Meredith
Meeting Dr. Sykes hadn’t been as scary as I’d feared. He’d been kind, and didn’t seem the least bit judgmental, no matter what I said. He’d made notes as I spoke, asked questions to guide me, but not once did he make me feel like I was losing my mind.
“Well, I don’t want to give a diagnosis after one visit,” Dr. Sykes said. “But I believe you have bipolar disorder. I can give you some literature on it, and you can see if that seems to fit how you feel and react to things. I do want to meet another two times before I give an official diagnosis, or prescribe anything. In the meantime, I’m going to leave you some homework.”
“Homework?” I asked.
“I want you to keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings each day. If something big happens, record it and try to analyze your emotions both then and later. I also want you to fill out a graph.” He pulled a piece of paper from his briefcase and handed it to me. “The line is what most people consider normal. Think of it as neutral emotions. If you’re depressed, then you’ll record it below the line. If you’re feeling manic, then it goes above the line. How far above or below will depend on the severity of what you feel at the time.”
He went into a brief description of how mania might present, as well as the lesser signs of depression. By the time we’d finished, I thought I had a better grasp on things.
“I think I understand. Thank you, Dr. Sykes.”
“I’ll return in three days. When you’re using the chart, try to label each dot with the date and time. It will help determine how quickly your mood swings happen. I don’t think this is depression. There are too many other factors, from what you’ve told me.”
I nodded and looked at the paper in my hand. If this is what I needed to do, then I’d do it. Maybe I’d finally not feel like such a basket case if he could figure out what was wrong with me. If I needed medication, then I’d take it.
“You’re welcome to call me before our next appointment. Don’t bottle things up, and don’t wait until it’s too late. I’m here if you need me, and it looks like you have a good support system at home.”
I thanked him again and saw him out. Lynx and my dad were next door. After Dr. Sykes left, I went to get them. The session was better than I’d thought, and for once, I felt like I had hope of living a normal life.
Now if only I could find a way to make my dad live forever…
“You good?” Lynx asked.
“Better than. He’s coming back in three days. We’ll still be here, right?”
Lynx nodded. “We’ll stay as long as we need to. You’ll need a follow-up for the D&C. Um, I don’t know if Ridley told you, but Dr. Sykes is gay. His partner, Dr. Myron, treats most of the ladies here at the Dixie Reapers. I can make an appointment with him if you’d like.”
“Yes, please. I need to know I’m healing okay, and don’t have to worry about getting an infection. When we go home, I want to feel healthy again. In all ways.”
Lynx kissed my temple and put his arm around my waist. “I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
“Your club okay with you being gone for so long?” Dad asked.
“Atilla knows everything,” he said. “I was told to take all the time I needed and return when Merry was ready. She’s our first old lady, so I imagine they’ll do whatever they can to make sure she wants to stick around. They know if she leaves, I’ll be chasing after her.”
I leaned into him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Wish I could say the same,” Dad said.
I noticed he looked paler than before. Releasing Lynx, I went to him. Folding my arms around him, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I was going to lose my dad, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. It was selfish to keep him here. I wasn’t the only one who needed to tell him bye.
“Daddy, I love you. If you need to go home, I understand.”
“Home is a relative thing, Meredith. I think you’ve learned that.”
I shook my head. “No, Dad. The Devil’s Fury is your home. You need to be there, and when it’s your time, you can finally rest beside May. We lost some time together, but I’m grateful I got to see you again. I can’t be selfish and keep you here.”
I broke down sobbing and couldn’t seem to stop. My dad held me, and I felt Lynx behind me. It didn’t seem fair. I’d fallen in love with an incredible man, had a new family, and now I was losing my dad. The pain felt unbearable. How would I ever keep going when I knew he wasn’t in this world anymore? No more phone calls or being able to see him on FaceTime. One day, I’d reach for the phone and realize he wasn’t there anymore. And I had a feeling it was coming sooner than any of us anticipated.
“Love you, Daddy. So very much.”
“I love you too, Meredith. I have from the beginning. Even when I’m gone, I’ll still be watching over you. As long as you remember me, I’ll be with you. When you feel lonely, or miss me, put your hand over your heart and close your eyes -- that’s where you’ll find me.”
Lynx pulled me into his arms and I clung to him.
“Is it time?” Lynx asked.
“Yeah. I think it is.” My dad sounded so sad right then. “I have some things to finish back home. I’ll get someone to take me back in the morning. Take care of her.”
“Always,” Lynx promised.
* * *
Lynx
One Week Later
I could tell Meredith wasn’t ready to go home, and yet she didn’t really want to stay either. She’d met with both Dr. Sykes and Dr. Myron one last time yesterday. They’d put in referrals to doctors back home, to make sure she’d be well taken care of. Dr. Sykes had also officially diagnosed her with bipolar disorder, along with anxiety and a few other things. She wouldn’t have an easy path to travel, but she’d eventually be in a good place again. I’d make sure of it.
