“Heard from your boyfriend?” Elliot asked.
“He called me earlier today,” I answered.
Elliot and a couple of the other guys from the frat figured I needed cheering up, so they took me to dinner. Mom and Dad were elated that I was engaging in any kind of social activity, so there was no argument from them.
They’d brought me to a lower-end steak house, but I didn’t eat out much, so I didn’t have much to compare it with. It wasn’t bad, actually. Bobby and Trent got carded when they ordered beers, but apparently they’re both twenty-one. The funny thing is that Eliot could easily pass for twenty-one, but he’s only eighteen, and didn’t even try to order alcohol.
“He’s in Texas, is that right?” Bobby asked.
“Houston. Children’s Hospital.”
“From what I saw, he’s hardly a child,” Trent said, his expression bordering on a leer.
Elliot turned to Trent. “Support,” he told him sharply. “We’re here for support.” He turned back to me. “Tell us more, Ryan—that is, if you want.”
“I don’t mind,” I said. “Tanner went back to this hospital to see his old oncologist. He and his folks thought that was best. Although I don’t think Tanner likes this guy very much—personally, I mean.”
“How long will he be there?” asked Bobby.
“He said three weeks,” I replied. “But I’m not sure if that includes this week. I’ll have to remember to ask.”
“Is he going to be in the hospital the whole time?” Elliot asked.
“No. Tanner and his mom are staying in a hotel. Sounds like a pretty nice one, the way Tanner spoke. He said they have an awesome pool.”
“So it’s all outpatient?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “Except they’re going to keep him overnight when they put in the shunt tomorrow.”
“Shunt?”
“It’s a tube they implant in his chest to administer the chemo drugs. He’s had one once before. I’d noticed the scar, but I didn’t think it was polite to ask about it.”
“Really?” Trent spoke up. “Do you have pictures?”
“Trent, I’m not going to tell you again,” Elliot said.
“None that I’m, uh, willing to share,” I said awkwardly.
Trent smiled broadly. “Good for you,” he said.
It felt funny to have these guys fawning over my boyfriend, but strangely, not in a bad way. While I was a little embarrassed at their frankness, deep down they were giving my ego a stroke. I was the one who’d landed the big fish—nobody else.
“Okay,” Elliot said, “back to business. Three weeks of treatment, then what?”
“He’ll be home for a month,” I said, “then three more weeks, another month off, then a final three.”
As I was talking, Trent had pulled out his phone and started fiddling with the screen.
“What about his schoolwork?” Elliot continued. “Will he graduate on time?”
“He’s going to try. His teachers will be sending him assignments and keeping in touch by email.”
I noticed Trent and Bobby had their heads together looking intently at Trent’s phone and whispering to each other in conspiratorial tones.
“See? Right there... ” Trent told Bobby while pointing at the phone
“Oh, my god, he’s yummy... ” Bobby replied.
“What are you two up to now?” Eliot asked, letting his annoyance show.
Trent turned the phone around so Eliot and I could see. Somehow, Trent had found pictures from the internet of Tanner at his recent bodybuilding competition.
“Is it that little scar?” Trent asked as he used his fingers to zoom in of Tanner’s impressive chest.
“You two are hopeless,” Eliot chided.
“I guess it is,” I replied.
“We’ll just save that one for later,” Trent said, putting his phone back into his pocket. We’d slipped back into the slightly-creepy zone.
“When does his school start?” Eliot asked. “Will he be back in time?”
Eliot’s question caught me off guard. I still hadn’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that I was done with high school, and I had to think a moment.
“Oh, gee... ” I stumbled, “... week after next? I think... ”
I’d so focused on my new college classes that I hadn’t paid any attention to when the fall term started back at Sproule High. I hadn’t even given a thought to my friends Serge or Elaine or Thomas—people I used to see every day.
I explained to Eliot and the others how Tanner planned to keep up with his schoolwork, and as they started chattering away about other things, my mind started to drift. I’d completed all of my high school credits and I was just waiting to graduate with my class for no other reason than so my parents could see their son graduate as class valedictorian and take all those snappy, smiley graduation day pictures that are expected of everyone.
Not that I didn’t think they deserved it—I think I chose some pretty good parents—it’s just that I was struck by how for the next five years of my life everything was laid out and perfectly planned. Finishing my undergraduate degree in two years—double major—and then moving on to my doctoral research—it all was so meticulously planned and never in doubt.
