby.” Saying the words made it real. I was having a baby. Or I had been. Something told me I was losing that innocent little life.
“Come on. I’ll take you to the hospital. Wanna use my phone to call your family?”
I shook my head. I didn’t have anyone to call. After what Lynx had done, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him right now. My dad didn’t need the added stress. There wasn’t anyone else. Tears slipped down my cheeks again as the officer helped me to his vehicle.
He turned on the sirens and got me to the hospital in record time. As the nurse wheeled me through the doors of the ER, I wondered if I’d ever do anything right. I’d gotten pregnant by accident. Now I was losing my baby. Was I being punished? Did the powers that be know I wasn’t going to be a good mother? If I couldn’t take care of myself, how could I be responsible for someone else?
Maybe this is for the best.
But if this was the right thing, why did it feel so horrible? I might have been terrified to have a baby, but now that I was losing my little one, I wanted to hold onto them.
So selfish. I was. Even I knew I didn’t have what it took to take care of a child. And yet, I didn’t want to give up my baby. I couldn’t think of another word for myself. Well, maybe not a word, but a phrase. I was still a fuck-up. Would I always be one?
The doubts and worries filled me. I felt myself being pulled down into the darkness once more.
No one wants you.
You ruin everything.
They’ll all be better off without you.
Yes. They would… Whenever I was able to leave the hospital, I’d go somewhere else, far from Bryson Corners. And this time, I wouldn’t tell anyone where I was going. I’d disappear -- for good.