I spent the rest of the day turning over my conversation with Lou in my mind. The last few months had been the most topsy-turvy of my life—exciting and scary at the same time. I’d made peace with my sexuality and come out to my family and friends. I’d graduated high school at the age of fifteen and gone straight into one of the country’s top universities as a sophomore, no less. I’d gotten my driver’s license and a car. I’d landed the dream boyfriend, only to learn he could be annoying and erratic and had more baggage than I ever imagined, yet I didn’t love him any less for it.
Did I want to add athletics to the mix? It was a given that I’d continue my workouts, because I’d found them to be great stress relievers, and I could do them on my own schedule. I could even skip a day if I needed to. Lou even encouraged me to take time off on a regular basis—it avoids what he called overtraining, giving your body a chance to rest.
If I went out for sports, I’d be locked into a schedule for practices and meets and who knew what, and I already had a pretty full plate.
On the other hand, those water polo guys in their teeny-tiny Speedos were pretty scrumptious. On yet another hand... three hands... I’d be one of those guys in the teeny-tiny Speedo. I’d need to do some serious work on my body image. Just because my hunk-a-licious boyfriend was always whispering sweet nothings in my ear about how gorgeous I was didn’t mean I believed him. He is a horndog, I thought, and my insecurities ran deep.
“Cool!” Arnie said enthusiastically at the dinner table, when I made the mistake of mentioning my thoughts about water polo.
“If that’s what you really want, son, I’m all for it,” Dad said.
“All I said was that Lou suggested... ”
“Let me see your hand,” Arnie interrupted.
“Huh?”
Arnie reached down and grabbed my wrist, lifted up my arm and placed his other palm against mine.
“I knew it!” he said smugly as I pulled my hand away.
“What the... what are you doing?”
“You’re not only taller than me now,” Arnie said almost gleefully, “but your hands are bigger, too.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.
“You mean aside from the obvious advantages?” Arnie winked.
“Arnold, get to the point,” Dad said. I could tell he didn’t appreciate the double-entendre, at least not in front of Mom.
“I can just about palm a volleyball, so you should have no trouble at all.”
“I thought we were talking about water polo.”
“Same thing.”
“Is it?” I had no idea.
“What’s your shoe size, now?”
“Um, twelve?” I looked over at Mom and she nodded.
“Ha!” Arnie said triumphantly. “Eleven and a half. Your feet are bigger, too. And I still think you’re not quite done growing.”
“You’re weirding me out.”
“Don’t you understand, squirt?” Arnie asked even more enthusiastically, if it was possible. “You’ve run marathons! With those flippers you should be able to tread water all day long.”
I looked at my parents—their expressions were neutral.
“He could be right,” Dad said.
“Everybody just slow down for a minute,” I said. “I’ve got a full class load.”
“You don’t have to take a full load,” Mom said.
“You’re three years younger than the average freshman, squirt.”
“Two, actually.”
“And you’re a freakin’ sophomore,” Arnie pleaded. “And, aren’t you taking the rest of the semester off?”
“I haven’t decided,” I fibbed. “Who told you that?”
“I, um, might have mentioned it,” Dad said.
“If I do, I won’t be academically eligible,” I said. “I’d have to wait until next year, anyway.”
“You’d look hot in a Speedo,” Tanner said on our evening call. “Ry-Ry, the Speedo hottie guy. Yum.”
“So, you’re jumping on the bandwagon, too?” I asked.
“For a chance to see my man dripping wet and nearly naked on a regular basis? You bet!”
I wasn’t sure if anyone had told Tanner I was thinking about taking off school to be with him more when he got home, so I decided to change the subject.
“Did your Mom make it there okay?”
“Yeah. I tried to kick the battle-ax out, but she won’t leave.”
“The battle-ax can hear you,” I heard in the background.
“How are you feeling? Is the nausea any better?”
“They started me on something new today,” he said. “I think it’s helping. I had a milkshake this afternoon.”
“What about medical marijuana?”
“Ry-Ry, this is Texas. I can buy a fifty-caliber machine gun over the counter, but I couldn’t buy a lousy joint without committing a felony.”