“Sweetheart, Atilla and the others are anxious for us to get home. I’ve been gone a while, and there’s work for me to do. Plus, you’re the club’s only old lady. Aren’t you ready to figure out what that’s going to mean?”
She looked up from the book she’d been reading. “You mean like the things the ladies here do?”
“Yeah. Well, maybe not exactly like it. Our club is exactly that -- ours. As the first old lady, it’s up to you to determine what that’s going to mean moving forward. You’ll set the pace for everyone. When the others find their women, it will be you who helps them settle into life with the club. Think you’re up for it?”
“Like Ridley did when Venom claimed her.”
My sister had in fact been the Dixie Reapers’ first old lady. Something she’d always been proud of, especially since she’d been the daughter of one first.
“Just like Ridley,” I said. I knew Meredith idolized my sister. The more she’d gotten to know her, the more Meredith seemed to like my sister. I hoped the two would get to see each other again soon. Ridley had already made her promise to call every week. Same with Mara.
“Okay. When do you want to leave?” she asked.
“How about today? We can tell everyone bye, load up the car, and travel about halfway before we stop for the night.”
She looked around the apartment and I knew why she resisted going home. This was the last place she’d spent time with her dad. It didn’t matter that Grizzly wasn’t coming back here again. By remaining here, she was doing her best to hold on to those last moments with him.
She didn’t know that I’d asked him for a favor before he left. I’d made a short recording of him. When I thought it was time, I’d show it to her. I’d already asked Wire to back up a copy for me. It was the one thing I never wanted to lose because I knew how much it would mean to my Merry.
“All right,” she agreed. “Let’s go home.”
It took an hour to pack and load the car and tell everyone bye. I noticed she seemed sad as we pulled through the gates, and I knew I’d either have to bring her back soon, or have my sister come visit. Too bad we weren’t a little closer.
When it came time to pull off for the day, she insisted I keep going. I did make quite a few stops for her to use the bathroom, change her pad, and stretch her legs. And I asked if she was sure she wanted to keep going. So many times, in fact, she’d smacked my arm the last time I’d asked and told me to shut up and drive.
By the time we pulled into the Savage Raptors compound, she’d fallen asleep in the passenger seat. I took us straight home and unloaded the car. She didn’t wake up, not even when I lifted her from the car and carried her inside. Atilla and Spade stopped by when they saw we were back.
“She doing okay?” Atilla asked.
“As well as can be expected. Any news so far?”
He shook his head. “Badger said he’d call me the second it happens. But that old man could hold on a while longer. You said he had a month, right?”
“That’s what the doctor said, but he looked like he was done. I think knowing Merry was all right was the only loose end he needed to tie up. Now that he’s been assured she’ll be okay, he probably feels better about leaving everyone behind.”
Atilla cleared his throat. “Damn. That’s… Shit.”
I nodded. Yep. It wasn’t going to be easy on anyone when Grizzly left this world, but his daughters would especially mourn his loss. The fact he’d made time to see Meredith meant the world to me. It couldn’t have been easy on him.
“Anything you need from us?” Spade asked.
“Whenever I’m out on jobs, could you make sure someone keeps an eye on her. She’s finally been diagnosed and has a few prescriptions to take. I’m not sure what it would take to send her spiraling, though. If I’m not here, I want to make sure someone will be around to catch her if she falls.”
“We’ve got it covered,” Spade said. “She’s one of us now.”
“There’s a property cut for her. Wasn’t sure if she decided to get inked or not,” Atilla said.
“I’d wanted Zipper to do it. With the miscarriage, and her overall mental state, he suggested waiting. If she still wants ink, she can get it later. Might be asking for more time away to take her back to the Dixie Reapers in the near future. She really hit it off with Mara and my sister.”
“Whatever she needs, we’ll make it happen,” Atilla said.
“Thanks, Pres. She’s had a rough time of it. Hopefully, things will get better now. I know she’s going to be heartbroken once Grizzly is gone. She’ll need all of us then.”
“Why don’t we do some sort of dinner at the clubhouse tomorrow?” Spade asked. “We can boot out the club whores, and it will give everyone a chance to get to know Meredith more.”
“I think she’d like that.”
Speaking of… Meredith stumbled into the room. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You needed to rest. Atilla and Spade came to check on you.” I motioned to the Pres and VP. She slumped against me and gave them a tired smile.
“Glad to have you home, Meredith,” Atilla said. “Whenever you decide what you want to do around here, just let me know. Or if you don’t want to do anything, that’s fine too.”
“But if you’re going to beat on another club whore, I want to know in advance so I can watch.” Spade winked at her. “That was fucking awesome.”
“So the beating of club whores is permitted.” She nodded. “All right. Although, as long as they don’t touch Lynx or try to put me in my place, I won’t have an issue with them. I know they serve a purpose.”
“She’s different,” Atilla said. “Most old ladies would have thrown a fit over there being club whores. Probably a good thing you grew up in this way of life. Although, we aren’t quite like the Devil’s Fury.”
