It was still dark when Mark pulled his pickup into the yard of the Stelling ranch. He could tell by the air that the day was promising to be warm and dry. There were no lights on in the main house, but he saw a dim one in in the window of the small house, which meant Hannah and Jeremy were likely up. He figured they would not have eaten yet, but it didn’t matter because his sister had packed them a bag of pumpkin muffins. She also set him and Hannah up with a thermos of hot coffee and one of cold grape juice for Jeremy.
Mark dimmed the lights in his pickup and turned the ignition off. Swinging his door wide, he stepped down and began the short walk to Hannah’s door.
Hannah answered the knock with her hairbrush in her hand and a worried look on her face, and then she whispered, “Do you have gas in your pickup? I should have reminded you that the doctor is not in Miles City, he’s in Billings.”
She’d opened the door only partially. He supposed that was so their words would not carry inside.
“I’m good,” Mark assured her softly. She was dressed in denim jeans with a pink sweater over a white cotton blouse. “Have you told Jeremy yet that he’s going to the doctor?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to scare him.”
That’s why she doesn’t want our words overheard, Mark told himself.
“He probably already suspects.” Mark felt he could say that much without betraying Jeremy’s trust. “He’s a bright boy.”
“I’ll tell him soon enough,” Hannah said defensively.
Mark was silent for a moment. Then he remembered suddenly that she had said she’d taken Jeremy to the doctor in northern Montana where she lived and the man had some difficulty in even diagnosing the boy’s leukemia.
“You moved here for the doctor, didn’t you?” he asked.
She nodded and then added, “I need to get Jeremy up. I thought I’d let him sleep as long as we could. He’s been tired lately and, if the doctor does any tests today, I want him to make a good showing.”
With that Hannah opened the door fully and stepped aside so Mark could enter. Most of the room was in shadows, but Mark could see the lump under the covers on the bed.
“Let me wake him,” he said. “It will save you time.”
“That would be great,” Hannah said as she turned toward the kitchen. “I need to get my hair up and put a pot of coffee on.” She stopped and looked around her, a little disorientated. “I forgot my coffee maker is still in a box somewhere.”
“That’s okay,” Mark said. “Allie fixed me a hot thermos full of coffee. We can each have a cup as we drive. She packed us some muffins, too. Pumpkin ones.”
“Bless her.” Hannah flashed him a smile. “Jeremy loves her pumpkin muffins. He’s always telling me I need to make some, but I don’t have the recipe. I was going to get it from her.”
“I’ll make sure you have it,” Mark said. He would reach up and pluck down the evening moon if Hannah said she wanted it. A recipe was nothing. But Hannah looked pleased.
“I also have some grape juice for Jeremy,” Mark added.
“I’ll bring a sippy cup so he doesn’t spill it,” Hannah said as she stepped into the kitchen. “I need to call my dad, too, before we go and make sure he’s up. He should be out of the danger zone with his concussion, but I need to check anyway.”
When she was gone, Mark turned toward the bed. Jeremy hadn’t stirred and they hadn’t been that quiet. He wasn’t sure about the boy’s normal habits, but most children of his age would bounce out of bed at the slightest noise.
Mark sat down on the bed. He noticed Hannah had put a pillowcase covered with pictures of horses on the pillow that their son clutched in his sleep. Next to the pillow were several comic books. Mark reached over and gently shook the boy’s shoulder. Jeremy made a few sleep sounds and then rolled over.
He was pale, Mark thought as he studied the small face. And he had a blue tinge to his skin. Mark leaned closer and decided maybe the blue was just from the morning shadows. He pulled back, shaking his head. He wondered how anyone managed to be a parent. So many alarming health things could go wrong with a child and there was no real protection against most of it.
Mark bounced slightly on the mattress and the springs moved with him.
Jeremy’s eyes opened slightly. The boy rolled over and pulled the blankets over his head. Mark put his hand on the boy’s back.
“Time to get up, son,” he said and then caught his breath. He’d spoken without thinking. He knew Hannah didn’t want to spring the news on Jeremy this way so he tried to keep his voice even as he said some more. “We need to get going soon. Billings is a long way to go and we don’t want to have to hurry.”
He was babbling now, Mark knew, so he forced himself to stop. After a few minutes, he realized silence was not a good strategy. Then he looked up and saw that Hannah was standing in the doorway from the kitchen with a look of horror on her face.
She had obviously heard him call Jeremy his son. Mark shook his head slightly so she wouldn’t speak. Then he tried to think of something to distract the boy just in case he had been listening more carefully than Mark thought he had been.
“We might drive by some horses on the way to Billings.” He knew at least one ranch on the way that had some fine saddle horses. He looked up at Hannah. “The Clarke ranch. It’s a bit off the freeway, but not impossible. I know one of the wranglers there. He’d show us what they have.”