“Oh. What about when you come back?”
“Me ‘n the ‘rents have discussed it. The truth is,” Tanner’s tone turning conspiratorial, “I’m not exactly a virgin in that respect.”
Somehow, that surprised me not one little bit.
“Legally, I hope?”
“Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies.”
“Hey, kiddo!”
“Yeah, Lou?”
I’d just come into the locker room to change for my workout when Lou popped out of his office trailed by a slightly younger, taller man. Everyone was taller than Lou.
“I’d like you to meet someone,” he said.
“Ted Webster,” the other man said, extending his hand.
“Ryan Myashi,” I said as we shook.
“Ted’s one of the assistant swim coaches.”
“Nice to meet you.” I could see where this was going. Lou held out a scrap of blue cloth that looked like an undersized handkerchief with elastic around the edges. It bore the Cal logo in gold stitching.
“This is for you,” he said, beaming like he was turning over a handful of diamonds. Reluctantly, I took the tiny swimsuit from him.
“Uh, thanks,” I said, trying my best not to sound rudely unenthusiastic.
“I thought maybe instead of doing laps on the track, you might want to try laps in the pool, instead.”
“First things first, Lou,” Ted said. “Do you know how to swim, Ryan?”
“More or less,” I answered. Lou and Ted exchanged glances.
“Can you be a little more specific?” Ted asked.
“My parents made sure I could swim well enough not to drown.”
Ted raised one eyebrow and turned back to Lou.
“I can work with that,” he said.
A short time later I found myself practically naked, standing outside the gym next to the pool. In addition to my official Cal loincloth, I had an official Cal towel draped around my shoulders like a shawl.
“Okay, Ryan,” Ted said as he took my towel from me, “I’d like to see you do once up and back, just so I can see where we’re at.”
Despite the warm, sunny day, I couldn’t help shiver slightly when I was deprived of my wrap. I dipped my toe in the water and immediately pulled back.
“Go on,” Ted said. “The pool’s heated.”
“It is?” I asked. “It sure doesn’t... ”
The next thing I knew, I was going head over heels into the water. Momentarily stunned by the cold water, I came bobbing to the surface, coughing up water.
“What the hell did you do that for?” I shouted angrily.
“Oh, don’t be a weenie, Miyashi,” he said. “I haven’t got all day.”
“Fuck this,” I said and started to climb out of the pool. Just as I got up on my arms on the side of the pool, Ted put his foot against my shoulder and gave me another shove. As I fell back, I clawed at Ted’s foot, hoping to pull him in with me, but he stepped back too fast. Clearly, he knew that trick.
“God damn you!” I screamed, trying to splash him with water, but he knew that trick too. Blind with rage, I started swimming to the other end of the pool, hoping to get out before he could reach me. When I got there, Ted was looking down at me.
“Not bad,” he said. “I can tell you’ve had some instruction.”
“I can’t believe you pushed me!”
“Well, get over it. I have practice later and you have classes,” he said. “Now take a deep breath and calm down. How’s the water?”
In my pique, I hadn’t noticed that the water no longer seemed cold.
“Okay,” I said grudgingly, “I guess.”
“How long can you usually tread water?”
“Like this?” I answered. “All day long. I used to run 10-K’s.”
“Good. Now I want you to swim back to the other end, except pay attention to your form this time. You had your head above the water almost the whole way.”
I decided there was no sense in fighting it. I thought back all those years to the kiddie swim lessons at the Y. I started doing the basic crawl, turning my head only every other stroke to take a breath.
When I got back to the other end of the pool, Ted was waiting for me.
“Not bad, for a newbie,” he said, kneeling down next to the edge. I guess he wasn’t worried I’d pull him in. “I want you to do at least twenty laps every work out. For now, concentrate on kicking harder, and keep your your arms close to your body as you reach forward. You’re losing a lot of energy swinging your arms wide.”
“Um, okay.”
“Coach Cruz said you’re interested in the water polo team,” Ted said.
“Well, actually... ”
“I’m not sure, but you might be a better fit for the swim team.”
