The temperature had fallen and it was dark by the time Mark reached the end of a row of wheat and shut down the machinery. He’d worked as long as it was safe. The headlights on this combine were weaker than those on later models and, when all traces of twilight had faded from the sky, there was not enough light to see much in the field. Hannah had flagged him down some hours ago to tell him she was driving back to Dry Creek with Mrs. Hargrove to get her car. Then she handed up a couple of sandwiches. He’d eaten, but he was weary.
So tired, in fact, he almost stumbled as he took the final steps up to the house porch. A light shone in the kitchen and he knocked lightly on the door. It had to be past ten o’clock and he didn’t want to startle anyone. He waited a few minutes before trying again. He was beginning to think Hannah had left the kitchen light on by mistake when he heard soft footsteps in the living room.
“You’re done,” Hannah said as she opened the door. Her hair had been loosened from her ponytail and the denim shirt that covered her T-shirt looked rumpled, like she had been sleeping in it. Relief was evident in her voice. “It’s completely dark out there.”
Mark nodded as he stepped inside. “Not even any stars out, which means there’s still clouds. It might rain tomorrow. I wanted to get as much done as I could.”
“My dad and I are grateful,” she said, looking a little shy.
“I’m glad I can help.”
Hannah smiled. “I’m happy you were here, too. I’ve had a hard time getting my dad quieted down enough to rest. He’s that worried. And then I have to wake him up every few hours and make sure he’s all right. That doesn’t help him relax.”
“Does he seem okay, though?” Mark asked. He figured it would take more than a knock on the head to damage Mr. Stelling too much, but it didn’t pay to take chances.
Hannah nodded. “I checked in with the doctor this afternoon and he said my dad should be well enough tomorrow to go over to Mrs. Hargrove’s with Jeremy while I work my shift at the café. She offered and I hate to leave my dad alone. He’ll complain about it, but—” She shrugged. “It’s for his own good.”
Mark’s eyes were adjusting to the shadows in the living room and he noticed the pillows and blankets on the sofa. “And have you gotten any sleep?”
The light from the kitchen was gradually outlining everything.
“I didn’t want to miss thanking you,” she said with a yawn. “And I thought you might be hungry. I can make a grilled cheese sandwich for you and I found a couple of cans of vegetable soup in the cupboard. We ate most of it for dinner, but I saved a bowl back for you.”
Mark had noted her tiredness and was going to decline the offer, but his stomach growled.
Hannah grinned. “I guess that’s a yes.” She turned to walk toward the kitchen. “It’ll only take a minute to heat up the soup.”
“That sounds good,” Mark said. “My throat will appreciate something hot after all the dust. But I can go into the kitchen myself and fix it.”
Hannah had reached the doorway to the other room and she looked back. “After all you’ve done, you deserve to just sit there and rest for a few minutes.”
Mark admitted the idea of leaning his head back on the sofa sounded tempting. The house was silent as only a place of sleep could be, and he was tired of the noise that old engine had made all afternoon. He wished he’d asked what room Jeremy was sleeping in so he could go peek in and see his son as he slumbered. It was probably Hannah’s old room, he decided. Mr. Stelling wouldn’t want a child sharing his space, and Hannah probably wouldn’t allow it, either, since that would mean Jeremy would wake up every time she went to check on her father.
Mark’s breathing slowed as he felt the tension of the day leave him. He wasn’t aware of starting to doze, but it happened. He wasn’t even sure how much time had passed when he felt a soft breath coming down on his face. For a second, he wondered with joy if Hannah was planning to kiss him. But then he felt two things at the same time. Little fingers started to pry his eyelids open and a cat jumped on his lap.
“Ah,” Mark gasped involuntarily.
He opened his eye and saw Jeremy’s face a few inches away. He was peering at Mark’s left eyeball. “Can you wake up?”
“I’m fine,” Mark whispered. He wasn’t sure why he kept his voice low, but he figured Jeremy was supposed to be in bed and Mark knew he’d like to have a few moments with his son before the boy needed to go back to sleep.
“Really, I’m good,” Mark said softly when Jeremy didn’t move.
Finally Jeremy settled down by the cat, both of them making themselves comfortable on Mark’s lap. The cat even started to purr.
“I thought maybe you couldn’t wake up again,” Jeremy confided as he snuggled close to Mark.
“Like when I was in the hospital?” Mark asked.
The boy gave a slight nod.
“You don’t have to worry,” Mark assured him. “I’m all better now.”
Jeremy seemed satisfied and Mark congratulated himself on his parenting skills. He’d navigated those questions pretty well, he thought, for a brand-new father.
