I had a great evening at Elana’s last night, but I didn’t get much work done. That was okay, because I could see how nervous she was, but the visit from her in-laws went well. What I didn’t mention to Elana was what Maya told me while her mum was outside seeing them to their car.
‘Daddy is very happy tonight and he loved my card.’
We continued clearing the plates from the table and I decided it was probably best I didn’t overreact to what she’d just said.
‘That’s nice, Maya. It was a lovely dinner, wasn’t it?’ It was probably just a kid thing and maybe she was simply saying what she was thinking he might say, but didn’t know how to express it.
‘He gave me a message for Mummy last night, but I’ve forgotten it. I was very sleepy.’
I looked down at her face and she smiled up at me without any sign of concern whatsoever.
‘We all have dreams and sometimes it’s hard to remember what happens. It’s nothing to worry about.’
‘But this was important. Daddy has never given me a message before and I forgot to ask him to remind me what it was when he came to see Grandma.’
She seemed very cross with herself, as if this wasn’t simply her imagination taking over. I was there the whole time and if anything weird had happened, I’m sure someone would have said something.
‘It’s nice to have memories, isn’t it?’ I’d told her, not wanting to make her feel awkward. But I also hadn’t wanted to encourage her to confuse thoughts and dreams with reality. That can’t be healthy, can it? Or do kids’ imaginations run riot at that age anyway, and it’s inevitable that at times fact and fantasy become mixed up?
‘Not when you can’t remember and it’s important, Luke.’ Maya stared at me as if I was missing the point. Was I being reprimanded?
‘Of course, sorry. I’m sure you’ll remember it. Maybe when you wake up in the morning it will pop into your head. You can tell Mummy, then.’
She had tilted her head to one side, those big blue eyes of hers partly obscured by that mop of curls.
‘Did you know that you can’t give someone a present when they are in heaven, Luke?’
Elana had walked back through the door at that moment and immediately whisked Maya away to help her get ready for bed. In a way I was rather relieved, because words had completely failed me.
***
After a morning running around to pick up some new skirting board and caulk, I headed back to Bay Tree. Dad didn’t need me for anything in particular and I wanted to make up for the time lost last night. Working evenings is fine, but if I can have a whole afternoon outside on the circular saw that should allow me to get most of the remaining boards cut, ready to fit. I’d really like to get the open-plan area totally finished by Thursday lunchtime, then get the base coat on the walls so that Elana can paint on Friday. My weekend is going to be all about Joe.
‘I wasn’t expecting to see you this early,’ Elana looks at me with surprise when she answers the door.
‘I’ll be working out here most of the time as I have a lot of boards to cut. Will the noise distract you?’
‘No, I’ll have my iPod going so I won’t hear a thing. If you need anything just let me know.’
‘Thanks.’ I hesitate, wondering if I should talk to her about Maya, then change my mind. It’s her working day, too, and I know how annoying it can be if you are trying to do something and keep getting interrupted. It crossed my mind that Maya may have remembered her dream and mentioned it to Elana, anyway. I’m sure she would have known exactly what to say, to put Maya at ease.
My phone buzzes and, yanking it out, I see it’s a text, but the sender is unknown. When I tap on the screen and it opens, it’s from Lisa. Damn it, Greg. You should have asked before handing over my number.
She finishes with a smiley face.
Life is so easy when you only have yourself to think about. It would be wrong of me to judge her simply because she hasn’t yet reached that point in her life. Maybe that’s commendable and it demonstrates that she’s the type of person who knows what she wants.
Have I been reckless with my life so far? As I work away, tuning out from the task in hand, a whole range of thoughts flash through my head. Was there a point with Anita when I should have realised what was going to happen? I think back to the person she was when we first met – bubbly, happy and fun to be with. Now she’s often moody and resentful; not of Joe, exactly, but of me for putting her in this situation. How is any woman ever going to be able to step into the mess that is my life? What I admire most in other people is that ability to learn, change and grow. I’m not sure it’s something I’m capable of doing.
As I stop to type a quick response, Elana appears with a mug of tea. I press send.
‘Sorry, meant to bring this out a while ago, but I was tied up. This weather is freakily mild, guess the warnings about snow on the way is a bit embarrassing for some forecaster wondering what’s going on. It’s hard to believe it’s only twelve days to Christmas.’
‘Mild is good, as long as the rain keeps off. There’s a lot to be done still. It’s sleepover weekend.’
I didn’t think it was at all cold today, but Elana pulls the sleeves of her jumper down over her hands, hugging her arms close to her body. I forget that I’m used to working outside, so the temperature rarely bothers me.
‘Kids have good imaginations, don’t they?’ As I speak Elana looks at me, our eyes lock for a few seconds and I watch as a little smile creeps over her face.
‘Tell me about it! I can’t keep up with Maya sometimes.’
‘Did you ever read those letters Maya wrote to Santa?’
Elana shakes her head. ‘It didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. I just put them back. The first time we light the fire they will go up in smoke, as she intended. There’s still plenty of wintry nights ahead to have a few cosy times toasting our toes and reading. I’ve missed having that, too.’
The phone in my pocket pings and I ignore it. Then it pings again. And seconds later, once more. Elana raises her eyebrows.
‘You’re popular today.’
‘My blind date. Well, that’s not quite true as I shared a taxi with her a while ago.’
‘Oh, I’ll leave you to it, then.’ Her smile is genuine as she turns to go back inside. I guess she thinks I took her advice seriously, and I suppose letting Greg talk me into this means I am making some sort of effort. However, I’m not the sort of man who spends his day texting back and forth for the fun of it, so I ignore the texts and get back to work. I don’t want to give Lisa the wrong impression about me and there’s no point in pretending I’m something I’m not. Or that I’m in the market for a meaningful relationship. A drink and a friendly chat I can do, but any more than that and I’m out the door.