Jeremy peeked out from behind the blankets, his eyes lit up with interest.
“Maybe on the way back,” Hannah said. “I don’t want to be late for—” Her voice faded.
“Of course not,” Mark agreed. Hannah had too many secrets from their son, but he didn’t want to upset her. He glanced down. Jeremy had pulled the covers back over his head and, if Mark hadn’t caught the look earlier, he’d think the lump in the bed had not moved. He put his hand over Jeremy’s foot. The boy didn’t pull away and Mark took that as a good sign.
“I have pumpkin muffins in my pickup.” Mark was careful not to mention who had made the muffins just in case Jeremy was able to piece together family relations and make the connection that, if Allie was Mark’s sister and Jeremy’s aunt, the two of them might be father and son.
Mark’s bribe seemed to be working because Jeremy pulled the blankets down so his face showed.
“Do they have raisins in them?” the boy asked anxiously. “I like raisins.”
Mark nodded. “They sure do. Just the way you like them.”
A slow smile spread across Jeremy’s face. “Can I eat the muffin in my bed?”
“We need to leave pretty soon,” Mark said. “You can have a muffin in the pickup.”
Mark knew he was in trouble when the boy didn’t move to get out of bed.
“It will taste just as good in the pickup,” Mark tried coaxing the child.
Jeremy didn’t even answer.
Finally, Mark looked up at Hannah. She was still standing in the doorway watching.
“Help,” Mark mouthed the word to Hannah. He wasn’t facing Jeremy so the boy wouldn’t see him. Mark had to admit, though, that he was out of his league. His son might only be four years old, but he was stubborn.
For the first time, Mark realized just how much he had missed in the years when he had been away from Jeremy. Hannah might have had the full load, but Mark hadn’t had the chance to learn about parenting in slow stages. He was thinking now that he might have met his match in his son.
Fortunately, Hannah was there and she silently walked over to the bed. Mark stood up so she could sit by their son.
* * *
Hannah knew better than to force Jeremy. He’d always had a mind of his own. He could be gentled, though, and she reached out to stroke his head. “I thought you liked those pumpkin muffins.”
“I do,” Jeremy admitted.
Hannah could tell he was wavering.
“Billings is a nice city,” she continued. By now Jeremy had inched a little closer to her. “And we could go have ice cream when we’re there.”
Jeremy’s forehead was furrowed with a frown now. She thought he would ask whether they were going to see a doctor. She was ready to tell him. Then he scooted closer still and sat up to put his head next to her ear.
“Is the man going, too?” Jeremy whispered to her.
Hannah was surprised. Doctors were not on her son’s mind. She had thought Mark and Jeremy were getting along well together. Maybe she was wrong, though. She looked up and saw Mark watching them intently. He knew something was going on. She realized she didn’t want to hurt him and he would be if Jeremy didn’t even want to be around him. But it was her son’s choice.
She leaned down so she could whisper back to Jeremy. “Do you want him to come?”
Jeremy gave a vigorous nod with his head.
“Well, then,” Hannah said in relief, “you need to get up and get dressed. I laid your clothes out in the bathroom. Be sure and brush your teeth, too.”
Her son nodded again and climbed out of bed. He padded in his slippers down the short hall and into the bathroom. Within seconds, she heard water running and the sounds of the chair being pulled close to the sink.
She stood up, feeling competent. She expected Mark to congratulate her.
Mark was frowning slightly, though.
“That whispering,” he said. “Were you telling him that he’s going to see a doctor?”
“I was going to,” Hannah said. “But...he’s never liked doctors or hospitals or anything medical. Maybe he doesn’t need to know quite yet.”
“Won’t it just be more upsetting to him when he finds out where he is?” Mark asked.
Hannah had never had anyone challenge her parenting skills. It might just be that they were sympathetic to her plight and didn’t want to discourage her, but not even Mrs. Hargrove had ever suggested she do something different and, if anyone had that right, it was the older woman.
“Do you think you could do it better?” Hannah asked coldly.
She had to keep in mind that Mark could sue her for custody of Jeremy and a judge might see him as the better parent. After all, he had a part interest in a family farm. He had financial stability. A sister and a father Jeremy already knew and liked. All she ever had was a month-to-month apartment and a week-to-week paycheck in a series of rural cafés. She’d never even had a steady babysitter until she moved back to Dry Creek and got the offer from Mrs. Hargrove.
Mark hadn’t answered, so she repeated herself, “Do you think you could do better?”
“Of course not,” Mark said. He looked sincere. “I don’t think I could have done nearly as well as you obviously have with him. He’s a wonderful, well-adjusted boy.”
Hannah felt the irritation drain out of her.
Then Mark added, “It’s just that, at some point, he has to know.”
