Once upon a time, a peasant girl lived in the quaint village of Little Tokyo. She was a tragic orphan, an oddity people whispered and gossiped about. She tried to blend in as best she could and to perform various tasks as a dutiful member of her remaining family. Then, one day, she discovered her mother was in fact a beautiful and beloved queen, and the peasant was orphaned no more. There was much rejoicing throughout the village, and the peasant felt that perhaps she had finally found answers to questions she’d harbored all her life.

However, the queen suddenly disappeared without a trace, not even having the courtesy to leave an away message or a forwarding address or an “on hiatus” tweet.

Seriously, what the hell, Mom?