Mark was content sitting in the semidarkness of the room when he heard Jeremy sigh.
“Still worried?” Mark asked.
“I have to go to the hospital, too,” the boy said, his voice heavy. “My mommy won’t tell me, but I know.”
Every nerve in Mark’s body woke up. He wouldn’t make any sudden moves since he didn’t want to scare Jeremy, but he needed to know what his son was talking about. Maybe the boy didn’t really mean what it sounded like, though.
“Are you going to visit someone?” Mark asked gently. “Like when you and your mommy came to see me that time?”
Jeremy shook his head. “I’ll be by myself. Mommy doesn’t know I heard her talking to the doctor.”
The boy sounded desolate. “I think I can take my comics with me because they’re small,” he added as though it was the one bright note. Then his head dropped. “The doctor said Callie can’t come. Cats aren’t allowed in the hospital.”
“That’s—” Mark cleared his throat, but his voice still didn’t make it through.
“I wish I was a cat,” Jeremy said and rested his head against Mark’s chest. “Then I wouldn’t be allowed to go there, either.”
Mark wrapped his arms around the boy. He had to include the cat in the hug, but he was willing to do that to hold the boy. The feline didn’t seem to view this indignity favorably, but maybe she was as worried about Jeremy as Mark was because, after one skeptical growl, the beast settled into the hug without too much fuss.
“I’m glad you’re not a cat,” Mark whispered and then kissed the top of his son’s head. “I’ve never seen a cat ride a horse.”
“Me, neither,” Jeremy said as he sat up straighter.
The hug had fallen apart by that time, but Mark figured it had done what it needed to do. Jeremy was looking better. The cat stayed on Mark’s lap. The reason became clear when Jeremy’s hand reached over to bury itself in the animal’s fur.
They were quiet then, just sitting together in the shadows and breathing. A few seconds later, Mark put his hand on his son’s back and rubbed. He remembered his mother doing the same thing to him when he was sleepless as a child.
As he saw Jeremy’s eyes droop and then close, Mark realized he could sit here like this all night long. He was a father. He had a responsibility. Nothing had ever felt so good. Someday soon, his son would know who he was. All of the prizes that he’d ever won didn’t compare with the feeling inside his heart at this moment. He had two people to protect now—Hannah and their son. A man could not ask for more, he thought as he vowed to himself not to fall short on the task. He’d be there for them this time.
* * *
Hannah stood in the doorway and stared. Enough light came from the kitchen to show her what had happened. The sofa with its sagging cushions was along the wall next to her, and in the middle of it was a scene that would break any single mother’s heart. Jeremy had his elbow wedged into Mark’s chest, and her son’s head was pressed against his shoulder. The look of bliss on her son’s face was the same one he’d worn the day she’d given him permission to bring the cat home.
She wished she could buy her son another pet instead of having him cozy up to Mark. She loved her son without reserve, but she did not know how to protect him. She had decided this afternoon that she needed to keep Jeremy distracted when Mark was around so that her son wouldn’t become attached to him. And now it looked like it was too late.
His heart would be broken. Mark liked to win—at sports, in school, in everything. She feared that Jeremy’s leukemia would prevent him from scoring any victories when it came to those kinds of things. Mark might be polite to her son, but she doubted he would be there to push a boy in a wheelchair or console him if he stumbled when he tried to race and came in last.
It was a pity, Hannah thought as she walked over to the sofa.
“Jeremy,” she whispered as she reached out and touched her son. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”
Jeremy looked up, his eyes unfocused, but still lit with joy.
“Mommy,” he said and lifted his arms to her.
She gave him a hug as she scooped him up.
“You’ll be a sleepyhead tomorrow if you don’t get to bed,” Hannah said as she cradled her son’s head with her hand.
“I’m fine here,” Jeremy protested as his weight sagged against her. “I can stay on the sofa.”
“You need to be in your own bed,” she said and then looked around and spotted the cat sitting at Mark’s feet. Hannah knew the feline couldn’t be comfortable. Of course, Callie would never leave Jeremy’s side when there was a stranger around and Hannah was glad for the animal’s watchfulness. “Callie won’t be able to sleep beside you unless you go lie down.”
Jeremy wiggled so he could see his cat, but he made no further protest. Hannah let him settle in for a few minutes before she looked over Jeremy’s shoulder and met Mark’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you’re tired.”
“I’m glad he woke me up,” Mark said.
He sounded sincere, Hannah thought as she carried her son out of the room. Callie followed, but Mark sat there watching them all leave.
She slipped Jeremy into his covers and then walked back to the living room. She was surprised to see that Mark hadn’t moved to the kitchen.