Then, along came Hurricane Tanner. At first, that egotistical whirling-dervish seemed like a bad thing—then a good thing, and now—I didn’t know which. If things could go so instantly wrong for Mr. Perfect, then what did that say? He had his future carefully planned as well, and now he didn’t. It wasn’t certain that he even had a future.
“You want a box for that, sweetie?”
Somehow, the meal was over, and the waitress was asking me if I wanted to take home the steak dinner that I’d only picked at.
“Huh?”
“If you don’t want it, I’ll take it,” Trent said. “Unless you’re back, now.”
“Unless I’m—what?”
“You’ve been on a whole different plane all evening,” Bobby chided.
“Stop teasing him, you two,” Eliot said.
Bobby reached over and patted the top of my hand.
“Sometimes people need a little teasing,” he said tenderly.
I told the waitress I’d take the box. She went to get it while Bobby and Eliot fought over who was going to pay for my dinner.
“I can pay,” I said.
“This was my idea, so I’m taking care of Ryan,” Eliot said as he finally wrested control of the little tray away from Bobbie. “You two are on your own. If you want, you can leave the tip.”
“Thanks for dinner,” I said. “Sorry I wasn’t better company.”
We’d parted with Bobby and Trent in the restaurant parking lot, and now Eliot had pulled up in front of my house to drop me off. I hadn’t been much better company in the car than I had at the restaurant, as Eliot tried to make conversation and I sat quietly with a take-away box in my lap. He turned off the engine and turned toward me.
“Love sucks, doesn’t it?” he said.
“Seems that way. Sometimes.”
“At least he hasn’t broken your heart.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s not like he dumped you. Now that’s real pain.”
“You speak from experience?”
“I was fifteen. He was a jock on the basketball team. God, he was beautiful. Tall and slender—with just enough muscle to be gracefully athletic. You know what really turned me on? You’re gonna laugh.”
“What?”
“His hands. They were long and strong—he could hold a basketball with just one.” Eliot had a faraway look on his face.
I thought about Tanner’s hands and I understood. Tanner had thick, powerful hands that were at the same time gentle and tender.
“How did you break up?” I asked.
“He was way, way in the closet. I got tired of sneaking around so his jock buddies wouldn’t find out. I got to know every janitor’s closet in the damned school.”
That was a bit more than I wanted to know.
“I told him I was tired of it,” Eliot continued. “I wanted us to be a regular couple—go on dates and stuff, or it was over.”
“So, you broke up with him?”
“Fuck no! He dumped me right then and there. He said he could get what he needed from any of the other fags at school.”
“What? That’s... that’s... ”
“Despicable?”
“Yeah. Wasn’t he afraid you’d tell?”
“That’s what was so infuriating. He didn’t care—or so he said. And I was dumb enough to believe him.”
“What a jerk!”
“He had a girlfriend and everything. He told me lots of guys did that to take the edge off between dates.”
“Unbelievable,” I said. I chose to ignore the fact that Tanner had done pretty much the same thing to me early on.
“I had the last laugh. The girlfriend stumbled onto him and one of the football players in the throes of passion. She threw a hissy fit. I should have been howling with laughter, but instead I just felt... sad.”
“What did he do after that?”
“He managed to get back with his so-called girlfriend, but that only lasted about a year before he gave in to the inevitable. Once he came out, him and his football stud could barely keep their hands off each other. It was disgusting. To cap it all off, he pretended I didn’t exist. After that, he wouldn’t even make eye contact in the hall.”
“That... that... ”
“Bastard?”
“Yeah!”
Eliot turned back and stared pensively out the windshield for a moment or two.
“You’re probably wondering why I unloaded all that on you,” he said at last.
“You wanted me to see the good in my situation.”
Eliot turned to me with a wry grin.
“Tanner’s right,” he said with a chuckle. “You are a smarty-pants.”
“And love sucks,” I said.
“Except when it doesn’t.” Eliot leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You have a boyfriend that really loves you, Ryan.”
“I know.”
“And a lot of other people that care about you.”
“I know that, too.”
The next couple of weeks were pretty uneventful, except for my daily calls with Tanner. We were able to Skype a couple of times, and Tanner looked good despite the brutal chemo. On the days he had his infusions, he would be completely drained the next day, and Evie was good enough to call instead with an update.
