When Philip and Carol arrive we hug rather awkwardly and I usher them into the sitting room. Luke is on his knees easing a piece of board into the corner with the help of a rubber mallet.
‘This is Luke. Luke, Philip and Carol. Maya, Grandma and Granddad are here – we’re in the sitting room,’ I call out to her as we walk past the staircase.
As usual, movement in Maya’s bedroom sounds as if half of her class is running around.
‘Good to see the work is progressing,’ Philip nods at Luke as we walk past him.
‘We’ll soon be dust-free. Ah, here she is!’
Maya appears carrying an envelope and stands in the doorway, looking at each of us in turn.
‘How you’ve grown. Come and give Grandma a hug.’ Carol holds out her arms, but Maya doesn’t move. In fairness to her it’s been quite a while since she’s seen her and no doubt she’s picking up on the fact that I don’t feel comfortable, either.
‘What’s that in your hand, Maya?’ I give her a smile, hoping to coax her into action, while indicating for our guests to take a seat.
‘It’s a Christmas card I made.’
She begins to look a little tearful, her gaze flickering back and forth between us all.
‘I think Grandma would love to take a look. Why don’t you show her?’
Finally she moves forward slowly, until she’s standing in front of Carol with her hand extended.
Carol is amazing, making a big deal of opening the envelope and showing genuine delight as she shares the card with Philip.
‘And such a beautifully drawn Christmas tree – we have an artist in the family!’
Maya glows under her praise, eventually happy to sit between them both. As soon as she looks settled I excuse myself to check on dinner.
Luke looks up as I walk out of the room, pulling the door behind me. ‘How’s it going? Maya was a bit agitated, I had to encourage her in,’ he confirms. I’d suspected as much.
‘Oh, I did wonder – for a brief moment I thought she was going to turn and run. Thank you! I’ll set the table and then start dishing up.’
‘I’ll go and wash my hands. Are you sure you want me at the table, I mean, I won’t be offended and I could make myself scare for a bit.’
‘Are you bailing on me? Some friend you’ve turned out to be!’
He smirks. ‘Okay, you win. Let me just sweep up some of these offcuts first.’
I take a deep breath and get busy. It’s only pasta with chicken, but that’s all I had that would stretch to feed five people. Actually, it’s a bit daunting as it’s a long time since I cooked for anyone, other than Luke, and he seems to eat anything.
When I pop my head around the sitting-room door, Maya is reading one of her favourite stories out aloud. She’s showing off a little, as she usually runs her finger along underneath the words so she doesn’t lose her place. Of course, it’s all new to Niall’s parents and they are looking at her in awe.
‘Sorry to interrupt, but dinner’s served.’
‘It’s pasta, my favourite,’ says Maya. She clasps Carol’s hand, who beams as they make their way into the dining area. Philip stands and indicates for me to go ahead of him. He’s such a gentleman and a little stab of pain makes my heart constrict. I feel guilty because I’m not totally at ease with them and they aren’t totally at ease with me. It’s no one’s fault as we’ve never fallen out, but there are so many things that have been left unsaid.
‘Thank you, Philip. I’m so glad you are able to stay for dinner.’
‘Not at all, thank you for the kind invitation. I’ll be honest with you,’ he hangs back a little and I follow his lead, ‘we weren’t sure whether it was the right thing to come over, or not. We don’t want you to feel we’re intruding, or causing any upset, but we’ve missed you both.’
His words touch my heart and a sense of regret washes over me.
‘Ah, Philip, you are welcome any time. Please don’t wait for an invitation. These days it’s just work, school runs and trying to keep up with everything. I feel awful so much time has passed and it wasn’t intentional, just life getting in the way.’
‘Glad to hear it, just wanted to check. If it’s hard for us, it’s even harder for you.’ The look on his face is one of stoic acceptance. I reach out to place my hand on his arm, unable to trust myself to speak.
Maya and Luke are in deep discussion with Carol, telling the story about the chimney.
‘Luke says it’s perfectly safe, but we can’t light the fire yet.’
‘Well, that’s a relief,’ Carol replies, in all seriousness. ‘We can’t take any risks when it comes to Christmas Eve.’
As Philip and I take our seats, Maya says, ‘Grandma, did you know I’m getting a piano?’
Luke has to hide a smile, as I jump straight in and explain that it might not be a big piano this year, as Santa thinks Maya needs to practise on a keyboard first.
Surprisingly, the conversation flows well as everyone chips in with their own favourite childhood anecdote. Then Philip compliments Luke on the great job he’s doing with the flooring. That sparks a conversation about how difficult it is to find a reliable builder and Luke seems genuinely pleased when Philip asks for a card.
Maya more or less chatters non-stop to Carol and it makes my heart sing to see them bonding again so easily after such an awkward start.
When it’s time for them to leave, Maya is more than happy to accept their hugs and then I walk them out to the car. Carol takes my arm as I guide her up the incline, which has a few pot holes here and there.
‘Thank you, Elana. It wouldn’t have been as enjoyable if we’d popped in briefly. It’s a lesson learnt and in future we won’t leave it so long between visits. Maya is growing so quickly and you are doing an amazing job of raising her.’
‘Ah, that means a lot. I’m so glad you stayed for dinner too, it’s been fun and Maya needed to spend a little time with you.’
‘Well, we’ve had a lovely evening, my dear. And Luke is a nice man; it’s good to know you aren’t alone.’
‘Oh, but—’ Before I can explain the situation, Philip has taken over and is steering Carol into the passenger seat.
As he slams the door shut, she gives me a small wave. Philip turns to face me.
‘I think tonight was important for all of us and thank you for making us feel that we’re still a part of your life. If ever Maya wants to come and stay for a night, we promise we’d spoil her without reservation.’ He smiles broadly and gives me one last hug. I stand, waving them off and trying very hard to stop my bottom lip from trembling as my eyes fill with tears.
Diary Log – day 497. 13 days to Christmas. At last the distance that was opening up between Maya and me, and Niall’s parents is beginning to come full circle. Today we made progress and in my heart I never doubted that would happen. I just didn’t know how to begin the healing. It’s a relief, because we need them to be a part of our lives. I know I have to move on, for Maya’s sake, but I was worried it would distance them further from us. Now I don’t have any more excuses, do I?