Spade chuckled. “Yeah, for one we don’t have our heads up our asses. Their loss is our gain. If they hadn’t made you leave, you and Lynx might not have met. At least, not this soon.”
I held Merry tighter. “We were destined to be together. Call me a sap or what-the-fuck-ever, but I believe she was meant to be mine.”
Atilla shook his head but had a smile on his face. He was right. This club was different, and in a good way. There might be ideas we could pull from the Dixie Reapers, Devil’s Fury, or even the Hades Abyss to improve the compound, but at the end of the day, we’d follow our own path. This club had given Meredith a chance from the very beginning. From what I understood, so did the club down in New Orleans. I hoped that wouldn’t ever change. I didn’t want us to become the sort of men who didn’t take the time to figure out the truth before pointing fingers at people. Or in the most likely case, running them off or burying them.
“You up for a big dinner at the clubhouse tomorrow?” I asked. “The club wants to officially meet you as my old lady.”
“Sounds good.” She smiled up at me. “Think one day I might get another title too?”
“Wife?” Spade asked. “Shit. He hasn’t fixed that yet?”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d intended to speak to Wire about it. I knew he could hack into the appropriate offices to create a marriage license for us. He’d done it for others in the past. At the time, I’d been more concerned with everything Merry was going through.
“Haven’t had a chance to discuss it yet. I wasn’t sure if that’s something you’d want. And if it is, do you want an actual wedding?”
She shook her head. “Not necessary. Just do what everyone else has.”
“I’ll text Wire in a little bit. He’ll probably have it done before morning.”
“In that case, we’ll celebrate you not only having an old lady but a wife.” Spade grinned. “Good to have the both of you home. Get some rest. Plan on being at the clubhouse by five o’clock tomorrow. If we wrap up by seven, then anyone who wants a good time can let the club whores back in.”
The Pres and VP left, and I helped Merry unpack. It was definitely good to be home.
* * *
When they’d said a dinner at the clubhouse, I hadn’t quite expected something so fancy. Spade had personally hung white Christmas lights around the room. Someone put tablecloths on all the tables. The bar had been scrubbed down and was now laden with trays of food. Wings. Macaroni. Mashed potatoes. Chopped brisket. They’d even brought in a cake that said Welcome Home and some pies. I knew none of these bastards had made this stuff, but it was the thought that counted.
“Time to officially introduce you to everyone,” I said, taking Merry’s hand. “Guys, as you know, I claimed Meredith. We’re also married as of this morning. Why don’t you each come up and say hi now that she’s part of our club?”
Atilla and Spade came first, each giving her a hug. The Sergeant-at-Arms was next. Thankfully, her dad was a large man, so General didn’t startle her. Our Treasurer, Maui, and Secretary, Knuckles, came up next. After that, she met the patched members of the club, and our only two Prospects -- Ben and Lucas.
“The two Prospects are the closest to your age,” I said. “But they’re still older than you.”
“I don’t care about that.”
I led her over to a table and fixed her a plate before joining her. I noticed the Pres already sat down beside her. Good. If everyone saw how much he accepted her, then there wouldn’t ever be a question of her belonging here. If my club tried to pull the same shit as the Devil’s Fury, I’d go on a fucking rampage.
“You settling in okay?” Maui asked, taking the other open spot.
“Everyone here has been great.” Merry smiled at him. “I feel right at home.”
“Good. You ever need anything and can’t find Lynx, I’ll be happy to help.”
“Same goes for any man in this club,” Atilla said.
“Only thing that would make it better would be having another woman around,” Merry said.
Atilla held up a hand. “Nope. I have no intention of settling down. I’m too old for that shit. I’m in my sixties and too set in my ways.”
“I’m pretty sure Scratch, Cinder, and several others settled down when they were close to your age. Never say never,” Merry said.
“Bite your tongue, girl! Last thing I need is a woman in my house.” Atilla took a swallow of beer. “But feel free to set up the younger ones. Maybe someone can tame them a little.”
“Challenge accepted!”
Was it just me or did my wife seem a little too happy about it? Shit. Wife. I wanted to smile every time I even thought the word. When I’d heard she was coming here, I never expected she’d bewitch me. Merry had me firmly under her spell, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I loved her more than my next breath.
Whatever the future had in store for us, I knew we’d get through it. She’d had a rough start, and I didn’t think it would be smooth sailing from this point forward, but I’d make sure to always catch her when she fell. We hadn’t discussed kids. If she didn’t want to have any, then we wouldn’t. Even if she did want them but was too scared to get pregnant again, we’d adopt. I’d fill her every need and every desire, no matter what it took. She was my entire world.
Maui leaned in. “You got a good one. Hold onto her.”
I nodded, having no intention of ever letting her go. If she ran, I’d follow. And I damn well dared anyone to try and take her from me because I’d put them six feet under. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. I’d even die for her.
“Love you,” I murmured in her ear.
She kissed me softly. “Love you too.”
I’d finally figured out what true happiness was… and it was all thanks to the woman at my side.