“Your soup will get cold,” she said. “I set it on the table for you. The sandwich, too.”
“I know you’ve had a long day, as well,” Mark said. “But I’d like to talk for a few minutes.”
Hannah knew instinctively that something was wrong. Her mouth went dry. “Do I need an attorney?”
She had dreaded this talk with Mark. She’s read dozens of accounts of divorce proceedings and talked to as many single mothers. Jeremy was her son, but she knew she didn’t have enough money to fight the Nelson family if they decided they wanted to take custody of him. She knew there was no reason for her fears. Neither Mark’s father nor his sister had ever indicated they would do something like that. And, in all fairness, the Mark she used to know wouldn’t take advantage like that. But she was afraid nonetheless. Anyone who looked at her history would find out she knew nothing about raising a child. She hadn’t even seen family life up close until she came to Dry Creek, and then she felt like she was outside looking at something through a window.
“No attorneys,” Mark said, and she felt the breath she’d held leave her.
“It’s about doctors and hospitals,” he said instead as he stood up.
“Oh.” That was its own set of problems. She looked over to make sure Jeremy wasn’t sneaking out into the hallway. He wasn’t. She turned back to Mark. “We might as well go into the kitchen. You can eat while we talk.”
The light felt subdued when Hannah stepped back into the kitchen. The bulb had a yellow cast to it and the whole room looked older than it did in the daytime. She supposed her father had forgotten to buy the regular bulbs and used one they kept for the barn. She had scrubbed and mopped the tile floor after Mrs. Hargrove left, though, so that looked adequate, at least.
“I’ve tried to keep all the places clean where Jeremy and I live,” she said to Mark. She was aware that if she didn’t it would be points against her in a custody battle. “I can’t always afford the best apartments around, but I make sure they’re neat. Jeremy is past the stage of crawling, but I use disinfectant on all the floors where I can. And I clean the carpets.”
She sat down at the table, opposite where she’d laid the dishes out for Mark.
“You work too hard,” Mark said as he slid into the other chair.
For the first time, she noticed the red color on his face. She supposed the shadows had hid it until now. “You weren’t sunburned when you came in at noon.”
“I know,” he said. “The sun came on strong about two o’clock. And the chaff didn’t help. Some of this is windburn.”
“My father should have some salve for that,” Hannah said as she started to rise. “It’ll be in the medicine cabinet.”
“The burn doesn’t hurt,” Mark said. “I’d rather eat first, if that’s okay. I do want to talk.”
She sat back down.
Mark looked at her for a moment and then held out his hand. “Would you mind praying with me before I eat?”
She reluctantly took his hand. She could hardly refuse to pray with someone, but she worried it might take the edge off her resistance. And she sensed there was more to come in this conversation. Still, when Mark bowed his head, she did as well.
“Father,” Mark prayed. “We are grateful for all Your provisions for us today and we ask Your guidance as we go forward into tomorrow. We ask that You protect Hannah’s father throughout the night and be with our son. We ask these things in Jesus’s name. Amen.”
“Amen,” Hannah said and opened her eyes.
She was relieved to see that Mark was looking down at his soup.
“This smells good,” he said with a smile as he reached for his spoon.
He ate with relish and Hannah relaxed. “My father doesn’t keep much in the house for food, but Lois said she’d arrange for me to get some groceries tomorrow.”
“Nothing wrong with a bowl of vegetable soup,” Mark said as he scooped up the last bite. He’d already eaten the sandwich. “I’ll bring some fresh fruit over from our house when I come in the morning. Jeremy could use some oranges.”
Hannah wrapped her arms around herself. She knew what was coming.
“Is there anything else he needs to be eating to get well?” Mark asked. “Milk? Eggs? Just let me know and I’ll get it.”
Hannah shook her head, blinking away her tears.
“It’s not about food,” she said. “He’s a precious boy. He worries about other people—”
“He sure was concerned about me,” Mark said with a grin. “I’ve never had anybody check my eyeballs before. Not even in the hospital nursing home. I’m wondering what is wrong with him.”
Hannah smiled back even though she could feel the tears starting to fall down her cheeks. “I don’t know how it happened, but the doctor says Jeremy has leukemia.”
Mark went still. The grin dropped from his face.
Everything was silent.
“Did you say leukemia?” Mark finally asked.
Hannah nodded. “Some kind of a cancer. Not very many kids get this kind—six thousand a year around the country—and it took some time for our doctor at the time to find it. This was when we lived up next to Canada on the Hi-Line. At first, the doctor thought it was some kind of flu. But Jeremy just got weaker and weaker. Finally the doctor did enough tests to find it. He suggested I take him to a specialist in Billings.”