Hannah had to be honest. “That worries me, too. I just can’t—” She wasn’t sure why, but then it came to her. She could not add to the burden her son carried. She felt every anxiety he had, even if he could not name them. She saw the worry in his eyes and it pained her. She didn’t want him to feel the aloneness she’d known as a child. The sense that he was an outsider and that disaster might strike at any time. She wanted to protect him from the whole world and she was only one person.
By then Jeremy came back into the room where she and Mark stood. The boy was dressed, but his T-shirt was on backward and he was carrying one shoe. The other shoe was on his right foot.
“I can’t find my sock,” Jeremy complained as he held the shoe up to Hannah.
“You sit on the bed,” Hannah directed her son. This much she could do for him. “I’ll go find the sock.”
She needed a couple of chairs for company, she told herself as she walked down the hallway. She didn’t like to sit and visit with someone on the bed, especially when they had an empty bedroom down the hall. But chairs would have to wait until another day.
The sock was in the bathtub and she returned to the living room with it in time to see Jeremy showing Mark the comic books he wanted to take with them to Billings.
“I’ll need to stop on the way out and knock on the door to my dad’s house,” Hannah said. “I tried calling him when I was in the kitchen and he didn’t answer. He might have the ringer down on his phone, though. I know he used to do that when he didn’t want to be disturbed.”
Mark tied a knot in the plastic bag that held what looked like half a dozen comic books.
“I’ll knock if you want,” he said. “I’m already used to his language when he’s crossed.”
Hannah had Jeremy on her lap and she was slipping the last sock onto his foot. She looked up at Mark and grinned. “I’d appreciate that. If he can string together any kind of a sentence, we can assume he’s still doing fine.”
By the time they were all out the door, the sky was pink with the sunrise. She had taken a blanket to wrap around Jeremy so he’d be comfortable. She saw that Mark had borrowed the car seat his father used when Jeremy visited them on the ranch. She had forgotten to mention that to Mark.
After they got Jeremy tucked into the back seat, Mark walked the few yards over to Hannah’s father’s house. Mark had to knock several times before he got a response, but Hannah had no trouble hearing her father’s words even though she was seated inside the pickup.
“Cover your ears,” Hannah said as she looked back at Jeremy. He was already nodding off, his head drooping as he sat in his car seat. He had a comic book clenched in one hand. He wasn’t listening to anyone.
Mark opened the door on the driver’s side and pulled himself into the cab. “I told your father we’d bring him a few bitter lemons from Billings.” He looked over at her and grinned. “He said to go ahead. Said we could try and sweeten him up, but he doesn’t think it will work.”
Hannah shook her head. “Nothing will work if he doesn’t want it to.”
Mark drove the pickup out of her family’s yard and onto the gravel road. When they had found a steady pace, Hannah leaned down and picked up the larger of the two thermos bottles.
“Want a cup of coffee?” she asked as she unscrewed the top lid of the cylinder. She drew in an appreciative breath of the aroma and then turned to Mark. “You be sure and thank Allie for this. I’m not sure I could have faced today without a cup of coffee.”
“Pour me one, too,” Mark said. “We have an extra cup in the bag.”
Hannah gave the lid cup to Mark; he set it in the beverage holder by his door. Then she reached down for the blue plastic cup and filled that with coffee, too.
She figured she’d hold the cup until the coffee cooled off a little. As she sat there, though, she felt the insecurities of the day press in on her. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to tell Jeremy about this visit because she couldn’t hide her stress. This new doctor might give them very bad news and she wasn’t ready to hear it. The doctor who diagnosed Jeremy had not gotten things right for several months. The man had her dosing Jeremy with vitamins and the boy kept failing. She hated to think what the specialist would tell her today. She almost stopped breathing when she faced her fear. She was afraid Jeremy was dying and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Hannah blinked back tears and then suddenly realized that she had been sitting with the cup of coffee in her hand for so long that it had gotten lukewarm.
She could sense Mark looking at her and she glanced up to see him. “You going to drink that coffee or just hold it ’til it turns to dust?” Mark asked.
“I was just thinking,” she said as she put the cup to her lips and took a swallow. She winced involuntarily. “Would it really ever turn to dust?”
Mark shook his head and then slowed the pickup down. “Toss the stuff out the window and get yourself a new cup.”
Hannah did that. It was surprising what a good cup of coffee could do for someone in the early morning hours.
She turned to Mark. “Thanks. I feel better already.”
He nodded. “Be sure and eat a muffin, too. Allie put all kinds of healthy things in them. We’ve got a lot of miles to cover.”
Hannah nodded. She needed to remind herself that Mark was not the enemy. Not once had he suggested that she was doing anything wrong except for not warning Jeremy about the doctor. And maybe he was right about that. She just didn’t know how to tell her son he was ill. She wished she was the one who was sick, but then who would take care of Jeremy?
She glanced over at Mark. Legally, if she could no longer care for Jeremy, the job would fall to Mark. Maybe he did need to spend more time with Jeremy.