“I didn’t really... ”
“Water polo requires explosive bursts of strength,” Ted continued unabated, “and while you seem to be a good strong swimmer, I’ll need you to do some drills with the team to see if you’re up to it.”
“I still haven’t decided... ”
“Be here suited up Tuesday at four for practice. I checked your schedule, so no excuses.”
“Jesus, you too?”
“That’s Coach, or sir, if you prefer,” Ted barked. “Now, finish your laps.” The swim coach turned on his heel and started walking away. “Remember,” he called over his shoulder, “four o’ clock sharp. Be on time.”
“And I thought your dad was a Nazi,” I griped to Tanner over the phone that night.
“Ry-Ry,” my boyfriend protested, “Pops is a teddy bear.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “He’s never been mean to me the way this jerk was.”
“What’s that I hear? Yes... I can hear it now... violin music... ”
“Oh, fuck you... ”
“It’s on the agenda,” Tanner quipped.
I paused for a moment. As he did so often, Tanner’s salacious sense of humor had knocked other thoughts clean out of my head.
“Hello? Still there, Ry-Ry? Earth to Ry-Ry... ”
“Yes!” I blurted, doing nothing to hide my annoyance. “I needed a second to get my mind out of the gutter.”
“And a perfectly lovely gutter it is,” Tanner said.
“We were talking about, um... ”
“Nazi swim coaches.”
“Yes! That jackass pushed me into the pool... twice!”
“Now I hear the whole string section... ”
“Tanner!”
“Would you like some cheese with that whine? C’mon, Ry-Ry, it’s clear he thinks you have some promise, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you to try out for the team.”
“Ordered me, more like.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch! He’s treating you like a grownup, and you’re acting like a spoiled kid.”
“Okay,” I said. “Give me a second to calm down.” I took a couple of deep breaths.
“Better?” Tanner asked.
“Better,” I answered.
“I think you could totally rock this water polo thing,” Tanner said.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. All those gains you’ve made in the weight room will make a huge difference.”
“But it’s just swimming.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Ry-Ry. Water polo is a fast, full-on contact sport. In regular swimming, you only need to keep your head above water to breathe. Here, you have to be able to stay at least chest-high so you can see what’s going on. Guys that can come up higher than that can really dominate the game.”
“I didn’t know that. You think I can do this?”
“Absolutely. You already have a swimmer’s build—broad shoulders, long slender torso, biggish hands and feet. You were cute when I first met you, but you’ve grown some since then and added a little meat to your bones in all the right places and now you’re drop-dead gorgeous.”
Tanner’s last comment nearly made me swoon. Only with great effort did I avoid dissolving into a puddle on the floor.
“You’re... you’re just saying that,” I struggled to say.
“Because it’s true.”
Like many times before, Tanner had me speechless.
“Now, I’m not saying you won’t warm the bench for a season or two—you’re only sixteen, after all—but you’ll get bigger and stronger—a lot stronger, if me and Pops has anything to do with it—and before you know it, you’ll be a stand-out player.”
All this unabashed praise had me reeling. It was a good thing I was sitting down. I decided to change the subject.
“So, um, how are you feeling?”
“‘Bout the same,” Tanner answered. “Tired all the time. Appetite’s a little better.”
“How’s your mom?”
“A pain in the ass,” Tanner said. “But that’s her job, I guess. Oh, I almost forgot... I’m sending you a picture as soon as we hang up. I had the cutest nurse today.”
“Yeah? What’s her name?”
“Robert.”
“I should have known. Should I be jealous?”
“Yes and no.”
“And, what does that mean?”
“Yes, in that he’s gorgeous. He must work out. A lot. He goes around with the sleeves of his scrubs rolled up to show off his guns, and I don’t think he wears underwear. Shameless. He looks like what I imagine you’ll look like in about five years. Except for the slanty eyes and stuff.”
“Tanner!”
“Oh, sorry. I meant amazing, unearthly beautiful, slanty eyes.”
“I’ll take it. And the no?”
“He’s straight.”
“Does he know you’re gay?”
“He does now!” Tanner snickered. “I even made him blush. Twice.”