She stopped, but Mark didn’t say anything. He was looking at her intently, waiting for her to finish.
“We went just the once. It was the specialist who found not only the leukemia, but also a tumor in the bone of his leg.” Hannah stopped to reach in her pocket, searching for a tissue. She wiped away her tears. Then she started to hiccup. She didn’t know why, but every time she started to cry she ended up with the hiccups.
“Let me get you a glass of water,” Mark said as he stood up and walked over to the counter. He reached up into the cupboard and brought down a glass, then filled it at the faucet.
When he brought it back to the table, he set it down. “Here you go.”
By this time, the hiccups were so deep that they were painful. Hannah reached for the water and had a hard time bringing the glass to her lips. She couldn’t control the tears any longer.
Mark reached out and steadied the glass as she drank. The cool water soothed her throat. She finished the glass and Mark held it. Then she laid her face down on the top of the table. She heard the sound of Mark setting the glass down and then felt his hands start rubbing circles on the middle of her back. He used to do that when they were kids and she got her hiccup attacks. There was nothing that helped to ease them better.
She looked up and he enveloped her in a gentle hug.
They stayed like that for five or so minutes. By then the hiccups were completely gone. She wasn’t inclined to move, though. Her emotions were spent. She hadn’t told anyone else about the leukemia, and she realized it had been hard for her to carry it alone inside her. She didn’t want Jeremy to have people worried about him, though. He was a sensitive child and he’d know something was very wrong if that happened.
She felt Mark kiss the top of her head.
“You haven’t told Jeremy, have you?” Mark asked softly. He was so close, his hand was still on her back and his face was only inches away.
Hannah shook her head. “I figured we should go to our meeting with the doctor on Wednesday before I say anything. I won’t be able to answer Jeremy’s questions until then anyway.”
“The doctor in Billings?”
“Yes,” she answered. “They have a children’s cancer center there and they do experimental treatments. The leukemia is a kind that they can treat, but the tumor in the leg is something else. It’s unusual. I read about a stem cell treatment that can be done to help with the leukemia and the tumor, but I’m not sure if our insurance will cover it. The procedure hasn’t been approved for regular treatment yet, but this cancer center has done it many times.”
“I’d like to go to the doctor with you,” Mark said.
Hannah lifted her head. She hadn’t thought this through. “I don’t know.”
“I’m his father,” Mark said. “Maybe I could be a donor or something for this stem cell treatment—if that’s what he needs.”
“I don’t know that much about it yet,” Hannah said. Their doctor had it in his charts, but she realized she didn’t know Jeremy’s blood type. Of course, that likely wouldn’t affect stem cells anyway.
“We’ll figure it out together,” Mark said. “You’ve got tomorrow to think about it. Today’s Monday.”
Hannah nodded. She’d be able to make a better decision after she had some rest. She wished she could foresee how long Mark would be willing to be involved with Jeremy if their son was sick.
“You know Jeremy might not be able to walk very well,” she cautioned him. She looked for any reaction.
Mark paused. “I hope it doesn’t come to that for him.”
Hannah tried to decipher that response and she couldn’t. He didn’t look like he was thinking of distancing himself from Jeremy, but she didn’t know yet. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Mark stood at that point. “You’re tired.”
She nodded. “Totally beat.”
“I’ll see you in the morning, then,” he said. “That’s if I get here before the rest of you leave for Dry Creek.”
“Sounds good,” she said.
“Oh, and I want to fix the door on the small house after I finish the combining,” Mark said. “I might do some painting, too. Before you go in the morning, put your stuff someplace where I won’t get anything on it.”
“Almost everything is still in the car,” she said as she stood, as well. “Do whatever you want in the house. You can’t hurt anything.”
Mark nodded and started walking toward the living room.
“I’ll let myself out,” he said. “Lock the door behind me.”
Hannah watched him leave. Part of her wanted to go with him, even though he was only going over to his family’s ranch. She had not felt so alive in the past four years except—she paused and remembered. It was different, but she’d loved Jeremy, and her days with him were some of the most precious she’d had in her life. She could not afford to be distracted by Mark, not when she had Jeremy to worry about. She was glad she’d told Mark how sick their son was, but she was the one who was ultimately responsible. She was the mother and Jeremy didn’t even know he had a father.
Hannah sighed. That was another problem and one she wasn’t ready to face tonight. At some point, she would have to tell Jeremy just who his father was. Even after the cozy scene she’d seen tonight, she wasn’t sure how her son would feel about having a father.