That didn’t stop a steady stream of off-color text messages, however—some complete with pictures. He’d take off his shirt to expose his shunt—and a lot more—and I gathered he was quite popular with the nurses. He sent a lot of shirtless selfies with various medical staff, and I made it quite clear that he should not expect me to reciprocate.
Somewhat to my surprise, Eliot’s pep talk helped me feel a little better. He went on to tell me that he’d had much better luck with boyfriends since his initial experience, but it was that first disaster that drove him to start the frat chapter and make it a safe place for vulnerable young adult LGBTs.
I was able to stay busy getting ready for the fall semester as well as keeping up with my workouts. There were books and materials to buy, classes to register for and a bunch of other things. At least I didn’t have to worry about housing. Freshmen were required to live on campus, but with all my AP course credits, I’d been admitted as a sophomore, so being local, I could continue living at home.
What about Eliot, you ask? Isn’t he a freshman? Isn’t he living in a house in Oakland? True and true, but apparently there’s no problem that cash can’t solve. As you might recall, Eliot’s parents bought the house for him to live in with the intention of flipping it later. Eliot earns his pocket money renting out some of the rooms. To come to the point, Eliot paid the freshman housing fees and somewhere on the Cal campus is a very lucky freshman that gets a double room all to himself, courtesy of Eliot’s parents.
So in short, I learned to adapt to the situation. Eliot never missed a chance to urge me to live more in the moment, and it helped.
“How’s it going, kiddo?”
“Hi, Lou,” I said.
It was cardio day and I’d just come in from the track at Cal and was on my way to the showers.
“You know what tomorrow is?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, working hard on my poker face. “First day of classes.”
Lou tipped his head back.
“You’ve been hanging around my son too much,” he tutted. “He’s a bad influence.”
“Can’t imagine where he gets it from.”
We both knew Tanner would be back home tomorrow from his first round of treatment.
“On second thought,” Lou continued, “maybe you’re a bad influence on him.”
“Could be.” I was giddy with excitement and on the verge of giggling. “What time do they get in tomorrow?”
“There’s no way I’m letting you cut class on your first day, if that’s why you’re asking.”
“But you’re so busy,” I protested. “You don’t have time to pick them up.”
Football practice had started in earnest about the time that Evie and Tanner had left for Texas, and today was only the second time I’d seen Lou during that time.
“Trust me, kiddo,” he said. “It’s all set up. My boss has given me the day off.”
“Well... okay.”
“And I don’t mean to be a downer, but he might be pretty tired by the time he gets home. Don’t be surprised if it takes a day or two before he feels up to seeing anyone. The treatments are tough.”
“That must really suck,” I said.
“That’s why they give four weeks between treatments. It’s about all the body can stand.”
“I understand,” I said. “You’ll let me know as soon as they’re home?”
“Sure thing, kiddo.”
Lou started looking me up and down.
“Make a muscle,” he said. “Like this.”
Lou’s well-developed bicep strained at his shirtsleeve when he raised his arm. I tried not to look too embarrassed, taking a quick look around before doing as instructed.
“Not bad, kiddo, not bad.” Lou was squeezing my bicep the way one might a piece of fruit in the supermarket. “You’ve been keeping with the program, haven’t you?”
“Uh-huh,” I replied bashfully. Secretly, I was thrilled he noticed. “I’ve been keeping a workout log.” I held up a little spiral-bound notebook.
“T-Man’s gonna be impressed,” he said.
The thought that Tanner might notice had me both thrilled and excited—if you know what I mean.
“I—I’d better get cleaned up,” I sputtered. “You’re probably very busy... ” I was mortified that my boyfriend’s dad might notice my growing tumescence—which in itself was something of a mood killer. Call it self-regulation. Nonetheless, I didn’t feel I could take the chance.
“Okay,” Lou said. “You probably want to get a move on. My latest passel of muscle-heads will be coming off the practice field any time.”
I turned and started for my locker.
“Oh, and Ryan?”
“Yes, Lou?”
“Thanks for all your support. Evie and I really appreciate it.”
“Um... sure.” Lou turned and went into his office.
I was stunned. Since the moment I’d met them, Lou and Evie had treated me like a member of the family and here was Lou, thanking me. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I walked back to my locker.