IN THE QUIET OF the paneled Oak Room at the Plaza the next day, Lily broke the news to Ellis.
“Harry and I are leaving next week on a three-month cruise.”
Startled, Ellis asked, “Have you talked to the doctor about it, Lily? I hate to say this, but Harry is getting worse all the time.”
“I know, Ellis,” she said, her voice flat. “His appetite is gone, he’s thinner than ever, and in the morning he’s very weak, but maybe this will make him feel better. We’re taking along a nurse, and of course Françoise for Cadeau.”
Quietly Ellis reached out and covered her hand with his own. The kindness in that gesture completely disarmed her. Bursting into tears, she buried her face in her hands and wept. The months of keeping up the terrible pretense that nothing was wrong had been a desperate strain. Suddenly she couldn’t stop crying. After a few minutes Ellis said softly, “Lily, don’t cry, dear. It’s all right.”
Raising a tear-streaked face, Lily choked out, “Ellis, do you know how terrible it is to watch someone you love dying before your very eyes? I feel so helpless, so angry—and I can’t show any of it in front of Harry. He’s being so brave, and he’s doing it for me, Ellis!”
Ellis listened. His heart went out to her, even though all her thoughts still ran to Harry, never to him. There were times during this ordeal that he had allowed himself to wonder what would happen between them after Harry was gone. Would she turn to him? Over the years, he had sensed an undeniable spark of attraction between them. But it had never been nurtured, not even been recognized really, because Harry always came first.
Now, after his death, would Lily revere Harry all the more? Would no man ever rival him? Ellis lay awake at night wondering.
But none of these thoughts were in his mind at this moment. As he looked at her sorrowful face, he could not think of any advantage to be gained, but only of how he might help her through these grim events.
Taking her hand again, he said softly, “I understand how hard it is. You’ve been wonderfully strong for Harry. You’ve kept him going.”
“But I don’t feel strong, Ellis! I feel like breaking down and crying, all the time.”
“But the important thing is that you don’t. You keep going, and that makes it possible for Harry to keep going, too. Nothing’s changed in that respect, Lily. You’ve always been his greatest source of strength.”
Lily managed to smile. “Thank you for telling me that. I needed to hear it.”
Smiling into her eyes, he said again those words he’d said so many times throughout the years. “You are a princess, Lily dear. The last princess …”
The following week, as Lily and Harry stood at the rail of the Queen Mary, they could see their boys far below, standing on either side of Benjamin and Elise, with Randolph and Ellis not far behind.
“Look Harry,” Lily murmured. “It’s our whole family.” The only one missing was Melissa. There had been no way to get in touch with her before Harry’s surgery, but Ellis had tracked her down afterward. He had arranged for her to fly to see her father.
Françoise had taken the baby away for the day, but it had nevertheless been a brief, awkward visit. Lily could think of little to say to her daughter, much as she still loved her dearly.
When Melissa had seen Harry, she had done nothing but weep and cry over and over, “It can’t be true, Daddy—you can’t be dying!” in her tactless way, while he tried to soothe her. “The doctors don’t know everything, Melissa. We’ll see.”
Drew and Randy had taken Melissa out to dinner afterward before putting her on the plane back to Paris, but the evening had turned out to be something of a fiasco. The three of them were so different in personality and temperament and had been separated for so long in their respective schools that they felt like strangers to one another.
Melissa started off the argument by repeating for the third time, “I’m just so sad about poor Daddy.”
Drew had had it. Throwing down his menu, he blazed, “Oh, Melissa, shut up! That’s bullshit! What did you ever care about our father?”
“I did care about Daddy—I do!”
Drew guffawed. “Sure. That’s why you haven’t been back to America in so long—because you love Mom and Dad so much!”
“But—” Melissa stopped. She had been about to say, “But that’s because of the baby.” But was that the reason she stayed away? The honest truth was that when she was in France with Jean-Paul, she hardly ever thought about her parents. They were part of another world—one that was dull and confining. All that mattered to her was Jean-Paul and the thrill of being part of his life. He was perfect, she thought, ignoring the memory of the fights, the acrimony, the time she had discovered him with a young blonde skier.
Even so, she tried to defend herself. “I love them as much as you do! Look at how terribly you upset Dad, dropping out of Harvard and going to live like a bum in the Village!”
“I’ve already told Dad that I’m going back next term,” Drew informed her. “I’ve applied and been readmitted. The Post has given me some valuable experience. I plan to major in journalism. And incidentally, you’re a fine one to talk about the way I live. I’ve seen pictures of you and that skier. When is he going to marry you, or are you content to simply be his whore?”
Melissa’s eyes filled with tears. Childishly, she wailed, “Randy, Drew’s being mean to me.”
Randy shrugged. “Look, Melissa, I don’t know what this big scene is about. What does it matter to you what we think? You have your own life, we have ours, Mom and Dad have theirs. It’s ridiculous to pretend that we’re much of a family.”
“You always were cold, Randy,” accused Melissa in a trembling voice. “I know you don’t love Dad. You never did.”
Again, Randy shrugged. “He never cared too much for me, either. Let’s face it, the only one he really took an interest in was Jeremy, and then only because he was his firstborn son.” A trace of bitterness had crept into his voice at the memory of the old hurt. “Frankly, Randolph means more to me than the rest of you put together. He’s the only one who really cared for me all these years.”
“Even Mom?” Drew asked incredulously.
“No … no, I do love Mom,” Randy had to admit. “But she was married to Dad, and that made it hard.”
The three fell silent as each sat with their separate memories.
Then Drew spoke heavily. “Well, be all that as it may, we’re adults now. We can’t keep moaning and groaning for their not being perfect parents. And it’s funny, they’ve seemed so different to me since they got back together and had Cadeau.”
Melissa stared at her brother’s face. Did he know? Had Lily or Harry told him?
Drew continued. “They may have waited a long time for their fifth child, but it was certainly worth it.”
Even Randy smiled. “She is a terrific baby, isn’t she?”
“And so smart,” Drew began eagerly.
Melissa was both curious and repulsed. The baby had seemed like an imaginary figure until now. But it turned out she was real, after all. Clearly Melissa’s brothers doted on her. But even so, no trace of maternal feeling sprang up in Melissa. It was Lily’s baby, after all, not hers. She listened sullenly as Drew rhapsodized about little Cadeau. If only they knew she was responsible for that charming, bright little baby, and here Mom was taking all the credit.
“Fine, fine. Let’s order, shall we?’ she finally interrupted. “I have a plane to catch.”
That was the only time she had come. Lily tried to make excuses to Harry, but probably neither one of them was deceived. Melissa was someone who would always avoid her responsibilities.
On the ship, Lily merely held Harry’s hand, waving with the other as the confetti flew. Then the whistle blew and the huge liner began backing ponderously away from the dock.
Would Harry ever see his sons again, or his parents? Through her tears, Lily glimpsed Ellis holding his arm aloft.